# Dating problem.....possibly. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188 "2005-10-27T19:14:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188/41 "2005-10-30T06:37:40Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > Ok, so, **a girl who i’ve made friends with** since the beginning of this semester (so i’ve known her about 4 weeks) gave me her phone number today. It was just as we were leaving a lecture, she caught back up to me, said “Oh, hey, take my phone number!” and walked off again. **R.T.** , here is the lesson: some girls think that they can be friends with boys. So this girl, who likes you and wants to be friends with you, gave you her number. You suggeted coffee, which is, in college terms, a not-date. (Frankly, in out-of-college terms, it’s not a date either, it’s a look-over.) She accepted, and because she thinks you are her friend, she treated you like any other friend she’d have coffee with, including mentioning her boyfriend. Mystery solved. You can now go back to your previously scheduled friendship. May I recommend that you cultivate her as a friend? She may be attached, but she likely has unattached friends to whom she can introduce you. Good luck. > [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Hands him a number, unbidden, and the tibbets the previously unmentioned B-bomb in casual conversation during the successive call. I dinna know how it translates in upsidedown vernacular, but here we calls this the “ol’ bait-and-switch”. **Stranger** , you could be right. I wouldn’t put any money on it, though. I’m with **Silentgoldfish** – I think you’re wrong. I don’t see anything nefarious about what she did. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188/42 "2005-10-30T07:26:00Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > Yeah, right yourself. If she’d led him on for a few dates before mentioning the boyfriend then I’d see your point but coming out with it that early on means she wants to be friends with him and wasn’t leading him on. Let us review the OP: > [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > Ok, so, a girl who i’ve made friends with since the beginning of this semester (so i’ve known her about 4 weeks) gave me her phone number today. It was just as we were leaving a lecture, she caught back up to me, said “Oh, hey, take my phone number!” and walked off again. People that know both of us have told me in the past that she might like me in a going-out-with sorta way. It’s not certain, though. I’ll concede that I don’t know the particulars or the principals in this situation, but from my experience it smacks of jerkaroundism. Every girly-friend I’ve ever had has made it clear early on via some casual but obvious comment that they have a boyfriend, husband, or are a lesbian, thereby clearing the air of any embarassingly unwanted amorous overtures. (Actually, Miss Lia told me, “I’m a dyke, so don’t get any ideas,” which was pretty funny in the context and sarcastic tone she used.) I don’t mean to ascribe this is a chick thing–guys do this too–and I don’t insist that the intent is malicious or deliberately cockbaiting, but it’s my guestimate that the young lady in question enjoys the idea of having multiple suitors and feeds the ambiguity to that end. My occasional female “drinking buddy” from work makes it aptly clear that she’s in a committed, if extended, relationship; others are deliberately more ambiguous, in the manner described by the OP, and give every appearance of looking to take advantage of that gulf of understanding, i.e. furniture hauling, free meals and drinks, covering for work, et cetera. I’ll help a friend or coworker out, but it has to be an exchange of favors, not a one-way street based on unrequited promissary notes. I could be all wet–and it’s been so long since I’ve been diving I wouldn’t mind some water–but the very situation described in the OP resulted in me writing FORTRAN programs for several young ladies, none of whom had any interested in me–romantically or amicably–at endterm. A friend indeed… Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2005, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188/43 "2005-10-30T12:39:49Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > …on an average first date with one there is almost a zero percent chance of being anally probed. Man, have I been doing it wrong then! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188/44 "2005-11-01T21:14:45Z")
In my experience, if you’re going to get anally probed, it’s much better if it’s an alien doing the probing and you don’t remember anything the next day. Trust me on this. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188/45 "2005-11-02T00:48:43Z")
Hey, **Revvie** (can I call you Revvie? Good.), from what I’ve seen here so far, you have excellent instincts and are brave enough to do what you have to do to get to know the ladies. In other words, you done good. Like others have said, dating and meeting new people is a skill that can be learned like any other; the more you talk to girls and go on dates (even friend dates), the better you’ll get at it. I also highly recommend online dating for polishing your talking to girls and dating skills. It doesn’t matter if the girls you meet at a dating site are THE ONE or not - it’s probably better if they aren’t at this point, because you sound pretty young. Anyway, cudos to you for calling her when the easy thing to do would have been to do nothing. You sound pretty normal to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-problem-possibly/328188.md?page=2)