# "Dances with Wolves"--why does the officer piss in his pants? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 18, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063 "2011-10-18T19:13:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/21 "2011-10-19T01:56:09Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Yes this is true, and not only for soldiers. A lot of plains settlers went nuts just from the sheer isolation they endured. Imagine living in some sod shack for months on end and seeing nobody but whoever lived with you. No TV, no electricity, no communications. You probably didn’t have many books because they were expensive and you traveled lightly to get where you were. You didn’t have enough daylight to read by, working backbreaking work all day, and it was pitch black at night. Maybe you might have candles or a lantern, but you wouldn’t want to waste those either. Plus cow shit for fires, mmmm nice! No shit. We went to look at some inheritted land in very southeastern Colorado this summer. Damn good thing I had cranked up Google Earth and pulled off GPS coordinates first before we went out there because it all looked the same. God what a mind numbing boring middle of nowhere place that was. And that was NOW with cars and highways and shit. 150 years ago give or take? Holy moly. And I LIKE the desert and isolation for the most part! ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/22 "2011-10-19T02:13:15Z")
In letters mailed back home her Eastern sisters they would moan as they would read accounts of madness, childbirth, loneliness and grief. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/23 "2011-10-19T10:16:08Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > A very small, but real, moment: the scene where the 2 Indians go into the army outpost, and one of them tastes sugar for the first time. His look of surprise at the new taste, and then the way he drops a handfull of sugar back into the sack, totally unaware of western social customs That didn’t seem at all realistic to me – more of a ‘look how primitive these Indians are’ putdown. Are we supposed to believe that Indians knew nothing about sweeteners? What about honey? There are lots of bees around. What about maple syrup? There are lots of maple trees around. What about corn syrup? (Remember the Indians who showed the Pilgrims about corn?) What about fructose, from all the fruits & berries that grow around here? For that matter, the first thing that Indian ever tasted – human breast milk is fairly sweet. And Indians of that time were NOT raised on Nestle formula! The idea that an Indian would be astonished at the taste of sweetness is just plain ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Clark\_Cello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@Clark\_Cello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clark_Cello)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/24 "2011-10-19T13:01:04Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > That didn’t seem at all realistic to me – more of a ‘look how primitive these Indians are’ putdown. > > Are we supposed to believe that Indians knew nothing about sweeteners? > What about honey? There are lots of bees around. > What about maple syrup? There are lots of maple trees around. > What about corn syrup? (Remember the Indians who showed the Pilgrims about corn?) > What about fructose, from all the fruits & berries that grow around here? > For that matter, the first thing that Indian ever tasted – human breast milk is fairly sweet. And Indians of that time were NOT raised on Nestle formula! > > The idea that an Indian would be astonished at the taste of sweetness is just plain ridiculous. There are plenty of accounts of Indians, after being exposed to sugar, using it in great quantities. I don’t find that scene unbelievable. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/25 "2011-10-19T13:31:05Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > That didn’t seem at all realistic to me – more of a ‘look how primitive these Indians are’ putdown. > > Are we supposed to believe that Indians knew nothing about sweeteners? > What about honey? There are lots of bees around. Refined cane sugar’s a different taste entirely. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/26 "2011-10-19T13:44:38Z")
Sugar, the other white powder… ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/27 "2011-10-19T14:00:09Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Sugar, the other white powder… That’s no joke: sugar is incredibly addictive. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/28 "2011-10-19T14:03:45Z")
Watching the movie, it seemed obvious to me that since the Civil War was still going on at the time, the only kind of officer the Federals could spare for such an outpost would be an incompetent mental case. Not very long afterward, presumably when the war was over, you saw Dunbar return to his little camp (to retrieve his diary) and suddenly it was a well-staffed model of military efficiency. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/29 "2011-10-19T14:16:47Z")
I think the scene is also meant to show the white man’s presence in that part of the continent as somehow pointless and absurd . . . but that makes little sense historically. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/30 "2011-10-19T14:23:22Z")
If were about to kill myself, I’d piss my pants too, because who gives a fuck about getting to the toilet when you’re going to be dead in 30 seconds? I might also shit them for good measure. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/31 "2011-10-19T15:00:25Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > If were about to kill myself, I’d piss my pants too, because who gives a fuck about getting to the toilet when you’re going to be dead in 30 seconds? I might also shit them for good measure. I hope I don’t find your body. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/32 "2011-10-19T15:39:43Z")
> [@sachertorte](#): > > I believe the point was that Costner’s orders are never recorded so no one knows he’s at the outpost so he’s on his own. My confuddlement on the whole scene prevented me from realising this point. Also, Costner’s character hears the gunshot (the suicide), but doesn’t seem to react much. Was gunfire relatively common enough that no one is curious about what is going on? (Much like car alarms today.) ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/33 "2011-10-19T15:42:46Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > so what?–buffoon, or mental case…either way, it doesn’t fit the plot of the movie. A serious scene like I suggested in the OP would add atmosphere, add a bit of forewarning, a bit of suspence, a hint of foreboding adventure to come. The pissing/suicide scene just doesnt fit with the rest of the movie, and just spoils the atmosphere for a couple of minutes.. The beginning of the movie has Costner on a Civil War battlefield. The Army there is not shown in the best of light either. (I forget why Costner’s character was driven to attempted suicide by riding back and forth in front of the enemy like that…) I had assumed that the pissing drunk/insane frontier commander (who addressed Costner as if Costner was a Knight on some quest) was along the same theme. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/34 "2011-10-19T19:03:53Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > The beginning of the movie has Costner on a Civil War battlefield. The Army there is not shown in the best of light either. (I forget why Costner’s character was driven to attempted suicide by riding back and forth in front of the enemy like that…) > > I had assumed that the pissing drunk/insane frontier commander (who addressed Costner as if Costner was a Knight on some quest) was along the same theme. He rides out because he overhears them saying they may have to amputate his leg(s). He’d prefer death to that. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/35 "2011-10-19T19:06:25Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > That didn’t seem at all realistic to me – more of a ‘look how primitive these Indians are’ putdown. > > Are we supposed to believe that Indians knew nothing about sweeteners? > What about honey? There are lots of bees around. > What about maple syrup? There are lots of maple trees around. > What about corn syrup? (Remember the Indians who showed the Pilgrims about corn?) > What about fructose, from all the fruits & berries that grow around here? > For that matter, the first thing that Indian ever tasted – human breast milk is fairly sweet. And Indians of that time were NOT raised on Nestle formula! > > The idea that an Indian would be astonished at the taste of sweetness is just plain ridiculous. …Indians weren’t/aren’t ONE PEOPLE. The indians who showed the pilgrims about corn have little in common with the Lakota in the film. And I don’t think Kansas is know for their maple syrup. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/36 "2011-10-19T19:11:06Z")
> [@Push\_You\_Down](#): > > He rides out because he overhears them saying they may have to amputate his leg(s). He’d prefer death to that. That’s right! Thanks! It’s been a while since I’ve seen the film. (I would have sworn that the horse death-ride came before the hospital scene, for example.) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/37 "2011-10-19T19:17:34Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > Are we supposed to believe that Indians knew nothing about sweeteners? > What about honey? There are lots of bees around. Honey was probably the only real sweetener they had. Cane sugar is even sweeter, tastes different, and is solid rather than liquid. > [@](#): > > What about maple syrup? There are lots of maple trees around. Sugar maples? Not on the Great Plains. > [@](#): > > What about corn syrup? (Remember the Indians who showed the Pilgrims about corn?) I’ve never heard that Indians made corn syrup. Since it was originally made by treating corn with hydrochloric acid, and now is produced with enzymes, neither of which the Indians had, I think it’s pretty unlikely they had any knowledge of it. > [@](#): > > What about fructose, from all the fruits & berries that grow around here? > For that matter, the first thing that Indian ever tasted – human breast milk is fairly sweet. And Indians of that time were NOT raised on Nestle formula! Neither fruits nor breast milk have nearly the concentrated sweetness of cane sugar. > [@](#): > > The idea that an Indian would be astonished at the taste of sweetness is just plain ridiculous. It’s not just sweetness, it’s the extremely concentrated sweetness in solid form. When cane sugar was first introduced into Europe it was in enormous demand as a luxury product, even though Europeans were quite familiar with honey and fruit. The Indian’s reaction to tasting cane sugar for the first time was entirely plausible. He would never had encountered anything that sweet before, certainly not as a powder. (In any case, he would probably have assumed the sugar was salt and been shocked by the unexpected taste.) ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/38 "2011-10-20T03:13:58Z")
Did you watch the three-hour theatrical version or the four-hour Director’s cut? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/39 "2011-10-20T04:15:38Z")
> [@Push\_You\_Down](#): > > …Indians weren’t/aren’t ONE PEOPLE. The indians who showed the pilgrims about corn have little in common with the Lakota in the film. Well, of course not, but all Indian nations did diverge from common post-Bering-crossing ancestors, and as a result they shared certain cultural commonalities, like wearing feathers and saying “How!” and scalping people and not feeling pain and drinking heap much firewater. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063/40 "2011-10-20T04:19:01Z")
I dunno **why** Indians liked to stand in front of cigar stores. I think it’s some kinda Y-haploid-chromosomal trait or something. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dances-with-wolves-why-does-the-officer-piss-in-his-pants/600063.md?page=3)