# Dating worries if s/he were 45 and never married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 26, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135 "2007-10-26T17:30:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/1 "2007-10-26T17:30:45Z")
There’s a couple personal ads on Craig’s List here in Denver for women who are 45 years old and have never been married (or one woman with 2 ads but they seem different enough). Would you, as a person looking to date, be indifferent, attracted, or worried by a middle-aged, potential “datee” who had never married? On the positive hand, they’re probably low baggage. No ex-spouse to deal with, maybe no kids. That’s low drama. On the negative hand, maybe they hit 45 years old because they’re insane or stalkerish and have driven off all their earlier dates. Maybe they’re just homely. Maybe they talk like Fran Drescher. What’s your knee-jerk reaction to “45 and never married”? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/2 "2007-10-26T17:33:03Z")
Normal. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/3 "2007-10-26T17:33:14Z")
Curiosity. But then, I’m more nosy than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/4 "2007-10-26T17:36:14Z")
Anyone I’ve known in that position was either weirdly asexual or had some sort of glaring, off-putting flaw (usually a personality one) that they were completely oblivious of. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/5 "2007-10-26T17:39:30Z")
As a never-married 41yo, I’d be curious, and predisposed to view the lady positively (especially if she didn’t indicate trampy or homebody tastes in her profile). I’ve often thought that all us never-married-over-40 folks ought to be thrown into a big pit and be made to sort ourselves into couples before we can climb out. After about five days **VCO3** comes with a machine gun and the culling begins. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/6 "2007-10-26T17:40:07Z")
I’d be fine with it, because ISTM that all guys in my demo (38) who are currently single have either (a) never had a relationship that was important enough to end in marriage or (b) _did_ have that relationship and failed at it. I don’t think either of those is automatically better than the other. It’s also worth noting that it’s a little over-simplistic to assume “never married” means “always been single.” There are a lot of people who have multi-year LTRs that just never get married. That doesn’t mean they don’t have kids, exes, or baggage. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/7 "2007-10-26T17:42:01Z")
[QUOTE=VCO3] Anyone I’ve known in that position was either weirdly asexual or had some sort of glaring, off-putting flaw (usually a personality one) that they were completely oblivious of. [/QUOTE] It’s the single eye in the middle of my forehead, isn’t it? You mens are so shallow: _Must walk upright, must have teeth, must have two eyes_. Bastards. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/8 "2007-10-26T17:47:24Z")
My fiancée is close to that age and never been married before. Definitely not “weirdly asexual,” no off-putting flaws (at least not to me). Some women just don’t consider marriage a high priority in life, and have a “if it happens, it happens, if not, that’s OK too” attitude. 45, never married, _and posting personal ads on Craigslist_, now that might be a little different. But people’s priorities do change. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/9 "2007-10-26T20:06:49Z")
I’m 33, extremely shy, and have never had a boyfriend. I feel like something is wrong with me all the time. I wish I knew what it was. Susan ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/10 "2007-10-26T20:12:48Z")
45 year old and never married? In this day and age in particular, with divorce rates so high, child support, half of one’s property gone , and everything else that can potentially - note I said potentially so don’t jump on me - come with marriage and then divorce, I would think he was being very cautious. He might even be commitment-phobic but it wouldn’t actively turn me off. Hell, it might even be interesting to me. I tend to run from men with kids anyway, and too much baggage is a turn off for anyone. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/11 "2007-10-26T20:16:19Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] What’s your knee-jerk reaction to “45 and never married”? [/QUOTE] I’d wonder about it, but it wouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. I’ve known lots of folks who’ve been in live-together relationships for ten years or more. Maybe they were taking care of elderly parents or something. You never know. I didn’t get married until I was 32. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/12 "2007-10-26T20:17:21Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] It’s the single eye in the middle of my forehead, isn’t it? You mens are so shallow: _Must walk upright, must have teeth, must have two eyes_. Bastards. [/QUOTE] Well, if you’ll overlook my vile lizard tongue, we can talk. It’s a Futurama reference. Making Futurama references is the real reason I’m undateable ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/13 "2007-10-26T20:18:51Z")
Exactly, **Anaamika**. I have not yet enjoyed the experience of giving half of my stuff to someone I hate. Some people want to see that as a character flaw. I see it as still being in ownership of my own life. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/14 "2007-10-26T20:20:15Z")
[QUOTE=Finagle] Well, if you’ll overlook my vile lizard tongue, we can talk. [/QUOTE] Wow. Get a room, you two. Or the underside of a rock, if that’s your thing. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/15 "2007-10-26T20:23:50Z")
Does she swallow? That makes a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/16 "2007-10-26T20:25:34Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Exactly, **Anaamika**. I have not yet enjoyed the experience of giving half of my stuff to someone I hate. Some people want to see that as a character flaw. I see it as still being in ownership of my own life. [/QUOTE] Yeah. I’m not forty-five yet, but I get stick from people about never having been married. I always say, “Well, yes, but I’ve never had to get a divorce, either.” ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/17 "2007-10-26T20:25:48Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] It’s the single eye in the middle of my forehead, isn’t it? You mens are so shallow: _Must walk upright, must have teeth, must have two eyes_. Bastards. [/QUOTE] As an eyeless, toothless cripple I ressemble this comment. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/18 "2007-10-26T20:38:30Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Yeah. I’m not forty-five yet, but I get stick from people about never having been married. I always say, “Well, yes, but I’ve never had to get a divorce, either.” [/QUOTE] Even if you’re happily married, there’s still another side to it. My brother loves his wife of 28 years very much, but I can tell that he’s sometimes envious of my freedom. I’ve never envied his life. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore his wife, as well as their children. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for any of them. But to be with the same woman from high school 'til death? Not for me. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/19 "2007-10-26T20:40:53Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] There’s a couple personal ads on Craig’s List here in Denver for women who are 45 years old and have never been married (or one woman with 2 ads but they seem different enough). Would you, as a person looking to date, be indifferent, attracted, or worried by a middle-aged, potential “datee” who had never married? On the positive hand, they’re probably low baggage. No ex-spouse to deal with, maybe no kids. That’s low drama. On the negative hand, maybe they hit 45 years old because they’re insane or stalkerish and have driven off all their earlier dates. Maybe they’re just homely. Maybe they talk like Fran Drescher. What’s your knee-jerk reaction to “45 and never married”? [/QUOTE] My sister is 50 and never been married. She a great, funny person but the timing just never worked. Once you leave school (college/grad) sometimes it’s just hard to find people. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135/20 "2007-10-26T20:47:32Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Even if you’re happily married, there’s still another side to it. My brother loves his wife of 28 years very much, but I can tell that he’s sometimes envious of my freedom. I’ve never envied his life. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore his wife, as well as their children. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for any of them. But to be with the same woman from high school 'til death? Not for me. [/QUOTE] I lose interest in people fairly quickly, so someone like me really shouldn’t get married. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dating-worries-if-s-he-were-45-and-never-married/424135.md?page=2)