# Dating a cocaine addict **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 24, 2017, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926 "2017-03-24T16:55:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2017, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/101 "2017-03-27T23:26:33Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > I don’t even know why I’m posting, but I’ll do it anyway. I mean, seriously … we are 95 posts in and the OP is still defending his position against all the folks telling him to run away. > > But, I’ll try. > > **Scenario 1** : You and your lovely bride are driving down the road heading for a social event and you get pulled over. The cops find a quantity of coke in your car. Now, the cops up in Toronto may totally believe you when you say, “That’s not mine!” However, your plans for the evening are not going to be fulfilled. You will either be A) spending a lot of time down at the station defending your innocence, B) spending some time with a nurse having blood drawn, C) trying to figure out how to raise your darling’s bail money. (Pick as many as might be applicable.) > > **Scenario 2** : You and your lovely bride are at home and someone knocks on the door. You open the door to find yourself face-to-face with pair of large thugs who A) know there is cocaine on the property and want some, B) are looking for your lady love because her debt for the last 2-weeks’ worth of twice-a-week pick-me-ups is overdue, C) are wondering where the pound of stuff she was supposed to be moving for The Boss is. (Pick as many as might be applicable.) > > **Scenario 3** : Your awesome real estate agent shows you a house that is slightly outside your price range. However, she says that if she moves in with you and pays something every month, it would certainly be in range. “What a great idea!” you cry, and the deed is done, the pen is dipped in the inkwell, and the deed is done (possibly several times that night, because, well, you know, she had a little celebratory sniff). Right after the closing date, though, she tells you A) she can’t break her lease because her current landlord is a rat-faced jerk, B) she can’t move because her mother is planning on moving in with her for medical reasons, C) her employer just started random drug testing and her results looked like a pinball game during an earthquake and now she is out of a job. (Pick as many as might be applicable.) > > Getting the picture? Lotta downsides, very few upsides, except for the glorious, mindblowing sex with someone who has a portion of your life that you absolutely cannot stand. > > We already have another poster on this board who is in a glorious relationship with a wonderful alcoholic whom he insisted on marrying despite all the warnings people gave him. And continues to ask for guidance in how to fix his sweet, glorious life and wife without, you know, taking any of the advice about getting sober, or separating his money from hers. I mean, he has all the answers, so why does he need a buncha knobs on the internet with their limited viewpoints? > > I am seeing a lot of the same behavior here, with many of the same rebuttals: > > [ol] > [li]Oh, you guys don’t know her, she is a wonderful person.[/li][li]Seriously, she really loves me; buying a house from her has no influence over the situation at all.[/li][li]I’ve talked to her about her use and she said she is cutting back.[/li][li]She really does make that much money selling houses (hold on, I have to scratch my nuts … I must have gotten into poison ivy).[/li][li]There’s no way that her cocaine use could be harmful; she[/li]s young and her heart is healthy, not old like John Entwhistle or fat like Chris Farley. > [/ol] > > (Again, pick as many as might apply. It won’t really matter since you seem to have a perfect rebuttal for every sane, logical, not-penis-driven point someone makes.) > > I think I’m going to buy stock in a popcorn company. Between that other poster and you, looks like we are going to be in for some entertainment. If I had a dime for every woman who got involved with a man like that because she thought she could change him… ---
**Author:** ![slash2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@slash2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slash2k)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/102 "2017-03-28T05:53:11Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > He never mentioned marrying her. He’s dating her. She has her house, he has his. They hang out, go to movies, have sex, etc. (dating stuff). A casual cocaine user is perfectly capable of dating stuff. > > I agree he should be careful about financial entanglements, but unless the rule is “don’t date someone you’re not planning on marrying,” I still don’t see a problem. He doesn’t have to be married to her to be out driving to a social event when the cops pull 'em over and find the coke in the car, nor does he have to be married to her to meet her dealer’s collections department up close and personal. ---
**Author:** ![CosmicManiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@CosmicManiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CosmicManiac)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/103 "2017-03-28T09:50:41Z")
I’m going to be blunt with you: Get the fuck out of there. As Norman Osborn widely told his son Harry in the 2002 _Spider-Man_ film regarding his relationship with Mary Jane: “Do what you need to with her, and then broom her fast.” It seems like this girlfriend of yours is a successful, upper-middle class woman and adept saleswoman. Good for her. However, she’s also on a downward spiral. Cocaine does that to people. This bitch will tell you she loves you one minute and be sincere about it, and then sneak off with your wallet in the next to fuel her habit. As the aforementioned Osborn also told Harry about his late wife: “Your mother was beautiful. They’re all beautiful—until they’re snarling after your trust fund like a pack of ravening wolves.” Your bitch sounds to me like a classic femme fatal, a hard-charging narcissist with a penchant for finer things in life that regular, working-class folks in America could only dream of (she lives in Toronto yes, but that’s besides the point, she still has more dough than most people). Dump this broad, set her up in a therapy program for drug addicts, and move on your merry way. You don’t need this unrepentant, drug-addled, knee-jerk Trotskyite. Also, [see this excellent video on this subject for more, important information](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9XOAWZEgY4). This may seem harsh, but sometimes bluntness is a virtuous necessity. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/104 "2017-03-28T11:15:24Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > I’m going to be blunt with you: Get the fuck out of there. > > As Norman Osborn widely told his son Harry in the 2002 _Spider-Man_ film regarding his relationship with Mary Jane: “Do what you need to with her, and then broom her fast.” It seems like this girlfriend of yours is a successful, upper-middle class woman and adept saleswoman. Good for her. > > However, she’s also on a downward spiral. Cocaine does that to people. This bitch will tell you she loves you one minute and be sincere about it, and then sneak off with your wallet in the next to fuel her habit. As the aforementioned Osborn also told Harry about his late wife: “Your mother was beautiful. They’re all beautiful—until they’re snarling after your trust fund like a pack of ravening wolves.” > > Your bitch sounds to me like a classic femme fatal, a hard-charging narcissist with a penchant for finer things in life that regular, working-class folks in America could only dream of (she lives in Toronto yes, but that’s besides the point, she still has more dough than most people). > > Dump this broad, set her up in a therapy program for drug addicts, and move on your merry way. You don’t need this unrepentant, drug-addled, knee-jerk Trotskyite. > > Also, [see this excellent video on this subject for more, important information](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9XOAWZEgY4). > > This may seem harsh, but sometimes bluntness is a virtuous necessity. WTF is your problem? Jeez! ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/105 "2017-03-28T13:02:21Z")
For the OP, if she’s a nine in her 20s and you are in your 40s, how many nines did you date in your 20s and 30s? How many nines have you dated who aren’t trying to sell you something? If either of those is more than several, you’re good to go, and just decide if the coke is a problem. If it’s not, then maybe wait to see what kind of relationship you really are in? . ---
**Author:** ![chaika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chaika/32/405_2.png) [@chaika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaika)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/106 "2017-03-28T13:04:28Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > I’m going to be blunt with you: Get the fuck out of there. > > As Norman Osborn widely told his son Harry in the 2002 _Spider-Man_ film regarding his relationship with Mary Jane: “Do what you need to with her, and then broom her fast.” It seems like this girlfriend of yours is a successful, upper-middle class woman and adept saleswoman. Good for her. > > However, she’s also on a downward spiral. Cocaine does that to people. This bitch will tell you she loves you one minute and be sincere about it, and then sneak off with your wallet in the next to fuel her habit. As the aforementioned Osborn also told Harry about his late wife: “Your mother was beautiful. They’re all beautiful—until they’re snarling after your trust fund like a pack of ravening wolves.” > > Your bitch sounds to me like a classic femme fatal, a hard-charging narcissist with a penchant for finer things in life that regular, working-class folks in America could only dream of (she lives in Toronto yes, but that’s besides the point, she still has more dough than most people). > > Dump this broad, set her up in a therapy program for drug addicts, and move on your merry way. You don’t need this unrepentant, drug-addled, knee-jerk Trotskyite. > > Also, [see this excellent video on this subject for more, important information](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9XOAWZEgY4). > > This may seem harsh, but sometimes bluntness is a virtuous necessity. Um. . . O.K.? :dubious: (Backs slowly away.) As for the OP, cocaine use would be a deal breaker for me, but obviously that’s not the case for everyone. I would tread carefully here anyway, due to the other red flags (age difference, mixing personal life with business transactions, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/107 "2017-03-28T14:44:49Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > I’m going to be blunt with you: Get the fuck out of there. > > As Norman Osborn widely told his son Harry in the 2002 _Spider-Man_ film regarding his relationship with Mary Jane: “Do what you need to with her, and then broom her fast.” It seems like this girlfriend of yours is a successful, upper-middle class woman and adept saleswoman. Good for her. > > However, she’s also on a downward spiral. Cocaine does that to people. This bitch will tell you she loves you one minute and be sincere about it, and then sneak off with your wallet in the next to fuel her habit. As the aforementioned Osborn also told Harry about his late wife: “Your mother was beautiful. They’re all beautiful—until they’re snarling after your trust fund like a pack of ravening wolves.” > > Your bitch sounds to me like a classic femme fatal, a hard-charging narcissist with a penchant for finer things in life that regular, working-class folks in America could only dream of (she lives in Toronto yes, but that’s besides the point, she still has more dough than most people). > > Dump this broad, set her up in a therapy program for drug addicts, and move on your merry way. You don’t need this unrepentant, drug-addled, knee-jerk Trotskyite. > > Also, [see this excellent video on this subject for more, important information](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9XOAWZEgY4). > > This may seem harsh, but sometimes bluntness is a virtuous necessity. Take out all the misogynistic slurs and MRA-esque attitude, and I kinda agree with you. But… dude, what the hell? ETA: Nevermind. Saw the “join date.” My question was asked and answered. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/108 "2017-03-28T15:37:54Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Question: Have you noticed any of your valuables missing? Money stashed away still there? > [@Esco](#): > > LOL…no You’re dating a coke-head and you laugh at this? Well, a fool and his money are soon parted, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![CosmicManiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@CosmicManiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CosmicManiac)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/109 "2017-03-28T15:56:45Z")
To **Grrr!** and **chaikia** —what’s with the knee-jerk reactions, guy? **Calatin** knows I have a point and agrees, but he seems to have been taken aback by my strong language. Look, in my post, I warned up front I’d be blunt with this well-meaning, if naive, man. I don’t consider myself a men’s rights activist of any sort. I do **know** myself to be a guy who’s watched his fair share of real-life documentaries about cocaine addicts, how they behave, and the frequency with which they eventually start to take other people’s money to help fuel their own habit. **Chimera** seems to know that I’ve got a point, and that this man is setting himself up for a nasty breakup—not just with his girlfriend, but with some of the money from his own pocketbook to, given this woman’s antics. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/110 "2017-03-28T17:31:22Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > To **Grrr!** and **chaikia** —what’s with the knee-jerk reactions, guy? **Calatin** knows I have a point and agrees, but he seems to have been taken aback by my strong language. > > Look, in my post, I warned up front I’d be blunt with this well-meaning, if naive, man. I don’t consider myself a men’s rights activist of any sort. I do **know** myself to be a guy who’s watched his fair share of real-life documentaries about cocaine addicts, how they behave, and the frequency with which they eventually start to take other people’s money to help fuel their own habit. > > **Chimera** seems to know that I’ve got a point, and that this man is setting himself up for a nasty breakup—not just with his girlfriend, but with some of the money from his own pocketbook to, given this woman’s antics. It’s possible to be casual user or cocaine and a full-blown addict. I’d be willing to guess more are casual users than addicts. ---
**Author:** ![SigMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SigMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SigMan)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/111 "2017-03-28T17:40:51Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > It’s possible to be casual user or cocaine and a full-blown addict. I’d be willing to guess more are casual users than addicts. Casual users? ROTFLMFAO! ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/112 "2017-03-28T18:11:40Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Look, in my post, I warned up front I’d be blunt with this well-meaning, if naive, man. I don’t consider myself a men’s rights activist of any sort. **I do know myself to be a guy who’s watched his fair share of real-life documentaries about cocaine addicts, how they behave, and the frequency with which they eventually start to take other people’s money to help fuel their own habit.** But, of course! Documentaries, as opposed to real-life experience, teach you all you need to know! The OP is thinking with his dick, but you don’t think at all. You just throw some misogynist shit on the wall and figure we’ll buy it. Stay in college. You have MUCH to learn. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/113 "2017-03-28T18:15:24Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > WTF is your problem? > > Jeez! He took the red pill. ---
**Author:** ![CosmicManiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@CosmicManiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CosmicManiac)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/114 "2017-03-28T18:33:58Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > But, of course! Documentaries, as opposed to real-life experience, teach you all you need to know! > > The OP is thinking with his dick, but you don’t think at all. You just throw some misogynist shit on the wall and figure we’ll buy it. Stay in college. You have MUCH to learn. Your “thinking with his dick” line suggests that the sexist here isn’t me, but the person staring you in the mirror. Also, you are either too blind or hardheaded to read correctly. In my post, I clearly stated “real-life documentaries.” They weren’t some fiction thriller films, they involved real life people where the filmmakers and researchers would interview the family members of drug addicts, as well as the recovering drug addict himself occasionally, and they would all tell their story. And it almost always ended how I described it: the user would start off slow, then overspend his own money on their habit, and get so far gone and addicted to the point where they would steal money from their own relatives to pay for thehir habit, at times violently. A really good documentary show was _Intervention_, for instance. In other words, they did deal with “real-life experience”. These were real people, real addicts and how they affected their families and loved ones’ lives. To **Nawth Chucka** : I don’t know what a “red pill” is. I’ve never taken one, nor am I on one now. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/115 "2017-03-28T19:26:56Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Your “thinking with his dick” line suggests that the sexist here isn’t me, but the person staring you in the mirror. > > Also, you are either too blind or hardheaded to read correctly. In my post, I clearly stated “real-life documentaries.” They weren’t some fiction thriller films, they involved real life people where the filmmakers and researchers would interview the family members of drug addicts, as well as the recovering drug addict himself occasionally, and they would all tell their story. And it almost always ended how I described it: the user would start off slow, then overspend his own money on their habit, and get so far gone and addicted to the point where they would steal money from their own relatives to pay for thehir habit, at times violently. A really good documentary show was _Intervention_, for instance. > > In other words, they did deal with “real-life experience”. These were real people, real addicts and how they affected their families and loved ones’ lives. > > To **Nawth Chucka** : I don’t know what a “red pill” is. I’ve never taken one, nor am I on one now. When the cornfield takes you, go peacefully and w/ dignity, as you may never return. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/116 "2017-03-28T19:32:40Z")
> [@SigMan](#): > > Casual users? > > ROTFLMFAO! Seriously? I’ve known a bunch over the years. Only one turned out to have a major problem. All kept professional jobs and kept their lives in order. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/117 "2017-03-28T20:13:07Z")
Suppose instead of cocaine the drug causing the behavior was alcohol. Would there still be this virtually unanimous negative reaction? Yet a strong argument can be made that alcohol is just as harmful or more harmful than cocaine: > **[Experts: Alcohol More Harmful Than Crack or Heroin](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20101101/alcohol-more-harmful-than-crack-or-heroin#1)** > > Alcohol abuse is more harmful than crack or heroin abuse, according to a new study by a former British government drug advisor and other experts. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/118 "2017-03-28T20:20:35Z")
People seem incredibly risk-adverse. Life is [can be] an adventure. ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/119 "2017-03-28T21:08:29Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > In other words, they did deal with “real-life experience”. These were real people, real addicts and how they affected their families and loved ones’ lives. Yup, I’m sure they were real people. However, the TV show “Intervention” isn’t a documentary. It’s “reality” TV. It is a product designed to entertain, not educate. Even if it isn’t scripted, it is heavily edited to present the story in a certain way, facts be damned. Also, for the record, I used to sell cocaine. I know multiple real-life people who use it on a casual basis. I’d even say that the majority of the people who use cocaine do so socially, usually on a “it’s the weekend” basis. Sure, some jump off the slippery slope, but it’s actually far more rare than I would have guessed before I got into the business. Here’s the catch, casual cocaine users\*\* don’t end up on TV.\*\* They live nice, quiet normal lives and unless you are in the scene, you won’t know who they are. Because they are \*\* boring.\*\* Addicts stealing shit to pay for drugs is a much more interesting story. As for our OP, well I suspect he’s being taken on a ride. On the other hand, I was taken for a ride in a similar fashion once, and actually I have very few regrets. Sure I lost a bunch of money, but the experience was mostly worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2017, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926/120 "2017-03-29T02:17:21Z")
Please note that in a fit of overreaction, **CosmicManiac** has pitted me for my above post. 😃 [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20099852&posted=1#post20099852](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20099852&posted=1#post20099852) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-cocaine-addict/782926.md?page=7)