# Dating a cocaine addict **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 24, 2017, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926 "2017-03-24T16:55:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/41 "2017-03-25T15:24:18Z")
Why do you call her a “cocaine addict”? She seems like a casual user, from what you describe. A lot of 20-somethings use drugs casually then outgrow the habit. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/42 "2017-03-25T17:09:10Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > Why do you call her a “cocaine addict”? She seems like a casual user, from what you describe. A lot of 20-somethings use drugs casually then outgrow the habit. If a coke user tells a casual acquaintance she uses twice a week you can be assured she is understating her usage. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/43 "2017-03-25T17:33:38Z")
[Don’t do it!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsTJaP2tC0A) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/44 "2017-03-25T18:03:27Z")
I lost a GF to cocaine. It basically boiled down to me or the coke. She chose the coke. Last time I heard from her she was unemployed and living in her car. It really sucks too. Out of all the GFs I’ve had, I cliqued with her better than any of them. Sigh… Oh well… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/45 "2017-03-25T18:08:27Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I lost a GF to cocaine. > It basically boiled down to me or the coke. She chose the coke. > Last time I heard from her she was unemployed and living in her car. > It really sucks too. Out of all the GFs I’ve had, I cliqued with her better than any of them. > > Sigh… Oh well… ☹ The cocaine can make them as lovable as it does killable. I have had my share and they were fun for sure. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/46 "2017-03-25T19:06:03Z")
> [@Esco](#): > > So I met this beautiful, gorgeous girl. She’s a real-estate agent here in Toronto, she’s hard-working and makes over $150K a year because she’s really good at selling. She is in her mid 20’s, I’m in my mid 40’s. We hit it off as soon as we met. Call it love at first sight or whatever. > > Everything is perfect, except for the fact she likes to do cocaine once or twice a week. I personally despise drugs in all its forms, especially cocaine. I worked as a tarbender in the nightclub industry during the 90’s and my GM was a serious addict. So I know what to look for and what the signs are of someone who does coke regularly. I also heard from 2 different sources that she is indeed a user. > > So my question to you guys is, can a relationship like that ever work?? Or is it doomed to fail?? > I did some research and addicts most of the time will pick their drug over their mate. Maybe not right away but in due time. > > Opinions?? Unless you are one of those people who feels they need to save people from themselves and you are looking for “a project”. I was listening to a podcast of Marc Maron who interviewed Sarah Jessica Parker. He brought up that she dated/lived with Robert Downey Jr. for 8 years. He asked about why they broke up. She was candid and said it was because of his drug use. And she stayed in the relationship because she felt if she left he would die. She and Maron (who is a recovering addict himself) agreed that you can’t change or help people who are like that. And what she learned from this, is that if after dating someone for 2-3 weeks you learn something like this about them was to end the relationship. It is doomed to fail and it will with a lot of drama. You are a full grown adult, you know what is going to happen. You already aren’t happy about it, and you also know you can’t do anything about it. Your estimates of the amount of drug use might be off, because people like that are very good at hiding it and don’t admit to how much they actually use. I know it is easy for me to say, but it is best for you to move on. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/47 "2017-03-25T19:13:42Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > That’s an imagined fear based on apparently a single past experience you had (and probably watching too many movies). It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Have fun with her. No, it’s based on the life experiences of being an adult. All of us know people who have ruined their lives and those around them with drugs. To soft soap cocaine use as nothing to be concerned about is very dangerous and ignoring the mountain of experiences people have had and what medical research says. This is about being judgmental, about using your brain to decide this is wrong and it will end very badly. You are also ignoring the stress that this brings to the relationship that the OP is wearing for the other shoe to drop for the impact of unwanted drama. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/48 "2017-03-25T19:43:09Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > Unless you are one of those people who feels they need to save people from themselves and you are looking for “a project”. Captain Save-a-ho! ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/49 "2017-03-25T19:49:56Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Captain Save-a-ho! Maybe you’re in the wrong thread; ‘ho’ makes no sense in the context provided, unless the OP himself is a sex worker that you know of. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/50 "2017-03-25T19:55:26Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Maybe you’re in the wrong thread; ‘ho’ makes no sense in the context provided, unless the OP himself is a sex worker that you know of. It’s just a term used in some areas of pop culture to describe people who want to “rescue” others fromthemselves. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/51 "2017-03-25T20:02:20Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > It’s just a term used in some areas of pop culture to describe people who want to “rescue” others fromthemselves. So, compassionate people? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/52 "2017-03-25T20:02:39Z")
First, wait to see if the relationship survives you buying a place. Then worry about the coke. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/53 "2017-03-25T20:07:01Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Maybe you’re in the wrong thread; ‘ho’ makes no sense in the context provided, unless the OP himself is a sex worker that you know of. Not according to [a recent Stanford Study](http://stanfordflipside.com/2013/10/study-confirms-that-bitches-as-suspected-aint-shit-but-hoes-and-tricks/). ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/54 "2017-03-25T20:33:45Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > So, compassionate people? It’s usually in the context of male/female relationships where it’s the guy who is trying to “save” the girl. It’s not just compassion, it’s naivete and self-importance. He sees himself as the savior to her life and without him, she’s doomed. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/55 "2017-03-25T20:38:32Z")
[Captain Save a ho](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Captain+Save+a+ho) ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/56 "2017-03-25T20:59:47Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > [Captain Save a ho](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Captain+Save+a+ho) I don’t doubt it’s a term that exists. It’s loaded w/ slut-shaming and sexism and I don’t understand why you would want to keep that alive and kicking just to show us how you hang w/ the hip and cool trendsetters. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/57 "2017-03-25T21:02:29Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > I don’t doubt it’s a term that exists. It’s loaded w/ slut-shaming and sexism and I don’t understand why you would want to keep that alive and kicking just to show us how you hang w/ the hip and cool trendsetters. Ugh. You and i obviously have very different ideas about humor. I’m already _well_ aware of that fact. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/58 "2017-03-25T21:11:20Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > I don’t understand why you would want to keep that alive and kicking just to show us how you hang w/ the hip and cool trendsetters. It’s interesting how you attach that motive to my post. I only explained where it came from when you questioned it. I was attempting humor. That’s all. (end of hijack) ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/59 "2017-03-25T21:12:47Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Ugh. You and i obviously have very different ideas about humor. I’m already _well_ aware of that fact. We have different perspectives on a lot of things, but I still default to assuming you’re a decent person who doesn’t slut-shame others for humorous intent, considering its potential adverse affect on anyone (especially women) considering swinging. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/60 "2017-03-25T21:27:43Z")
NM. I already said I was not going to continue this hijack. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926.md?page=4)