# Damnit, I. Would Like. To Meet. With You. Tell. Me. When. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 1, 2006, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088 "2006-09-01T17:11:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/1 "2006-09-01T17:11:27Z")
This is non-pitworth, but a long time pet peeve. If we are trying to arrange a meeting, and I say, “I’ll be in my office Monday afternoon from 2:00 to 4:00, and I’ll also be available Tuesday from 10:30 to 1:30, or all day Thursday” please do not respond, “Any of those times is fine with me,” or “Monday and Tuesday are out. How about sometime Thursday?” Or “Okay, just tell me when.” Or, “Okay.” This is the way it goes, cupcake: If two people are going to have to meet, we need to choose this time. The most efficient way to do this is one person will reveal the times that he or she has free. Then (this is the tricky part, I know, but read it carefully) _the other person_ should consider the times, and discard those that are not compatible with his or her schedule, and then, actually _choose a time to meet_. It is not helpful or considerate for you to throw the ball back into my court and make me pick a time. If I have told you when I’m available to meet, then, believe it or not, _these are times that I’m available to meet._ Any of those times will do. I promise. Really. If I haven’t said so, none of those times is more convenient than any other time. You should _pick a time_. And I’ll email back and confirm that we have an appointment. Anything more than that is a waste of perfectly good electrons. I have gotten into the habit of explicitly saying, “I’m available blah blah blahbitty blah blah. Please tell me what time you want to meet,” but every once in a while I forget, or, inspite of the fact that I’ve _asked for a specific time_, some silly eager-to-please or terminally indecisive or passive-aggressive person just emails back with “Any of those times is fine!!! 🙂 🙂 :)” ARRRGGHH. Pick! A! Time! ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/2 "2006-09-01T17:16:26Z")
I missed the part where it was clearly the other person’s responsibility to pick the time. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/3 "2006-09-01T17:21:46Z")
What? I should be forced to make the decision just because you were first out of the box with “I’m free at these times”? Screw that! I’m gonna give you MY free times, then we’re even. Now it all comes down to who wants the meeting more, it’s a battle of wills, and I’m not gonna blink. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/4 "2006-09-01T17:38:57Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > I missed the part where it was clearly the other person’s responsibility to pick the time. It’s not a matter of _responsibility_, but I just don’t see what people think they’re accomplishing by throwing the scheduling back to me. This is not rocket science, and it is not negotiating peace in the Middle East. I tell you when I’m free, and you look at your schedule and pick the time that works best for you! There! We’re done! How many times do you think we should go coyly back and forth? “I’m available Wednesday, Thursday and Monday.” “I’m available Wednesday and Thursday, too.” “Oh, how lovely. We’re both available Wednesday or Thursday! What time would you like to meet?” “Oh, I couldn’t possibly decide. Is there any time that’s particularly good for you?” “Wednesday morning, perhaps? Although my office does get the most lovely sunlight in the afternoon.” “By all means then, it _must_ be the afternoon. But Wednesday or Thursday?” “I’m free either time.” “Me too, and it’s really all the same for me. What time is most convenient for you?” “Oh, I wouldn’t presume to dictate a meeting time. You have more seniority.” “Pish tosh, I would be delighted to offer you the privilege.” “Oh, goodness, I couldn’t. No, really, you must choose, lest I infringe in any way on your schedule or preferences.” “But I, too am, frought with anxiety at the thought that the time I choose might be the least bit inconvient for you! Please, do chooose a time.” _Et cetera._ ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/5 "2006-09-01T17:45:54Z")
Pfft. I _tell_ people when they’re going to be in, like it or not. Caller: I’d like to make an appointment. Me: You’re in on Friday, the 22nd, at 2:00pm. Caller: But… but that’s… I need to check my schedule. Me: Take or leave it, bitch. Okay, fine, I don’t say “bitch”. And often I’ll pick another time. But I do say when and where. If that’s too flusterating for them, I’ll tell them to call back when they feel they’re ready. Sometimes. _Fine_. Sometimes I do the song and dance, too. But I _hates_ it, precious. I hates it. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/6 "2006-09-01T17:49:29Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > “Wednesday morning, perhaps? Although my office does get the most lovely sunlight in the afternoon.” > > “By all means then, it _must_ be the afternoon. But Wednesday or Thursday?” > > “I’m free either time.” This is where you lost me. Your response should have been “Thursday. Buh-bye.” You sound just as bad as the indecisive person. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/7 "2006-09-01T17:53:20Z")
Er, that was not an actual conversation. It was meant to be kind of, um, funny, like two extreme cases meeting. If people just email back and say any time’s fine, I say, “Okay, 10:00 Thursday it is.” And then _they_ have to email back to me and say that’s okay. And we’ve wasted an email. And I admit I’m a bit of a nut, because that MAKES ME CRAZY! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/8 "2006-09-01T17:58:00Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > Er, that was not an actual conversation. It was meant to be kind of, um, funny, like two extreme cases meeting. It helps if you hear it in your head with affected British chipmunk voices. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/9 "2006-09-01T18:13:45Z")
This thread’s title leads me to wonder if you are going out with William Shatner. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/10 "2006-09-01T18:16:43Z")
Having just spent the last two weeks trying to schedule my dissertation defense, I am entirely in sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/11 "2006-09-01T18:18:02Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > This is non-pitworth, but a long time pet peeve. If we are trying to arrange a meeting, and I say, “I’ll be in my office Monday afternoon from 2:00 to 4:00, and I’ll also be available Tuesday from 10:30 to 1:30, or all day Thursday” please do not respond, “Any of those times is fine with me,” or “Monday and Tuesday are out. How about sometime Thursday?” Or “Okay, just tell me when.” Or, “Okay.” Around here we’re all on the same calendar system. If I had initiated this and someone said “Any of those times is fine with me”, I would take them at their word and book a time of my choosing. What’s the big deal? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/12 "2006-09-01T18:22:22Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > Er, that was not an actual conversation. It was meant to be kind of, um, funny, like two extreme cases meeting. Ah, gotcha ya. British chipmunk voices and all. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/13 "2006-09-01T18:22:39Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > If people just email back and say any time’s fine, I say, “Okay, 10:00 Thursday it is.” And then _they_ have to email back to me and say that’s okay. And we’ve wasted an email. OK, I think I got it. P1: I’ve got these times R1: any time works P2: I’ll put you down for 2 PM TH R2: OK, great vs, P1: I’ve got these times R1: How about Thurs 2 PM P2: OK, great So two e-mails for you regardless. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/14 "2006-09-01T20:12:58Z")
I don’t have time to read this thread now. I could read it anytime next week, say Tuesday between 2 and 4pm, or Thursday no later than 10am. What works for you? ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/15 "2006-09-01T20:28:44Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > What? I should be forced to make the decision just because you were first out of the box with “I’m free at these times”? Yes. > [@](#): > > Screw that! I’m gonna give you MY free times, then we’re even. Now it all comes down to who wants the meeting more, it’s a battle of wills, and I’m not gonna blink. No. Are we children, or adults actually trying to do something constructive? ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/16 "2006-09-01T20:30:24Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Around here we’re all on the same calendar system. If I had initiated this and someone said “Any of those times is fine with me”, I would take them at their word and book a time of my choosing. What’s the big deal? Because very often, the person who replied “any time is fine with me” **didn’t actually look at their calendar at all** , and when you go and book some random time in your open schedule, they then reply (sometimes days later, or even on the day of the scheduled meeting), “oh wait… I can’t do that then, I have \ instead”, because someone ELSE they also told “any time is fine with me” picked that slot. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/17 "2006-09-01T20:31:25Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > “Oh, I wouldn’t presume to dictate a meeting time. You have more seniority.” > > “Pish tosh, I would be delighted to offer you the privilege.” > > “Oh, goodness, I couldn’t. No, really, you must choose, lest I infringe in any way on your schedule or preferences.” > > “But I, too am, frought with anxiety at the thought that the time I choose might be the least bit inconvient for you! Please, do chooose a time.” I’m with **Podkayne**. Otherwise it turns into **Chip ‘n’ Dale Take a Meeting.** ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/18 "2006-09-01T20:32:38Z")
> [@Elendil's Heir](#): > > I don’t have time to read this thread now. I could read it anytime next week, say Tuesday between 2 and 4pm, or Thursday no later than 10am. What works for you? Either of those days works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/19 "2006-09-01T20:33:56Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > This thread’s title leads me to wonder if you are going out with William Shatner. You made me choke on my cheese sammich. Damn you. 😃 Interesting. In my line of work, I’m told when to get there. I am early. Always. Because I cannot help it. It would probably be worth a few moments of collegial mirth for me to be told , " Tomorrow we work from 1:30pm to 1:30am", only to have me respond with, " That doesn’t really work for me. How about 10:00 am to 7:00 pm instead? " Then, of course, I’d be fired. Still, the mirth, it has value. Gotta tell you, **Podkayne** , it sounds like you need to just TELL them. You’re too nice. That’s your problem. Also, your socks don’t match. 🙂 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088/20 "2006-09-01T20:37:33Z")
Totally with **Podkayne** on this. If I received an email from **Podkayne** along those lines, I’d check when was convnient, and respond along the lines of “OK, 11am Wednesday. It’s in my diary. Hope that’s cool with you.” It’s a two-way street. It’s not like I receive these mails exclusively - I send as many as I recieve and hope for a definitive response when I do. I don’t reply with “Meeeeeeh whateeeeever yoooooou liiiiiiike wibbbbbbbbble wibbbbbbbble like me like me I’m a touchy feely wobble pille of Jello”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damnit-i-would-like-to-meet-with-you-tell-me-when/371088.md?page=2)