# Dating partially blind/mostly deaf person; dating advice? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 21, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601 "2014-04-21T12:49:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Surbey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@Surbey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surbey)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/1 "2014-04-21T12:49:37Z")
I have recently begun a relationship with a person who is partially blind and mostly deaf person. She has NF2. She’s blind in one eye, partially blind in another. She has a cochlear implant but that only assists a little. As it stands, I’m learning to communicate better and I’m learning sign with her. I’d like your assistance in some dating advice. What pitfalls should I keep a heads up about? Any good date ideas? Whatever you got; share. Thanks SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/2 "2014-04-21T15:41:10Z")
For Hearing People Only by _Deaf Life Press_ give some excellent help to those new to deaf culture. If I may speculate… Given that you’re dating her and asking these questions, chances are that she’s been “main-streamed” and gets along somewhat well in the hearing world. She’s probably the best source of information you have. She realizes you’re a “hearing” and that you’re not familiar with the culture; so ask HER. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/3 "2014-04-21T16:18:28Z")
There are 5 traditional senses: Hearing Sight Touch Taste Smell Since she is defective in the first two, it seems you might empathize joint activities which make use of the last three–from holding hands to cooking… ---
**Author:** ![Surbey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@Surbey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surbey)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/4 "2014-04-22T02:47:52Z")
**GrizzRich** I’m definitely asking her; I wanted to ask the SDMB too 🙂 **PastTense** Good thinking! ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/5 "2014-04-22T15:08:27Z")
This may sound like I am joking at your expense. But I’m really not. I just don’t know much about this and think you might well benefit from this one TV show I saw. There are a few episodes of Big Bang Theory in which Raj had a disastorous short-lived relationship with a deaf girl. He made some terrible gaffs and if you can find those episodes, it might give you some ideas of what not to do. To find them, just Google “Big Bang Theory episode guide”. I’m pretty sure it was either Season 6 or Season 7. It’s hardly a good way to get some good advice since it is a Situation Comedy. But even if you don’t get any good advice from the show, you might still enjoy watching the show - just for its own comedic value. If you are not happy with those shows, you might want to try to Google for something like “advice for relationships with deaf people”. Oh! I tried to Google “advice dating deaf people” and I found this site [www.alldeaf.com](http://www.alldeaf.com) I’m guessing that is a site either written for or by deaf people and it might very well have some advice you might like. Even if it doesn’t, you might find some other sites that were written by or for deaf people and they may help you out. Good Luck. P.S. I would definitely try that first Google “advice dating deaf people”. It found a few links that looked very helpful. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/6 "2014-04-22T15:51:00Z")
Be sure you really mean it. Don’t abandon her after she has gotten used to your love and support – you’re in this for the long haul. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/7 "2014-04-22T15:57:38Z")
jtur88, people with disabilities suffer the vicissitudes of love and realize the risks as much as any of us–and are just as capable of handling it. I’m not getting in your face about it, but just offering a different perspective on that line of thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/8 "2014-04-22T16:25:26Z")
P.S. The site [www.alldeaf.com](http://www.alldeaf.com) turns out to be a message board used by deaf people. It has one section devoted to dating and romance and that sounds like it might just be ideal to help you. ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/9 "2014-04-22T16:46:19Z")
I was hoping this would be Superhal. I like to see people happy. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/10 "2014-04-22T17:23:58Z")
Probably going to a movie is a bad idea for a date with her. And accept that you’ll be repeating yourself a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/11 "2014-04-22T17:31:40Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > jtur88, people with disabilities suffer the vicissitudes of love and realize the risks as much as any of us–and are just as capable of handling it. > I’m not getting in your face about it, but just offering a different perspective on that line of thinking. You should post more. I like you! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2014, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/12 "2014-04-22T17:49:16Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Be sure you really mean it. Don’t abandon her after she has gotten used to your love and support – you’re in this for the long haul. > [@tapu](#): > > jtur88, people with disabilities suffer the vicissitudes of love and realize the risks as much as any of us–and are just as capable of handling it. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > You should post more. I like you! 😃 I’m going to give this a +1. Whether it’s because I agree or because I don’t want to abandon you… Well, I’ll leave that for others to decide. ---
**Author:** ![Surbey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@Surbey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surbey)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/13 "2014-04-23T02:51:09Z")
Thanks for the tips guys! And she’s a big girl; she’d dump me at the drop of a hat if I wasn’t nice. She’s told me as such! ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/14 "2014-04-27T00:43:19Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > jtur88, people with disabilities suffer the vicissitudes of love and realize the risks as much as any of us–and are just as capable of handling it. > I’m not getting in your face about it, but just offering a different perspective on that line of thinking. Those of us who are not burdened by handicaps are in a better position to be optimistic about our future prospects, and accordingly, may feel less despair over such a loss. Or at least get over it sooner. But I was thinking more along the lines of telling or implying that the handicap doesn’t matter, and then discovering later that it does, and rejecting the person precisely because of the handicap. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/15 "2014-04-27T16:12:49Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Those of us who are not burdened by handicaps are in a better position to be optimistic about our future prospects, and accordingly, may feel less despair over such a loss. Or at least get over it sooner. Are you posting from the 1950s? _Burdened by handicaps_? I had a roommate who was an ASL interpreter and I met many of her Deaf friends. _Burdened_ and _handicapped_ weren’t words any of them would have used to describe themselves, nor were _disabled_ or _hearing-impaired_. Most that I got to know would have correctly pointed out that you are the one burdened and impaired by a lack of understanding. ---
**Author:** ![Surbey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@Surbey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surbey)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/16 "2014-04-27T16:52:03Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > But I was thinking more along the lines of telling or implying that the handicap doesn’t matter, and then discovering later that it does, and rejecting the person precisely because of the handicap. You make a good point. I don’t believe that’s going to happen in our case; appreciate the advice though. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/17 "2014-04-27T17:28:09Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > But I was thinking more along the lines of telling or implying that the handicap doesn’t matter, and then discovering later that it does, and rejecting the person precisely because of the handicap. Had you worded yourself in this manner initially I would have been less taken aback by your implication that handicapped people are emotionally fragile. To be honest though, they are likely far more capable of dealing with relationship trauma, given they live their whole lives under more difficult circumstances than you or I. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/18 "2014-04-27T17:55:09Z")
She sounds like someone I knew at Gallaudet when I was doing interpreter training. NF2, lost her hearing as a very young adult, and wanted to learn ASL, because she was already blind in one eye, and was concerned about the possibility of becoming completely deaf-blind. She also needed the support at Gally to get through college. She’d tried a hearing school, and even with note-takers and tutors, she couldn’t handle the large lecture halls, and the fact that the school didn’t really seem to want her. At Gally, she was visually impaired, and a new signer, but her deafness was irrelevant, plus, Gally doesn’t have any big lecture halls. She spoke pretty well, even though she hadn’t had much speech therapy since losing her hearing. She might have a CI by now, because she’s exactly the kind of person CIs were meant for-- people who became deaf as adults, and had brains that “knew” how to hear. She was very outgoing, and wouldn’t hesitate to let people know-- in the nicest way-- when something wasn’t working; if she couldn’t see, wasn’t following signing, wasn’t lip-reading a person well. I have never dated anyone Deaf and blind, but I have several Deaf-blind friends, so I think I can address this. Just take her lead, and use whatever communication system works for her. If she talks to you, listen, but don’t hesitate to ask her to repeat something you didn’t understand-- don’t pretend you heard something clearly because you don’t want to embarrass her. If she signs, take a class. Ask her if signing and talking at the same time is a distraction, or if the dual input helps. She may ask you to pick one over the other-- speaking in quiet places where the light is good (for lip-reading), but signing when there is background noise. Be prepared for other people’s reaction. People are going to think you are taking care of her-- that you are her attendant. You’ll sometimes get just one menu in a restaurant. Be prepared to keep reinforcing with people that she is independent, and you are there for the pleasure of her company, not to help her. If you have regular hang-outs, and other people you hang-out with, they’ll catch on, eventually. Now, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally interpreting something for her, but you want to avoid people making the assumption that that’s your job. Believe me, this gets really old, fast. You might feel like yelling at the 300,000th waitress who asks, in front of her “What will she have?” and believe me, people’s jaws will hit the floor when she picks up the check. Mostly, though, you get into a rhythm of whatever works for you, and you will stop thinking about what she can’t do, and just think about the things you two have fun doing together. ---
**Author:** ![Surbey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@Surbey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surbey)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2014, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/19 "2014-04-28T01:35:23Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > She sounds like someone I knew at Gallaudet when I was doing interpreter training. NF2, lost her hearing as a very young adult, and wanted to learn ASL, because she was already blind in one eye, and was concerned about the possibility of becoming completely deaf-blind. She also needed the support at Gally to get through college. She’d tried a hearing school, and even with note-takers and tutors, she couldn’t handle the large lecture halls, and the fact that the school didn’t really seem to want her. > > At Gally, she was visually impaired, and a new signer, but her deafness was irrelevant, plus, Gally doesn’t have any big lecture halls. > > She spoke pretty well, even though she hadn’t had much speech therapy since losing her hearing. She might have a CI by now, because she’s exactly the kind of person CIs were meant for-- people who became deaf as adults, and had brains that “knew” how to hear. > > She was very outgoing, and wouldn’t hesitate to let people know-- in the nicest way-- when something wasn’t working; if she couldn’t see, wasn’t following signing, wasn’t lip-reading a person well. > > I have never dated anyone Deaf and blind, but I have several Deaf-blind friends, so I think I can address this. Just take her lead, and use whatever communication system works for her. If she talks to you, listen, but don’t hesitate to ask her to repeat something you didn’t understand-- don’t pretend you heard something clearly because you don’t want to embarrass her. If she signs, take a class. Ask her if signing and talking at the same time is a distraction, or if the dual input helps. She may ask you to pick one over the other-- speaking in quiet places where the light is good (for lip-reading), but signing when there is background noise. > > Be prepared for other people’s reaction. People are going to think you are taking care of her-- that you are her attendant. You’ll sometimes get just one menu in a restaurant. Be prepared to keep reinforcing with people that she is independent, and you are there for the pleasure of her company, not to help her. If you have regular hang-outs, and other people you hang-out with, they’ll catch on, eventually. > > Now, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally interpreting something for her, but you want to avoid people making the assumption that that’s your job. Believe me, this gets really old, fast. You might feel like yelling at the 300,000th waitress who asks, in front of her “What will she have?” and believe me, people’s jaws will hit the floor when she picks up the check. > > Mostly, though, you get into a rhythm of whatever works for you, and you will stop thinking about what she can’t do, and just think about the things you two have fun doing together. This was a wonderful read. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2014, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601/20 "2014-04-28T01:51:55Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Those of us who are not burdened by handicaps are in a better position to be optimistic about our future prospects, and accordingly, may feel less despair over such a loss. Or at least get over it sooner. Really? How did you arrive at this conclusion? Or is it just an assumption based on the notion that along with disability comes an automatic lower quality of life? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-partially-blind-mostly-deaf-person-dating-advice/686601.md?page=2)