# Dating-wise, are people simply pickier than they were 50 years ago? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 9, 2015, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965 "2015-12-09T17:13:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/41 "2015-12-11T06:42:38Z")
> [@iljitsch](#): > > Yes, but that was rather particular to that time period. Before the second world war people got married significantly older than in the decade or two after. > **[Median Age at First Marriage, 1890–2010](https://www.infoplease.com/us/family-statistics/median-age-first-marriage-1890-2010)** > > The following table shows the median age of men and women when they were first married in the United States from 1890 to 2010. The median age for a man's first marriage was 28.2 years in 2010, up from 26.1 in 1990. The median age for a woman's first... ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/42 "2015-12-11T15:05:15Z")
> [@BigBlue](#): > > Sure it would be. Just because you choose to make something difficult doesn’t make it difficult. No, it would not be because I “choose” to make something difficult. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/43 "2015-12-11T16:47:44Z")
I think that people have more options available to them than they did 50 years ago. Not necessarily in choice of specific partners (although certainly that as well), but also in the avenues available to them to accomplish goals. For example, I have an aunt who married specifically _only_ because she wanted to have children. Not have children personally - she had not interest in pregnancy or childbirth. She wanted to _adopt_ children, and it was exponentially easier to adopt children at the time if you were married. To my knowledge, she and my uncle never actually consummated their marriage, but they were happily married for nearly 50 years (until her death) and adopted four children. According to my mother, my aunt had no real interest in sex - but desperately wanted children. Having a husband was a nearly-indispensable part of having children, so she found herself a suitable one. Even 50 years ago, there just weren’t a whole raft of choices available for women who didn’t want to remain dependent on their parents. When I hit my dating years, I could _afford_ to be picky. Literally. I could also afford to place a bigger emphasis and weight of valuation on factors that were more about my personal preferences. 50 years ago, there were precious few jobs open to women - and those that were open to women often required the permission of a married woman’s husband for her to do them. At my mom’s first two jobs as a schoolteacher, her jobs required her husband’s signed permission at the beginning of each school year for her to start work. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/44 "2015-12-11T18:02:04Z")
> [@Aangelica](#): > > Even 50 years ago, there just weren’t a whole raft of choices available for women who didn’t want to remain dependent on their parents… 50 years ago, there were precious few jobs open to women - and those that were open to women often required the permission of a married woman’s husband for her to do them. At my mom’s first two jobs as a schoolteacher, her jobs required her husband’s signed permission at the beginning of each school year for her to start work. Huh? While various high status jobs were closed to women, there were a huge number of moderate and lower status jobs available to them. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/45 "2015-12-11T18:38:41Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Huh? While various high status jobs were closed to women, there were a huge number of moderate and lower status jobs available to them. The point is that women, just like men, seek to optimize their status. Getting married allowed women to have access to positions with status (like teaching) that she wouldn’t otherwise have access to. I’m guessing a lot of women used to get married not because they were OMG IN LURVE!! because they wanted the things that come with being married. Like status. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/46 "2015-12-11T19:58:02Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > [Median Age at First Marriage, 1890–2010](http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005061.html) Sorry, I didn’t have time to actually think one way or other about this data earlier, I just wanted to get some data listed to look at. It does seem that for men, **iljitsch** ’s assertion is true. But for women it is not, and it was women that I was talking about (very few men get pregnant after all). Looking at the numbers, I wouldn’t be surprised if the raise in the median marriage age, for women, wasn’t significantly helped by removing the 13-17 crowd from the data. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/47 "2015-12-11T20:30:22Z")
I’m less picky than I was 50 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/48 "2015-12-11T22:06:46Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Yeah, I’m not thinking anyone enrolls in an engineering school because they want to get laid. 😃 Hey, it worked for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/49 "2015-12-11T22:16:17Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > I am shocked–SHOCKED–that of the 50 women entering the freshman class at MIT in 1965, along with the 1000 men, not one had this attitude. No one in my high school classes did either. I won’t say that no one in my high school did because it was a very big high school. No one had the slightest interest in getting married, everyone was going to college (including the first coed class at Yale) and getting a career and a degree. Maybe New York was more advanced in 1969, but the attitudes had changed. Not that the women who went to MIT back then had it easy being good in math and science. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/50 "2015-12-11T22:45:08Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > I think it is true that today people have more access to options. So, as a result, we suffer from the [Too Much Choice](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Paradox_of_Choice) syndrome. One result is the stress of the inability to make a choice - one can become frozen and unable to decide. Fewer options makes it easier to choose. > > I can see this playing out in choosing a mate in today’s world. Even if you do get together with someone, there is the sense that something better is just an app-swipe away! So, a mate who is perfectly fine can seem lacking in some quality or trait. I think that this is a big part of it, and a side effect is that our demands keep going up while in a lot of ways we don’t feel like we have to provide anything extra to justify the new demands, there is just the assumption that there is someone who is ‘a match’. So everyone’s demands keep increasing, they tolerate fewer flaws in other people, what they themselves offer doesn’t increase and they feel someone better is always a swipe away. It seems like it creates a whole bunch of constantly discontent people who eventually find themselves remorseful for the good opportunities they passed up, followed by settling followed by being discontent because they settled. At least that is the dysfunctional take on things, I’m sure lots of people avoid those pitfalls. ---
**Author:** ![HeXen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@HeXen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeXen)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/51 "2015-12-11T22:59:20Z")
I think it’s more of the fact that we interact with a lot more people than 50 yrs ago. Back then, it was, for the most part mind you, interaction between locals. People didn’t travel quite as far, as often as today nor have the social media to continue more consistent interaction. Then there is our modern cultural mentalities vs that of 50 yrs ago. We’re certainly more open to sex on a first date for example or holding off marriage longer. 50 yrs ago, many wanted to marry young so they limited themselves to dating fewer people. > [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > It seems like it creates a whole bunch of constantly discontent people who eventually find themselves remorseful for the good opportunities they passed up, followed by settling followed by being discontent because they settled. At least that is the dysfunctional take on things, I’m sure lots of people avoid those pitfalls. I think most people just desire to find someone who’s personality is a better match for their own. I doubt many breakups tend to be that remorseful, they usually break up for a good reason and often the right reason. Certainly some do just settle, usually those who just aren’t very good with the opposite sex or socializing in general, so they settle because it’s easier and they don’t want to be alone anymore. Often any discontent in the longterm is the result of change…people change and grow in different paths that no longer are a match. Not so much because they just went through so many people and later settled then regret not sticking with a previous, again breakups happen for a reason which sometimes is the right one. One example, If you cheat and get dumped, it’s better for both of you because you’d likely cheat again. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/52 "2015-12-11T23:32:00Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > You may want to read Aziz Ansari’s [Modern Romance](http://thepenguinpress.com/book/modern-romance/) book. This is one of the questions that they (he and his co-writer) look at. The short answer is “yes, they are.” This is exactly what I was going to say. ---
**Author:** ![iljitsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/77aa72/32.png) [@iljitsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iljitsch)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2015, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/53 "2015-12-12T00:04:44Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I think that this is a big part of it, and a side effect is that our demands keep going up while in a lot of ways we don’t feel like we have to provide anything extra to justify the new demands I’m sure this is true for some people, but I also see many people get together with others that are so clearly extremely wrong for them. It seems that there is an inverse relationship between compatibility and excitement. Some people go for the former and get bored, others go for the latter and end up hating the other person. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2015, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965/54 "2015-12-12T15:13:30Z")
> [@iljitsch](#): > > It seems that there is an inverse relationship between compatibility and excitement. Some people go for the former and get bored, others go for the latter and end up hating the other person. True [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-wise-are-people-simply-pickier-than-they-were-50-years-ago/739965.md?page=2)