# Dating and that first phone call. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 7, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751 "2011-01-07T15:51:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/21 "2011-01-07T16:55:25Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Considering the median age of Dopers has got to fall in the late 70s I’m not surprised some people here have a problem with texts. When it comes to dating I typically use texts rather than calling because I hate talking on the phone engaging in uninteresting chitchat. With a text I just say what I want and the person can respond at their leisure. Eh? What’s that, sonny? Granny can’t hear you when you mumble. 🙂 I am also 44, and while I wouldn’t be thrilled at a text first contact, I would still respond (assuming I got the text - I’m not a cell phone fan). I would respond by phone, however, since that’s the modality I’m comfortable with. I say kudos to this woman for being willing to stand up for what she wants. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/22 "2011-01-07T16:57:55Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Not a criticism, but genuine curiosity: do you usually find yourself engaged in “uninteresting chitchat” with people you’re trying to date? Seems to me like Shakes’ phone call should have been as simple as, “Hey! I had a great time last night and I’d like to go out again, if you’re interested. Are you free on Friday night?” Either she hesitates or is noncommital, at which point, you can leave it to her to call you back if she wants to, or you make arrangements to meet up for a real date. Whichever way that goes, you’ve spent two minutes of your life. Which, depending on how quickly you type, is about the amount of time it would have taken to compose that text. When it comes to making a phone call, I don’t weigh how much uninteresting blather I think the call will generate. I just use texts most of the time period. **Sigma** mentioned texting back “Call me!” and if I received a text like that (I never have - if a girl wants to talk to me she’ll just call me herself) I’d call - I’m willing to talk on the phone, I’d just rather text. I don’t make a big deal out of things and a girl who _would_ make a big deal out of things, like say, my texting instead of calling, probably isn’t suited for me anyway. Thankfully none of the girls I’ve dated have made a big deal out of it. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/23 "2011-01-07T16:57:59Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > 1.) With out the presence of alcohol in your system, you quite often find that your nerves get the better of you. You wind up tripping over your own words, and the conversation doesn’t flow as easily as it did back at the bar. In fact, it can be down right awkward. Texting, solves all these problems. But that call doesn’t have to be a full-out conversation. All you had to do was call and say, “Hey, had fun last night. Are you still interested in going out sometime?” after which you set up details and finish with, “Great, see you then!” Is that really so hard? Texting is only for people you already know IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/24 "2011-01-07T17:15:55Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > But that call doesn’t have to be a full-out conversation. All you had to do was call and say, “Hey, had fun last night. Are you still interested in going out sometime?” after which you set up details and finish with, “Great, see you then!” > > Is that really so hard? > > Texting is only for people you already know IMO. You know, I’m glad I started this thread. I learned something new. I was always under the impression that you had to talk and make idle chit chat before discussing the particulars of the first date. You guys are telling me I can call and cut straight to the chase. Boy, that sure takes a load off. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/25 "2011-01-07T17:16:01Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > At the time she told me “Call me tomorrow. Don’t wait for that stupid, two day rule.” I found this to be slightly amusing. Anyway, the next day I texted her “Hey, had fun last night. Are you still interested in going out sometime?” To which I got no response. Not getting a text back kind of took the wind out of my sails, but hey, it is what it is…Finally, after about an hour of polite chit chat, she tells me “You know, I was really disappointed that you didn’t call me” I told her “But I _did_ call y..” she abruptly interrupts me and says “NO! you texted me. That’s not calling.” She then went on to explain to me the finer points of dating. She pointed out to that a first phone call shouldn’t be a text because it’s too impersonal and shows you have little interest. (To which I say is bull shit) She asked you to call her. You didn’t _call_. End of story. Is she particular? Perhaps, but that is her privilege. She wanted to see somehow who will call, not text like a teenage girl. I use SMS, but only with people I know when it is more convenient than calling. If I get a text from an unfamiliar number that doesn’t identify itself, I generally erase it and go on with my life. Of course, I, too, am particular; I hate, hate, hate texts that read, “R U stl Ntrsted n goin out sat nt?” > [@Shakes](#): > > 1.) With out the presence of alcohol in your system, you quite often find that your nerves get the better of you. You wind up tripping over your own words, and the conversation doesn’t flow as easily as it did back at the bar. In fact, it can be down right awkward. Texting, solves all these problems. > > 2.) It’s an easy out for the person on the other end of the phone. If they are NOT interested for whatever reasons ( i.e. they sober up and decide you aren’t quite as wonderful as they previously thought.) All they have to do is not respond or type “Go away you stinky monkey.” > > So what do you guys think? [ol][li]Stop using alcohol as a crutch for confidence. [/li][li]If she doesn’t want to talk to you, she won’t answer her phone, or she’ll make a patent excuse as to why she can’t talk. She already expressed interest; you don’t need to make it easier for her to avoid you.[/li][li]Lists should have at least three items. (Hi, Opal!)[/ol][/li] Stranger ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/26 "2011-01-07T17:24:31Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Lists should have at least three items. (Hi, Opal!) I just got a text message from Ten Years Ago. It wants that joke back. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/27 "2011-01-07T17:29:07Z")
Who cares? Text if you want. The gal who’s not bothered by it is the right person for you. Besides, any girl who demands you call on a certain day and doesn’t respond because you send a text is a Grade-A Bitch. Just be glad you don’t have to put up with a whole life of OMG HE SAID ‘BYE’ WITHOUT ‘LOVE YOU’ AT THE END I’M GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM OMG ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/28 "2011-01-07T17:32:05Z")
> [@cuauhtemoc](#): > > I’m just not sure I buy it. How old is she? I’d think to anybody under 40, a text message is a valid way of communicating with somebody. If she wanted to talk to you, she’d have at least texted back something, if only to let you know you had the right number. If you called, you probably would’ve gotten voicemail, left a message, and she wouldn’t have called you back for some other illusory reason. That’s my take on it. Yeah, but both parties are partly “to blame” here. If the OP was really interested in seeing her again, he should have called a few hours after texting. Maybe she didn’t get the text. What’s really funny about the woman in question is that she knocked one rule as being silly, then made up a silly rule of her own (i.e., that texts weren’t good enough for first “conversation”). Really you should’ve done what that loser in “Swingers” did and left like 10 consecutive voicemails on her home phone. LOL God do I miss being single! ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/29 "2011-01-07T17:32:53Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > When it comes to making a phone call, I don’t weigh how much uninteresting blather I think the call will generate. I just use texts most of the time period. **Sigma** mentioned texting back “Call me!” and if I received a text like that (I never have - if a girl wants to talk to me she’ll just call me herself) I’d call - I’m willing to talk on the phone, I’d just rather text. I don’t make a big deal out of things and a girl who _would_ make a big deal out of things, like say, my texting instead of calling, probably isn’t suited for me anyway. Thankfully none of the girls I’ve dated have made a big deal out of it. But what I’m hearing from you is that you don’t enjoy talking to the women you date. It’s either uninteresting blather or uninteresting chit chat. It just sort of sounds like you’d be better off with a whore than a date. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/30 "2011-01-07T17:34:29Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > You know, I’m glad I started this thread. I learned something new. I was always under the impression that you had to talk and make idle chit chat before discussing the particulars of the first date. > > You guys are telling me I can call and cut straight to the chase. Boy, that sure takes a load off. If you want to keep “learning,” learn this: “THERE ARE NO RULES!” ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/31 "2011-01-07T17:35:25Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Couldn’t agree more about this woman. Not texting him back was just plain rude and says enough about her to not waste anymore time pursuing her. > [@zoid](#): > > To me sending a text means “I’m doing something more important right now and don’t feel like taking 10 minutes out of me life to actually pick up the phone” > [@Asimovian](#): > > I’m a little surprised to find myself on the “old-fashioned” side of this argument, but I don’t feel like a text is a proper substitute for a phone call in this case. Add me to this list. Text is too impersonal for a first-date request, plus she specifically asked you to call. This should have been a poll question! ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/32 "2011-01-07T17:35:37Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > [ol][li]Stop using alcohol as a crutch for confidence. [/li][li]If she doesn’t want to talk to you, she won’t answer her phone, or she’ll make a patent excuse as to why she can’t talk. She already expressed interest; you don’t need to make it easier for her to avoid you.[/li][li]Lists should have at least three items. (Hi, Opal!)[/ol][/li] > Stranger Your being rather presumptuous **Stranger**. I don’t use alcohol as a crutch.:rolleyes: I can man up to situation, if needed. My logic was that texting would have been easier for both parties involved. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/33 "2011-01-07T17:37:17Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Just be glad you don’t have to put up with a whole life of OMG HE SAID ‘BYE’ WITHOUT ‘LOVE YOU’ AT THE END I’M GOING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM OMG Hey! How do you know my sister-in-law? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/34 "2011-01-07T17:45:27Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > But what I’m hearing from you is that you don’t enjoy talking to the women you date. It’s either uninteresting blather or uninteresting chit chat. It just sort of sounds like you’d be better off with a whore than a date. Uninteresting chitchat isn’t specific to women I date. It’s people I talk on the phone with in general. I talk with them in person plenty, but the conversations I have on the phone are invariably different, with lots of "so…"s, etc. I can never just call someone about one thing. They will inevitably want to have that pointless phone dance with me. There’s no reason I have to hear their voice to set up a date. “Feel like going out Wed night?” in a text is just fine and, like I said, they can respond (or don’t) at their leisure. If a girl wants to make a date via voice that badly she can just call me herself. Reading what I’ve written in this thread I get it comes across as sort of harsh, but again, it’s never been a big deal. I just text them and get a text in response. It’s worked for me and until it stops working for me I doubt I’m going to do anything differently. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/35 "2011-01-07T17:45:39Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Ah the new generation. Women like confidence in men, always have, always will. They smell texting as a lack of confidence and thus a turn-off. New technologies don’t change a woman’s psyche. > > Your loss. But if the reason you’re calling is because you’re worried she won’t like you texting, where’s the confidence? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/36 "2011-01-07T17:56:58Z")
So, the question still remains: Aside from her chastising you, do you find her to be a likeable, engaging woman? If so, why not call and ask her on a date? She was woman enough to tell you that she was disappointed that you didn’t call, so apparently she liked you well enough. Take her enormous hint and call her already! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/37 "2011-01-07T17:58:36Z")
OP, you should have called her right there, with her sitting next to you and asked her out both in person and on the phone simultaneously. Romantic comedy gold! ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/38 "2011-01-07T18:03:00Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > She was woman enough to tell you that she was disappointed that you didn’t call, so apparently she liked you well enough. Take her enormous hint and call her already! If women show you that they like you by telling you how you disappointed them, I must be the reincarnation of Giacomo Casanova. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/39 "2011-01-07T18:14:08Z")
I’m 48. Honest to God, you whippersnappers. Texting to set up a first date comes across as extremely rude to me. Yeah, I get it that it’s a generational thing and that my grand-dad would have said “you don’t use the phone to ask a girl out; you do it in person.” … and the beat goes on … and the beat goes on. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/40 "2011-01-07T18:19:03Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Take her enormous hint and call her already! I maintain that she wasn’t hinting, she was blowing him off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751.md?page=3)