# Dating older **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 17, 2019, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884 "2019-10-17T02:30:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/21 "2019-10-18T04:13:46Z")
Mrs. Cretin is 4.5 years older than me. We’ll be married 50 years next June. No problems so far. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/22 "2019-10-18T04:29:42Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > My wife is five years younger than I am. I’m 44, she’s 39, and everything’s fine. > > Then she reminded me the other day that when I was a freshman in college, she was in middle school. 😐 Heh… my wife’s dad is six years older than her mom. He started pursuing her when he was 20 and she was 14. :eek: They’ve been together for 56 years, and they’re quite happy. So it can work. But then I think about my daughter… if a 20-year-old had gone after her when she was 14, I probably wouldn’t be posting this right now, what with being in prison for murder and all… ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/23 "2019-10-18T11:50:25Z")
I’m exactly 20 years older than my husband (same birthday). When we met, he was 22 and I was 42. That was 32 years ago, and we’ve been happily together ever since. Very often, our age difference is a real plus, not a minus. ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/24 "2019-10-18T13:05:33Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Try to get as much free stuff from him as you can. When he eventually stops buying you things, dump him. I will admit it, I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Art\_Rock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/art_rock/32/525_2.png) [@Art\_Rock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Art_Rock)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/25 "2019-10-18T13:09:45Z")
When I met my wife to be, she was 27 and I was 42. We got married within a year and are still married happily almost 20 years later. Age and age difference is just a number. Go for it! ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/26 "2019-10-18T13:17:16Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’m exactly 20 years older than my husband (same birthday). When we met, he was 22 and I was 42. That was 32 years ago, and we’ve been happily together ever since. > > Very often, our age difference is a real plus, not a minus. yes! I dated a 20 yr old when I was 34, and a 42 when I was 59. It didn’t work out, but had nothing to do with their age. Also dated a 78 yr old when I was 48. Age is only in your mind(and hormone replacement therapy helps) ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/27 "2019-10-18T14:27:13Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > The one red flag that I’d draw your attention to is the fact that the older person in your arrangement is male. Being the older partner tends to convey more power and authority. Being the male person, in our still-not-post-patriarchal society, also tends to convey more power and authority, and the two factors will tend to reinforce each other. So you need to make extra effort to protect your autonomy, you need to cherish your equality, and you should retain a significant number of close friendships and other external connections so that your relationship with this person isn’t your sole source of interpersonal affirmation and intimacy. (in my opinion). I would echo this. If I dated/married someone vastly younger than me and who was just getting started in life, I think it would be difficult NOT to be too much in control. Being older gives you a confidence that you don’t have when you are younger. And guys tend be more more naturally confident and controlling (due to biology or society). ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/28 "2019-10-18T15:37:16Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Try to get as much free stuff from him as you can. When he eventually stops buying you things, dump him. I was just going to say, “Don’t get knocked up!” ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/29 "2019-10-18T15:45:41Z")
I’m 6 years older than my wife. My dad is a year older than my mom. My grandfather was 24 and 8 years older than my grandmother (16) when they married, but that was 1928. ---
**Author:** ![Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@Tired\_and\_Cranky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tired_and_Cranky)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/30 "2019-10-18T16:28:03Z")
Welcome **Loweablejay101**! There are plenty of people with bigger age differences who have had successful relationships. My personal feeling is that if you enjoy each other’s company, respect each other, want the same things in the relationship, and you are building trust and love, you can have a great relationship. Recognize though that at your age though, the things you want in life and in a relationship may change over time. He’s had a few more years to think about how he wants to live his life. If you are still deciding how you want to live yours, you might defer to him when making the hard decisions and miss out on exploring the things you want to try. > [@Loveablejay101](#): > > Were still dating but I’ve had doubts like he will hurt me(not physically)even though he knows i have trust issues. This concerns me. Something about this relationship worries you enough to say this and to seek reassurance here. Why are you worried? > [@AHunter3](#): > > The one red flag that I’d draw your attention to is the fact that the older person in your arrangement is male. Being the older partner tends to convey more power and authority. Being the male person, in our still-not-post-patriarchal society, also tends to convey more power and authority, and the two factors will tend to reinforce each other. So you need to make extra effort to protect your autonomy, you need to cherish your equality, and you should retain a significant number of close friendships and other external connections so that your relationship with this person isn’t your sole source of interpersonal affirmation and intimacy. (in my opinion). Agreed 100%. > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Back when I was 30 I briefly considered dating a woman who was 40 but I decided not to since I wanted a family and she was at the point the didnt want to have babies although she wish she had when she was younger. She was an awesome aunt. :eek: Maybe stop picking up chicks at the family reunion? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/31 "2019-10-18T21:34:13Z")
One of my best friends married a woman 11 years older than him; they’re about to celebrate their 30th anniversary. I had another friend who married a woman 10 years his junior; they divorced after 5 years. So your relationship might work out and it might not. But that, of course, is true of _any_ relationship. If it doesn’t work out, it might be because of your age difference and it might not. My point is that neither I nor anybody else can tell you what to do, much less predict your future. If you want to give it a shot, give it a shot. Just keep your eyes fully open if you do. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/32 "2019-10-18T22:27:28Z")
> [@Hermitian](#): > > I will admit it, I laughed. Some folks get sarcasm, some don’t.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884/33 "2019-10-18T23:24:21Z")
There’s no cookie cutter advice here. Your relationship will be much different than another couple with the same age difference. Clear communication is the most important thing. As DorkVader says, talk it to death. If he doesn’t want to talk about every issue you have, run. Good luck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-older/841884.md?page=1)