# Date with a 'believer' who lost her sister, and is "sure she will see her again". **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 9, 2012, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214 "2012-03-09T00:24:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/1 "2012-03-09T00:24:43Z")
I’m going on a date with a ‘believer’ who lost her sister, and is “sure she will see her again”. How do I address this without being insensitive? I’m sure I could convert her if it weren’t for her wanting to see her sister again. She’s a smart girl. Plus she’s very liberal and doesn’t go to church. She just WANTS to believe. She knows I’m an atheist, but I secretly want to challenge her… I don’t want to crush her hopes though. What should I do? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/2 "2012-03-09T00:32:57Z")
How exactly is her dead sister going to arise as a topic of conversation on a date? Are you picnicking in a graveyard? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/3 "2012-03-09T00:33:31Z")
Address it or not come off as insensitive about it. pick one. If you really like her, you keep your mouth shut about it (it’s not like there’s proof about the afterlife one way or the other, so why antagonize her for no reason?). Think of it as a flaw of hers that you have to quietly accept if you like her. I’m sure she’ll have at least one thing she finds as dumb about you but is also quiet about too. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/4 "2012-03-09T00:33:55Z")
You don’t. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/5 "2012-03-09T00:37:03Z")
Yeah… Maybe after some time she will understand why I am the way I am. I don’t want to address her dead sister, I want to adress why it’s silly to believe. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/6 "2012-03-09T00:39:16Z")
It seems like a pretty nasty thing to try to convince her that she will never see her sister again. I think you’d come off like a bit of a jerk if you did. Just let her have something that helps her cope with the death of her sister. It doesn’t hurt you and it helps her. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/7 "2012-03-09T00:44:27Z")
If it weren’t for her sister, I know she would understand. This isn’t first date stuff, but I just know she could be convinced if not for the untimely death of her sister. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/8 "2012-03-09T00:45:31Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > She knows I’m an atheist, but I secretly want to challenge her… So she is accepting of your lifestyle, but you feel like you need to show her what you believe to be the light because any way but your way is wrong. Cancel the date. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/9 "2012-03-09T00:46:31Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > She knows I’m an atheist, **but I secretly want to challenge her…** Oh no you don’t. Or more like, sure you do, but you will not. You already provided your answer: you can’t actively pursue it without seeming insensitive. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/10 "2012-03-09T00:46:53Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Yeah… Maybe after some time she will understand why I am the way I am. Or she won’t change at all and will expect that after spending time with her that you’ll come around on your beliefs. There is no “nice” way to try to take away someone’s solace when it comes to grief. Losing a sibling at a young age (I assume she’s fairly young) is a devastating experience and it probably means a lot to her to carry the hope that someday she will see someone she misses very much again. If you can’t accept that she has religious faith, this date is a waste of everyone’s time. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/11 "2012-03-09T00:46:58Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > So she is accepting of your lifestyle, but you feel like you need to show her what you believe to be the light because any way but your way is wrong. Yes, because it is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/12 "2012-03-09T00:47:06Z")
Don’t be a dick about this. No, you can’t convert her. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/13 "2012-03-09T00:51:29Z")
**MyFootsZZZ** –it is not _required_ that one be both an Atheist _and_ cruel. Leave it be. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/14 "2012-03-09T00:52:13Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > Don’t be a dick about this. No, you can’t convert her. Well, it worked for my mom and dad… one a believer, one an athiest. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/15 "2012-03-09T00:52:46Z")
If it bothers you that much that she believes you shouldn’t be dating her. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/16 "2012-03-09T00:53:40Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > If it bothers you that much that she believes you shouldn’t be dating her. Maybe it shouldn’t bother me. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/17 "2012-03-09T00:55:28Z")
Leave her alone, and try to enjoy what I assume will be your only date with this woman. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/18 "2012-03-09T00:55:57Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I’m sure I could convert her if it weren’t for her wanting to see her sister again. > [@](#): > > She knows I’m an atheist, but I secretly want to challenge her… > [@](#): > > …I want to adress why it’s silly to believe. Oh, just don’t. If this is such a dealbreaker for you, don’t date her, go find someone who’s actually compatible with you. There’s no point in dating someone whom you don’t even respect. Seriously, why bother? Take her as she is, or go find someone you actually like. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/19 "2012-03-09T00:58:01Z")
What, OP, she’s really really hot? Or did she happen to mention she looks forward to meeting dear sis in the hereafter and you just felt that’s something to be conquered “because it’s there”? I’d be put off if someone I started dating tasked herself with bringing me to The Lord as part of the deal; I extend a similar courtesy in the opposite direction. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214/20 "2012-03-09T00:58:36Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Leave her alone, and try to enjoy what I assume will be your only date with this woman. I think I could look past it… 😕 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/date-with-a-believer-who-lost-her-sister-and-is-sure-she-will-see-her-again/615214.md?page=2)