# Dating advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536 "2012-09-03T13:25:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2012, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/42 "2012-09-15T02:47:14Z")
Oh and definitely don’t do the Jimmy-man’s advice! Unless, you know, that’s your thing. In which case, rock out with blah blah. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/43 "2012-09-16T02:09:32Z")
Well I seem to be an expert at having great dates and then that’s it. ☹ Got another brush off today from the other girl. She said she doesn’t want to date anybody new right now. Then why did she go out with me? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/44 "2012-09-16T12:29:26Z")
The van option is looking better and better. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/45 "2012-09-16T14:17:00Z")
I suppose some women are not too picky about going out for just 1 date and then after that 1 date they really decide if they like you or not? I guess that’s OK but I am pretty sure they both liked me so I am confused about the fast brush off. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/46 "2012-09-16T16:00:12Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I suppose some women are not too picky about going out for just 1 date and then after that 1 date they really decide if they like you or not? That’s kinda the whole point of a first date, isn’t it? What else would you be expecting? ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/47 "2012-09-16T16:11:59Z")
I guess I was assuming if the first date went well for both sides it was a real good sign of more dates but it seems I was way off thinking that. At least for these 2 girls. I’ve had bad 1st dates and I knew that was going to be it so I know what that is like. In those cases I never bothered to ask for date #2. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/48 "2012-09-16T18:02:30Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I suppose some women are not too picky about going out for just 1 date and then after that 1 date they really decide if they like you or not? I guess that’s OK but I am pretty sure they both liked me so I am confused about the fast brush off. Are you mistaking being polite and happy to be out as Liking you? Having a reasonable good time does not ever mean they want a repeat performance. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/49 "2012-09-16T18:16:35Z")
I don’t think I was misreading them. In fact both agreed to a 2nd date on the 1st date and then changed their minds. So I don’t know what caused them to change their minds quickly. But maybe that’s also a typical thing, say yes just be polite and then say no later. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/50 "2012-09-16T18:26:24Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Well I seem to be an expert at having great dates and then that’s it. ☹ > Got another brush off today from the other girl. She said she doesn’t want to date anybody new right now. Then why did she go out with me? She was letting you down easy. She’ll date the next guy that she meets and likes. > [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I suppose some women are not too picky about going out for just 1 date and then after that 1 date they really decide if they like you or not? I guess that’s OK but I am pretty sure they both liked me so I am confused about the fast brush off. They didn’t like you enough for a second date or they did like you but you happen to have one of their deal breakers. > [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I guess I was assuming if the first date went well for both sides it was a real good sign of more dates but it seems I was way off thinking that. At least for these 2 girls. It didn’t go well or well enough from their perspective. > [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I don’t think I was misreading them. You were. > [@](#): > > In fact both agreed to a 2nd date on the 1st date and then changed their minds. So I don’t know what caused them to change their minds quickly. > > But maybe that’s also a typical thing, say yes just be polite and then say no later. Yep. You’re finally learning. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/51 "2012-09-16T18:31:32Z")
Guess it’s sad that the “dating game” is based on people lying (yes is really no) but I suppose that’s the system we have. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/52 "2012-09-16T18:44:59Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Guess it’s sad that the “dating game” is based on people lying (yes is really no) but I suppose that’s the system we have. It’s not as if they dragged it out; they let you down as soon as politely possible. Maybe they needed to think about it later or something, but they didn’t walk out on the first date, it wasn’t THAT bad. It just wasn’t what they were looking for. So, two down: Next! It’s like sales, or gold-panning, or looking for a job: each negative is one out of the way, now move on to the next. If you can learn something from the previous attempts to help you negotiate the next deal a little better, great, but otherwise consider that you’ve at least DATED twice recently, and that’s further than you’d have gotten had you just sat home and decided it wasn’t worth it. Also, remember that every person you meet has other people you might meet, so your good impressions on them might carry over to their friends. So don’t ever be a dick to someone who’s not interested; her sister might be! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/53 "2012-09-16T18:55:01Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Guess it’s sad that the “dating game” is based on people lying (yes is really no) but I suppose that’s the system we have. You really need to grow a pair. (Sorry to be harsh but since you love the truth so much…) It is most definitely not “based on people lying”. It’s based on people trying to find a connection. Maybe she changed her mind upon reflection. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt your feelings face-to-face. It’s not a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/54 "2012-09-16T19:26:28Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Guess it’s sad that the “dating game” is based on people lying (yes is really no) but I suppose that’s the system we have. Can I ask what age range you’re in? I’m guessing twenties? 🙂 As a woman older than twenties 🙂 it took awhile to get to the point of being able to nicely say no. I could never do it to someone’s face, it was easier to say yes, then blow them off later. It takes some self-confidence to do it and that came with age. I don’t think there’s necessarily cruelty or intentional dishonesty going on with these women you’ve seen, but immaturity and discomfort with the situation. I don’t know if that helps any! Hang in there, eventually you’ll find the one that says YES and means it. 🙂 Maybe try a cougar? 😛 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/55 "2012-09-16T19:28:02Z")
I am picky about who I ask out so I normally want to go on a 2nd date if it goes well. But like someone said above my opinion about “going well” is not the only one that matters. I’m 52 and the women I go out with are around that age, they are nowhere near 20. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/56 "2012-09-16T19:29:27Z")
Sounds like your being picky is leading you to the wrong women. Evaluate your standards, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/57 "2012-09-16T19:32:22Z")
Well I think soon my criteria will be just that they have 2 X chromosomes. ( a joke in case you missed it) ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/58 "2012-09-16T19:34:19Z")
One thing that is nearly universal. Woman are attracted to confidence and repelled by the stink of desperation. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/59 "2012-09-16T19:36:08Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I am picky about who I ask out so I normally want to go on a 2nd date if it goes well. But like someone said above my opinion about “going well” is not the only one that matters. > > I’m 52 and the women I go out with are around that age, they are nowhere near 20. Wow. Apologies for my extreme miscalculation on ages. I’m in my 40’s and am distressed to learn that women my age and older still string guys along. I learned it was much easier on both of us if I thanked them for a nice evening, but told them if it wasn’t going to work out. I _always_ knew on a first date. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/60 "2012-09-16T19:38:35Z")
I guess old traditions die hard and saying yes to a 2nd date when you mean no is still alive and well. And now you can give the real no via email . ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536/61 "2012-09-16T19:39:42Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > I guess old traditions die hard and saying yes to a 2nd date when you mean no is still alive and well. And now you can give the real no via email . Hajario might have something up there. Do you think you’re acting desperate? That’s a total TURN OFF. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-advice/633536.md?page=4)