# Damned Boids. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 15, 2004, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298 "2004-05-15T17:38:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/1 "2004-05-15T17:38:38Z")
5:04 a.m. I struggle to remain asleep. The cats are on DEFCON Level 5. The sun is caressing the eastern sky and the boids are awake. They’re not just sleepily shuffling their feathers, mind you. We’re talking actively awaken boids. Noisy boids. The kinds of boids that make you wish you had a serious hearing problem. The cats relay boid positions around the house using their own internal **F.B.P.S.**. ( Feline Boid Positioning Satellites ). They race with great purpose from window to window, leaping up onto the sills only to find that the boids have shifted trees. They race back through the house. Apparently my pelvic bones are now designated as a **U.M.L.A.A.U.T.** device. ( Universal Mobile Airborne Attack Transfer ). They hit my hipbone and leap towards the sound of the boids. I am now fully awake. They’ve been nice enough to leave me the morning briefing in a folder under my pillow. I silently go down to the kitchen, refill their food and water bowls, and contemplate my homo sapien loathing of cats. And boids. Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Pastrami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/96bed5/32.png) [@Captain\_Pastrami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Pastrami)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/2 "2004-05-15T19:38:22Z")
Feh, that’s nothing. Around here the goddamned mockingbirds start up at around 4:15 AM. Never mind that there isn’t going to be even a hint of sun for another 2 1/2 hours. And of course they always have to go through their entire fucking litany of calls/songs/noises. God, what I wouldn’t give for a pellet gun. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/3 "2004-05-15T19:52:30Z")
Jake, the asthmatic wonder kitty, and Scout, also are fascinated by the boids that like to screech around the parking lot behind my apartment. Those naughty boids seem to understand that the mean kitties can’t get through the glass or the screen that lead to the balcony. So they land on the balcony and hop around, teasing the kitties. The birds like to begin their teasing about an hour before dawn. That’s when Jake uses me as a launching pad, and Scout wakes me with the jingling of her rabies tag against her bell. Jake got too fat for his, so until I get another collar, he uses other means to wake me. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/4 "2004-05-15T20:05:30Z")
Ahhhh, yes. As bad as the boids are for **me** , the groundhog family living under my deck, and the clan of chipmunks living under the propane tank behind my home put the cats into very serious frenzies. Fluffed tail, twitchy body movements, frantic eyes huge with terror. Ahh, to be a brainless cat… 😃 But. Those. Damned. Boids. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/5 "2004-05-15T20:35:52Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > They’re not just sleepily shuffling their feathers, mind you. We’re talking actively awaken boids. Noisy boids. The kinds of boids that make you wish you had a serious hearing problem. 'Round 5:15am one day last week, (I’d been sleeping with the window open because the weather was nice,) there was an early bird who parked himself right under the window and opened his mouth, spewing forth: “Chirp.” “Chirp.” “Chirp.” _blink blink_ “Chirp.” “Chirp.” _wait for it_ “Chirp.” _sigh_ “Chirp.” _what is that, sparrow? robin?_ “Chirp.” “Chirp.” _shut up, shut up…_ “Chirp.” _groan_ “Chirp.” _rolls over_ (muffled “Chirp.”) _hmm…_ (muffled “Chirp.”) _shit_ (muffled “Chirp.”) _time to get the hearing in my right ear checked…_ ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/6 "2004-05-15T21:46:29Z")
When I was a teen, my bedroom had a styrofoam drop-ceiling. Every winter, I would have to keep a pile of rubber bands on my nightstand because of all the crickets. These tiles were **big** , and quite noisy when you hit them. Every night, once I put out the light and all was quiet… \ \ _sigh…_ \ \\<_ **WHAM** _!\> as a rubber band bashed into the ceiling. :: Go into “_you now have two minutes to fall asleep before they start in again_” mode :: Repeat four or five times per night. ---
**Author:** ![Marsie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Marsie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marsie)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/7 "2004-05-15T22:32:03Z")
Oh, Nipper the Wonder Cocker Spaniel and I feel your pain. I thought boids slept and night and tweeted during the day. Nope, around here they chirp all night long like they are having a great big boid party. One squawks so loudly you would think it was passing an egg sideways. Boids stink! ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/8 "2004-05-16T00:42:35Z")
Hey, some of us boids work the night shift, and some of us boids work the day shift. And then there are a few boids who work the dawn and dusk shift. So it all evens out. There was a really neat mockingboid that used to sing at 2 in the a of m in a tree outside my window. Quite a nice singer, actually. Definitely an unattached male - those tend to carouse all night, trying to attract a mate. > [@](#): > > Boids stink! And humans don’t smell so hot, neither! Hrrrrrumph. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/9 "2004-05-16T03:46:20Z")
There’s been a mockingboid hanging out right outside our bedroom window for a couple of months. He generally starts at 3:00 a.m. – if he stops at all from midnight to 3:00. He can imitate every cell phone ring, car alarm, or other exceptionally aggravating noise in the neighborhood. And does. Ad nauseum. I was sleeping nicely and ignoring him, until for about the fortieth time Papa Tiger complained about it. Now I hear him. Every single night. Damn boid. > [@](#): > > Feh, that’s nothing. > > Around here the goddamned mockingbirds start up at around 4:15 AM. > > Never mind that there isn’t going to be even a hint of sun for another 2 1/2 hours. And of course they always have to go through their entire fucking litany of calls/songs/noises. > > God, what I wouldn’t give for a pellet gun. Papa Tiger, is that you? I swear, **Captain Pastrami** , you are channeling his _exact_ words. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/10 "2004-05-16T03:58:47Z")
We got boids, too. Friggin’ mourning doves. One-noters, the lot of 'em. “Ooooo” “Ooooo” “Ooooo” I keep thinking about shooting one and leaving its body in the driveway as a warning, but the WryGuy reminded me that they’re MOURNING doves, and if I kill one, the rest will come and mourn it. At night, we have frogs. A buncha little peepers and one badass bullfrog, I think. “cheeeeeeerup” “cheeeeeeerup” “cheeeeeeerup” “BRAAAAAAAAAWK!” \<10 second silence\> “cheeeeeeerup” “cheeeeeeerup” \ **Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/11 "2004-05-16T07:37:34Z") Y’know, when I saw this thread title, I thought you were talking about snakes, heh. (For those who don’t know, boids=boas and pythons.) ---
**Author:** ![AmbushBug](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ambushbug/32/4600_2.png) [@AmbushBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmbushBug)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/12 "2004-05-16T08:07:45Z")
…and when **I** saw the thread title, I thought you were talking about [these](http://www.red3d.com/cwr/boids/). (For those too lazy or whatever to click, it’s a page which describes a computer algorithm which models flocking behavior in nature - pretty geeky stuff). ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/13 "2004-05-16T14:26:43Z")
I love boids! I put up a feeder to attract them. I get mockingboids, bluejays, cardinals, doves and blackboids. Occasionally I’ll have a woodpecker visit. However, my cats don’t give a rat’s ass about boids, so they are not the problem for me that they are for you, Cartooniverse. I really enjoy the songs, and love to watch them court, and squabble over the feeder. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/14 "2004-05-16T15:27:03Z")
Heh. I was channelling that great bit part in Mel Brooks’ original film **The Producers**. > [@](#): > > I’m not the landlady. I’m the con-cee-oige. My husband used to be the con-cee-oige, but he’s DEAD NOW, so now I’M the con-cee-oige. You wanna find that old Nazi? He’s up on the roof with his boids. His filthy doity disgusting boids. **TroubleAgain** , fine. You come sleep in my bedroom then !!! :eek: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ChristmasEve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/97f17d/32.png) [@ChristmasEve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChristmasEve)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/15 "2004-05-16T20:59:26Z")
We have boids. At the back of the house, we have gentle tweety boids, who start up at about 6am. A useful addition to the alarm clock on a working morning, and not so loud I can’t sleep through their early morning canoodlings at weekends. But at the side of the house we have pigeon boids. And these are not good boids. The house is a three story Victorian, and the pigeons sit on the side chimney. A couple of months after we bought the house we’re sitting there quietly one Sunday morning. “WOOOOOOOOOOO!” “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Like a bad pub singer taunting an unwilling audience, those pigeon boids had found out that the chimney was an acoustic dream. And they sang, constantly and seldom melodiously, for hours at a time. When it got too much, we’d stick our heads in the hearth and WOOOOOOO right back at them. It seemed to work for a couple of hours at a time. Several years later. The "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"s have slipped into our subconscious, like a nagging headache. We start doing up the house. And we put a new fireplace, complete with damper, in the living room. It’s Sunday afternoon. Suddenly there’s the sound of squabbling between bird and cat outside. There are pigeon feathers by the side of the car. And while we don’t exactly _like_ our pigeons, we’re hoping this one’s ok. Until there’s a sudden scrabbling noise, and bits of twig start falling into the hearth. There’s a scraping noise, a thud, and a clang as the damper falls into place. Followed by a startled and indignant “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”. So now we have a pigeon. A very vocal pigeon. Trapped behind and holding shut the damper that is its only route to freedom. If we push the damper back, we crush the pigeon. The pigeon can’t move anywhere else to let us push the damper back. And the pigeon isn’t quiet: it WOOOOOOOs, it scratches, it does a jig of indignation. We sit on the sofa, clad in guilt. It takes two days before we work out how to lift the damper out and free the boid. Bless Darwin (as he is now known). Since his spectacular freefall and subsequent release (to the care of Mrs Darwin, who was singularly unamused to see him back, and gave him a very vocal dressing down, probably referring to the nights he had spent in the nest of another), the pigeons now assemble in the trees, on the garden wall, and occasionally on the back lawn. But never, to our amazement (since we never thought of pigeons as being quick learners) on our chimney. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/16 "2004-05-16T21:17:05Z")
What’s so bad about boids? To everything there is a season… ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/17 "2004-05-16T21:46:37Z")
ChristmasEve, loved your story. I loves boids too. Early, early mornings while I’m (still) waiting for sleep, I can tell that it’s 4:15 by the first tenative chirps of the robins. In another 15 minutes they’ve finished warming up and are happily and earnestly welcoming the new (still very dark) day. An hour later, the sparrows who are nesting in the vents of our building and all the buildings around us start chirping away like they’re having a contest to see who can get the most chirps in before nightfall. Their vent-nesting neighbors, the starlings soon join in with their random but constant stream of chirps, whistles, clucks and whatever other sounds that their boid brains can come up with. Twice I’ve even heard them mew like kittens. In late summer, after their kids have been raised, the crows start commuting _en masse_ to work. As they do, they chat about the previous day or perhaps where to have lunch or whether to bomb cars during breaks. One morning, I counted 800 of them streaming by in about a half hour. The evening commute is a raucous affair. They hang out in the trees around here partying like there’s no tomorrow; every night seems to be a Friday night to them. They also like to horse around, launching themselve into aerial stunts that surely must be the envy of other boids in the neighborhood. An hour before sunset they start to leave in groups of 20 or 50 or 100 for their homes across the lake. By twilight the last of them have gone, accompanied by the sad “Good night” call of the occasional gull. I loves boids, no matter what sound they make. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/18 "2004-05-16T22:09:21Z")
An’ you know, boids ain’t even “singin’.” Their calls are either territorial warnings or mating calls. So they are coisin’: either saying “f\*\*\* me” or “f\*\*\* you.” “Toidy doity boids Sittin’ on th’ coib A-choipin’ an’ a-boipin’ An’ a-eatin’ doity woims.” ---
**Author:** ![conurepete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@conurepete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/conurepete)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/19 "2004-05-16T22:11:50Z")
We have boids as well. House-dwellin’ boids. George boid likes to greet the day with a hymn. His voice is… unique. He warms up with a couple of harsh, penetrating squawks, then works up to a repetitive aria that can be replicated by putting a metal garbage can over your head and repeatedly bashing it with a ball-peen hammer. Then he cools down with a series of braying honks like a donkey being boiled in tar. Rinse and repeat. Who knows what the other boids are doing, you can’t hear them. Luckily George is a relatively considerate bird who waits until the household is up before singing. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298/20 "2004-05-17T00:22:26Z")
> [@conurepete](#): > > We have boids as well. House-dwellin’ boids. George boid likes to greet the day with a hymn. His voice is… unique. He warms up with a couple of harsh, penetrating squawks, then works up to a repetitive aria that can be replicated by putting a metal garbage can over your head and repeatedly bashing it with a ball-peen hammer. Then he cools down with a series of braying honks like a donkey being boiled in tar. Rinse and repeat. Who knows what the other boids are doing, you can’t hear them. Luckily George is a relatively considerate bird who waits until the household is up before singing. hm, conure? I had a cockateil named Baby that would ‘wolf whistle’ whenever he saw me, and do ‘shave and a haircut’ when he wanted to be fed a bird treat, or to be let out of his cage to come and snuggle [he liked napping on mrAru’s chest while mraru was watching tv in the evening] Other than that he tended to keep up a sort of quiet conversation with someone [maybe the cat?] an was otherwise fairly quiet. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damned-boids/245298.md?page=2)