# Dating Amongst Twenty-Somethings
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [July 7, 2007, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882 "2007-07-07T18:30:11Z")
**Posts on this page:** 15
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/81 "2007-07-12T15:59:26Z")
I just have to say that OP is one of the saddest things I’ve read in a long time. Something important is lost.
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### Author:  [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/82 "2007-07-12T18:09:25Z")
Looking at my lifetime dating experience I see that I have gone on far more “dates” with friends than I have wtih romantic interests. Actually, the first girl I have dated without any prior action is the girl I am trying to talk to right now. Our first date was going out for drinks. That went from ok to very well. It was definitely awkward though because it was a large group of people and little one on one time. The second date the next night was to the movies and that went really well because it was just us and the conversation flowed.
The only reason that dating turns me off is that I get really nervous and start overthinking every move the girl makes. Its a lot easier to hook up with someone and then go out if you hit it off during pillow talk. I’m so much more relaxed after I’ve seen someone naked.
Guys get nervous too.
Hooked up = fucked
We left behind the making out definition in middle school
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### Author:  [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/83 "2007-07-12T18:27:39Z")
[QUOTE=furt]
You are far from alone. I am “old” at 37, but I’ve been teaching 18-20 year olds for the last six years, and I have been quite struck with the number of of them who are disenchanted with the hook-up culture they live in. It’s not a topic I broach, either; it’s a topic they bring up, again and again on when asked to write about something that bothers them. And no, they’re not religious types, either. Just kids who look at their freinds who hook up, watching what happens, and expressing unease with the whole thing.
Given that pretty much every civilized society in human history has regarded sex as something of great emotional and even spiritual importance, you have some justification for looking askance at those who treat it as no more meaningful than taking a shit.
[/QUOTE]
Which further supports my hypothesis that the those who claim “It’s always been this way, younguns” are products of a 60’s era anomaly and trying to rewrite history, and that the pendulum is on its way back.
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### Author:  [@Yag\_Rannavach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yag_Rannavach)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/84 "2007-07-12T20:12:46Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien]
Who can’t spell, only changes his underwear once a week, and has written a will that leaves all his worldly possessions to his oldest dog. So it’s actually looking pretty good for you, **Yag Rannavach.**
[/quote]
Hah, yeah, I’m making the (possibly false) assumption that the number of guys who can’t spell, only change their underwear once a week, and who think their dog has property ownership rights is balanced by the number of girls who are the same way.
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### Author:  [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/85 "2007-07-12T20:32:41Z")
[QUOTE=Yag Rannavach]
Hah, yeah, I’m making the (possibly false) assumption that the number of guys who can’t spell, only change their underwear once a week, and who think their dog has property ownership rights is balanced by the number of girls who are the same way.
[/QUOTE]
Heh. I have to say that I have read many a profile of a woman who fit that description (or seem to) as well.
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### Author:  [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/86 "2007-07-12T21:04:15Z")
[QUOTE=furt]
You are far from alone. I am “old” at 37, but I’ve been teaching 18-20 year olds for the last six years, and I have been quite struck with the number of of them who are disenchanted with the hook-up culture they live in. It’s not a topic I broach, either; it’s a topic they bring up, again and again on when asked to write about something that bothers them. And no, they’re not religious types, either. Just kids who look at their freinds who hook up, watching what happens, and expressing unease with the whole thing.
[/QUOTE]
I’m 25 and I can confirm that there are lots of young people who feel this way.
**Soapbox Monkey** , the only thing I can say is, don’t spend your time despairing that everyone else has different values. Get out there and go looking for the people who share yours. Good luck!
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### Author:  [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/87 "2007-07-12T21:13:26Z")
[QUOTE=Soapbox Monkey]
Having not had too much experience with women (and still being a virgin), it certainly does jibe with my _observations_ of people my age.
It’s also pretty depressing to me personally, and makes me think I was born in the wrong decade.
[/QUOTE]
Don’t worry about it, the first time I saw my wife naked was on our wedding night.
It was worth the wait.
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### Author:  [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/88 "2007-07-12T21:20:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> **Gestalt** : As for those who express dismay at the “hooking-up” system . . . can I ask why?
Well I didn’t have this problem-but the irritation a lot of my girlfriends have expressed with it is the inability to pin down your “status”. Oftentimes it seems like one party thinks it’s a relationship but the other person thinks it’s a “hooking up deal only”. Add in the fact that people are increasingly unwilling to commit to whether or not you’re even their boyfriend/girlfriend, the other party doesn’t want to push it at risk of scaring off the other person, a whole host of mixed signals and you basically end up with a zillion Dope threads on this very same issue (or in my case, endless calls from a particular classmate who specialises in these experiences).
I do realise that I had a more conservative upbringing but I clearly remember when my peer circle considered sexual intimacy the harbinger of a monogamous relationship. However, these days you can be sleeping with someone for like 6 months and apparently it’s still a “casual” thing or an “occasional hookup” and both parties are free to see other people.
Basically the impression I get from my girlfriends is that they feel taken advantage of at times-although I notice when _they_ want it to be a real relationship the guy is a choad, but when the shoe is on the other foot they’re just “exploring their options”.
I decided to wash my hands of all of it early on after I saw how much angst (and stupid drunken phone calls) it caused with friends my age. It became a whole lot easier when I started dating Indian boys because these days my father just flatout tells them that if they can’t decide upon marrying me within a year they can just hit the road.
current boyfriend: Dude, when I talked to your dad he said if I didn’t think I could marry you by next year I could just “move on along”
Me: Oh yeah? How’d that make you feel?
current boyfriend: He’s scary. _pause_ But I said I agreed.
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### Author:  [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/89 "2007-07-12T21:25:42Z")
[QUOTE=anu-la1979]
I notice when _they_ want it to be a real relationship the guy is a choad
[/QUOTE]
😕
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### Author:  [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/90 "2007-07-12T21:29:22Z")
When the person (usually female) complaining to me about the hazy hooky-uppy status of relationship wants more guy who is holding out = choad
When speaker wants to hold out, guy who wants more = suffocating her.
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### Author:  [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/91 "2007-07-12T21:51:55Z")
What does “choad” _mean_?
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### Author:  [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/92 "2007-07-12T21:55:53Z")
It’s the same thing as a “taint”-also easily google-able.
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### Author:  [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/93 "2007-07-12T21:57:09Z")
“Choad” is a penis that is wider than it is long, but I don’t know how that’s evolved from that meaning to an insult (though it’s not hard to deduce). It pretty much means “he’s an asshole”
Or taint, too like she said. 😛
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### Author:  [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/94 "2007-07-12T22:07:24Z")
Not to drag this thread off into the linguistic origins of choadery-but it’s also the Hindi word for f\*ck so maybe that’s where it comes from. Normally I deploy it to mean taint.
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-amongst-twenty-somethings/410882/95 "2007-07-12T22:14:32Z")
[QUOTE=furt]
Given that pretty much every civilized society in human history has regarded sex as something of great emotional and even spiritual importance, you have some justification for looking askance at those who treat it as no more meaningful than taking a shit.
[/QUOTE]
They talked about it that way, sure, but were there no brothels, whorehouses, streetwalkers in days of yore?
I’ve been reading Simone de Beauvoir’s Second Sex, and she speaks about how it’s a common occurrence for men to criticize women for breaking society’s rules (i.e., going into prostitution, having abortions), but secretly were grateful. The point I’m making is that plenty of people screwed around before our generation, but there were bigger penalties for letting others know about it. Dangerous Liaisons was written in the 18th century and is pretty full of people treating sex as a fun (albeit deadly) game.
Nowadays, people don’t talk about how it’s a sacred thing (well…depending on what people you mean). But I don’t think that all people necessarily viewed sex as importantly as they said they did.
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