# Daughter writes brutally honest obituary about her deceased father
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 14, 2017, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786 "2017-02-14T00:30:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)
#### Post date: [February 21, 2017, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/61 "2017-02-21T20:07:36Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#):
>
> He was a firefighter who died in the line of duty. 'Nuff said.
>
> :rolleyes:
>
> You’d think that out of all the people who died on 9/11 that SOMEONE would have had things said about them that weren’t exactly glowing. People who live in that area, and maybe know people involved, have probably encountered situations like this. However, I’ve never even seen so much as “We weren’t happy; if s/he was still alive, I’m sure we’d be divorced now but I sure didn’t want it to end like this”. Maybe they were simply cases of deafening silence?
Yeah, I think with some people, their occupations, or their reputations, prohibit criticism - even valid criticism. You can’t attack firefighters, or MLK, or Ghandi, or Mother Teresa. (OK, some people do try to attack the last three)
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### Author:  [@Ranch\_Dip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranch_Dip)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2017, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/62 "2017-03-01T07:23:51Z")
When my mom passed and I had to tell my sister… She was obviously sad. She kept saying how wonderful mom was, etc. I tried to just let it pass, because what good does it do at the time of death to talk about what a horrible person she was? Finally, I just couldn’t not say something. I told her I did not want to tarnish her memories, but my experience was so much different. I mean, there’s a reason my sister moved thousands of miles away and never kept in touch except through me. But I guess at death we want to find something good. I don’t know.
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### Author:  [@Sario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sario)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2017, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/63 "2017-03-01T15:00:03Z")
Sounds like my wife’s father. That stinking worthless sack of s\*\*t can’t die fast enough. I’ve been very strongly tempted to help him along, but decided that I would be more useful to my family if I wasn’t spending a life sentence in jail.
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### Author:  [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2017, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/64 "2017-03-01T18:00:20Z")
> [@Ranch\_Dip](#):
>
> When my mom passed and I had to tell my sister… She was obviously sad. She kept saying how wonderful mom was, etc. I tried to just let it pass, because what good does it do at the time of death to talk about what a horrible person she was? Finally, I just couldn’t not say something. I told her I did not want to tarnish her memories, but my experience was so much different. I mean, there’s a reason my sister moved thousands of miles away and never kept in touch except through me. But I guess at death we want to find something good. I don’t know.
It’s pretty rare… maybe impossible… to not feel something of genuine grief for the loss of someone important in our lives. Our emotional wiring is, pretty much by definition, not rational. So I could imagine an impulse to ease the conflict between “I’m grieving” and “he doesn’t deserve it” by softening the latter in order to justify the (inevitable) former.
We can change our minds, even if we have to change the facts to do so. But it’s much more difficult to really change our feelings.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2017, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/65 "2017-03-01T21:12:35Z")
From [here…](http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/national/family-pulls-punches-texas-man-obituary/Ess4homE4BSgp2tAHO9tfK/)
\*Leslie Ray “Popeye” Charping died Jan. 30 of cancer. He was 74, a veteran and a former Navy boxing champion who lived in south Texas.
\
Charping was arrested several times during his life, according to Harris County court records. His first conviction came in 1979 when he pleaded guilty to assault.
He also pleaded guilty in 2008 to assaulting a family member by pouring hot liquid on his then-wife of 40 years. The next year he pleaded guilty to violating the resulting restraining order by calling another family member and threatening to kill her, the Chronicle reported.\*
I’ve zero inclination not to take the poor woman at her word. I hope her likely determination to treat any children she may have in a dissimilar manner results in a loving home for some kid(s).
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2017, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/66 "2017-03-01T21:20:12Z")
> [@Velocity](#):
>
> Yeah, I think with some people, their occupations, or their reputations, prohibit criticism - even valid criticism. You can’t attack firefighters, or MLK, or Ghandi, or Mother Teresa. (OK, some people do try to attack the last three)
My dad is a retired firefighter. They’re all human.
One of his best friends from the force died a couple years ago. Many years ago, he and his wife divorced, “and she turned the kids against him and he never saw them again.” Bullhockey; the kids were teenagers. :smack: They knew what he was really like.
I probably met this man at some point but don’t recall it if I did.
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [March 1, 2017, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/67 "2017-03-01T23:36:53Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#):
>
> I grew up down the street from a guy with five daughters. As they reached their teenage years, every daughter - between the ages of thirteen and sixteen - found somewhere else to live. Although the girls were around my age (one was good friends with my sister who is two years younger), we all were told never to go into the house. He was never prosecuted - I’m not sure we ever found out what went on in that house with certainty (we all think it was sexual abuse of his own kids) - but eventually his wife died and he shot himself. (When the youngest two hit their teen years, the school administration had them move in - one moved in with the principal, the other moved in with the assistant principal)
>
> If his daughters wanted to write a scathing obituary of a well respected doctor, none of the neighbors would have been anything but supportive.
This guy was a physician? If he was, whaddya bet he was the type who abused nurses, stole drugs, had multiple malpractice suits (settled or not), etc.
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### Author:  [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2017, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/68 "2017-03-02T14:18:26Z")
> [@AK84](#):
>
> Yeah, real classy lady.
Actually, yes. It takes guts to lay the truth out like that.
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### Author:  [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2017, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/69 "2017-03-02T22:33:31Z")
I don’t think it was right. If she had publicly aired her grievances against him when he was alive, that would be different or if she spoke about him in a different venue. But I don’t think someone’s obituary should be allowed to be a giant vomit on them for someone else. It was undignified, in my opinion.
In her original piece, she states that he spent considerable time in a mental hospital and throws that at him like a misdeed of his. But sometimes when someone is seriously mentally ill, they aren’t to blame for their actions, however horrible, and the fault can really lie with a system who allowed them freedom when they were a danger to themselves or others, or with individuals who could have intervened but did not.
In her original piece, she also mentioned something about dumping his ashes in a barn with a donkey. To me, that’s not quite as disgusting as desecration of a corpse but it’s close.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [March 2, 2017, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daughter-writes-brutally-honest-obituary-about-her-deceased-father/779786/70 "2017-03-02T22:43:26Z")
There wasn’t any room at the inn.
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