# Daughter sneaking alcohol. Response? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 9, 2015, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234 "2015-04-09T17:35:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2020, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/61 "2020-02-28T02:37:49Z")
She needs to trust you, and have confidence that your rules are fair, and that she gets a fair hearing when there is friction. Once that is realized, I’ve found that things go pretty smoothly, and the trust will go both ways. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2020, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/62 "2020-02-28T04:20:40Z")
Belrix, you didn’t look familiar, so I checked your posting history. So, what’s with the 5-year vacation since shortly after you started this thread? How did you find out this thread was bumped, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2020, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/63 "2020-02-28T06:57:33Z")
I just wanted to add that you should use this as an opportunity to stress that you not only don’t want her to drink and drive, you don’t want her to get into a car with a driver who’s been drinking. She can simply call home and say she’s got a stomach ache. You’ll know what that means and will go pick her up. Oh, and one more thing: now that you found the evidence, she’s going to get better at hiding it. ---
**Author:** ![EdelweissPirate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8491ac/32.png) [@EdelweissPirate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EdelweissPirate)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2020, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/64 "2020-02-28T07:22:36Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Belrix, you didn’t look familiar, so I checked your posting history. So, what’s with the 5-year vacation since shortly after you started this thread? How did you find out this thread was bumped, anyway? That is a very good set of questions! ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2020, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/65 "2020-02-28T07:56:20Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > B How did you find out this thread was bumped, anyway? Presumably she set notifications to email her when the thread got a response. Belrix, I’m very sorry to hear about your daughter’s situation. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2020, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/66 "2020-02-28T10:04:09Z")
Usually, I love it when zombie threads such as this get an update from the OP about how things turned out. Not this time. There are many stories about parents who despite apparently doing everything right, have their kids go off the rails. As a parent, it’s a scary thing to think about, never mind actually deal with. Cutting off money is probably the right thing to do. It could still have a happy ending - people can change. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2020, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/67 "2020-02-29T17:04:37Z")
> [@Belrix](#): > > My wife went into my daughter’s room to look for a lost object. She found two empty bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade under the bed. We don’t know if both were drunk by her or by her and her friend that stayed the night a couple weekends ago. > > My daughter is 15 and stays with me only every other weekend. I’m not sure how to respond. Sure, I can simply talk to her. Tell her I don’t approve, she made bad choices, etc. However, I think some punishment is due. At 15, though, I have little I can do. > > I really don’t know how to respond on this. Any thoughts? I’m not a parent but I was 15 once. Even by 70’s parenting standards the crime of a 6% alcoholic drink is a misdemeanor. If a kid didn’t do something like that I’d be surprised. Empty bottles of Crown Royal would be a different matter. that’s more indicative of a drinking problem. Learning to drink is one of life’s lessons. That’s how I would approach it. It’s a teaching moment about the pitfalls of intoxication. You’re not telling her to never drink, you’re teaching her how to recognize the danger of intoxication and possibly addiction. It’s a lesson that many adults never learn. In addition, her drinking was against your rules. Her FRIEND drinking at your house is against the law. It could get YOU in a a lot of trouble. End with that and leave her to her thoughts. This is where silence has impact. I still remember when I came home and told my dad I wrecked his car. It was the second time. He got up without saying a word and went to his bedroom and shut the door. That was more powerful than any yelling or punishment. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2020, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/68 "2020-02-29T17:43:19Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > Usually, I love it when zombie threads such as this get an update from the OP about how things turned out. Not this time. Concur. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2020, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234/69 "2020-02-29T19:24:15Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > I’m not a parent but I was 15 once. Even by 70’s parenting standards the crime of a 6% alcoholic drink is a misdemeanor. If a kid didn’t do something like that I’d be surprised. Empty bottles of Crown Royal would be a different matter. that’s more indicative of a drinking problem. > > Learning to drink is one of life’s lessons. That’s how I would approach it. It’s a teaching moment about the pitfalls of intoxication. You’re not telling her to never drink, you’re teaching her how to recognize the danger of intoxication and possibly addiction. It’s a lesson that many adults never learn. > > In addition, her drinking was against your rules. Her FRIEND drinking at your house is against the law. It could get YOU in a a lot of trouble. End with that and leave her to her thoughts. This is where silence has impact. I still remember when I came home and told my dad I wrecked his car. It was the second time. He got up without saying a word and went to his bedroom and shut the door. That was more powerful than any yelling or punishment. According to **Belrix’s** update, his daughter would be 20 now and beyond his control. She’s not speaking to him and any advice would probably fall upon deaf ears. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-sneaking-alcohol-response/717234.md?page=3)