# Dating advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536 "2012-09-03T13:25:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/1 "2012-09-03T13:25:54Z")
I had a really great first date the other night. I really like this girl and I am pretty sure she really likes me, I could tell by the way should looked at me. But now when I ask her for a 2nd date she says she is working all week but next week might be OK. Is she trying to tell me in a nice way no more dates? Seems that way but maybe she just wants to slow things down? If her opinion of me changed so fast that is really surprising to me. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/2 "2012-09-03T13:32:43Z")
She might actually be busy. Ask her the following week, if she says no move on. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/3 "2012-09-03T13:38:39Z")
I’d think maybe she just really does have a difficult work week coming up, since she did give you an approximate timeframe for availability. Now, if you get to next week, and there’s some other way to put off another date, that might be a hint :), but I’d give the benefit of the doubt here on the first such event and assume she’s leveling with you. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/4 "2012-09-03T13:41:34Z")
yes I realize that busy can be a real thing as opposed to just an excuse to blow someone off. It may be weird but I would rather just hear “no” if that is the case. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/5 "2012-09-03T14:13:17Z")
I would check out the local ads and find something fun happening the following Saturday night. (Friday she may want time to just chill.) Pick something a little laid back, like a concert rather than a club or swing dancing spot. She’s tired now, so nothing strenuous will appeal to her. Send an e-mail asking if it’s something she’d enjoy and say if so you’d love for her to join you. In short, show the busy successful lady that you can be thoughtful and undemanding when the stress is high. Points, my friend, major points. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/7 "2012-09-03T14:41:08Z")
I think if she was blowing you off, she would not have indicated when she may be available in the future. Give her space for a week, then ask her out during the window she indicated. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/8 "2012-09-03T15:14:43Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I had a really great first date the other night. I really like this girl and I am pretty sure she really likes me, I could tell by the way should looked at me. > > But now when I ask her for a 2nd date she says she is working all week but next week might be OK. Is she trying to tell me in a nice way no more dates? Seems that way but maybe she just wants to slow things down? > > If her opinion of me changed so fast that is really surprising to me. I’m sensing the brushoff. She was a bit too vague in the counter offer department. “it _might be_ OK?” Lucky you. :rolleyes: If she isn’t busy, she may even go out with you, and let you spend some money to amuse her. Let her call you. Opinions can change in the twinkling of an eye, in the dating arena. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/9 "2012-09-03T15:17:44Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I think if she was blowing you off, she would not have indicated when she may be available in the future. My experience has been (with first-to-second dates), and others have concurred, that this is a sort of buffer, i.e., something to mollify you until she can get off the phone/get a safe distance away. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/10 "2012-09-03T15:37:11Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I think if she was blowing you off, she would not have indicated when she may be available in the future. Give her space for a week, then ask her out during the window she indicated. This. There’s no reason not to take what she’s saying at face value, particularly given how many options she has for saying no more explicitly. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/11 "2012-09-03T15:48:51Z")
don’t a lot of women avoid saying no explicitly? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/12 "2012-09-03T16:24:58Z")
Need more details. 1. How did you meet this girl? If you have mutual friends, maybe they can give you some insight. 2. If she really said that next week “might be OK”, then that could be a brush off. What, exactly, did she say? But really, it’s not that big a deal. Make sure she has your contact info, ask her out again, and if she says no without specifically saying she really want to go out again some other time, then let it go. Tell her you’d like to see her again, but maybe it would be best for her to contact you when she’s not so busy. That let’s her know not to play hard to get if she has any interest in seeing you again. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/13 "2012-09-03T16:29:22Z")
No mutual friends, I met her at a movie showing with a meetup. She actually said she did not have her work schedule for next week yet. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/14 "2012-09-03T16:36:41Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > She might actually be busy. Ask her the following week, if she says no move on. Yep. What is so difficult about this? > [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > yes I realize that busy can be a real thing as opposed to just an excuse to blow someone off. > > It may be weird but I would rather just hear “no” if that is the case. Tough shit. That’s the game. Man up. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/15 "2012-09-03T16:42:21Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > No mutual friends, I met her at a movie showing with a meetup. > > She actually said she did not have her work schedule for next week yet. Sounds plausible. Call her next week and see if she’s available. I think her answer the second time will tell you what you want to know. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/16 "2012-09-03T16:52:45Z")
She works a lot of nights and weekends and I don’t work at night so that is why her working is not good for a time to go out. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/17 "2012-09-04T05:09:42Z")
Don’t read too much into it. It sounds like she really is a busy person but didn’t know when, yet. (Didn’t have schedule.) Good advice here. Offer an interesting outing. If her response is an even more vague “don’t know,” leave the door open maybe but back off. If it’s something like “I’d like to, but that’s not a good time for me” ask her when would be a good time. If she’s interested she’ll come up with something. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/18 "2012-09-04T15:46:22Z")
If you decide to back off, make sure she knows the next move is hers. Try one more time, and if she puts you off again, somehting like: “OK, well I won’t keep calling but I’d love to hear from you if you find the time.” Actually , that’s quite awkward, but hopefully you or some others here can get it into better phrasing. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/19 "2012-09-13T04:01:46Z")
Okay, **Bijou Drains,** you know the drill… ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/20 "2012-09-13T04:06:58Z")
Seriously guys? It’s like a bunch of you have trust issues. A girl can ACTUALLY be busy, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2012, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/21 "2012-09-13T12:08:02Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I am pretty sure she really likes me, I could tell by the way should looked at me. The way she looked at you? That’s what you’re going on? I’ll go with that she’s not that into you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536.md?page=2)