# Dating opinion - "it's raining" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967 "2014-02-10T12:54:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/81 "2014-02-11T18:05:27Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > IMO it’s a poor excuse for a man to make such excuses. > > As for \*mysogynistic \*undertones, you’re going to have to clarify. There’s not a thing in any of my posts that diminishes or is hateful towards women. Is there some reason you specify that it’s a poor excuse for a man to make these excuses, rather than a poor excuse for a person or adult or other non-gendered phrase? Or why you used the phrase “no man at all”? That’s where people are getting the misogynistic vibe from. See, once you start talking gender, we sociologically really only have the two categories for adult humans–men and women. If an adult is NOT one of them, then that person must therefore be the other. And if your criteria is that the person in question is not fit for the one category because of a specific trait, the obvious inference is that you associate that trait with the other category. When you are actively contemptuous of that trait…well, you’re not a dumb guy, you know perfectly well what that means. You state this guy is no man at all because of traits you find contemptible–what conclusions would you truly have us draw? FYI, liking _pussy_ is not at all the same thing as liking and respecting _women_. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/82 "2014-02-11T18:21:03Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > But if I have a date scheduled, and it starts to rain, I’m thinking to myself… awesome. I have a date, and an excuse to be indoors. More pussy for me. > [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > As for \*mysogynistic \*undertones, you’re going to have to clarify. There’s not a thing in any of my posts that diminishes or is hateful towards women. \*\*Liking \*\*women is not the same as hating them, word to the wise. … and “liking women” is not the same liking women. You do rather imply you view women as little more than lubricated gym socks. I suspect a lot of people - men and women - over, oh about 30 or so, have interests in companionship beyond screwing. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/83 "2014-02-11T18:25:17Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > Two people can read the same sentence and walk away with entirely different interpretations of it. A lot of what you take away from what someone says has to do with what you infer from it, and what kind of person you are, and what you believe. > > For example, if you believe there is something inherently harmful, wrong, or disrespectful of women for guys to want to have sex with them, then you can read misogyny into practically anything that any straight man says. > > Reverse the genders. If a woman is eager to get laid, does she hate men? > > Think about it. Oh, trust me, I like to fuck women. My post stands. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/84 "2014-02-11T18:52:04Z")
Hee, hee. He said “My post stands”. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/85 "2014-02-11T19:16:00Z")
**Askthepizzaguy** , if multiple people are misinterpreting your words, it’s generally a good idea to maybe actually look at your post with their points of view instead of just reflexively defending yourself. I understand that you didn’t _intend_ to say anything misogynistic or homophobic. However, _other posters cannot read your mind when they read your posts_. So when people say, “whoa, that was offensive!” and you ask why, it’s really shitty to take their explanation and dismiss it because you didn’t intend for it to sound that way. You might not have meant to, _but you did_. Actually listen to what they’re saying. Your original post follows with the relevant bits in bold (misogynistic will be blue, homophobic will be red). > [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > Ok, maybe it’s just because my job involves a lot of driving and walking around in the rain in an uncomfortable uniform delivering steaming packages to ungrateful slobs/potential rapists/gangbangers/old cat ladies who smell like pee/people who send their kids to the door so they don’t have to look you in the eye while they stiff you with exact change/pedophiles… > > But if I have a date scheduled, and it starts to rain, I’m thinking to myself… awesome. I have a date, and an excuse to be indoors. **More pussy for me**. > > **The man who is not interested in getting some due to rain is a man who is not actually a man at all, but probably a guy who is flirting with the idea of being into dudes**. **Misogynistic** More pussy for me. You used the word “pussy” to describe your date. “Pussy” in this sentence is either a substitute for “woman” or a substitute for “sex”. Both of these are offensive: [ul] [li] **Pussy = Woman** - You know damn well that in this context, pussy is slang for vagina. Therefore, you are reducing a woman’s value to her vagina _and only that_. [/li][li] **Pussy = Sex** - You are assuming that sex is a given after any date. Why? Where’s the woman’s opinion fit in, here? What if she doesn’t want to have sex? And in the context of this thread, this is _a blind date_. This will be the first time the two meet in person and it’s apparently expected that sex will occur. Wtf?[/li][/ul] And since I couldn’t nest colors, a man who is not actually a man at all. We have two genders and a LOT of insults towards men directly compare them to girls/women. What you wrote strongly appears to do the same. **Homophobic** is a man who is not actually a man at all, but probably a guy who is flirting with the idea of being into dudes. Grammatically, the way you used “but” makes it a [correlative conjunction](http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-correlative-conjunction.htm). As that link explains: > [@](#): > > A correlative conjunction refers to one or more words paired together to connect two different parts of a sentence **in a way that also indicates a connection in meaning**. Much like other types of conjunctions, **they are used to connect two parts of a sentence, but they indicate a correlation between them in some way**. So you say that the guy isn’t “actually a man at all”, then explain what he is _instead_. This _very clearly_ indicates that “a guy who is flirting with the idea of being into dudes” _is not_ “actually a man at all”. Additionally, you used a flippant tone to describe the possibility that he’s gay. “Flirting with the idea” is _not_ the same as “struggling with his sexuality” and it’s disingenuous to argue otherwise. Flirting has a very different connotation that is more lighthearted. [The first two definitions here for “flirt” as a verb](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/flirt?s=t) > [@](#): > > 1. to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet. > > 2. to trifle or toy, as with an idea: She flirted with the notion of buying a sports car. So to use “flirt” when describing the idea of struggling with his sexuality, you are belittling and dismissing the struggle and pain many SGM (Sexual and Gender Minority) people experience. You might not have meant for your post to come across as misogynistic or homophobic, but [intent is not magic](http://www.shakesville.com/2011/12/harmful-communication-part-one-intent.html). Your intent doesn’t change the fact you _did_ offend posters. Your intent was good but your post _did not match this_. It’s far more offensive to keep arguing - as you have! - that everyone else is wrong because you had good intentions instead of saying something like, “oh… whoa, yeah, I can see how you read my post that way. Holy crap, I totally didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry.” ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/86 "2014-02-11T19:21:41Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Hee, hee. He said “My post stands”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/87 "2014-02-11T20:03:59Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Was talking to this guy on OKCupid. He lives in a city quite far away from me, but is here for two weeks. Asked me for a date yesterday night. I agreed to meet up today, in the afternoon. Today it’s raining cats and dogs. It’s not stormy or cold, but it’s definitely pouring. > > So, get a message from guy asking to postpone date. This is fine, except I have absolutely and honestly zero time till Sunday; today was the only time I had free. He says, wait and see if the weather changes. I’m sure it won’t. > > Have to say, I’m now annoyed. I think it was totally okay to ask to postpone, but when I said I really couldn’t, I think he should have manned up and said “okay, I’ll make it”. Sure, we could have hot chocolate somewhere nice and cozy. Personally, I think if he tells me he can’t make it today, I’m going to call the whole thing off completely. Or am I being a diva expecting him to trek through rain? Depends. If, instead of raining, it had been snowing and had put down 7 inches of the white stuff, would you have considered cancelling on him? Personally I’m happier to go out in 20 inch snowdrifts than to deal with pouring rain. Rain sucks. Except for freezing rain / rainsleet / “winter mix”, rain is the worst “non-disaster” weather there is. Your mileage, of course, may differ, but that’s the point I’m making. If, on the other hand, you think he should have gone out to meet you in anything short of a weather system to which the meterologists have given a first name, and you yourself would have gone out to meet him under the same weather-circumstances, then never mind, I withdraw my comment. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/88 "2014-02-12T03:21:41Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > Maybe it’s just me, but there’s not a date that I’d set that I would ever be persuaded not to go on due to rain. If you are interested to get to know someone and are missing someone in your life, rain generally isn’t going to stop you from seeking out another person. There are tons of first dates I might agree to and then later feel like backing out on just because I’m tired or something. As far as I know, it’s not because I’m dating the wrong gender. I just think first dates are a chore. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/89 "2014-02-12T04:42:26Z")
I’m not sure how much effort you can expect from a guy you chatted with online for 20 minutes. It doesn’t even sound like a real date, just a quick meet-up because it’s convenient. Once it was no longer convenient all bets were off. I’m guessing you were thinking of this as a first date and he was thinking hook up. Simple mix up, move on, no harm no foul. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/90 "2014-02-12T06:00:26Z")
Never attribute something to malice, that could be explained by stupidity. It seems to me that the OP and a few of the posters are reading a lot into one postponement. If he had the perfect date planned out but it was contingent on decent weather, that’s a possible reason. If he’d been previously injured in an auto accident that took place in a heavy rain, that’s also a possible reason. You don’t know him hardly at all, let alone well enough to judge intent. So, yeah, in my opinion, you’re overreacting. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/91 "2014-02-12T08:02:18Z")
See: **astro** ; Post #48; SMDB, 2/10/2014. (_Weasel, dithering in re_) ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/92 "2014-02-12T11:40:09Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > I’m guessing you were thinking of this as a first date and he was thinking hook up. Simple mix up, move on, no harm no foul. That was my immediate impression as well. I ran away from online dating years ago, but my understanding was that “I’m in town for [brief period of time]” means “looking for easy sex” and quite often they are married. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/93 "2014-02-12T12:13:08Z")
> [@Habeed](#): > > To me, that completely changes things. As I understand it, the “marketplace” for mates is completely different in parts of Europe for several reasons. Lesser obesity rates alone mean there’s a lot more slim, hot women to go around… > > In that kind of environment, it is totally understandable why men would bail on dates like that. Why go on a drive through the rain when you have other offers? It’s not like men can be any pickier than women 😕 I viewed it differently. If you’re in Northern Europe, rain is pretty common in the winter. Going by public transport is very common. And travelling to a different town doesn’t usually require covering long distances of miles and miles. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/94 "2014-02-12T13:14:28Z")
> [@Habeed](#): > > To me, that completely changes things. As I understand it, the “marketplace” for mates is completely different in parts of Europe for several reasons. Lesser obesity rates alone mean there’s a lot more slim, hot women to go around… > > In that kind of environment, it is totally understandable why men would bail on dates like that. Why go on a drive through the rain when you have other offers? Well, thanks for the compliment about us European women, I suppose. Though I don’t really see it that way, at least in this context, because there’s another factor in play which is that online dating, at least where I live, is not at all common. In fact, the guys I have dated all say all the women, if there are any, are “foreign”. May be European from other countries or not, I haven’t asked. But most local girls here date within their established social cycles. I wouldn’t say that someone “new in town” was totally full of options. I don’t think it was that. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/95 "2014-02-12T13:23:47Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Everyone that’s still ragging on the guy should probably note that once all was said on done, he was up for the date (and future arrangements) and she bailed on him. I didn’t bail and I haven’t bailed. He wanted to cancel, I said “Okay, but I’m totally busy this week, so it means I can’t meet you till Sunday.” He chose not to come - so now it’s Sunday. If he asks me on Sunday, and I have nothing else on I’ll still go. Why will people not believe me when I say I really am that busy? Have too many people used “busy” as an excuse to let you down easy, perhaps? To meet him I would have either cancel work or cancel prior social engagements. Yes, I might have cancelled a social engagement (me and my female friends will let each other bail for “romantic emergencies”) for someone, but why would I do it for someone who won’t make an effort for me? He’s looking to casually hang out. That’s fine. I’m not calling him a demonic fiend for that. But it doesn’t speak of any great desire to meet me, so I’ll match my efforts to his. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/96 "2014-02-12T13:30:18Z")
Also people, I do not live in the Hunger Games arena. Rain here is just water falling from the sky. It does not kill you or hurt you and it is not some great danger I’m asking my gallant knight to suffer for me. I don’t have a car and travelled through this weather on bus and bike several times this month. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/97 "2014-02-12T14:15:45Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I didn’t bail and I haven’t bailed. He wanted to cancel, I said “Okay, but I’m totally busy this week, so it means I can’t meet you till Sunday.” He chose not to come - so now it’s Sunday. If he asks me on Sunday, and I have nothing else on I’ll still go. > > Why will people not believe me when I say I really am that busy? You want people to believe you, but you won’t believe him. At least that’s my problem here. I have no problem with you saying “I’m busy, gotta postpone”, but then you have to just take his word for it when he says “It’s raining, gotta postpone” and not read into it, assume he’s lying, trying to weasel out, take it personally etc. He can’t make it, he tried to reschedule, take it at face value or cancel the entire thing and move on. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/98 "2014-02-12T14:17:52Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > You want people to believe you, but you won’t believe him. Won’t believe him in what way? ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/99 "2014-02-12T15:18:20Z")
You’re annoyed that he wants to postpone. He’s annoyed that you’re not willing to postpone. His reason: rain. Your reason: work. Joey P’s problem: you thinking work\>rain to the degree that you do. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/100 "2014-02-12T15:21:21Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Won’t believe him in what way? Fine, you don’t find it acceptable. But the rest of my post stands. Take the excuse at face value reschedule or cancel the entire thing. If you’ve already made up your mind about the guy cancel the entire thing. If you’re never going to meet him (or have already decided you’re not going to like him) cut him free, otherwise you’re being really mean to him and it’s not fair. You’re leading him on. > [@pancakes3](#): > > You’re annoyed that he wants to postpone. > He’s annoyed that you’re not willing to postpone. > His reason: rain. > Your reason: work. > Joey P’s problem: you thinking work\>rain to the degree that you do. And she doesn’t know what he meant by ‘rain’. As others have said, that could mean quite a few different things. Maybe when it’s raining he has to go into work. She just assumed that it meant he doesn’t want to get wet and unless he said that it’s bullshit to assume she knows what he’s thinking. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967.md?page=6)