# Dating Website and the weight question... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 14, 2008, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818 "2008-10-14T01:17:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dactylic\_hexameter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@dactylic\_hexameter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dactylic_hexameter)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/41 "2008-10-14T21:52:46Z")
While we’re at the descriptive game, can y’all do me too? (NO! Not that way. Well, maybe some of you). Here are my [pictures](http://www.flickr.com/photos/44957517@N00/sets/72157608027467460/). (Click on the thumbnails). The reason I ask is that I never know how to describe myself either. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/42 "2008-10-14T22:03:22Z")
> [@dactylic\_hexameter](#): > > While we’re at the descriptive game, can y’all do me too? (NO! Not that way. Well, maybe some of you). Here are my [pictures](http://www.flickr.com/photos/44957517@N00/sets/72157608027467460/). (Click on the thumbnails). The reason I ask is that I never know how to describe myself either. Would hit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/43 "2008-10-14T22:03:45Z")
> [@Omega\_Glory](#): > > About curvy-since when is that a size? If I hear curvy, I’m thinking hourglass shaped, which could cover an entire range of all but the most extreme weights. This is one reason why I hate the use of euphemisms when it comes to body weight. Some choose to call themselves “curvy,” which means that some people are bound to think that they have a figure like that of Marilyn Monroe. And yes, I know that by saying this, I’m bound to open myself up to all sorts of criticism. This isn’t an indictment of overweight people, folks. I’m just saying that using terms like this can only obscure communication, rather than facilitate it. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/44 "2008-10-14T22:05:27Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > BBW refers to women who are _significantly_ overweight/morbidly obese. You are not. Take your pick of “curvy,” “full-figured,” or “a few extra pounds,” all of which are synonyms for “not a size 4.” I agree. BBW has come to mean well over 300 lbs in dating terms. I would pick full figured from your picture. No way BBW. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/45 "2008-10-14T22:24:20Z")
> [@dactylic\_hexameter](#): > > While we’re at the descriptive game, can y’all do me too? (NO! Not that way. Well, maybe some of you). Here are my [pictures](http://www.flickr.com/photos/44957517@N00/sets/72157608027467460/). (Click on the thumbnails). The reason I ask is that I never know how to describe myself either. “A few extra pounds” or “full-figured.” Either one would be fine and not seem like false advertising to me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/46 "2008-10-14T22:25:05Z")
I think from the pictures given I’d put **BrknButterfly** and **dactylic hexameter** both in “few extra pounds.” As others have said, there is a certain amount of adspeak going on with online dating. I think “few extra pounds” gives the message you want to get across to the guys - you’re normal women who actually eat a real meal at dinner, are in moderately good shape (not running marathons, but up for hikes or walks), but aren’t really interested in a guy who only wants an 18 year old hardbody. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/47 "2008-10-14T22:36:43Z")
I haven’t read the rest of the replies but I bet the consensus matches what I am about to say. In real life you are barely a BBW. In the dating site world, you are “curvy” or “a few extra pounds.” I don’t know about men but women who could stand to lose some weight kick themselves down a notch. That’s the expectation so you have to go with it. Real life…Match Slender…Slender Athletic…Athletic Average…Average Few Extra Lbs…Average Curvy…Few Extra Lbs BBW…Curvy Morbidly Obese…BBW ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/48 "2008-10-14T22:40:15Z")
> [@dactylic\_hexameter](#): > > While we’re at the descriptive game, can y’all do me too? (NO! Not that way. Well, maybe some of you). Here are my [pictures](http://www.flickr.com/photos/44957517@N00/sets/72157608027467460/). (Click on the thumbnails). The reason I ask is that I never know how to describe myself either. Real life, few extra pounds. [Match.com](http://Match.com), average. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/49 "2008-10-14T23:21:11Z")
> [@BrknButterfly](#): > > Am I BBW? I’m not sure how these dating sites work, but, does everyone have to decide on a label for themselves? Can’t you (the general you) just put up some full-body pictures (and possibly your weight) and let people decide for themselves if they are interested? After all, for the same weight and height, some people with a good body shape will look good and other people with the fat distributed not so ideally will look bad. All these euphemisms for various body types are misleading and don’t help get to the bottom line, which is: are two people interested in dating each other. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2008, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/50 "2008-10-14T23:56:10Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > I’m not sure how these dating sites work, but, does everyone have to decide on a label for themselves? Can’t you (the general you) just put up some full-body pictures (and possibly your weight) and let people decide for themselves if they are interested? > > After all, for the same weight and height, some people with a good body shape will look good and other people with the fat distributed not so ideally will look bad. All these euphemisms for various body types are misleading and don’t help get to the bottom line, which is: are two people interested in dating each other. I agree. Put up a few flattering, but honest pictures of yourself, and let people decide for themselves. A headshot, waist-up shot, and full body shot would be ideal to give someone a good idea if there is physical attraction as well as personal chemistry. Also, a “personality” shot or two or three is pretty good. I’m a little surprised at what people label “average” here, but as long as there are supporting photos, it doesn’t really matter if my “average” is the same as your “average.” ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/51 "2008-10-15T00:20:18Z")
> [@dactylic\_hexameter](#): > > …Here are my [pictures](http://www.flickr.com/photos/44957517@N00/sets/72157608027467460/). (Click on the thumbnails). The reason I ask is that I never know how to describe myself either. Oh that picture, **dactylic hexameter** - such a sweet sad expression there, sort of like the little puppy that KNOWS if it does the soulful look, it will get good things. 😃 (Note: I intended no impoliteness: I was just quite struck and sort of amused by your facial expression there, that’s all. 🙂 ) Heh, on second thoughts, an expression guaranteed to get chocolate? Yep, excellent pic. 😃 As for weight, yeah, I’d call that “a few extra pounds” although really it IS only a few, and I mean that in the real world sense, but from most of the other posts in this thread, it sounds as though it would be “slim” for a dating site. However \*do \*people manage these things, really? I mean, it sounds as though there is a whole new code to learn and you have to be fibbing at exactly the same level as a whole bunch of strangers. Sort of like the conundrum of ought one to lie on one’s C.V./resumé because others do it. I could have sworn I’ve seen people on the Dope say that dating sites are less stress and hassle _etc. etc.,_, but when you have to start learning a new language … eek. I reckon I’ll stay single for now: so much simpler.😃 And I wouldn’t call **BrknButterfly** in any way obese either,and I doubt I would even say “big”, but I would not have known that “BBW” thing meaning _enormously_ big. Hahah, **BrknButterfly** , what a confusion, eh? Like you, I would have gone for over-honesty and probably used whatever the term was for “overweight” or “a bit too fat” and thought that was the right and correct thing to do. The idea of the guy who complained that he felt “led on” when you were not the right size for him seemed sort of funny. > [@](#): > > He said that BBW is for woman (or men) 350 to 400 pounds or more. But that seems scarily big. (I’ve just bothered to translate that into stones, which I am more used to understanding, and that is a LOT, even if the numbers sound smaller in stones). It’s good, though, that he can find women of the size he wants, but it was a bit uncivil of him to say he felt “led on”, I think. And I always thought if I were to join a dating site, I’d describe myself as fat and scruffy, that way no-one gets disappointed or overly shocked. Nah, second thoughts, I probably don’t get to change the “scruffy” bit to more polite terms. :D. Now if they had a good fibbing code language for the scale from “attractive if she bothers to try” to “scruffy little mess” I would like that. Good grief! I just looked at a conversion site, and I find there is a weight of measurement called “cloves”. Oh what? I find I weigh 18.29 cloves. Hmmm. Very very strange. Not any cloves that I have ever seen, no.:eek: Very big cloves. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/52 "2008-10-15T01:06:41Z")
> [@Celyn](#): > > However \*do \*people manage these things, really? I mean, it sounds as though there is a whole new code to learn and you have to be fibbing at exactly the same level as a whole bunch of strangers. Sort of like the conundrum of ought one to lie on one’s C.V./resumé because others do it. I could have sworn I’ve seen people on the Dope say that dating sites are less stress and hassle _etc. etc.,_, but when you have to start learning a new language … eek. I don’t think it’s a matter of learning a new language, it’s just judging which people are generous in their description of themselves, and which are brutally honest. It’s like in any other area of life, really. Not everyone exaggerates on these things. I’ve seen girls on there that describe themselves as “average,” whom I would consider perhaps on the slim side. Others call themselves “average” and are 20 pounds overweight (which, honestly, may be “average” depending on your location.) I _think_ I described myself as “a few extra pounds” as a 5’11" male at 190 pounds. I personally think it’s a little better to undersell. YMMV. So, no, it’s not a new language. It’s just regular ol’ human behavior. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/53 "2008-10-15T01:57:07Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > All these euphemisms for various body types are misleading and don’t help get to the bottom line, which is: are two people interested in dating each other. Exactly right. That’s why I always advise women to avoid using these euphemisms. I think that “BBW” is the worst one, BTW. Why? Because it’s used indiscriminately. Let’s face it—most of the women who call themselves “BBW” aren’t really beautiful, just as most scrawny men aren’t really magnificent hunks. Please don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that large women can’t be beautiful, nor am I saying that these women are automatically unattractive. However, when we indiscriminately label this entire class as “big, beautiful,” then this term makes people regard them with more of a jaded eye. So skip the euphemisms. Do you think that you’re genuinely beautiful? Then by all means, say so! Would you prefer a more modest assessment? Then describe yourself as “pretty” or “attractive.” Do you think that your beauty comes from within? Then extol the virtues of your character. These euphemisms don’t really disguise the truth, and I suspect that they tend to turn people away instead. ---
**Author:** ![BrknButterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BrknButterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrknButterfly)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/54 "2008-10-15T13:51:27Z")
I am thinking that not only am I going to change the size term, but I am thinking I am going to rewrite the summery and let it sit there. Maybe run it by you guys before posting it. Or maybe I should just let you guys set me up… 😉 LOL ---
**Author:** ![dactylic\_hexameter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@dactylic\_hexameter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dactylic_hexameter)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/55 "2008-10-15T19:16:11Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > “A few extra pounds” or “full-figured.” Either one would be fine and not seem like false advertising to me. See, this is surprising to me, because I’m technically about 75lbs overweight. Even saying standard weight charts are crap, I’m about 40lbs heavier than I want to be. Which makes “a few extra pounds” more like, “a whole heckuva lot of extra pounds”. Stupid adjectival phrases and their lack of specificity… ---
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/56 "2008-10-15T19:24:53Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I think from the pictures given I’d put **BrknButterfly** and **dactylic hexameter** both in “few extra pounds.” As others have said, there is a certain amount of adspeak going on with online dating. I think “few extra pounds” gives the message you want to get across to the guys - you’re normal women who actually eat a real meal at dinner, are in moderately good shape (not running marathons, but up for hikes or walks), but aren’t really interested in a guy who only wants an 18 year old hardbody. Hehe, nice way to turn the tables 😛 Wouldn’t it be more honest to say, “not really interesting to a guy who only wants an 18 year old hardbody”? But yes, you are ‘a few extra pounds’ … could look healthy in the right light, could look fat in the right light, but really somewhere in between. pdts ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/57 "2008-10-15T21:11:12Z")
I’d say full figured **Brknbutterfly**. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I did notice something while cyberdating way back. There is supposed to be a scale of descriptions that starts from skinny on up to well, fat. So right square in the middle should be someone who is neither skinny nor fat. “Average” usually fell in between extremes on the dating sites scales. But too many women thought that “average” meant oh hey, most women are overweight. Thus many “average” self-descriptions. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/58 "2008-10-16T17:55:31Z")
> [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > Hehe, nice way to turn the tables 😛 > > Wouldn’t it be more honest to say, “not really interesting to a guy who only wants an 18 year old hardbody”?\ > > pdts Unfortunately they never have a radio button for that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrknButterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BrknButterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrknButterfly)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2008, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/59 "2008-10-16T18:11:22Z")
The thing with “A few extra pounds” is while that may be some what acceptable, I don’t want to deal with the disappointing face when he first sees me. Like I said, isn’t like I don’t like myself or accept myself for who or what I am… I just don’t want to deal with… “Well I think you are a little more heavier then what you said on your profile”. or the “led on” factor. So I tend to over state it. Maybe it goes with the mentality of expect and prepare for the worse but then be surprised when it isn’t… type thing. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818/60 "2008-10-16T18:58:37Z")
> [@BrknButterfly](#): > > The thing with “A few extra pounds” is while that may be some what acceptable, I don’t want to deal with the disappointing face when he first sees me. If you put “a few extra pounds” and included same pictures that you posted here, no one would have any call to be disappointed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-website-and-the-weight-question/467818.md?page=4)