# Dating if you're wealthy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637 "2014-11-14T19:18:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/21 "2014-11-15T02:49:19Z")
I have about $3 million in a Swiss bank account but I don’t tell anyone about it, until now. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/22 "2014-11-15T03:06:38Z")
When I was 12 years old I inherited a modest amount from my grandfather - low five figures. My parents decided I was too young to deal with the money and put it in an investment account until I was 18. By the time I saw the balance it had nearly doubled. I did some math and figured that if I never touched it I would be able to retire on that when I turned 65. It would grow to nearly $1 million by then. I have not told **Mrs Iggy** \* about this money. I’m still more than 20 years from retirement and now realize that $1 million may not be the huge sum that one could easily retire with. She is from a very poor Colombian family and has no real sense of what cost of living is like in the States. She tends to spend _everything_ as soon as she lays hands on the cash. No one in her family retires… they work until they simply cannot anymore. So, for now, I do think it is wise to remain silent on the retirement funds. I’m trying to be realistic about financial planning for our future and will discuss the situation in more depth. But because of our situation it likely will be after we are married and she has been living in the States a few years before I lay out the full numbers. - I refer to her as Mrs, but we are engaged pending immigration matters getting sorted out. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/23 "2014-11-15T11:21:36Z")
I dated a really rich guy many years ago. He sort of hid it (though it was clear he wasn’t hurting for cash) until we had “The Talk,” in which he sat me down and revealed he had a personal net worth of about 5 million (this was in about 1979, when that was even more money than it is now) and stood to inherit another $20 million. I had already known from a mutual friend about his wealth, and it was no big deal to me - truly, I was uninterested in his money (I’d have married him if I cared; he raised the possibility of marriage with me and I brushed him off). I found his absorption with hiding his money kind of weird. But that was when I was about 20 years old. Now that I’m much older, I understand his caution better. Still no regrets about brushing him off, though. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/24 "2014-11-15T14:14:06Z")
Depends. If you want to date hot chicks half your age, it helps a lot if they know you’re rich. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/25 "2014-11-15T14:17:31Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Very wise idea. Dating is hard enough without adding wealth to the mix. Save the good news until after the honeymoon. Or at least until you get a pre-nup. In my state, a valid pre-nup requires complete disclosure from both sides prior to execution. Concealing assets is one ground to have the thing voided. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/26 "2014-11-15T21:27:39Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Depends. If you want to date hot chicks half your age, it helps a lot if they know you’re rich. Yes, this. Wealth/income is a big advantage in the dating game, at least for men. If you feel guilty about having that much money, then give it away or move to a higher-tax country: if you don’t, why would you keep the money but conceal it? it’s like handicapping yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/27 "2014-11-15T22:46:45Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Yes, this. Wealth/income is a big advantage in the dating game, at least for men. If you feel guilty about having that much money, then give it away or move to a higher-tax country: if you don’t, why would you keep the money but conceal it? it’s like handicapping yourself. Well, presumably even rich people want their SO to love them for them, not for their wallet. If you’re just in it for the hot chicks and not for True Love, then yeah, I guess you’d want to broadcast your wealth far and wide. But for most people, that mindset is a little . . . cynical. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2014, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/28 "2014-11-15T22:55:47Z")
> [@Octarine](#): > > Well, presumably even rich people want their SO to love them for them, not for their wallet. If you’re just in it for the hot chicks and not for True Love, then yeah, I guess you’d want to broadcast your wealth far and wide. But for most people, that mindset is a little . . . cynical. And not really conducive to maximize their own wealth - since such woman are likely to expect you to share your wealth with them - then dump you when they have either milked you for what they can, or when your company is no longer worth what you are paying them. Its an expensive way to get a date. Many women do want a guy who can support himself and can afford to treat them to dinner at a nice place once in a while. But you don’t need to cross into wealthy to do that - and a wealthy guy could merely present himself as “having a decent job.” When you start getting to the women who will only date you because you buy them expensive jewelry - that’s hard on the pocketbook. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2014, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/29 "2014-11-16T05:30:08Z")
Now I have heard prenups get challenged all the time. A spouse can still sue for spousal support and half of everything accumulated in the relationship like the new house even if it was the other who paid for it. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/30 "2014-11-16T17:35:42Z")
> [@Octarine](#): > > Well, presumably even rich people want their SO to love them for them, not for their wallet. If you’re just in it for the hot chicks and not for True Love, then yeah, I guess you’d want to broadcast your wealth far and wide. But for most people, that mindset is a little . . . cynical. ‘True Love’ develops out of knowing / being in a relationship with someone for some period of time, it doesn’t cause in initial attraction. That initial attraction depends on things like good looks, temperament, personality traits, interests, and yes, status/income. I don’t see why ‘I want to date someone economically successful/rich’ is any worse motivation than ‘I want to date someone who likes discussing Democratic politics, or who enjoys watching Game of Thrones, or who’s built like an Olympic wrestler’. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2014, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/31 "2014-11-16T18:53:42Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > ‘True Love’ develops out of knowing / being in a relationship with someone for some period of time, it doesn’t cause in initial attraction. That initial attraction depends on things like good looks, temperament, personality traits, interests, and yes, status/income. I don’t see why ‘I want to date someone economically successful/rich’ is any worse motivation than ‘I want to date someone who likes discussing Democratic politics, or who enjoys watching Game of Thrones, or who’s built like an Olympic wrestler’. shorter version: as **John Mace** says, if flaunting status makes me more attractive to good looking 18-year olds, why wouldn’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/32 "2014-11-16T19:01:35Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > ‘True Love’ develops out of knowing / being in a relationship with someone for some period of time, it doesn’t cause in initial attraction. That initial attraction depends on things like good looks, temperament, personality traits, interests, and yes, status/income. I don’t see why ‘I want to date someone economically successful/rich’ is any worse motivation than ‘I want to date someone who likes discussing Democratic politics, or who enjoys watching Game of Thrones, or who’s built like an Olympic wrestler’. There is a lot of distance between economically successful and rich. I wouldn’t mind a date knowing I was economically successful. I wouldn’t let a mere date know I was wealthy. About the time you start having the serious life discussions around children, religion, life goals and important baggage (by the way, I pay child support for a kid who I don’t know who lives in Texas, and my father was abusive) is about the time to start having “I have a lot of debt” or “I have a lot of wealth” conversations. Economically successful - I have a good job and can get all my bills paid with enough left over to splurge once in a while and spend a week on the beach at Cabo on a whim. Wealthy - I don’t really need to work at all and can still live like I’m economically successful. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/33 "2014-11-17T07:19:23Z")
I think one thing is that persons who are wealthy like to enjoy expensive things. They like eating out at nice restaurants, they like to see expensive shows, they go on expensive vacations, they have expensive hobbies. If they start to date someone who cannot afford them, then they are put into the position of doing things they dont like (ex. eating at home rather than a fine restaurant) or paying the tab for both of them. Or take hobbies. Lets say you like to, and can afford to, take off for the weekend, fly to the Bahamas, and go scuba diving. Some people have the money to do that. Most dont. So does the wealthier person bring their new friend along? If they dont, how fun is it when you come back and tell them what you did? ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/34 "2014-11-17T08:59:49Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Or take hobbies. Lets say you like to, and can afford to, take off for the weekend, fly to the Bahamas, and go scuba diving. Some people have the money to do that. Most dont. So does the wealthier person bring their new friend along? If they dont, how fun is it when you come back and tell them what you did? You missed the entire point of the discussion. You don’t bring the partner along until you can trust them to not objectify you for your wealth. Nobody is suggesting the wealthy party say “Hey, I’m going diving in Malaysia for three weeks! How much cash do you have to pitch in? Want to come, or do you have to work?” The entire discussion is about whether and how long to conceal your wealth, not how the relationship changes after that information is shared. I’m not wealthy or young. If I ever fall into fuck-you money, I expect I wouldn’t hide it. For those that are wealthy and young, I understand why they might. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/35 "2014-11-17T09:33:59Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > You missed the entire point of the discussion. You don’t bring the partner along until you can trust them to not objectify you for your wealth. Nobody is suggesting the wealthy party say “Hey, I’m going diving in Malaysia for three weeks! How much cash do you have to pitch in? Want to come, or do you have to work?” > > The entire discussion is about whether and how long to conceal your wealth, not how the relationship changes after that information is shared. > > I’m not wealthy or young. If I ever fall into fuck-you money, I expect I wouldn’t hide it. For those that are wealthy and young, I understand why they might. If you did have hobbies like that though, could you hide it for long? ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/36 "2014-11-17T10:25:04Z")
There are a number of dating sites for rich people to meet. And if you’re not rich but young and nubile and want to date rich, there’s sites for that. Actually more of the latter. ---
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/37 "2014-11-17T15:20:04Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Depends. If you want to date hot chicks half your age, it helps a lot if they know you’re rich. Correction; it helps a lot if they **THINK** you’re rich, and it works for both sexes. It’s also been used by the ‘datee’ to falsely portray that they are also ‘well to do’ to be (more) readily accepted. ---
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/38 "2014-11-17T15:25:04Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I inherited some money a while ago; not enough to retire on, but enough to be unemployed and not too worried about it. What, then, is your definition of ‘retire’?? > [@](#): > > you don’t want to announce “I’m rich” when you start seeing someone, but “what job do you have” is going to be asked and answering “nothing” is going to raise a red flag. The easy, but honest answer is: I administer a small fund. You just omit that it’s your fund. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/39 "2014-11-17T15:39:13Z")
> [@HipGnosis](#): > > What, then, is your definition of ‘retire’?? To me, ‘retire’ means you don’t ever plan to work again (and hopefully can afford not to). I do plan to rejoin the workforce, it just doesn’t have to be right away. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2014, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637/40 "2014-11-17T16:34:01Z")
> [@Steken](#): > > You break the news when you fully and truly trust the person. So, presumably around the same time that you’re ready to commit to a serious relationship with him/her. Yep. When you’re close enough to start merging finances beyond the decision whether to go Dutch or take turns. If you never get to the point of sitting down with pen and paper (or spreadsheet) to make a budget / calculate which debt to cancel first, then there’s no need for any financial information beyond a vague knowledge of whether it’s best to propose a street show, movie and dinner, or the opera. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-if-youre-wealthy/704637.md?page=3)