# Dating advice: I get anxiety when a date comes to my house. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 6, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915 "2014-11-06T19:22:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2014, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/21 "2014-11-07T05:32:24Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Wait what? Would rather do it at her place because her place is a mess? No, no. I just feel better because I’m sharing her anxiety about a messy place. It’s something we can joke about later. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2014, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/22 "2014-11-07T06:12:56Z")
Suggestion: show your personality or interests. If your into sci fi, gaming, guitar, the outdoors, etc… it doesnt hurt to show it especially if she is also interested. Another, girls like to be offered a glass of wine so have some nice wine glasses. I remember back in the day how I turned off one girl when I served wine in the old plastic cups I used as glasses. ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2014, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/23 "2014-11-07T07:48:21Z")
I don’t see the reason for a spotless house if you don’t live like that. How long are you willing to pretend you’re not a slob? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2014, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/24 "2014-11-07T10:00:50Z")
> [@JustinC](#): > > I don’t see the reason for a spotless house if you don’t live like that. How long are you willing to pretend you’re not a slob? Yeah. Cleanliness tolerance is an important aspect of every relationship. You don’t want to marry someone who is always cleaning up after you, or whom you feel compelled to clean up after. It leads to unnecessary tension. The key is to find someone who has right around the same level of clutter/mess tolerance as you. Fortunately, my fiance and I are well-matched in this regard. We both piss and moan about how we should really clean up more, go into a whirlwind of activity for about an hour once a week, and ignore it the rest of the time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2014, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/25 "2014-11-07T10:28:46Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > Oh, the irony! She just emailed me back saying she’d rather do it at her place because her housemate did no cleaning while she (my date) was out of town for 3 weeks and her place is a mess. What a relief! > > Also, my date has cats of her own, so I guess I don’t need to worry so much about that. She wants to do it at her place because her place is a mess? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2014, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/26 "2014-11-07T10:54:19Z")
Do you really care what the house looks like, as long as you get to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/27 "2014-11-09T17:15:21Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > She wants to do it at her place because her place is a mess? 😕 Sorry, I misspoke. I meant, “She wants to do it at _my_ place.” ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/28 "2014-11-09T19:14:38Z")
> [@Lukeinva](#): > > The bathroom should be spotless. And the kitchen reasonably clean. If you decline to allow her in your home, she will think you are hiding something. Like a wife. Or that you are hoarder level messy. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/29 "2014-11-09T20:51:02Z")
I think one of the biggest things you can control now is her expectations. This is true for every relationship, not just the OP & his current Person of Interest (“POI”) If \*before \*she arrives she already knows you have cat(s) and roommate(s) she’ll be expecting the typical issues that go along with that. If she’s surprised by this news at the door she’ll have to quickly revise a bunch of preconceived notions to match the new reality. You’d much rather she have a couple days warning to get used to the idea before your big reveal. In this specific case the fact the lady has cat(s) and roommate(s) too will help. You can even trade bad roommate and naughteh kitteh stories. Ask her how she gets the cat hair off the couch. Then breath a big sigh of relief when she says “Nothing I do works for that.” I’m married, but if I was single I’d be petless & roommateless. And I’d assume my new POI was likewise unless she told me otherwise. Finding otherwise at her front door when I’m expecting a home cooked meal for two would be awkward. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but not the best first impression of her homemaker ability. And make damn sure your roommate is at work, the movies, or anyplace other than home. Even if you just two intend to eat dinner then sip cappuccino in front of the TV until she leaves alone at 9pm. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915/30 "2014-11-09T23:01:59Z")
I so want to hear the outcome of this date! Have fun! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-i-get-anxiety-when-a-date-comes-to-my-house/703915.md?page=1)