# Dancing on someone's grave **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 25, 2014, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998 "2014-07-25T05:35:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/21 "2014-07-25T14:06:54Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Never danced, but deliberately snuck into a graveyard and pissed on someones grave. Kinda glad to find out I’m not the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Furious\_Marmot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/22 "2014-07-25T14:14:59Z")
Dancing on someone’s grave, seems more like “Yay me!” than “Up yours!”, so it’s not my cup of tea. But, if it makes someone feel better about themselves and they are OK with potentially offending onlookers (or are careful to go unnoticed, like the OP), knock yourself out. It’s much better, IMHO, to TELL someone you will dance on their grave in such a way that they know you are serious. If you sell it right, you will achieve the objective of making some jerk feel bad, without actually having to attend their burial or seek out their grave. Pissing on graves is far better than dancing anyway. It expresses greater contempt and is unlikely to be misconstrued. While we’re at it, why go to a religious service in honor of someone you hate? I have never even considered it. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/23 "2014-07-25T14:20:03Z")
I’d love to piss on Dick Cheney or W’s graves but they may have enough security to prevent such a thing. Perhaps I’ll have to piss on my hands before visiting and then caress their tombstones. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/24 "2014-07-25T15:33:04Z")
I agree with **jtur88** ’s interpretation. If you’re dancing on someone’s grave, you’ve ultimately prevailed by outliving them. > [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > Any easy-to-follow choreography would be greatly appreciated, **panache45**. I’d like to practice in front of my stepmother before she dies so I’ll never be accused of doing it behind her back. [Evil Homer demonstrates](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUxXrqaCh2A) ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/25 "2014-07-25T15:46:18Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I’m familiar with the expression. I had no idea people really took it literally. > > The idea sounds more like a moral defeat than a victory to me personally; the person is dead, yet you’re still holding on to the fact that they hurt you in some way. I guess it could be a closure thing for some people, but it just doesn’t seem like it to me. Hmm. I don’t see the “moral defeat” aspect at all. I see it as both a celebration that a hated individual is finally, irrevocable out of your life, and as a joyous ritual to release any lingering connection you might have had to them. Way to go, **panache45**! ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/26 "2014-07-25T15:52:05Z")
I swear I remember a photo of it at the time but can’t find it on line. Groucho Marx is said to have danced the Charleston on Hitler’s grave back in 1958. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/27 "2014-07-25T16:04:07Z")
A friend of a friend pre bought his own grave site. Not very odd. He then went and danced on it. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/28 "2014-07-25T16:25:09Z")
I saw a Scottish comedian suggest that the UK could help resolve their budget problems by installing a _Dance Dance Revolution_ machine on top of Margaret Thatcher’s grave. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/29 "2014-07-25T17:13:06Z")
I had a really bad father as well. While I haven’t danced on his grave, I would if I still lived there. When I ever tell people about my father I always say that if he weren’t already dead, I’d shoot him. ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/30 "2014-07-25T17:22:48Z")
I remember several remarks made when Ike Turner was buried about wanting to set up a web cam recorder for the inevitable… But I don’t think she ever did. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/31 "2014-07-25T19:28:26Z")
I like you, **panache45**. > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Quite frankly, I dont think it proves anything. If you hated a relative why didnt you tell them off when they were alive? No point in talking to a brick wall. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/32 "2014-07-26T03:53:42Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > I swear I remember a photo of it at the time but can’t find it on line. Groucho Marx is said to have danced the Charleston on Hitler’s grave back in 1958. Hitler doesn’t have a grave. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/33 "2014-07-26T04:06:24Z")
Yeah, I heard of it. Yeah, I had a dad that sucked as well. No, I can’t dance on his grave, he was cremated. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/34 "2014-07-26T04:14:56Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > I swear I remember a photo of it at the time but can’t find it on line. Groucho Marx is said to have danced the Charleston on Hitler’s grave back in 1958. > [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Hitler doesn’t have a grave. Indeed, no photo or grave, but if there ever was a justified Dancing over one’s first resting place (where Hitler died and was burned) Groucho did it. > **[The Time Groucho Marx Did the Charleston on Hitler's Grave](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/30567/time-groucho-marx-did-charleston-hitlers-grave)** > > © Bettmann/CORBIS > > Groucho Marx is unmatched in wit and humor. But one of his most poignant moments wasn’t remotely funny, nor was it caught on camera like so many of his one-liners and zingers. > > During the summer of 1958, Groucho and his You Bet... > [@](#): > > Dornum wasn’t exactly a tourist hotspot, so the locals were understandably curious about the visitors from the U.S. When Groucho explained, he found that no one in the pub had heard of the famous Marx Brothers. After going through a couple of his routines, he left with new fans and directions to the cemetery just down the hill. > > Though the group arrived at the Dornum Cemetery in good spirits, that quickly dissolved when they discovered that the entire Jewish section had been utterly destroyed. Though they went to the church on the grounds to locate burial records for Groucho’s grandparents and other relatives, the records were nowhere to be found. > > Several days later, Groucho had his chauffeur take their party of five to East Berlin, declaring he wanted to see the remains of the bunker where Hitler committed suicide. Judith Dwan Hallet, now 70, recalls that the mood had very much changed. Whereas Groucho had been passing the time between towns by singing and stopping the car to demand that the gang get out for silly photo ops, the ride to East Berlin was somber. > > When they arrived, Hallet said, it was as if the war had happened the day before. Nothing had been cleaned up or repaired; piles of rubble made the landscape look positively post-apocalyptic. The ruins of the Führerbunker were about 20 feet tall, but Groucho climbed to the top and proceeded to perform what Hallet called “a frenetic Charleston, for at least a minute or two, in a gesture of defiance.” When he was done, the legendary comedian requested that they leave Germany the next morning. The fun was gone. ---
**Author:** ![MrsTime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@MrsTime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrsTime)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/35 "2014-07-26T04:16:35Z")
One of my cousins husband was a womanizer , he even took his mistress to my cousins daughters wedding. She complained once to me that she missed sex, I suggested she take a lover , her response was “Oh no , I still love \_\_\_\_”. Then he had the common decency to die a few years ago, one day she told me it was their 50 th anniversary and she wished he was there to celebrate it with her. I didn’t say it, but how I wished she could bring herself to go dance on his grave! ---
**Author:** ![BDBoop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@BDBoop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BDBoop)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/36 "2014-07-26T04:17:18Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > My father was physically and emotionally abusive. Several times in my life he told me that I’d dance on his grave. I had a general idea that it meant being very disrespectful, or “dissing.” And when he finally died, I hung around until everyone else was gone, and did a brief little dance on his grave. It made me feel great. > > Anyone else familiar with this phrase, and even acted on it like I did? I could have, but didn’t want to. One of the first thoughts I had though was “she can never hurt me again.” My mom did a lot of damage, and I was her favorite scapegoat. But she also did a lot right, and that’s what I try to stay focused on when she does cross my mind. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/37 "2014-07-26T05:32:24Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Quite frankly, I dont think it proves anything. If you hated a relative why didnt you tell them off when they were alive? Because the abusive bastard that I was engaged to threw me across a room hard enough to give me a concussion and when he informed me that if I called the cops, next time he would kill me, I believed him. It was safer that way. I was exceedingly happy to discover he died, he stalked me for about 15 years and on more than one occasion drove from Virginia to Connecticut to stalk me, and on one memorable occasion tried to force my car off the road. And I was informed by the stte police here in CT that unless they had evidence he was in state and threatening me, they would not give me a restraining order here in CT, my VA one didn’t count. [URL=“[http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/](http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/)”] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/38 "2014-07-26T08:31:25Z")
> [@jayrey](#): > > Hmm. I don’t see the “moral defeat” aspect at all. I see it as both a celebration that a hated individual is finally, irrevocable out of your life, and as a joyous ritual to release any lingering connection you might have had to them. You honestly don’t see how it could mean that someone is still obsessing over a problem that no longer prevails? I can see how it could work either way, depending on the person and the situation, but if you can only see one side, then… OK. Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/39 "2014-07-26T08:42:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > New to the area, a neighbor suggested we watch the fireworks display of a nearby community together. He carried a blanket and led the way up a hill behind his house. After a 15 minute hike we exited the woods at the top of the hill where several dozen other folks were already present, sitting around on blankets, _in a freaking cemetery_. > > The hilltop looked down on the neighboring community and was indeed the ideal spot to view their fireworks, but I never returned. A cemetery? Cemeteries can be nice places to sit. I used to go to school next to a church and sat in the graveyard for lunch on nicer days. Lots of trees and birds, etc. To be fair, the occupants had all been dead for over 100 years, so it’s not like there were grieving relatives about. Personally, I like the idea of being buried somewhere nice that other people can enjoy. > [@Velocity](#): > > If the deceased person doesn’t see you dancing on his grave - and if nobody else is around - I don’t quite see a point. Well, what about this part? > [@panache45](#): > > It made me feel great. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998/40 "2014-07-26T13:17:47Z")
One of my favorite moments of the television show “Northern Exposure” was when Ruth Anne was having a birthday, and was getting depressed because all her friends were gone, she was so old, etc. Ed takes her up the mountain to show her the present he got her: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LEU2gCSQ7jY/hqdefault.jpg "Ruth Anne and Ed on Ruth Anne's grave - Northern Exposure") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEU2gCSQ7jY) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dancing-on-someones-grave/693998.md?page=3)