# Dating advice....juggling multiple partners **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 12, 2010, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811 "2010-04-12T04:54:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/21 "2010-04-13T15:17:45Z")
I say go for it - date around. I did that after I separated from my husband - and I have to admit - I think I’m better because of it. Instead of just trying to make things work with someone that was nice, I learned the value of what it was like when I met someone I actually wanted a relationship with and that I was truly compatible with. Of course, I also learned the value of calling people “honey” and also giving each a nickname when discussing them with my friends - it was great shorthand. Instead of her asking, “Which one was Scotty again?” I just told about the latest escapade with “Nude Dude.” YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/22 "2010-04-13T16:35:58Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > Actually, I do feel a bit overwhelmed (and under-funded). But I thought if I accepted 6 dates, then 2 might lead to 2nd dates, and 1 might become a LTMR. I apparently underestimated my charm. 🙂 > > Just got an email from #3, spontaneously suggesting a get-together tonight. It looks like I have #3 tonight, first meeting with #4 (dinner) tomorrow, 2nd date with #2 (dinner) on Thursday. Friday off. Possible lunch with #3 Saturday, 2nd date (dinner) with #1 on Saturday night, and then lunch (first meeting) with #5 on Sunday. > > This is insane. I can’t keep track of your schedule just reading it; I think you might be overdoing it a bit. 🙂 Maybe figure out what your limit is and stick to that - meet one new person per week, go on one second/third/whatever date per week. One thing you’re doing that I didn’t do is actually having meals with your meet-and-greets - those can just be a coffee/tea date (saves time and money). ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/23 "2010-04-13T23:59:36Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > snip … > > Of course, I also learned the value of calling people “honey” and also giving each a nickname when discussing them with my friends - it was great shorthand. Instead of her asking, “Which one was Scotty again?” I just told about the latest escapade with “Nude Dude.” > > YMMV. Definitely, the numbers thing is making me laugh. I realised my friend started getting serious with a guy we’d designated “Paper Bag” when suddenly she was on about “Ellis” and it was the same guy. Just have fun. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/24 "2010-04-14T19:59:29Z")
Coincidentally, I just got an email from eHarmony, linking to their advice topic of the moment: 8 Things Not to Talk About on a First Date. I am not that guy. > [@](#): > > #8 Talking About All The Other People You’re Dating > Our favorite recent eHarmony Advice Community comment was by a woman whose date told her that he’d been on 6 dates in 7 days. We hope he had his shots. > > We can all assume that attractive single people are out mixing and mingling with other single people. The last thing you want to hear on a date is details about those encounters. It is understandable that two people who meet on eHarmony or another online dating service might want to talk about the process. Certainly nothing wrong with that. > > The problem occurs when you get into the details. “I’ve been on 135 eHarmony dates in the last two years.” You can’t speak these words without having your date think, “What is wrong with this person that 135 others have failed?” And the other side of the coin, “I’ve been online dating for two years and you’re my first real date,” is pretty scary as well. The less said the better. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/25 "2010-04-14T20:02:00Z")
Bro, if you can swing it, that’s one thing. I’m so socially retarded that handling one girl is about all I can handle. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/26 "2010-04-14T20:43:59Z")
There’s nothing wrong with telling potential first-meetings, “Sorry, I’m so swamped this week, but next week is a lot better for me” or something along those lines. Just be specific about _when_ in the future you’d like to meet, so it doesn’t sound like you’re blowing them off. Don’t cancel on these gals now that plans are already set, but in the future, you might want to, I dunno, not spread yourself out so thinly? ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/27 "2010-04-14T20:48:03Z")
There’s probably [hell, definitely] some insecurity going on in my head. If I try to put someone off until next week, they’ll get married and move to Fiji between now & then and I’ll never hear from them again. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/28 "2010-04-14T21:00:31Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > There’s probably [hell, definitely] some insecurity going on in my head. If I try to put someone off until next week, they’ll get married and move to Fiji between now & then and I’ll never hear from them again. Que sera sera! There are obviously plenty of other fish in the sea who want to date you. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Gwoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Gwoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gwoo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/29 "2013-05-27T06:32:56Z")
I did a search on this topic and this thread popped up. It’s pretty old, but if folks are pondering this or have some humorous stories, I am all ears. I am back at this after a couple long term deals that in their own way are worthy of a few laughs, but … some of those first internet dates are hysterical. And I did that linearly, which is a huge time suck, so I am endeavoring to try this multiple juggle thing as well, with similar early interactions on four fronts. As to the whacky episodes? First date out of a long term marriage, about 12 years younger. She fondles a salt shaker asking me to compare it to my penis and then heads into the bathroom where she proceeds to text me. Next up, someone 3 years older, a Bank VP … you know, someone sane? I am to be fed a home cooked ethnic meal. Sounds promising. But, I had to assist keeping it all on track as the first bottle of wine hit the trash can, and I do not drink and she was diminutive. Now sitting on the couch half way through bottle number two I hear said with great assertion that her son would not been in the big house if her husband hadn’t switched coasts and become a woman. Those two experiences left me whimpering in the corner for a little bit. So how many is too many? The guy here left off at #6 with nary a word. Did he die of exhaustion? Did he accidently check some stupid box as a joke on line that he was looking for someone just like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction or Misty of Clint Eastwood fame and got his wish … and is now, you know, dead? I can’t be the only guy whose majority of dating was Pre-Aids now fumbling around in the dark here. I look forward to some advice here or, if someone could point me to other threads. Thanks ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/30 "2013-05-27T07:06:37Z")
> [@jsc1953](#): > > Actually, I do feel a bit overwhelmed (and under-funded). But I thought if I accepted 6 dates, then 2 might lead to 2nd dates, and 1 might become a LTMR. I apparently underestimated my charm. 🙂 You know you don’t have to meet all 6 at once to get down to your one? You can meet with them one at a time. No second date with #1? Move on to #2. No fourth date with #2? Move on to #3. It’s not a race! There aren’t any bonuses for completing the course in the shortest amount of time. > [@](#): > > This is insane. And maybe you should slow down. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/31 "2013-05-27T07:18:31Z")
Our Op (from 2010) is by now happily married, is suppose. But I really guess widowers (and widows) have it a lot easier in the dating world then divorce’s. No ex or alimony in the picture. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811/32 "2013-05-27T14:52:51Z")
Wow, I’d forgotten all about this thread. Since April 2010: a few months later, I did settle into a happy steady relationship, that unfortunately ended abruptly 2 months later. Back into the eHarmony pool, and soon I found the woman I love. We’re getting married in October. Maastricht: yes and no. Everyone our age has baggage; either a living ex or the ghost (metaphorically) of the late wife. Pick your poison. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice-juggling-multiple-partners/535811.md?page=1)