# Dating Bisexuals **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 8, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947 "2003-03-08T18:50:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/21 "2003-03-09T04:50:07Z")
YO, SHAKES! You wanna trade lifes for a weekend? No? Yeah, you’re probably right… I doubt me wife would let me anyway. ---
**Author:** ![plain\_jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@plain\_jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plain_jane)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/22 "2003-03-09T05:03:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SHAKES \* > \*\*My girlfriend is bi and we have done exactly this. As for me worring about her leaving me for another woman? I just don’t see that happening, because well lets face it girls might have fun with other girls but sometimes a woman (or at least mine does) has a _deep down_ craving that only a _man_ can satisfy. > \*\* I’m glad you put that disclaimer there because there are bisexual women out there capable of feeling fully satisfied with a woman… And not all bisexuals want threesomes, either, before y’all get your hopes up here. heh 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![foxfiregrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3da27b/32.png) [@foxfiregrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foxfiregrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/23 "2003-03-09T05:38:13Z")
Just to give an opinion from the other side of the fence – I’m totally queer, and I have and will probably continue to date bisexual girls. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/24 "2003-03-09T05:38:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by plain\_jane \* > \*\*And not all bisexuals want threesomes, either, before y’all get your hopes up here. heh 🙂 \*\* You mean Cinemax has lied to me _again_?! ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/25 "2003-03-09T06:52:10Z")
Well, at least you’ve got some precedent. Okay, it’s Cinemax, but it’s precedent. There’s a “gold star” out since high school gay as gay can be guy I see now and then who’s recently started dropping hints that if I happened to meet a girl who was really open minded he would like an invitation to watch with an option to participate. I don’t think they’ve shown that movie on Cinemax yet. As to the OP, people like their categories. My ex used to say that if I ever cheated on her she’d rather it was with a guy because at least she’d be able to tell herself she couldn’t compete. She was straight when I met her, bi through much of the marriage, and left because she’d decided/realized she was now a lesbian. I tend to view it as a plus. If nothing else it gives yous something else to talk about, like how hot the waitress was. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/26 "2003-03-09T07:15:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NotWithoutRage \* > \*\*So, is this a big deal breaker or what? \*\* If a bisexual woman will date me, and refrain from intimate contact with ANYONE – men, women, whatever – no problem. However, most bisexual women I know don’t have monogamous relationships with men. They’ll date one man in the context of a long-term relationship, but they want the right to sleep with women as well while they’re in that relationship. Is it a deal breaker? Usually, yes. ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/27 "2003-03-09T12:00:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*A _watch?_ He couldn’t deal with a _ **watch?** _ What a loser! Or, was that his first clue that you were bi? > \*\* Well, as smart as he is (Ivy League grad, makes tons of $), he wasn’t clued in at all. He couldn’t figure out why a straight girl (his assumption) would have a pride watch. ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/28 "2003-03-09T12:07:24Z")
There seems to be a misunderstanding in some of the posts here: bisexuals don’t want BOTH men and women, they want either. It’s not as though they’ll always feel something lacking whichever gender they ultimately go for, it’s more that they could feel completely satisfied by someone of either gender. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/29 "2003-03-09T12:35:12Z")
Problem 1: There seems to be a perception that ‘cheating’ with someone of the same gender, where your SO is of the other gender, is ok. I can’t think why - does anyone think this? But you might need to make it clear that this isn’t the case. [size=1]Of course, if anone comes to this arrangement, it’s fine by me, but the question is if it’s normal[/size[ Problem 2: Somewhat related: OMG - he/she likes penises/vaginas. He won’t be happy with mine for ever. I can see the point, but people do give up dating people who aren’t their SO - that’s the point. I’d say, work it out between yourselves, who cares what other people do. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/30 "2003-03-09T15:30:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sappho \* > \*\*There seems to be a misunderstanding in some of the posts here: bisexuals don’t want BOTH men and women, they want either. It’s not as though they’ll always feel something lacking whichever gender they ultimately go for, it’s more that they could feel completely satisfied by someone of either gender. \*\* That’s why I said I could _imagine_ she would hook me up in a three-way. By and large, my sex life has involved more fantasy than reality. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/31 "2003-03-09T16:28:55Z")
"So, is this a big deal breaker or what? " Yep. In my experience if a woman is Bi, it’s not that I think that she might have twice as many opportunities to find someone new, it’s that there are twice as many people who are attracted to her. When I have to watch out for new men & new women attracted to her, then it becomes too much work. So I gave up this scene along time ago. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/32 "2003-03-09T16:57:20Z")
I would not want to be the only person in my partner’s sex life. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/33 "2003-03-09T17:15:41Z")
Dating a bisexual is a situation I never had to deal with when I was single- thank God. I want monogamy and that’s it. It wouldn’t matter insofar as my bisexual man promised to be faithful to me, but I wonder if I would feel insecure that said bisexual guy would eventually announce that he was really just plain gay after all, had finally come to terms with it, and was leaving me for a man. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/34 "2003-03-09T21:15:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sappho \* > \*\*There seems to be a misunderstanding in some of the posts here: bisexuals don’t want BOTH men and women, they want either. \*\* Sorry, but not the ones I know; they want to have their cake and eat it too, no pun intended. They’ll get into a long term relationship with a man, with the condition that that can sleep around with other women while they’re in the long-term relationship. I’m not saying that ALL bisexual women feel this way, but the vast majority I know or have known do. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2003, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/35 "2003-03-10T00:04:05Z")
One time I told a lady who was wondering about her bisexuality to start a bisexual support group. So she did & about 6 people came, some men, some women. After a couple of meetings she said they were all trying to date each other. Which I thought was pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/36 "2003-03-10T04:26:18Z")
Perhaps some monogamous bisexuals can get in here and reiterate that while, theoretically, they DO have a larger dating pool, this doesn’t mean they will USE the larger dating pool while in a committed relationship. Also, **NotWithoutRage** , I’m sorry your ex was a loser who preferred to listen to his preconceived notions over the word of his own girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2003, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/37 "2003-03-10T06:39:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > \*\*I’m not saying that ALL bisexual women feel this way, but the vast majority I know or have known do. \*\* Could it be that it’s just more likely that the women who want to be free to still date other women will self-identify as bisexual? Or is that a little too convoluted? I’m bisexual, but because I’ve been married pretty damn traditionally for almost 22 years, it just doesn’t come up very much. Sometimes I feel kind of silly identifying with the GLBT-whatever group just because, well, in practical terms I don’t come up across anything more damaging than ignorant people assuming they can express their bigotry to me because (as a “housewife”) I must think the way they do. My close friends know, and if the subject comes up, I do tell people I’m bi, but it just doesn’t come up all that often at the PTA. I told Mr. Legend that I was bi after we’d been dating for a short while. He, bless his heart, has always been secure enough in himself that the idea I might be attracted to a given woman as well as a man doesn’t make him worry I won’t continue to be attracted (and faithful) to him. No, he doesn’t have breasts or a vulva or that silky-soft skin that comes only from exposure to pretty high levels of estrogen, but then again, he doesn’t have an attractively receding hairline or a big nose, and I haven’t yet run out to find myself another man who does. I think the responses in this thread put the lie to the idea that people who are bisexual have twice as much dating opportunity. If anything, our dating pool is limited, since not only do we need to find compatible lesbian/bi women or straight/bi men, we have to find ones who won’t object to our freakish tendency to be attracted to some people of both sexes. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Dead\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecb155/32.png) [@Living\_Dead\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Dead_Girl)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/38 "2003-03-10T10:29:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > \*\*Sorry, but not the ones I know; they want to have their cake and eat it too, no pun intended. They’ll get into a long term relationship with a man, with the condition that that can sleep around with other women while they’re in the long-term relationship. I’m not saying that ALL bisexual women feel this way, but the vast majority I know or have known do. \*\* I don’t think that would really be the majority of bisexual women who are like that - I would identify as bi, yet I find it quite easy to date a guy or girl long term and not feel the need to sleep with the other sex as well to be satisfied. As someone as already said, it’s about begin able to be attracted and satisfied by either, not wanting both at once. And people who say that they can’t be satisfied without both a man and a woman are about on the same level as guys who say they can’t be satisfied by just one woman - neither are mature or selfless enough for a long term relationship. It’s nothing to do with the sexuality, it’s purely about the person. If someone is ready for a proper relationship, they won’t have that kind of “must have both” attitude. It’s just selfishness, it’s a loophole some people seem to like to use to be able to sleep around and still have the comfort of a relationship. It’s just an excuse. It’s nothing to do with bisexuality as a whole. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947/39 "2003-03-10T17:25:34Z")
When my former girlfriend came out as bi- I had a hard time with it. At first my mind jumped to the lascivious possibilites, threesomes & all that. In the end, I know it wouldn’t have worked out. By nature & moral conviction I know that I couldn’t had lived a life that more than experimented with those games - I’m really wired for monogamy. If my wife was really bisexual, and if she was honoring our monogamous relationship, then I would know that there was always something she wanted that I couldn’t provide. There would be a need of her’s that I couldn’t meet and that fact would always weigh on me. I’d feel guilty for keeping her from being truly happy & probably resentful that I wasn’t enough for her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-bisexuals/159947.md?page=1)