# Dating a second cousin **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2008, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814 "2008-11-15T04:43:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jelymag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jelymag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelymag)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/41 "2008-11-17T01:35:32Z")
I think first cousins would be REALLY awkward… your parents are siblings!!! That said, my uncle married his first cousin in the mid-seventies and they have a large family. They have always lived very far away from my immediate family so I barely know them. I always thought second-cousings were my first-cousin’s children. Still weird, but maybe less so. If it is even more removed than that, I guess it gets less weird. Before my husband and I were married I was researching some of my geneaology. About four generations back I discovered that a large branch of my tree was from the same very tiny town where my husband was born and raised. I stopped researching then. I know it is so far removed it is meaningless, but I just didn’t think I wanted to know. ---
**Author:** ![chicken\_wire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@chicken\_wire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chicken_wire)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/42 "2008-11-17T02:54:55Z")
So… what’s the term for a cousin like ‘relative’ who is only related by marriage? Say, my uncle’s (by marriage) brother’s kids, whom I call cousins. You could marry them, if un-irked, with a clear conscience, having no (known) genetically common relative. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/43 "2008-11-17T07:20:13Z")
> [@RoOsh](#): > > brother and sister from another mother all the time (the sister part needs work)… Brother from another mother. Sister from a different mister. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/44 "2008-11-17T08:43:32Z")
What’s the deal with everyone coming in and voicing their disapproval of the OP’s question instead of answering it? It seems to be a common occurrence on the SMDB, and it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Who cares if there is a genetic problem between second cousins? That wasn’t the question asked. The OP grew up with this cousin, and knows that this cousin is a bad person, and wants advice on how to approach the situation with the brother who is likely being taken advantage of. This is made more difficult by the fact that the OP finds the relationship morally wrong in the first place. And last time I checked, morals had little to do with genetics. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/45 "2008-11-17T11:36:48Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > What’s the deal with everyone coming in and voicing their disapproval of the OP’s question instead of answering it? It seems to be a common occurrence on the SMDB, and it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Who cares if there is a genetic problem between second cousins? That wasn’t the question asked. > > The OP grew up with this cousin, and knows that this cousin is a bad person, and wants advice on how to approach the situation with the brother who is likely being taken advantage of. This is made more difficult by the fact that the OP finds the relationship morally wrong in the first place. And last time I checked, morals had little to do with genetics. There isn’t a question in the OP, and I think people are assuming that this is a survey about whether or not it’s wrong to date a second cousin. The stuff about her being a bad person seems irrelevant to that question: the particular situation is a springboard to a more general survey. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/46 "2008-11-17T12:47:58Z")
My aunt and uncle are second cousins. They have two normal kids, both of which get a kick out of it. We were at a family reunion once and we each had a little sticker on our name tags to indicate how we were related. My cousins both had two stickers (because they were related through both their mother and their father). There was a little introduction by someone important, don’t remember who, who said, “does anybody know why [cousin A] and [cousin B] have two stickers on their nametags?” [cousin B] yells, “INCEST” Everybody laughed…good times. So my answer is no, I have no problem with it. In fact as a kid, there was a third cousin I always had a bit of a crush on. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/47 "2008-11-17T13:12:38Z")
Doesn’t seem so awful to me, as a general idea. I couldn’t bear to do it myself, not long-term anyway. I only know one person that far away on my family tree, and she’s not on the same continent so it’s not something that would come up in my case, but I wouldn’t be so horrified if I knew someone who did it. On the other hand, I would really not kick the only second cousin I know out of bed for eating crackers. Last I saw her (some eight years ago, granted), she was a real looker. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/48 "2008-11-17T13:17:51Z")
Someone at work once said “I have such a hard time. My family is so dysfunctional.” I replied “Really? Mines is so incestuous.” Longest, deepest silence I have ever heard in my entire life. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/49 "2008-11-17T14:50:16Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > Maybe if you liked your second cousin you wouldn’t be so against it. This. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/50 "2008-11-17T14:54:21Z")
> [@nyctea scandiaca](#): > > A first cousin I might be a bit grossed out - they share the same grandparents, for gosh’s sake! But second cousins? Meh, doesn’t bother me at all. I really don’t see a problem with it. > > Maybe if you liked your second cousin you wouldn’t be so against it. My feelings, too. Don’t get me wrong, you’d probably still be uncomfortable at first (as would most people, I think, no matter how rational), but you’d probably warm up faster if she was a great woman and they were in a loving, stable relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/51 "2008-11-17T15:08:56Z")
Our Big Asian Boss (based in Hong Kong) likes to make a bit of a display of his English prowess to his underlings during the occassional meeting. Once, he made some statement about how a certain corporate relationship we were discussing was “incestuous”. Then stopped and asked in semi-rhetorical tones if everyone knew what “incest” was. Most colleagues gathered around the table heard me mutter to myself, “all too well”. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/52 "2008-11-17T15:23:20Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > What’s the deal with everyone coming in and voicing their disapproval of the OP’s question instead of answering it? It seems to be a common occurrence on the SMDB, and it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Who cares if there is a genetic problem between second cousins? That wasn’t the question asked. Maybe it wouldn’t bother you so much if you didn’t assume questions where none were asked. Not a single question mark in the OP, mate. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/53 "2008-11-17T16:57:39Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The OP grew up with this cousin, and knows that this cousin is a bad person, and wants advice on how to approach the situation with the brother who is likely being taken advantage of. This is made more difficult by the fact that the OP finds the relationship morally wrong in the first place. And last time I checked, morals had little to do with genetics. Her brother is a grown man, he’s not doing anything illegal, and if he wants to spend all of his money on his worthless second cousin/lover, then that’s his prerogative. The OP ain’t doing the magical freak dance with either of them, so it’s none of her business. I mean, I sure wouldn’t want _my_ sibling passing judgment on any of my relationships or butting in where he ain’t wanted. I imagine most people don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Schecter101](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Schecter101](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schecter101)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/54 "2012-06-29T07:50:08Z")
4 yrs later I wonder how everything turned out? Well in that situation, it bothers me more that she is manipulative. 2nd cousin I don’t think is wrong to be with. I actually just met my second cousin and I really like her. Such an angel. Well it will stay in my head for now…and this post… ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/55 "2012-06-29T09:05:58Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > What’s the deal with everyone coming in and voicing their disapproval of the OP’s question instead of answering it? It seems to be a common occurrence on the SMDB, and it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Who cares if there is a genetic problem between second cousins? That wasn’t the question asked. > > The OP grew up with this cousin, and knows that this cousin is a bad person, and wants advice on how to approach the situation with the brother who is likely being taken advantage of. This is made more difficult by the fact that the OP finds the relationship morally wrong in the first place. And last time I checked, morals had little to do with genetics. The title of this thread is “Dating a second cousin” and the OP reports the OPs manipulative behaviour not as being the main issue, but as ‘complicating things’. It seems pretty clear that the OP has a bigger issue with the genetic relationship than with the cousin’s personality. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/56 "2012-06-29T09:08:20Z")
Argh! Zombies ate my brains! (I swore I would never made that mistake) ((I was wrong)) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/57 "2012-06-29T09:17:47Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Argh! Zombies ate my brains! > > (I swore I would never made that mistake) > ((I was wrong)) lol I reported is just moments after you posted. Sorry! ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/58 "2012-06-29T09:44:19Z")
Too late…I can feel myself turning…need…flesh…need…brainssssssss… _shuffles towards **WhyNot** _ ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/59 "2012-06-29T15:35:34Z")
To paraphrase Larry the Cable Guy, if it bothers you that he’s dating his second cousin, stop counting 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814/60 "2012-06-29T16:02:46Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > So I’d ask a corresponding question: even if you and your cuz (or your sibling) _probably_ won’t see any genetic abnormalities in your offspring, should that make any difference to public policy that presumably considers society-wide impacts over the long term? It’s a fair point, but the incidence of cousin marriage is so low, it doesn’t have any broader social impact. Were we living in Shelbyville, maybe it’d be the appropriate subject of public inquiry, but we’re not, so it’s not. –Cliffy [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-a-second-cousin/472814.md?page=4)