# Dating and that first phone call. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 7, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751 "2011-01-07T15:51:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/61 "2011-01-07T19:53:25Z")
Here’s the other part that bothers me… > [@Shakes](#): > > We chatted, we flirted, **we exchanged phone numbers**. You know the drill. > > At the time she told me “Call me tomorrow. Don’t wait for that stupid, two day rule.” She had **Shakes’** number and chose not to use it. Maybe it’s because I’m gay and I don’t get the stupid little male/female dance and show of feathers that needs to go on while people cleave to gender roles… but damn, that irks me. She didn’t like the text and then instead of calling him herself, her preferred mode of communication apparently, everything is shot to shit. She just reeks of high maintenance. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/62 "2011-01-07T19:57:18Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Maybe it’s because I’m gay and I don’t get the stupid little male/female dance Yeah…you don’t get it. Most women like to be courted (pursued, whatever you want to call it.) ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/63 "2011-01-07T20:10:22Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > 1.) Asking her father’s permission (presumably in person). > 2.) Asking her in person. > 3.) Asking her via phone call. > 4.) Asking her in text. > 5.) Anyone want to hazard a guess what the next step in dating evolution will be? 5.) Your Virtual Agent\* asks her Virtual Agent. \*One day Virtual Agents will not only take care of mundane tasks, like paying bills, but also will know your likes and dislikes and arrange dates for you. Oops, **Tom Scud** posted the same thing before me. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/64 "2011-01-07T20:13:26Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Yeah…you don’t get it. Most women like to be courted (pursued, whatever you want to call it.) Wilbo, I’d like to know what being courted or pursued includes. We’ve established that it includes calling to set up a date. What else? ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/65 "2011-01-07T20:20:20Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Most women like to be courted (pursued, whatever you want to call it.) This is very incorrect without many, many qualifiers. _Some_ women _may_ like to be courted _by certain men_. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/66 "2011-01-07T20:23:20Z")
> [@cuauhtemoc](#): > > This is very incorrect without many, many qualifiers. _Some_ women _may_ like to be courted _by certain men_. I would argue that it is _most_ women like to be pursed by men they find attractive. And while there are lots of characteristics that make up _attractiveness_…confidence is one characterstic that ranks up there high on the list. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/67 "2011-01-07T20:27:52Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Wilbo, > > I’d like to know what being courted or pursued includes. We’ve established that it includes calling to set up a date. What else? More things than I can elaborate on. And while there are exceptions, I believe that most women, like guys, in addition to being confident in themselves, that: - will emotionally chase them. - be the one to make the first move (for a date, follow-up on a date, first kiss, flirting, sex, etc. etc.) - take responsibility for themselves - make decisions when necessary - aren’t momma’s boys (including living in their mother’s basement) And probably a whole host of other things. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/68 "2011-01-07T20:45:19Z")
This seems like a picky woman. Sure she said to call and you didn’t, but is it that big of a deal, you don’t owe her anything at this point. If you two were that worried about getting together one of you would have done something. Instead she lashes out at you. Bullet dodged. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/69 "2011-01-07T20:52:18Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > More things than I can elaborate on. And while there are exceptions, I believe that most women, like guys, in addition to being confident in themselves, that: > > - will emotionally chase them. > - be the one to make the first move (for a date, follow-up on a date, first kiss, flirting, sex, etc. etc.) > - take responsibility for themselves > - make decisions when necessary > - aren’t momma’s boys (including living in their mother’s basement) > > And probably a whole host of other things. Yeah, but in this case it was a Catch-22. Regardless of the extent to which a text message displays a lack of confidence, meekly calling her on the next day just like she ordered you to isn’t very manly either. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/70 "2011-01-07T21:06:37Z")
I’m torn. On one hand, I prefer texting over talking on the phone. For some reason, phone conversations fill me with a nervous, awkward feeling, and I usually want them to end as soon as possible so I can go back to living an awkward-free life. So I sympathize with the OP in that regard. Texting cuts right to the chase. On the other hand, I wouldn’t appreciate receiving a text message from someone I just met. A first date request should be treated a little more formally. If you were friends first, it would be different. That said, I hate “call me” requests. Hopefully she said, “If you want to go out, give me a call,” and didn’t just pass you her number and demand that you call her (even in a friendly way). Because I find the latter to be ruder and more presumptuous than sending a text like you did. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/71 "2011-01-07T21:08:49Z")
She’s full of BS and you should ignore her from now on. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/72 "2011-01-07T21:10:18Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > I’m torn. > > On one hand, I prefer texting over talking on the phone. For some reason, phone conversations fill me with a nervous, awkward feeling, and I usually want them to end as soon as possible so I can go back to living an awkward-free life. So I sympathize with the OP in that regard. Texting cuts right to the chase. > > On the other hand, I wouldn’t appreciate receiving a text message from someone I just met. A first date request should be treated a little more formally. If you were friends first, it would be different. > > That said, I hate “call me” requests. Hopefully she said, “If you want to go out, give me a call,” and didn’t just pass you her number and demand that you call her (even in a friendly way). Because I find the latter to be ruder and more presumptuous than sending a text like you did. You’re single right? ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/73 "2011-01-07T21:12:21Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > You’re single right? Really? What the fuck, dude? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/74 "2011-01-07T21:23:51Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Really? What the fuck, dude? It was a question. Do you not read english? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/75 "2011-01-07T21:25:38Z")
Yeah, I’m single. But don’t jump on **Asimovian**. Your question does seem kind of a random. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/76 "2011-01-07T21:27:58Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > It was a question. Do you not read english? I do. What do you think I’ve misunderstood? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/77 "2011-01-07T21:29:21Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Finally, after about an hour of polite chit chat, she tells me “You know, I was really disappointed that you didn’t call me” I told her “But I _did_ call y..” she abruptly interrupts me and says “NO! you texted me. That’s not calling.” She then went on to explain to me the finer points of dating. She pointed out to that a first phone call shouldn’t be a text because it’s too impersonal and shows you have little interest. (To which I say is bull shit) She’s right. Texting isn’t calling. Speaking as a mature grown woman and not a teenager, texting is something you do when you need to send a quick message, like “Miss you!”, or if you need to let someone know you will be 10 minutes late. It’s not how you ask a woman out, especially for a first date. She has standards and expectations, and she laid them flat out for you. Call me tomorrow. If that wasn’t something you were willing and able to do, then there is no need to take it further. You aren’t compatible. No fault, but things will never get past the first meeting. You need to find a woman who likes men who don’t feel it is necessary to extend any effort. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/78 "2011-01-07T21:31:24Z")
Based upon your advice, your singleness was obvious. Sorry dude. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/79 "2011-01-07T21:38:52Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Based upon your advice, your singleness was obvious. Sorry dude. Elaborate please. What is so heinous about my post that would cause a guy not want to date me? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751/80 "2011-01-07T21:41:17Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Elaborate please. What is so heinous about my post that would cause a guy not want to date me? Nothing heinous. There are always exceptions, I’m sure you’ll find the right person for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-and-that-first-phone-call/566751.md?page=5)