# Dating Site Etiquette re: responding to messages **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2015, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655 "2015-02-14T18:34:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2015, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/41 "2015-02-21T21:20:31Z")
Girls on dating sites don’t actually want to meet guys. They want to receive tons of messages and feel empowered. It’s all just insecurity run amok. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2015, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/42 "2015-02-21T21:32:23Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Girls on dating sites don’t actually want to meet guys. > > They want to receive tons of messages and feel empowered. > > It’s all just insecurity run amok. LOL. Sometimes I think that just might be true. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2015, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/43 "2015-02-21T22:46:16Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Girls on dating sites don’t actually want to meet guys. > > They want to receive tons of messages and feel empowered. > > It’s all just insecurity run amok. Guys on dating sites don’t actually want to meet women. They want to coerce tons of nude pics from women to wank to and then share w/ friends. It’s all just immaturity run amok. (Sure is toasty under these blanket statements.) ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/44 "2015-02-23T16:57:58Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Honestly, I don’t see what is so bad about asking “What are you doing?”. She’s just hoping that you are doing something that’s worth making conversation about. I’m going to have agree with **hajario** on this. This is by far the most frustrating kind of response, especially if the women doesn’t list any things in common, or even worse has a blank profile. The whole reason for those profiles is to find areas or commonality or at least a conversation starter. A “hello” in this situation is like playing that old text adventure game, incredibly frustrating. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/45 "2015-02-23T17:52:21Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Guys on dating sites don’t actually want to meet women. > > They want to coerce tons of nude pics from women to wank to and then share w/ friends. > > It’s all just immaturity run amok. > > (Sure is toasty under these blanket statements.) Wait, women on dating sites will send you nude pics? 😕 _registers_ ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/46 "2015-02-23T18:27:08Z")
I’ve been married since 2001, so I’ve never been on a dating site. I’d like to know one thing: is it possible to think that because you didn’t get a response, you message got lost in the ether? I think if I actively signed up for a site where I knew I’d get messages, I’d send some kind of reply that let the sender know I _received the message_, but didn’t want any further contact, otherwise, I would worry that I might get continual messages on the assumption that the first one wasn’t received for some reason. I’d send something like “I received your message, but I’m not interested in further correspondence.” If I got any more messages from that person, those I’d ignore. Now, if you know absolutely that your message was received, then I guess no reply is a message sent loud and clear. Do the sites have some way of notifying you that the message was received? opened? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/47 "2015-02-23T18:56:19Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I’ve been married since 2001, so I’ve never been on a dating site. I’d like to know one thing: is it possible to think that because you didn’t get a response, you message got lost in the ether? I think if I actively signed up for a site where I knew I’d get messages, I’d send some kind of reply that let the sender know I _received the message_, but didn’t want any further contact, otherwise, I would worry that I might get continual messages on the assumption that the first one wasn’t received for some reason. I’d send something like “I received your message, but I’m not interested in further correspondence.” If I got any more messages from that person, those I’d ignore. > > Now, if you know absolutely that your message was received, then I guess no reply is a message sent loud and clear. Do the sites have some way of notifying you that the message was received? opened? I think some do have a means of confirming whether a message has been read, but it seems you have to pay (or pay extra) for it. I never was too worried about that, though. The first few times you sent an e-mail, maybe you called the person to see if they received it; after you’ve used a system a few times, you start to trust that it works. And if your first message to someone did fall into some sort of black hole, there’s nothing you can do about it except send another message (into the same black hole). ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2015, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655/48 "2015-02-23T18:58:16Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I’ve been married since 2001, so I’ve never been on a dating site. I’d like to know one thing: is it possible to think that because you didn’t get a response, you message got lost in the ether? I think if I actively signed up for a site where I knew I’d get messages, I’d send some kind of reply that let the sender know I _received the message_, but didn’t want any further contact, otherwise, I would worry that I might get continual messages on the assumption that the first one wasn’t received for some reason. I’d send something like “I received your message, but I’m not interested in further correspondence.” If I got any more messages from that person, those I’d ignore. > > Now, if you know absolutely that your message was received, then I guess no reply is a message sent loud and clear. Do the sites have some way of notifying you that the message was received? opened? It’s no different than an email in that respect except for there are no spam filters. It will show up in your outbox. Some sites will show whether a message is read or not as part of the membership. The free sites will generally only do that if you pay for a premium membership. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-site-etiquette-re-responding-to-messages/712655.md?page=2)