# Dating a cocaine addict **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 24, 2017, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926 "2017-03-24T16:55:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/61 "2017-03-25T21:28:30Z")
Oh, give me a break. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/62 "2017-03-25T21:36:29Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Oh, give me a break. :rolleyes: ?? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2017, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/63 "2017-03-25T23:22:24Z")
The ‘discussion’ was getting rather tedious. ---
**Author:** ![Esco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9de053/32.png) [@Esco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esco)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/64 "2017-03-26T00:54:07Z")
Hey come on guys, lets not fight ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/65 "2017-03-26T01:05:34Z")
If I heard my realtor was doing coke they’d be fired. I don’t understand why you’re not more concerned about such a huge financial transaction being in the hands of someone who may possibly abuse drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/66 "2017-03-26T01:08:54Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > If I heard my realtor was doing coke they’d be fired. I don’t understand why you’re not more concerned about such a huge financial transaction being in the hands of someone who may possibly abuse drugs. Their main job is to show you houses and communicate offers. You can do than _and_ use coke. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/67 "2017-03-26T01:26:26Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I don’t understand why you’re not more concerned about such a huge financial transaction being in the hands of someone who may possibly abuse drugs. I could hazard a guess.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Esco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9de053/32.png) [@Esco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esco)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/68 "2017-03-26T04:16:43Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > Why do you call her a “cocaine addict”? She seems like a casual user, from what you describe. A lot of 20-somethings use drugs casually then outgrow the habit Thats actually a really good point. And I thank you for bringing it up. To me, when someone starts doing this stuff on the regular, they are already entering a grey area where I feel they need some kind of crutch to get by. Is it at this point an addiction, maybe it is or maybe it isnt. Perhaps I’m reaching with all this, I will concede that. I just wanna know if any “casual” users had any success dating a girl like this. An anonymouse message board like straightdope is IMO a great place to start ---
**Author:** ![Esco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9de053/32.png) [@Esco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esco)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/69 "2017-03-26T04:33:18Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > Unless you are one of those people who feels they need to save people from themselves and you are looking for “a project”. I was listening to a podcast of Marc Maron who interviewed Sarah Jessica Parker. He brought up that she dated/lived with Robert Downey Jr. for 8 years. He asked about why they broke up. She was candid and said it was because of his drug use. And she stayed in the relationship because she felt if she left he would die. She and Maron (who is a recovering addict himself) agreed that you can’t change or help people who are like that. And what she learned from this, is that if after dating someone for 2-3 weeks you learn something like this about them was to end the relationship. > > It is doomed to fail and it will with a lot of drama. You are a full grown adult, you know what is going to happen. You already aren’t happy about it, and you also know you can’t do anything about it. Your estimates of the amount of drug use might be off, because people like that are very good at hiding it and don’t admit to how much they actually use. I know it is easy for me to say, but it is best for you to move on Great post and excellent advice!! And of course you know I wont follow any of it…LOL. She is absolutely gorgeous. A stunner!!! I’m actually worried aboot her when she does her job. I’m thinking aboot buying her pepper spray just to be safe when she goes on her calls: [Amazon.com : SABRE Advanced Pepper Spray for Self Defense, 3-in-1 Formula with Maximum Strength Pepper Spray, CS Military Tear Gas, UV Marking Dye, Fast Access Easy Carry Belt Clip, 35 Bursts, 0.67 fl oz : Camping First Aid And Safety Equipment : Sports & Outdoors](https://www.amazon.com/SABRE-3-1-Pepper-Spray/dp/B0007VM8UC/ref=zg_bs_3222129011_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=F7VCF7ND0P1F4A72XSF3) ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/70 "2017-03-26T04:56:12Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I don’t understand why you’re not more concerned about such a huge financial transaction being in the hands of someone who may possibly abuse drugs. Oh, honey… ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/71 "2017-03-26T05:21:06Z")
[QUOTE=HoneyBadgerDC] If a coke user tells a casual acquaintance she uses twice a week you can be assured she is understating her usage. [/QUOTE] Cocaine was not my thing, but I definitely always understated my alcohol and benzo usage. “Sure, I have a couple of drinks in the evenings.” Apparently a 16 oz. tumbler of vodka is not really “one drink”, according to the intake nurse at rehab. When she says she uses twice a week, that can mean any number of things. That can mean she does a line two nights a week or that can mean she does bumps all throughout the day on two days of the week. If you want to have a relationship beyond booty-calling you might ask her, but since you’re not a user she may be guarded about it. Plus if I sensed anyone was threatening my use I told them to fuck off, so there’s that too. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/72 "2017-03-26T06:13:52Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > If I heard my realtor was doing coke they’d be fired. I don’t understand why you’re not more concerned about such a huge financial transaction being in the hands of someone who may possibly abuse drugs. He believes she’s the hottest, most available gratis friction hole he can access right now, and that single object is worth more to him than all the money he could gamble on a house purchase. ---
**Author:** ![guitario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@guitario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guitario)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/73 "2017-03-26T09:21:27Z")
Going on just the information you’ve provided, all we know is that she does cocaine a couple of times a week, which is not an addiction. Her usage could cause a positive OR negative influence on her life - we just don’t know. Most drug users are not addicts. What is considered a hard drug or an illegal drug is arbitrary. Alcohol can kill you in a couple of hours - but it’s socially acceptable to use it. Cocaine essentially belongs in the same category as caffeine. It’s a brain stimulant… releases dopamine… improves focus, energy, etc, and people generally use it for two reasons - to create a buzz in a social context, or to improve performance. There are addicts, of course - but you shouldn’t automatically correlate ‘addict’ with ‘bad person’. In my opinion, the best option is to decide what is best for you based on your instincts during the present moment. Don’t assume anything, nor make future predictions - just focus on your relationship with her and how the two of you feel. If you replaced ‘cocaine’ with ‘anger issues’, or ‘anxiety’, or even ‘admitted cheating on her last 3 boyfriends’ you’d be in the same situation - guessing future behaviour based on your own pre-existing views. In other words… the only fact is she uses cocaine - everything else exists in your head (at the moment). Don’t cut of your nose to spite your face (I’m sure there’s a snorting pun in there somewhere). ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/74 "2017-03-26T11:14:27Z")
I haven’t touched cocaine since the late 80’s but I know when I did I would lie about anything and everything just to hear myself talk. Cocaine was extremely popular in high energy jobs like sales. Just from those I knew it seemed like it was always just a matter of time until they crashed and burned. Coming down off cocaine can cause extreme mood swings. Not talking withdrawal just coming down off of partying. I don’t see it as a soft drug even though one can be perfectly functional while under the influence. ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/75 "2017-03-26T11:20:04Z")
> [@guitario](#): > > Going on just the information you’ve provided, all we know is that she does cocaine a couple of times a week, which is not an addiction. Was going to say this. An addict (in medical terms) needs the substance every day or they would suffer a huge crash. Of course another real issue is that you don’t know if she telling the truth about only doing coke only once or twice a week. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/76 "2017-03-26T12:25:05Z")
To recap: OP in his 40s, ‘girlfriend’ in her 20s OP describes GF as “She is absolutely gorgeous. A stunner!!!” GF earns $150k GF does coke at least twice a week, likely more frequently OP “despises drugs, especially cocaine” GF has a vested financial interest in keeping OP happy short-term OP and GF have apparently not even discussed her drug use (?) I predict decades of happiness. mmm ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/77 "2017-03-26T14:51:46Z")
> [@guitario](#): > > Cocaine essentially belongs in the same category as caffeine. It’s a brain stimulant… releases dopamine… improves focus, energy, etc, and people generally use it for two reasons - to create a buzz in a social context, or to improve performance. And etorphine is in the same category as Tylenol 3. Ever party with an elephant? I can’t recall ever waking up the morning after a postprandial espresso with a raging headache and bleeding nose, hundreds of dollars poorer and contemplating suicide. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/78 "2017-03-26T18:27:42Z")
Well I’m sure you’re a nice guy and wonderful human being but you really need to be asking a serious question of why a gorgeous twenty-something woman who makes a decent income is dating you a man 20 years her senior. The cocaine use while problematic is not the central question in this equation. You can probably have fun now and maybe into the foreseeable future but with respect of being a long-term proposition magic 8 ball says very doubtful. I mean come on you’re deluding yourself don’t be a goddamned idiot. Sent from my SM-T320 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/79 "2017-03-26T18:33:54Z")
I apologize for the last sentence I’m using tapa talk and cannot edit my posts. It was uncalled for I apologize. Sent from my SM-T320 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/80 "2017-03-26T18:38:37Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Well I’m sure you’re a nice guy and wonderful human being but you really need to be asking a serious question of why a gorgeous twenty-something woman who makes a decent income is dating you a man 20 years her senior. The cocaine use while problematic is not the central question in this equation. You can probably have fun now and maybe into the foreseeable future but with respect of being a long-term proposition magic 8 ball says very doubtful. I mean come on you’re deluding yourself don’t be a goddamned idiot. > > Sent from my SM-T320 using Tapatalk I assume the “8 ball” reference wasn’t necessarily a pun? I agree that this whole things sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, in addition to the blurring of professional boundaries. In addition, how does he know she isn’t banging half the guys, middle-aged or otherwise, in town? Whatever happens, DO NOT get this woman pregnant. :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926.md?page=5)