# Dating opinion - "it's raining" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 10, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967 "2014-02-10T12:54:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/101 "2014-02-12T15:56:04Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > And she doesn’t know what he meant by ‘rain’. As others have said, that could mean quite a few different things. Maybe when it’s raining he has to go into work. > > She just assumed that it meant he doesn’t want to get wet and unless he said that it’s bullshit to assume she knows what he’s thinking. What? No one would take it any way other than that he doesn’t want to go out in the rain and get wet. If he had to work or if he was allergic to water or something he would have said that. I think she’s handling it just right. She might end up seeing him when she’s free if he asks again. The stars may or may not align, no big deal either way. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/102 "2014-02-12T16:03:59Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Fine, you don’t find it acceptable. But the rest of my post stands. Take the excuse at face value reschedule or cancel the entire thing. It sounds like she took the excuse at face value, but found it lame. Now what constitutes lame differs from person to person, this is true. But that doesn’t mean all excuses are equal and no one is allowed to form a judgement about a person based on the excuses they offer. Pushing back a date because you don’t want to get rained on is not the same thing as pushing back a date because of your job, your health, or your obligations to other people. I don’t think it’s an offensive faux pas to cancel or postpone a date for a minor reason, as some have suggested in this thread. But I do think it signals a certain degree of milquetoastiness. A casual date like this shouldn’t have a whole bunch of expectations attached to it, though. That the OP was annoyed suggests her expectations are out of sync with his, and I don’t have enough information to judge whether her expectations were reasonable or unreasonable. > [@](#): > > And she doesn’t know what he meant by ‘rain’. As others have said, that could mean quite a few different things. Maybe when it’s raining he has to go into work. So you mean she shouldn’t have taken his comment at face value after all? In what country does “rain” mean “I have to go to work”? If his inability to communicate clearly sucks this bad, then you’re making the OP’s case for her and she should stay far away from him. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/103 "2014-02-12T16:15:06Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > What? No one would take it any way other than that he doesn’t want to go out in the rain and get wet. “It’s raining, I’m not going to be able to make it” and the ONLY reason, the ONLY reason you can possible think of is that I don’t want to get wet? You can’t think of a single other reason? Not one at all? Nothing? Nadda? Just that I don’t want to get wet? Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/104 "2014-02-12T16:19:36Z")
Don’t like driving in the rain Bad tires on his car Bad roof on his house/bad foundation and have to stay home and deal with the leaks Has to go into work when it’s raining for any number of reason We can keep going but to just assume that it’s because he doesn’t want to get wet makes an ass out of u. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/105 "2014-02-12T16:24:55Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > I’m not sure how much effort you can expect from a guy you chatted with online for 20 minutes. It doesn’t even sound like a real date, just a quick meet-up because it’s convenient. Once it was no longer convenient all bets were off. I’m guessing you were thinking of this as a first date and he was thinking hook up. Simple mix up, move on, no harm no foul. I assumed it was a hook up situation also, not a traditional “first date.” And I don’t think he was the only one thinking that way, I got the impression from the OP’s posts in this thread that she was also looking for a fun hookup. Not that there’s anything at all wrong with that, but it’s something that is much more casual than a the whole first date thing and an easier thing to cancel on. My guess, which is worth what you paid for it, is that he had a few irons in the fire and made a game-time decision on who he was going to get together with. He got an offer he preferred better to OP, so he made up the rain excuse and got along with his life. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/106 "2014-02-12T16:35:09Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > We can keep going but to just assume that it’s because he doesn’t want to get wet makes an ass out of u. What if the excuse really is that he didn’t want to get wet? Would you think the OP was justified in her reaction then? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/107 "2014-02-12T16:36:13Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > “It’s raining, I’m not going to be able to make it” and the ONLY reason, the ONLY reason you can possible think of is that I don’t want to get wet? You can’t think of a single other reason? Not one at all? Nothing? Nadda? Just that I don’t want to get wet? > > Wow. No, not when no further reason is offered, plus I know that it’s not a monsoon or anything because I’m in the same weather as he is, plus I know that it’s not about driving in it, because he’s taking the bus. Wow to you 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/108 "2014-02-12T16:38:22Z")
I’m confused again at this part: > [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > He asks to postpone. I say I can’t. > [@](#): > > perhaps he didn’t like the implied pressure of my “I won’t have time till Sunday”. There’s a difference between “I can’t” and “I can’t until Sunday”, compounded by what he told you his availability was originally (in town for 2 weeks and staying with a friend). That shifts around the benefit-of-the-doubt slider quite a bit. As presently constructed I’m reading it as: I’m here, let’s meet up -\> Ok, Monday for coffee -\> Eh, the weather doesn’t look good, can we reschedule for a sunnier day? -\> I can’t …-\> no response. I guess ultimately he’s in the wrong at the very least for not giving a “Oh well, too bad. Was looking for it” regardless of what Pookah said. Just cutting off communication like that without the expected pleasantries is rude. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/109 "2014-02-12T16:41:48Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > … That the OP was annoyed suggests her expectations are out of sync with his, and I don’t have enough information to judge whether her expectations were reasonable or unreasonable… The last half of this sentence sums up perfectly why threads like these tend to go 'round and 'round in circles. Concur that her expectations were simply different from his, and that’s just part of being human. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/110 "2014-02-12T18:08:44Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > I’m not sure how much effort you can expect from a guy you chatted with online for 20 minutes. It doesn’t even sound like a real date, just a quick meet-up because it’s convenient. Once it was no longer convenient all bets were off. I’m guessing you were thinking of this as a first date and he was thinking hook up. Simple mix up, move on, no harm no foul. I also think it was most likely a hook-up and I was totally happy for it to be that. But I still feel some effort and interest is required on both sides - I hook up with someone I’m having a good time with if there’s mutual interest. It’s not like I will hook up with you at whichever time is convenient for you. That’s another type of website, and those women get paid. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/111 "2014-02-12T18:16:56Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Don’t like driving in the rain > Bad tires on his car > Bad roof on his house/bad foundation and have to stay home and deal with the leaks > Has to go into work when it’s raining for any number of reason > > We can keep going but to just assume that it’s because he doesn’t want to get wet makes an ass out of u. His beloved dog was stabbed to death by an umbrella… Joey, honestly, I was going to point by point but I cannot be bothered - read my posts about where we are, where he’s staying etc. He did not want to get wet. I am NOT being wildly unfair to him by making this wild assumption about his thought processes. If you feel that “not being uncomfortably wet” is a fine reason to cancel a date, we can do that. But I am not going to sit around thinking up ten million different scenarios as to why it was totally impossible for the guy to walk in the rain. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/112 "2014-02-12T18:22:21Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > No, not when no further reason is offered, plus I know that it’s not a monsoon or anything because I’m in the same weather as he is, plus I know that it’s not about driving in it, because he’s taking the bus. > > Wow to you 🆒 So if the weather was fine and he had said that he couldn’t make it then what would you assume…as long as you’re willing to make assumptions? IMO, when it comes to (online) dating, no explanation is necessary to break a date, even at the last minute. No one owes anyone anything, but what I’ve done in the past is if more then one date is broken or just trying to set up the first date gets to be too much work (or they don’t appear to be putting much work into it) eventually I’ll just leave it with “why don’t you let me know when you’re ready to meet” or “I don’t think this is going to work, sorry (good luck etc…)” or something else like that ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/113 "2014-02-12T18:23:24Z")
nm, double post ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/114 "2014-02-12T18:24:26Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > He did not want to get wet. If he didn’t say that, then you made it up. I’m not saying it might not be the reason, but you still came to the conclusion on your own, right. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/115 "2014-02-12T18:41:08Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > So if the weather was fine and he had said that he couldn’t make it then what would you assume…as long as you’re willing to make assumptions? If he said he couldn’t make it and offered no reason at all, I would assume he changed his mind and didn’t want to meet. Even if there was a valid reason that was private, a person who actually did want to reschedule would make up something else so it didn’t sound like they just changed their mind. I have no problem with what the guy did either. The very few times I’ve tried online dating, I talked to several guys in email and then just quit answering when they started trying to arrange meetings or phone calls, because I just didn’t want to. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/116 "2014-02-12T19:17:33Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I have no problem with what the guy did either. The very few times I’ve tried online dating, I talked to several guys in email and then just quit answering when they started trying to arrange meetings or phone calls, because I just didn’t want to. That was you? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/117 "2014-02-13T07:13:00Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > That was you? Guess so 😉 It was nothing personal against those men at all, they sincerely seemed like good guys, but I just couldn’t make myself bother. If I’d lost interest later on, I’d have felt that I owed them an explanation, but when we hadn’t even ever met, what would be the point? I don’t think anyone should build things up in their head with a person they’ve never met. That’s a recipe for disaster. Probably even moreso if both parties do it. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/118 "2014-02-13T14:25:15Z")
I wish I only had to go into work when it rains. Mind, in England right now, that’d be 7 days a week. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/119 "2014-02-13T14:48:35Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I have no problem with what the guy did either. The very few times I’ve tried online dating, I talked to several guys in email and then just quit answering when they started trying to arrange meetings or phone calls, because I just didn’t want to. Wait. What? What’s the point of online dating if it isn’t to actually meet people? And I gotta tell you, that’s just effing rude. It’s not hard to say “I’m sorry, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck with your search.” To do otherwise (assuming the other person has been polite and normal) shows a real flaw in ones character IMO. If the person is behaving badly, all bets are off. In that case the message you send is a decisive block. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2014, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967/120 "2014-02-13T17:13:01Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Wait. What? What’s the point of online dating if it isn’t to actually meet people? > > And I gotta tell you, that’s just effing rude. It’s not hard to say “I’m sorry, I don’t think we are a match. Good luck with your search.” To do otherwise (assuming the other person has been polite and normal) shows a real flaw in ones character IMO. If the person is behaving badly, all bets are off. In that case the message you send is a decisive block. I’ve said that before, too, and everyone here looked at me like I’d grown an extra head. Apparently simply not responding is considered perfectly polite in online dating situations. When I tried to explain how frustrating it was, they couldn’t believe that I’d rather know right away that things weren’t working out rather than having to wait. As for this situation: my problem is the attitude set up in the OP. It sure doesn’t sound like someone who just has different expectations. It sounds like someone who is putting down the guy for not being “manly enough,” a concept that can be a bit of a sore spot with many men who don’t fit the “manly” stereotype. Even if they personally would have no problem going in the rain, they hate the idea that a guy is being judged by that stereotype. Hence they feel the need to come to the guy’s defense. There are also probably plenty of guys who have had their legitimate reasons assumed to be brush offs, and are thus reacting negatively to your desire to just give up on him. I find that most relationship thread arguments involve each poster putting themselves in the shoes of either the OP or the other person, rather than a more distanced view. Personally, I’d prefer the OP tell me what she’s planning on doing, but, again, apparently I have two heads. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-opinion-its-raining/680967.md?page=7)