# Dating: How does one define "mysterious"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013 "2010-05-19T15:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/1 "2010-05-19T15:58:44Z")
I’m not quite getting the meaning when people refer to a man (usually) or a woman as mysterious in a dating context. Would this be the same thing as simply being quiet? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/2 "2010-05-19T16:01:33Z")
Quiet = mysterious? I don’t think so. For mystery, there must be hints of something hidden: in other words, clues. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/3 "2010-05-19T16:08:08Z")
Wearing a cape = mysterious. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/4 "2010-05-19T16:09:58Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Quiet = mysterious? I don’t think so. For mystery, there must be hints of something hidden: in other words, clues. Clues to what? Like if you’re seeing a new guy, and he says he writes for a living but doesn’t say what kind of writing he does and the actual place of employment? I’m still not understanding the connotation. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/5 "2010-05-19T16:35:03Z")
Quiet and goodlooking. Maybe some subtle aspect of her style or personality that is inconsistant with her environment. Like a professional woman with a barely noticable prison tatoo. Quiet and ugly is just a weird loner. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/6 "2010-05-19T17:10:44Z")
If I saw someone on a dating website label themselves “mysterious”, I’d take it to mean “unemployed, vague about himself, aloof and crashing on friends’ couches.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/7 "2010-05-19T17:13:46Z")
I’d assume “already married.” ---
**Author:** ![Heckity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Heckity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heckity)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/8 "2010-05-19T17:34:10Z")
It could also be more subtle than that - and simply mean that they don’t disclose everything about themselves on the first date. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/9 "2010-05-19T17:37:51Z")
Not necessarily quiet, but private. A person who doesn’t talk a lot about his personal life or verbalizes every thought that pops in their head is more likely to be called mysterious. Also, if it’s hard to tell what they are thinking at any given moment = mysterious. A person who is quiet, depending on what else is going on with them, could be called mysterious. But in my experience, they are just as likely to be called shy or boring. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/10 "2010-05-19T17:41:17Z")
To me, it means he’s not forthcoming with details about his life, acting very evasive . . . meaning he’s probably either a bum or married . . . or both. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/11 "2010-05-19T17:43:27Z")
Mysterious = doesn’t open up about themselves Synonyms in the dating world are: complex, deep, layered like an onion. Unless you are willing to invest the time to really get to know these type of people, and you’re okay with wondering what they’re not telling you, you should probably pass on these type of people. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/12 "2010-05-19T17:45:32Z")
Mysterious = Parfait. Everybody loves parfaits. You ever ask someone “Hey man you want a parfait?” and get “Naw man I don’t like parfaits”? Of course not. Parfaits are the most delicious things on the whole damn planet. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/13 "2010-05-19T17:48:07Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > To me, it means he’s not forthcoming with details about his life, acting very evasive . . . meaning he’s probably either a bum or married . . . or both. I think you’re half right. He’s not forthcoming about certain details of his life, like he’s rich, drives a Mercedes, and is closely related to royalty. He has a lot to offer, but doesn’t boast about it. Apparently actors know how to look mysterious in this way. FWIU when they get headshots done, they cop an attitude of “There’s something about me that’s awesome, and I’m not letting you in on it.” I guess it comes off as charismatic. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/14 "2010-05-20T03:43:55Z")
Ninja assassin. ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/15 "2010-05-20T17:00:17Z")
> [@Arrendajo](#): > > Ninja assassin. Claims he’s just a bureaucrat working for some boring government agency, but looks like he could run a triathlon on a whim. Disappears for sudden “business trips” and comes back all tanned. Has lots of jagged scars that he dismisses as “old high school sports injurries”. Is always alert to his surroundings. Looks good in a tuxedo… ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/16 "2010-05-20T17:15:42Z")
Listen to Christine Lavin’s _Mysterious Woman_: [http://www.mtv.com/music/artist/lavin\_christine/albums.jhtml?albumId=56234](http://www.mtv.com/music/artist/lavin_christine/albums.jhtml?albumId=56234) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/17 "2010-05-20T17:23:22Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Mysterious = Parfait. Everybody loves parfaits. You ever ask someone “Hey man you want a parfait?” and get “Naw man I don’t like parfaits”? Of course not. Parfaits are the most delicious things on the whole damn planet. There’s nothing mysterious about a parfait, at least not a normal parfait. You just wanted to quote Donkey. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/18 "2010-05-20T18:45:36Z")
The definition of “mysterious” in this context is mysterious. I would suspect that anyone describing themselves this way, in addition to the guesses above, would be pretty narcissistic and would most likely enjoy playing head games. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/19 "2010-05-20T20:17:07Z")
In my experience it seems to be an unintentional indicator of obesity. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013/20 "2010-05-20T21:59:24Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Also, if it’s hard to tell what they are thinking at any given moment = mysterious. This is what came to my mind immediately. Someone who is incredibly hard to read and doesn’t necessarily do anything to alleviate that. > [@Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes](#): > > If youuuuuuu don’t know me by nooooooooooow… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-how-does-one-define-mysterious/540013.md?page=2)