# Damn You, Newspaper Thief! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 14, 2008, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026 "2008-08-14T20:49:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/21 "2008-08-15T21:57:58Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] How about some sort of loud but legal charge under the paper, so it goes off when the paper gets picked up? [/QUOTE] šŸ˜› Iā€™m not quite at the Caddyshack/gopher level of obsession just yet. Plus my neighbors might not like the loud noise at 5:30 a.m., even in a good cause. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/22 "2008-08-15T22:14:17Z")
So I guess hooking up the paper to a speaker that says in a Voice-of-God tone ā€œPut the paper down!ā€ would be out, then. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/23 "2008-08-15T23:10:46Z")
[QUOTE=ShadowFacts] Anyone got a cite for this regulation/law? (Not that I donā€™t believe it - Iā€™m just curious.) [/QUOTE] They often have impressed into the metal, ā€œU.S. MAIL ONLYā€. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/24 "2008-08-15T23:11:44Z")
[QUOTE=dalej42] In some areas, there used to be special newspaper mailboxes. Usually placed right next to the postal mailbox. Havenā€™t seen them anywhere in a long time, however. [/QUOTE] Theyā€™re still used in rural areas. My grandparents have a long driveway with the mailbox and paper box at the top of it. I think my auntā€™s is also delivered in a box at the end of the driveway. It probably saves a heck of a lot of time for the delivery people. Can I put in a vote for rubbing it with something foul? Poison oak would be my preference. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2008, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/25 "2008-08-15T23:31:06Z")
I doubt that theyā€™re available for sale to the general public, but an dye pack like the ones used to booby-trap packs of money stolen by bank robbers would be an effective solution. That stuff canā€™t be readily scrubbed off. Just check the bus stop area for a chagrined, orange thief. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/26 "2008-08-16T01:07:32Z")
[QUOTE=Tom Tildrum] Iā€™m not quite at the Caddyshack/gopher level of obsession just yet. [/QUOTE] Thatā€™s how it starts. Then it degenerates to coyote/roadrunner. It never ends well. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/27 "2008-08-16T01:24:27Z")
If you are going to get up early enough to booby trap the paper, why not just wait by the window with a video camera and walk out and confront the thief? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/28 "2008-08-16T01:25:28Z")
Yes, I can see the _Acme Newspaper Loader_ exploding prematurely in his face. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/29 "2008-08-16T01:31:44Z")
[QUOTE=ShadowFacts] No shit? Huh. Ignorance fought. Anyone got a cite for this regulation/law? (Not that I donā€™t believe it - Iā€™m just curious.) [/QUOTE] [U.S. Postal Service page explaining this.](http://faq.usps.com/eCustomer/iq/usps/request.do?session=%7Bab5145f0-6b32-11dd-6f60-000000000000%7D&event=1&view()=c%7B205e7940-57e2-11dc-51b6-000000000000%7D&objectId=&eksObjectId=&objectType=Case&isJumpEnabled=false&isContentJumpEnabled=false&vendorKey=&objTitle=&versionId=921) ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026/30 "2008-08-16T01:48:27Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] I love the way your mind works. Now, may I consult you on being awakened between 4:30 and 5:00 by the guy delivering my paper to the tube at the road with a booming stereo? [/QUOTE] Call the newspaper and complain. Be prepared to cancel your subscription. Iā€™ve done that now and then. I usually get a good deal when they call up to ask me to resubscribe. Or just be patient, 'cause I donā€™t think Iā€™ve ever had the same delivery person for longer than three months or so. On a totally unrelated newspaper pitting issue, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch is the first paper Iā€™ve ever received that doesnā€™t have a place on the bill for a carrier tip. Why not? How am I going to tip the poor slob, who has actually been pretty darn good so far. What they do have is a place for me to contribute to a fund for them to give newspapers to schools, which is - frankly - their problem. If they want kids to get in the habit of reading papers so theyā€™ll buy them for 50 years, the publisher can contribute the paper to the schools, not expect me to help them out in their business model. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-newspaper-thief/460026.md?page=1)