# Dating Dealbreakers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776 "2005-02-18T19:50:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Time\_Like\_Tears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df705f/32.png) [@Time\_Like\_Tears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Like_Tears)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/41 "2005-02-19T04:18:51Z")
Some of these are probably petty, but I can live with it. The whole point of dating and being with anyone is to find someone who compliments you, and that requires preferences. Some of my dealbreakers: -doesn’t read for pleasure. My current honey didn’t really read much when we got together, but I handed him a book and fixed that. If he had refused for any reason, I probably might not have stuck around. -intelligence (or lack thereof) If I have to define my every third word choice for you, it’s probably not going to happen. -excessive drugs/alcohol -pushovers. I can be a rather dominant creature, and if you let me push you around, I will. I actually want someone that can stand up to me. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/42 "2005-02-19T04:24:16Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > He tried to take my hand during the movie and I screamed and threw his hand back at him. It almost sprained his wrist. The reason was he was missing the middle finger, some freak accident when he was a child. It felt so odd, I just couldn’t imagine… bzzz, thanks for playing… next! :eek: Okay, I’ve always had an odd phobia of people with something abnormal about their limbs. Missing a finger, having something be shaped wrong, something like that. I knew it was entirely irrational, and always felt just _horrible_ about shying away from perfectly nice people who bore no responsibility for minor physical differences, but it was deep-set. My current boyfriend, though, has something odd about his pinkies. They are too short and oddly shaped. It’s genetic. On any other guy it would’ve freaked me the heck out, and I would’ve shuddered at his touch. Something about this one is different. See above about the alcohol, he’s different all right. It’s turned into an in-joke between us. To prove to myself that it doesn’t freak me out, when I want to make a promise to him I’ll grab his pinkie in mine and say “crooked pinkie swear!” Yeah, he loves me 'cause I’m weird. ---
**Author:** ![kalex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dfb087/32.png) [@kalex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kalex)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/43 "2005-02-19T04:31:39Z")
I had one very long blind date - it’s been so long I only remember 2 things about him- He told me about his sister who lived somewhere in South America, and how her daughter was bi-lingual. I’m thinking, ‘how lucky!’ and he sniffs, ‘she sounds like the maid’. Then I told him I was working on a novel. ‘A romance novel?’ he asked, because what else could it be? Dating is ugly. On the other hand, when I was in my teens, I broke up with a guy because he had short teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/44 "2005-02-19T07:26:49Z")
I’m probably going to be single for a very long time, since I just came out of a nasty relationship and learned a few things. Here is my list, for what it is worth, in no order of importance: 1. No job. I have always dated guys who didn’t work or were between jobs when I met them and I wind up supporting them eventually. This is a definate deal breaker. I don’t care if they work at McDicks, I just want them to have a job. 2. A man who can’t grow facial hair, at least a bit. I have a facial hair fetish… what do you want? Lol… I could probably break this one, but I do love a man with some stubble. 3. Control freaks. I am inherently submissive, but I don’t want an asshole who wants to control every aspect of my existence. 4. Pro-Life: I take a number of medications that would fuck up a fetus. I’m fastidious about birth control, but should an accident happen, I need to have this choice, and I know I could never bring myself to abortion if my partner didn’t support me. I only break this rule for one person, and I doubt we’ll ever date. I don’t mind someone who doesn’t believe in abortion in most cases, but I need them to understand that I will not damage my fetus intentionally, and all that… 5. Has to be funny… I like to have a good time and be silly. Too serious is not good for me, and I’ve learned this now. 6. Has to enjoy sex. I’ve had too many partners who just weren’t into it. After the problems I’ve had, I need to have a partner who likes to have sex. A lot. Also, has to be open minded. 7. Has to read, preferably intelligent. 8. No hard core drugs… 9. No homophobes. I am not gay, but I have a number of friends who are, and my very best friend is bisexual. I cannot stand this bias, and I wouldn’t get along with anyone who didn’t agree with “the gay lifestyle”, whatever the fuck that is. I’m going to be single for a very long time. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/45 "2005-02-19T08:02:10Z")
I’m pretty easy-going… I’ll give pretty much anyone a chance, except: [1] Nasty teeth. If you have teeth that are noticeably yellow or black from an arm’s length, then there’s no chance. I don’t want to kiss 'em. [2] Kids. I like them, but not yet, and I’d want them to be my own, not some dude’s I never met. And, as stated in earlier posts, intimacy is very difficult to attain when a child is factored in. [3] Drugs. If you smoke pot every once in a while, fine with me… I won’t join you, but I won’t rule you out for it, either. However, if you do it every day and talk about how much you need your next hit, forget it. And if you do anything more than pot (pills, meth, ecstacy, cocaine, etc.), no. [4] Cats. If you don’t like 'em, we won’t work out. I have two, and I would give them up for no one. [5] Racism/Bigotry/Homophobia. I don’t think I even need to explain this one. It’s a total turn-off. [6] Ignorance/Apathy. If I try to discuss religion, politics, or anything even slightly intellectual with you, and receive no response, I lose interest quick. Can’t really think of any more. And, of course, there’s always one person out there that can be an exception to a rule (except #5). But like I said, I’m pretty accepting of who you are. Opposing views on religion, politics, or anything else are great; they keep things interesting. 😃 Adam ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/46 "2005-02-19T08:07:23Z")
A man I dated (only once) had this weird habit of abrubtly ending a conversation subject by stating, as if he were in a business meeting “well, that’s that” or “enough of THAT, on to the next topic”. It was bizarre and offputting enough that that sealed his fate. He asked me out again at the end of the date, but I apologized and said “no thank you”. Should I have told him? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/47 "2005-02-19T08:20:41Z")
> [@FlippyFly](#): > > It’s off for me if a girl isn’t at least a little bit into **music**. She doesn’t have to be as into it as I am, but if she complains when I want to listen to the radio or throw on a cd, it’s over. And yes, I have dated a girl like this, they are out there. No kiddin’ huh? I find people who don’t listen to or like music just strange as hell. I haven’t ever run across one in my dating life, but my mom’s former best friend was like that. Get this, she wouldn’t turn on the radio in the car because “it uses more gas”. ??? Now, I don’t think that’s really true, but even so, come ON!!! How can a person drive around with no music? ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/48 "2005-02-19T19:51:43Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > The reason was he was missing the middle finger, some freak accident… “Honey, I had an accident and work, and lost a finger” “Oh no!!! The _whole_ finger??!!?!??” “No, the one next to it.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/49 "2005-02-19T19:52:53Z")
and=at :smack: ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/50 "2005-02-19T20:33:05Z")
Smoking is a huge deal-breaker for me. I wouldn’t date someone who was perfect but smoked, because it really makes me sick. Other dealbreakers are being bigoted, intolerant, and rude to service people. Music is high on the list–if you don’t like music, you’re out, but I wouldn’t want to hang out with someone who listens to country music or rap. I also wouldn’t date anyone who’s into pro wrestling, NASCAR (lots of those around here), too into sports, or likes the Dukes of Hazzard or the Jerry Springer Show. Or anyone who doesn’t like animals (I have two rabbits–love me, love my bunnies!). Intelligence is a big factor for me, too. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who’s not as intelligent as I am, but I also wouldn’t want to date someone who’s smarter than I am, because then I’d feel inferior. Lessons learned from my first husband; I need to stay away from anyone likes TV dinners or complains that I use too many dishes when I cook. We did have a dishwasher, so I’m not sure why it was a problem. If it took more than one spoon and one bowl, it was just too many dishes. Semi-dealbreakers–I’m not sure I’d be happy with someone who doesn’t like silly cartoons. And ugly shoes–I like men with nice shoes, but I could be flexible on that one. ME ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/51 "2005-02-19T20:33:15Z")
Og, How I hate the whole supermarket aspect of dating nowadays. It’s almost like people are buying accessories for their lifestyle. I think it’s the height of arrogance and most people are so superficial. People never take a chance anymore and eliminate every possibility for the sake of some egoistic peccadillo. I don’t understand it! ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776/52 "2005-02-19T21:05:48Z")
I haven’t dated in a while, but… 1. Smoking - smoke triggers my asthma and makes me miserable, besides all the usual issues 2. Drug use (alcohol is fine unless there’s alcoholism) 3. Social conservative 4. Not believing in evolution (I have a friend who doesn’t. It’s difficult not to bring it up every time I see her) 5. Idiocy/willful ignorance 6. Not a feminist - one of the things I love best about my guy is that he has absolutely no issues with gender roles etc. One day I hope to have a house-husband 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-dealbreakers/290776.md?page=2)