# Dating tips for short guys? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 8, 2008, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085 "2008-10-08T22:36:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/61 "2008-10-09T17:08:02Z")
> [@dmatsch](#): > > If a guy is nice, cute, funny, caring, etc. All the things a woman professes that she wants, and this woman is superficial enough to disregard that guy because he’s short, then it’s “her problem” and not mine. Don’t ugly people face the same issues? They may be nice, funny, caring, intelligent, but that doesn’t mean you have to be attracted to them. If you’re not attracted to them, that doesn’t make you a jerk. Do you not take peoples’ looks into account? Someone’s height is part of their look. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/62 "2008-10-09T17:08:04Z")
> [@Walton\_Firm](#): > > There is very little you can do about your physical height, but your _perceived_ height is surprisingly changeable. > > In Robert Cialdini’s excellent book _Influence: the psychology of persuasion_ he describes an experiment in which a visitor from another university was introduced to five different groups of students with different titles. To one group he was introduced as a student, to the next as a demonstrator, then a lecturer, then a senior lecturer, then a professor. Afterwards, the students were asked to estimate his height. It turns out that with each increase in status his perceived height grew by half an inch, so that as the professor he was 2.5 inches taller than as a student. > > So, instead of giving in to your low self esteem, work on being the kind of person who is perceived as being taller than he really is. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your head high, like a guy who knows that he can handle anything the world might throw at him – it may add only a little to your actual height, but it could well mean a difference of several inches in how people perceive you.. Having a confident attitude makes a huge difference, too. I’ve overestimated someone’s height by four inches once because I was so used to thinking of her as a confident, active, vibrant person. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2008, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/63 "2008-10-09T17:14:13Z")
> [@Walton\_Firm](#): > > So, instead of giving in to your low self esteem, work on being the kind of person who is perceived as being taller than he really is. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your head high, like a guy who knows that he can handle anything the world might throw at him – it may add only a little to your actual height, but it could well mean a difference of several inches in how people perceive you.. Interesting, I’ve noticed the same sort of thing. There’s a local auto mechanic I know, he’s a fairly stout man, an older guy, knows a lot of stuff, tough and doesn’t take shit. I thought he was like 6 feet tall, but I saw him standing next to another guy that is about 6 feet tall, and he looked a lot shorter. Turns out he’s really only an inch or two taller than me. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/64 "2008-10-09T17:37:26Z")
I don’t get it. I am about 5 ft 7. I lived with a woman who was 6 ft tall for 5 years. Height never occurred to me as a consideration. How horribly shallow ,that is. If you see a tall girl and want to date her,ask her out. You might find she is above height as a problem. It will help keep the top of your refrigerator and top shelves less dusty. ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2008, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/65 "2008-10-09T17:49:31Z")
**dmatsch** , **Polerius** , I kind of agree with both of you. Allowing societal norms to determine who you’ll consider attractive sucks, obviously. Also obviously, some parts of attraction have nothing to do with blind acceptance of societal norms and aren’t something you can change on purpose. And there’s a difference between preference and prejudice. Obvy trifecta. I never decided to be turned on by shortness; it just happened that way. I have definitely been attracted to some specific tall men in my life and would never rule out chatting up an interesting guy because he tops 6’ or what have you. It’s just that if I were building a hottie from scratch, he’d be short. It’s like having a favorite color, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Wernstrom5000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/41988e/32.png) [@Wernstrom5000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wernstrom5000)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/66 "2008-10-10T02:29:36Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > Huh, I"m _4’2"_ and pump my own gas. And while I don’t have achondroplasia, I have seen people who did do so. I’m happy for the people that surgery works out for, but it is _EXTREMELY_ controversial. (I have something nobody’s ever heard of, but my proportions are sort of opposite – my torso’s short, my arms and legs are longer.) > > My mom was several inches taller than my dad – she’s 5’9", he was 5’5" or so. It is entirely possible for a woman to be attracted to a man shorter than she is or I wouldn’t be here. > > I can’t say I’ve dated anybody shorter than me but I wouldn’t have a problem with it as long as I liked them. It’s just that I haven’t had much contact with men who are. How has being 4’2" affected your life? What are the advantages and disadvantages? As a very short woman, does it disadvantage you in the dating realm? Also, for my own curiosity, what is the name of your condition? ---
**Author:** ![Wernstrom5000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/41988e/32.png) [@Wernstrom5000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wernstrom5000)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/67 "2008-10-10T02:32:01Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Damn, you sound like someone I’d love to go out with, if I weren’t already partnered (and assuming that you’d go out with a 63-y.o. gay man). Believe me, my taste in men isn’t unique; you will find someone who’s attracted to you exactly the way you are. LOL. I’m already aware that gay guys apparently find me attractive, but that doesn’t do me a lot of good. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/68 "2008-10-10T03:29:27Z")
I fell for my 5’ 3" husband while ON A DATE with a six-foot guy…who ended up as best man at our wedding. I am 5’4". He was a skinny thing then, too…120 lbs, 28" waist, 32" inseam…we had to shop for pants in the boys department! He’s my ex-husband now, and only partly because of his height…he was and is totally insecure about his height, and his red hair. He was a military officer and carries himself with confidence and authority…but deep down, he still has this inferiority complex. He left me for a shorter woman…lol. But what attracted me to him was his sense of humor, and his …damn, now I can’t think of what else he had going for him back then besides his cute tush…but he height was never the problem for me…just his own feelings about it. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/69 "2008-10-10T05:34:19Z")
Just as an aside, and obviously the OP can’t force himself to be attracted to someone, in my experience, taller women actually seem to prefer shorter men more than short women do. I have a number of tall female friends 5’8" - 6’3". With the exception of one of them they’ve all partnered with men much shorter than they are. Also, I’ve had conversations with women my height grousing about how short guys won’t give them the time of day. Conversely, I known a number of short women - 5’1" - 5’3" that insist their man needs to be 6’ or taller. Maybe they’re hoping for tall children. Anyhow - if the OP is flexible with the women he approaches, he could do quite well for himself. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/70 "2008-10-10T05:45:54Z")
I’m not so sure about the muscular thing. Get toned, but don’t bulk up to ‘compensate’ for your height. I have quite a few short guy friends and the straight ones do very well when it comes to women. Their height rarely comes up, but when it does it’s never in an ‘Ooh, we should tiptoe around this’ way. I swear one of them even plays it up to paint himself as some sort of underdog who needs to be taken care of (in bed, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/71 "2008-10-10T05:48:08Z")
1. Locate local Tolkien geek comunity 2. Aquire Hobbit costume 3. Profit! ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/72 "2008-10-10T06:38:09Z")
I’m with those who say confidence counts more than height. I used to joke to friends that I was really 5’8" and my diminutive 5’7" stature was an optical illusion. Eh, it was good for a laugh. My SO, who it feels like I’ve been with forever, is 5’9". In fact I’ve only dated one girl who was shorter than I am. I don’t believe I prefer taller girls. It’s just worked out that way for me. I’ve never had a problem getting dates. I’m in my mid 40s now, and I haven’t been without a date/girlfriend/SO since I was 17. I haven’t read this entire thread, but there are a few of things you should keep in mind, much of which applies to any man. I apologize if I’m repeating what someone else wrote. 1. Be comfortable with yourself. If the woman you’re interested in senses apprehension or insecurity in you she will look for the source until she finds it, which will take about two seconds. A woman will date a short man, but a woman won’t date a short man with no confidence. 2. Don’t do anything whatsoever to draw attention to your height. Don’t crane your neck, or angle your head in a weird way to try to seem taller (I’ve actually seen that…kind of funny and sad at the same time). Don’t try to walk on your toes, or without bending your knees. 3. Don’t try to compensate for your stature with anything big…unless it’s attached to you (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more :)). 4. Don’t try to be something/someone you’re not. Women see through BS like it’s glass. 5. Don’t lie. Men are not good liars. Women have liedar and it’s set to high when they first meet a man. You will get caught, even if you’re not made aware of it. It’s not worth it. Don’t do it. 6. Don’t look, act, or be desperate. Women hate that (it’s actually kind of scary). 7. Exhibit a sense of humor (but don’t over do it). If a woman finds you funny she’ll find you interesting. If she finds you interesting you have a shot, no matter how tall you are. If you’re an average to good looking guy you should have no problem dating. If you are having a problem, striking out, etc…, I’d say it’s more than likely a confidence issue. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/73 "2008-10-10T09:01:40Z")
FWIW, I’m nearly 6’ and it’s sheer fluke that my SOs have been taller than me. Or actually, maybe it isn’t: I have no problem with shorter men, but many of them have a real problem with MY height… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/74 "2008-10-10T09:18:17Z")
> [@Walton\_Firm](#): > > So, instead of giving in to your low self esteem, work on being the kind of person who is perceived as being taller than he really is. One of my students was eye-level to me, but somehow he always seemed taller at a distance. He was a US Army Lieutenant and, while not supremely confident in himself, he did project supreme confidence. Many people, seeing how he commanded everybody’s attention and silence with an “excuse me,” would never have believed that he got as nervous as everybody else before an exam 🙂 Or that he was only 5’4"-5’5". ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/75 "2008-10-10T13:40:19Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > 1. Be comfortable with yourself. If the woman you’re interested in senses apprehension or insecurity in you she will look for the source until she finds it, which will take about two seconds. A woman will date a short man, but a woman won’t date a short man with no confidence. > > 2. Don’t do anything whatsoever to draw attention to your height. Don’t crane your neck, or angle your head in a weird way to try to seem taller (I’ve actually seen that…kind of funny and sad at the same time). Don’t try to walk on your toes, or without bending your knees. > > 3. **Don’t try to compensate for your stature with anything big** …unless it’s attached to you (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more :)). > > 4. Don’t try to be something/someone you’re not. Women see through BS like it’s glass. > > 5. Don’t lie. Men are not good liars. Women have liedar and it’s set to high when they first meet a man. You will get caught, even if you’re not made aware of it. It’s not worth it. Don’t do it. > > 6. Don’t look, act, or be desperate. Women hate that (it’s actually kind of scary). > > 7. Exhibit a sense of humor (but don’t over do it). If a woman finds you funny she’ll find you interesting. If she finds you interesting you have a shot, no matter how tall you are. > > If you’re an average to good looking guy you should have no problem dating. If you are having a problem, striking out, etc…, I’d say it’s more than likely a confidence issue. I have to repeat everything **Onomatopoeia** said. The bolded part is mine. I know a couple of short men who either drive a flashy car or nearly a monster truck trying to make up for their shortness. It doesn’t. Nothing will. Get over it. Just be yourself. I’m just under 5’5" and I’ve always been attracted to short men. I’m famous for it among my friends. I married a man who is 5’5". He’s now married to a woman who’s 5’9" and very attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/76 "2008-10-10T17:29:03Z")
To the OP: You say you are very skinny, and in your mid-twenties, and want to tone up or increase your muscle mass. Take this from someone who was a very skinny (140 lbs at 5’11") 25-year old who’d never done any kind of physical training until then: You can’t suddenly bulk up or become too muscular, no matter what you do. At your age, plus being a probable ectomorph, you’ll have to do everything you can to increase your muscle mass noticeably. The buff guys you see have been training for years or decades and / or are among the blessed minority who are genetically apt to have lots of muscle mass and little body fat. Many of them do gear (testosterone, human growth hormones etc.) in addition to training very hard, eating constantly and sleeping alot. Us adult ectos, with narrow shoulders, thin arms and flat chests, past the puberty testosterone peak and without a years-long adaptation to hard physical exertion like the jocks, have a steep hill to climb to improve our look. Fat is systemic, but in a sense muscle is, too. You can’t increase your muscle size in one body part much at all without improving all the other bodyparts, too. Even if you did, you’d end up looking funny and suffering from imbalance injuries. This is why serious recreational trainers do lots of squats and deadlifts, even if few women look at a man’s thighs all that much. To get more muscle, you’ll need to get _stronger everywhere_, ie. do big, compound movements with regularly increasing loads. Two years of dedicated, progressive strength training (after a couple years of gaining experience, knowledge and condition via bodyweight exercise) and eating twice as much of real food as I did before, week in, week out, have changed my appearance enough that I’m no longer skinny. Friends remark: “Hey, you’ve gained mass!” or “How do you look so big?” Can’t tell how good that feels after years of commentary like “how can you be so skinny?!” or “you must have a worm in your gut to eat like that and be so tiny!”. It’s also nice to realize you’re strong, carrying, lifting, opening everyday stuff. But most of the improvement is not something you yourself see when flexing your biceps in front of the mirror. The mass is all over you, mostly in your legs and back. I’m not buff or bulky by any means even after a shitload of hard work, massively increased lift poundages and eating like a bodybuilder. Life’s not fair in that many guys are just as big and strong as me without ever training. I do look and feel healthy and sporty, though. No-one says I’m skinny or small anymore, and my confidence has improved a lot. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/77 "2008-10-10T17:55:03Z")
> [@Wernstrom5000](#): > > How has being 4’2" affected your life? What are the advantages and disadvantages? As a very short woman, does it disadvantage you in the dating realm? Also, for my own curiosity, what is the name of your condition? Middle school was no fun, but in general, it doesn’t affect my life too much; I have stepstools everywhere, I do have some problems being on my feet a lot due to my back and other issues, but my height in and of itself isn’t a huge obstacle. Though if I could get my hands on whoever decided four feet was a good height for a counter… Dating? I’ve had two serious relationships, but I don’t date much, out of choice as much as anything else. I’ve had a couple of run-ins with guys who were creeeeeeepy where my height is concerned (as in “I know it’s wrong to be with a child but you’re about the same height and legal” creepy) so most dates I’ve been on were with men I knew before we went out. Mostly I’m happy by myself, these days, but if somebody happened along that’d be great too. And what I have is called spondylometaphaseal dysplasia. (I think I spelled that right, it’s tricky!) It turns up in something less than 1 per a million births. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/78 "2008-10-10T19:53:34Z")
One of my Best Friends is a short guy. As in my height: 5’4". He is one of the most amazing athlete’s I’ve ever seen and he is past his prime. Went to college on a full FOOTBALL and BASEBALL scholarship. Started for both teams and never got injured. He has never had a problem with getting women and if there is any chance of a fight going on or someone needs a punch in the nose, HE IS YOUR GO-TO GUY. It aint’ Napolean Complex. Trust me on this. After knowing him long enough and all of us discussing this guy in depth, we all came to realize if he were 6’4, he’s still be this peppery. He is a fookin’ Jack Russel Terrier. Hard Wire for anything and everything. You bring a fight, he’ll fight. You bring a ball, he’s game. You wanna race, he’ll beat you there and back and still kick your ass and not be winded. We are all secretly in awe of him and glad he’s on our side. The best description, and a constant phrase that said to his face as he is staring up at some a-hole who commited some faux paux ( like calling my husband a cocksucker. ) He swears he isn’t. and our buddy was RIGHT THERE demanding satisfaction to hear, " You are a cocky motherfucker, aren’t you?" ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/79 "2008-10-10T20:31:21Z")
Wernstrom5000, You must be in a bad place in your life to be considering an act as desperate as surgery to get taller. The body building idea also seems pretty desperate. I can understand some of where you’re coming from. I’m short, but I’m taller than you. 5’4" puts you around the second percentile for American men. I read something once in which a guy described being his life of being short as saying when you walk into a conversation with group of people you don’t know you are automatically considered the least knowledgeable person in the bunch. If you haven’t been there you don’t know. There are other stereotypes as well. Look at the comments made by well-meaning people in this thread. Would a tall guy be advised against buying a flashy car? Every guy I know who drives an SUV is taller than I am. What are they compensating for? Buying clothes and shoes is easier for small men? Try it sometime and you will see how untrue that is. Many women on these boards say they don’t care how tall guys are. Strangely, however, personal ads written by women often include minimum heights, but it’s rare to never you will see an ad saying the men must be 5’6" or under. My brother (5’5") would make a great catch for the right girl, but women just don’t pay any attention to him. Their loss, but it’s his loss as well. Generally, I find women won’t go out with guys who aren’t as tall as they are (take a look at the couples you see in the mall), BUT there are exceptions to this and the average height of a woman in the U.S. is one inch shorter than you are so there is that. You might need to ask a lot of girls out to find the interested ones, but that’s just the way it is. I would not blow-off the taller ones either. Don’t assume they won’t go with you. Let them make that decision, don’t make it for them. The thing is, are you happy with yourself? What is this stuff about bulking up? Is that what you really want? Do you like yourself the way are? If not, why not? If so, why change? A lot of people never get married and still lead happy lives. If you’re in a good place with yourself that will make everything flow better, including dating. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2008, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085/80 "2008-10-10T20:42:17Z")
> [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](#): > > Many women on these boards say they don’t care how tall guys are. Strangely, however, personal ads written by women often include minimum heights I think there is a reporting bias in this thread, which has two sources 1. Women of the SDMB are not the norm 2. Women for whom height _is_ an important factor are less likely to come in here and state their preferences, than women for whom height is not important or women who actually prefer shorter guys. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-tips-for-short-guys/467085.md?page=5)