# Dating opinion - "it's raining" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967 "2014-02-10T12:54:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/61 "2014-02-11T03:45:27Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > If he said it with pinch of humor and irony, then there would no reason to read anything negative in it because that would be taking it more seriously than necessary. I don’t like flattery or going overboard with solictiousness at all, but I do think if you’re going to cancel a date because of the weather, the gracious thing would be to act as though you’re not thinking of just yourself. > > But a guy is certainly free to cancel a first date by saying “sorry, but I don’t wanna get wet”. I’m just saying he might want to consider another approach if he doesn’t want her to lose interest in him. That’s fair. You’re right that it would have been nice to include her in the message, even if it was just “I don’t think I’d be much fun in a strange city when it’s pouring, so can we postpone our date due to act of god? I’d really like to do it some other time.” But that’s turning this into a question of suaveness, I maintain that he did nothing **wrong** and it is not a red flag that he cancelled. ---
**Author:** ![Habeed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a587f6/32.png) [@Habeed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Habeed)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/62 "2014-02-11T04:11:48Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > **Nope. It’s a medium-sized European city.** To me, that completely changes things. As I understand it, the “marketplace” for mates is completely different in parts of Europe for several reasons. Lesser obesity rates alone mean there’s a lot more slim, hot women to go around… In that kind of environment, it is totally understandable why men would bail on dates like that. Why go on a drive through the rain when you have other offers? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/63 "2014-02-11T04:31:04Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Okay, so let’s just say you really, honestly, truly can’t find a few minutes to meet him any time in the next three days. Then you have no fucking business busting his balls for not meeting you today. You have your reasons and maybe he does too. Ever think of that. Maybe he’s on some other message board writing about how he “had a date all set up but had to cancel it at the last minute because of the weather and now this girl won’t even attempt to meet him even though he’s available Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, what the hell” > I’m not trying to be mean, just look at it from his side. I am a guy and that is absolutely not true. He is the one that bailed on this commitment based on an effeminate and weak justification. That is plenty of grounds to cut someone off forever. Remember, this is a sales proposition on both sides. He screwed it up unilaterally and it requires no reason for the other one to balk and that seems as good a reason as any. Do you really want to go through life dating or marrying someone who can’t manage to get where they are supposed to be because of slightly inclement weather or whatever other bullshit reason seems the most convenient for them at the time? Me neither. I am personally militaristic about time and place in general. If someone tells me they are going to be somewhere no matter how far away, they better be there within 30 seconds of the promised arrival or you are seriously delinquent. Anything else is a lie and a waste of time. The chances are excellent that my time is more valuable than theirs and I never do that to anyone. That said, it is good for someone to let their true tendencies and mental deficiencies show up early because it lets you know who you should avoid at all costs. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/64 "2014-02-11T05:54:40Z")
Shag-30 seconds? Seriously? ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/65 "2014-02-11T06:01:57Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > I… just… what? Are we really doing the “any guy who doesn’t go to any lengths to get laid is probably a fag” thing? I notice you put a bunch of stuff in quotation marks that I didn’t actually say. I’m pointing out that this person’s reason for cancelling a date is that it is raining outside. That is an excuse and a poor one at that. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/66 "2014-02-11T06:12:44Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > I notice you put a bunch of stuff in quotation marks that I didn’t actually say. > > I’m pointing out that this person’s reason for cancelling a date is that it is raining outside. That is an excuse and a poor one at that. What you **said** was. > [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > The man who is not interested in getting some due to \*\*rain \*\*is a man who is not actually a man at all, but probably a guy who is flirting with the idea of being into dudes. I’m not sure how to interpret that other than saying that if a guy has a lame excuse such as it pouring rain that will result in him not getting laid that night, he’s A. not a real man and B. likely gay. Which is only slightly different than my slightly more hyperbolic phrasing of “any cost to get laid”, but not horribly qualitatively different. The quotation marks didn’t mean you literally said that, that’s what quote tags are for. They were supposed to be a translation of what it sounded like you were saying. And I still don’t think my assessment is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/67 "2014-02-11T06:43:19Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > \ > > The quotation marks didn’t mean you literally said that, that’s what quote tags are for. They were supposed to be a translation of what it sounded like you were saying. And I still don’t think my assessment is wrong. Sorry, I can’t back you on this one - that’s exactly what quotation marks _do_ mean - that what is within the quotation marks is verbatim what the other person has said. Quote tags are fine, but quotation marks still have a particular meaning (which is why us Grammar Nazis get bent out of shape over the fake quotes people like to use). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/68 "2014-02-11T06:51:51Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > What you **said** was. > > I’m not sure how to interpret that other than saying that if a guy has a lame excuse such as it pouring rain that will result in him not getting laid that night, he’s A. not a real man and B. likely gay. Which is only slightly different than my slightly more hyperbolic phrasing of “any cost to get laid”, but not horribly qualitatively different. > > The quotation marks didn’t mean you literally said that, that’s what quote tags are for. They were supposed to be a translation of what it sounded like you were saying. And I still don’t think my assessment is wrong. Yes, yes, yes, and in your “paraphrasing” you put words in my mouth I didn’t actually say. For one, I didn’t refer to gay people as “fags”. So painting that caricature of me is going to immediately register as bullshit on my radar. Second, I’m making the note that if someone is using the excuse that he won’t date a woman on account of there BEING RAIN outside, that clearly indicates he has no interest in (at the very least) that particular woman. Is there anyone who could possibly disagree with the idea that he’s clearly not interested? A guy is really going to be stopped from dating someone because of _rain?_ He could very well be struggling with his sexuality. Given there are a ton of closeted gay people still coming to grips with who they are, this is not an impossibility. Using the rain as an excuse to not follow through on a date tells me he wasn’t bowled over by the idea of the date to begin with. If you want to automatically assume someone is homophobic just because he interprets lack of interest in a woman and obviously BS excuses not to date her as a possible indicator that he’s gay, that’s fine. But I’m going to immediately turn around and tell you it’s crap. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/69 "2014-02-11T06:53:09Z")
Tell you what. I don’t think you’re doing this just to troll me. Think you inferred some ignorance in my post that I didn’t actually display. But I can see where you might have misinterpreted. I’ll call it a mulligan if you simply accept my explanation that I didn’t say what you think I said. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/70 "2014-02-11T06:55:58Z")
Also, when I said he’s not actually a man at all, I’m referring to him cheesing out of a date because of rain, when that’s a weak excuse. I’m of the mindset that you shouldn’t have to make excuses, you should man up and say what the truth is. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/71 "2014-02-11T06:58:57Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Sorry, I can’t back you on this one - that’s exactly what quotation marks _do_ mean - that what is within the quotation marks is verbatim what the other person has said. Quote tags are fine, but quotation marks still have a particular meaning (which is why us Grammar Nazis get bent out of shape over the fake quotes people like to use). 🙂 I didn’t articulate it well in the edit, but what I was doing was in my eyes a pretty standard usage of scare quotes. From Wikipedia: > [@](#): > > Alternatively, material in scare quotes may represent the writer’s concise (but possibly misleading) paraphrasing, characterization, or intentional misrepresentation of statements, concepts, or terms used by a third party. This may be an expression of sarcasm or incredulity, or it may also represent a rhetorical attempt to frame a discussion in the writer’s desired (non-standard) terms (e.g. a circumlocution, an apophasis, or an innuendo). > **[Scare quotes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scare_quotes)** > > Scare quotes (also called shudder quotes or sneer quotes) are quotation marks that writers place around a word or phrase to signal that they are using it in an ironic, referential, or otherwise non-standard sense. Scare quotes may indicate that the author is using someone else's term, similar to preceding a phrase with the expression "so-called"; they may imply skepticism or disagreement, belief that the words are misused, or that the writer intends a meaning opposite to the Elizabeth Anscombe... I’d say my quote was a “characterization” of what he said and denoted an “expression of sarcasm or incredulity”. > [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > Tell you what. I don’t think you’re doing this just to troll me. Think you inferred some ignorance in my post that I didn’t actually display. But I can see where you might have misinterpreted. > > I’ll call it a mulligan if you simply accept my explanation that I didn’t say what you think I said. Fair enough, I’d craft a bigger reply, but I think I’m running out of edit window. In short: I have a history with statements like these, and they usually trend towards the “malice” side of the spectrum. Sorry for reading it into your post. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/72 "2014-02-11T07:18:40Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > He could very well be struggling with his sexuality. Given there are a ton of closeted gay people still coming to grips with who they are, this is not an impossibility. Using the rain as an excuse to not follow through on a date tells me he wasn’t bowled over by the idea of the date to begin with. I think it’s quite a leap to say that because a guy has only a lukewarm interest in seeing a particular woman on a particular day that he’s likely gay. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/73 "2014-02-11T12:21:40Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Asked me for a date yesterday night. I agreed to meet up today, in the afternoon. Today it’s raining cats and dogs. … > > So, get a message from guy asking to postpone date. This is fine, … No, it’s not. He’s canceling the-day-of due to rain. That’s rude. Imputing motivations, questioning manhood, meaning of “man up”, busses … irrelevant. Canceling the-day-of is rude, unless one has an iron-clad reason, and even an iron-clad reason can be taken as A Sign From God that This Was Not Meant To Be. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/74 "2014-02-11T12:44:43Z")
Some women you just “sort of want”. So if it’s raining… **Pookah** would be better off with a guy who is really into her. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/75 "2014-02-11T15:02:38Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > The man who is not interested in getting some due to \*\*rain \*\*is a man who is not actually a man at all, but probably a guy who is flirting with the idea of being into dudes. Right on, brah! You may think **Jragon** is trolling you, but really what he/she is telling you is that what you wrote has strong misogynistic and homophobic undertones. If you don’t see that it might be worth trying a little harder. ---
**Author:** ![runningdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e9c0ed/32.png) [@runningdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runningdude)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/76 "2014-02-11T16:52:54Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I am a guy and that is absolutely not true. He is the one that bailed on this commitment based on an effeminate and weak justification. That is plenty of grounds to cut someone off forever. Remember, this is a sales proposition on both sides. He screwed it up unilaterally and it requires no reason for the other one to balk and that seems as good a reason as any. Do you really want to go through life dating or marrying someone who can’t manage to get where they are supposed to be because of slightly inclement weather or whatever other bullshit reason seems the most convenient for them at the time? Me neither. > … And… are you still single? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/77 "2014-02-11T17:01:26Z")
If we are taking a poll, I too read your post with increasing horror, Askthepizzaguy. It may not have been what you meant, but I did read it as horribly misogynistic and homophobic, and just plain nasty. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/78 "2014-02-11T17:23:52Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I think it’s quite a leap to say that because a guy has only a lukewarm interest in seeing a particular woman on a particular day that he’s likely gay. It may or may not be “likely”, but considering some men go as far as _getting married to a woman and having kids_ before dropping the facade, it’s far from being impossible. Maybe it’s just me, but there’s not a date that I’d set that I would ever be persuaded not to go on due to rain. If you are interested to get to know someone and are missing someone in your life, rain generally isn’t going to stop you from seeking out another person. > [@Eonwe](#): > > Right on, brah! > > You may think **Jragon** is trolling you, but really what he/she is telling you is that what you wrote has strong misogynistic and homophobic undertones. If you don’t see that it might be worth trying a little harder. What I see is that people tend to assume the worst and read into things something that is not there. Case in point, Jragon put a slur into quotations that I would never use. The only other point that could possibly be misinterpreted, the part about not being a man, I then immediately clarified: “I’m referring to him cheesing out of a date because of rain, when that’s a weak excuse.” IMO it’s a poor excuse for a man to make such excuses. As for \*mysogynistic \*undertones, you’re going to have to clarify. There’s not a thing in any of my posts that diminishes or is hateful towards women. \*\*Liking \*\*women is not the same as hating them, word to the wise. Don’t know if you knew that already or not. Try harder. > [@WhyNot](#): > > If we are taking a poll, I too read your post with increasing horror, Askthepizzaguy. It may not have been what you meant, but I did read it as horribly misogynistic and homophobic, and just plain nasty. As above, I’ve already set the record straight about what my comments meant regarding gay persons. And again, there’s not a thing I’ve said that diminishes women in any way. Next, you might as well accuse me of being racist. Whynot? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/79 "2014-02-11T17:31:39Z")
The only thing I’m taking away from this is that **pizzaguy** is thirsty. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/80 "2014-02-11T17:36:18Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > The only thing I’m taking away from this is that **pizzaguy** is thirsty. Two people can read the same sentence and walk away with entirely different interpretations of it. A lot of what you take away from what someone says has to do with what you infer from it, and what kind of person you are, and what you believe. For example, if you believe there is something inherently harmful, wrong, or disrespectful of women for guys to want to have sex with them, then you can read misogyny into practically anything that any straight man says. Reverse the genders. If a woman is eager to get laid, does she hate men? Think about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967.md?page=5)