# Dating Older **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 16, 2019, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864 "2019-01-16T13:33:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/1 "2019-01-16T13:33:50Z")
So, this was somewhat inspired by the other thread about dating and older women (sorry no link, on my phone at the moment) and somewhat by my current circumstances. I’ve been chatting with an older woman 10ish years older than me which puts her in her late 50s early 60s. We spoke online for about a week, then had a very informal brunch date at a small breakfast place on sunday. It was very comfortable for both of us, according to her, and we are planning another in a couple weeks. What should I expect? I’ve never dated women older than me, so this seems like new territory. Experiences welcome but I am specially interested in tips from you ladies please. I really like this woman, we seem very compatible, but I don’t want to do something stupid and mess this up. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/2 "2019-01-16T14:08:46Z")
Hard to say. I’ve dated women up to 12 years older than I was. All women (and all people in general) are different. In fact, I’d say the difference between a woman in her thirties and one in her sixties is much less significant than the difference between any two women of similar age. All people have their own personalities. So I guess my advice is to ignore the age thing. Focus on the person. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/3 "2019-01-16T14:23:40Z")
Why is it important for you that she is older? Would you feel uncomfortable also if she was taller than you? If she made more than you? Those things all go against stereotypes some people hold about what kind of relationships are “appropriate”. But you don’t want to have a relationship with a stereotype, you want to have a relationship with a specific woman. Forget your stereotypes and learn her. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/4 "2019-01-16T16:11:51Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > What should I expect? I’ve never dated women older than me, so this seems like new territory. What would I expect? The same as from any new relationship; basically nothing. Just deal with it and see how it goes. If you make a connection that’s good but there is nothing unique to age that I’ve found that alters things. Maybe for me in my brain or her in hers; but in general terms that can be said without an age difference. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/5 "2019-01-16T17:56:15Z")
You may have different pop culture references, esp. from your respective childhood. My b.f. is 7 years younger than me (late 30s vs. early 30s) and that’s probably the main thing we run up against. Like, he’s never seen “Princess Bride” or “Wayne’s World” so random quotes fly over his head. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/6 "2019-01-16T18:07:54Z")
50ish and 60ish barely even registers to me as an age difference. It’s not like 18 and 28, or something. Just treat it like you would any other relationship. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/7 "2019-01-16T19:26:56Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Forget your stereotypes and learn her. This should be repeated. You are dating a person not an age, forget the numbers and enjoy her company. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2019, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/8 "2019-01-16T19:46:23Z")
While obviously treating people as individuals, one difference would presumably be that a late 50s woman (or indeed man) won’t likely be looking to have kids, whereas someone ten years younger may do. And other age-related expectations, though perhaps none as fundamental. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2019, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/9 "2019-01-17T00:34:43Z")
Hm, yeah, I do have some pop cultural stereotypes in my head, now that its mentioned. Maybe I asked the wrong question. Trouble is, I’m not sure what the correct question is. Far as little difference between 50ish and 60ish, no, at this stage, there really isn’t enough difference to matter much, but it does make a difference. I think I’m just trying to work my head around not being the more experienced, more dominate one for the first time ever. So maybe thats what I should have asked, help me with this new feeling of insecurity based on my first truly equal relationship please? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2019, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/10 "2019-01-17T00:40:48Z")
For a very long time I was in a close friendship with an older woman. (By seventeen whole days!) I sometimes pondered how my being younger made me inferior to her, but after a while I realized that the age difference was utterly irrelevant. It is a relationship, not a contest. If one of you dominating or surpassing the other has _any_ place in it, you’re doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/11 "2019-01-17T00:48:31Z")
I dated and married an older man. We’re happy. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2019, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/12 "2019-01-17T08:43:23Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > I think I’m just trying to work my head around not being the more experienced, more dominate one for the first time ever. The notion that older equals more knowledgeable or more “dominate” (whatever that means) is yet another stereotype. My Gramps From Hell was 9 months younger than the Grandma From Hell, but sex-wise had more experience by the time they met than her by the time their third kid was born. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2019, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/13 "2019-01-17T10:06:44Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > I think I’m just trying to work my head around not being the more experienced, more dominate one for the first time ever. > So maybe thats what I should have asked, help me with this new feeling of insecurity based on my first truly equal relationship please? Not from my own experience, but from seeing a friend of mine dating a much younger guy and their strange dance of mutual insecurities about this age issue : you’re very probably having assumptions and expectations that are false. As someone mentioned, there are too much differences between people for this ten years gap to matter. You expect she will be the more experienced? No reason to assume so. You might have had 3 times more experiences than her despite being younger. More dominant? She might desire to be “taken in hand” more than anything. For all you know, it might turn out that you will end the relationship because you can’t bear how childish and immature she is. And she might be very well be as worried as you are. Thinking for instance that you might have precisely the kind of expectations you have and that she won’t be able to “play the part” of the wiser, more experienced, etc… partner. Seriously, as everybody says, ignore the age difference and act as you would with someone of the same age. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2019, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/14 "2019-01-17T15:29:51Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > You may have different pop culture references, esp. from your respective childhood. My b.f. is 7 years younger than me (late 30s vs. early 30s) and that’s probably the main thing we run up against. > > Like, he’s never seen “Princess Bride” or “Wayne’s World” so random quotes fly over his head. That one though you can hit any time. My wife and I are 20 months apart in age and its been a constant all our lives. She was the oldest of two kids and I was the youngest of 2 born 11 years apart; I grew up as much in my brother’s generation as my own. So bands, movies and everything else we’ve learned from each other rather than having that shared from the beginning. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/15 "2019-01-18T19:06:47Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > If one of you dominating … the other has _any_ place in it, you’re doing it wrong. Oh I dunno, some kinks can often be fun. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2019, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/827864/16 "2019-01-18T19:14:19Z")
nm