# David Sedaris writes about the suicide of his sister Tiffany **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 31, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773 "2013-10-31T19:11:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/21 "2013-11-03T16:02:51Z")
I love David Sedaris, and reading this piece last week made me very sad for him. You can tell that there’s an underlying current of “if only we’d/I’d done more” which I’m sure is a constant for families with suicides. Through all the rest of his work, you can see the thread of how much he loves his family, with all of their faults, and how he continues to stay close, especially with his aging father. And the impact of his mother’s death must have been heartbreaking for all of them. For those who say his family is creepy, of course I don’t know them, but what he describes of his father and mother is quite typical for the time he grew up. I don’t think of Sedaris as a humor writer, although much of his writing is funny. He’s an essayist, and one of the finest there is. I may not laugh out loud too much when I’m reading him, but I know I’ve wept, and I know that his writing has tremendous impact on me. He is unbelievably good at writing about the human condition, and does so with great bravery and none of the bullshit that most modern writers seem to dwell in. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/22 "2013-11-03T17:35:09Z")
> [@Septima](#): > > I’ve never though his writing was funny. Some of it is mildly humorous (the bit about his dad waking him up to tell him he had a brother, with David focusing on all the things in his room that should have told his dad his eldest boy was gay). > > But most of what he writes is just sad, or even revolting. It’s _good_, mind you. I just never read him as a humor writer. I tried reading David Sedaris, but I never really appreciated him until I bought the audiobooks and heard him read his own stuff. He can be downright laugh-out-loud hilarious. Especially when talking about holiday customs, as in “[Six to Eight Black Men](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYdpte1W0vk),” “[Jesus Shaves](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5apZmwR9UI&feature=player_detailpage#t=49),” or the aforementioned “[Santaland Diaries](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5XLjG_S6eE).” ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/23 "2013-11-03T18:09:06Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > It actually has a surprising amount of humor considering the subject (the best lines perhaps being about what to name a beach house). > > I thought that was one of his funniest pieces, actually. **Sampiro** Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was hilarious. One of the things I love about DS is his ability to express the dark sides of himself in such a comical manner. We used to listen to his books on tape while on tour and I hear that voice and inflection every time I read his words now. I read the stories you write about yourself and family in a very similar voice BTW. Please take that as a compliment and write some more. **Capt Kirk** ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/24 "2013-11-03T18:44:13Z")
> [@shantih](#): > > This line from the piece has haunted me: > > My first reaction was to recoil. What kind of parents could possibly say or think something like that? But the more I mull it over, the less qualified I feel to judge. Six kids – that’s a lot of responsibility. I can imagine how I would react to a troubled child in the context of five other children, but I’m not walking in those shoes and I don’t know what I would do if I were living that situation. > > Still, how lonely I imagine it would make me feel to be that troubled child and to have been forced into an abusive situation and then to hear something like that. > > I’ve been present at one of David Sedaris’ readings and own all of his books (most signed by him at said reading) and think the world of him and his writing. This piece in particular has really stuck with me. My parents used that excuse with this, so I completely understand. And this is quite trivial, compared to something like that. > **[Some things aren't forgivable.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=704810)** > > We had a family get-together today, and there was a situation when I was growing up that my parents knew about and refused to intervene (actually, a lot of them, but this one in particular came up). It was one of those “What will the neighbors... p.s. The statement didn’t transfer; the parents said, “We had other children, and couldn’t have their worlds stop on account of you.” ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/25 "2013-11-03T21:47:47Z")
His brother still lives in Raleigh, he runs a flooring company. I’ve seen his truck around town a few times. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/26 "2013-11-03T21:51:07Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > His brother still lives in Raleigh, he runs a flooring company. I’ve seen his truck around town a few times. You can’t kill The Rooster! ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/27 "2013-11-03T22:14:43Z")
> [@Capt\_Kirk](#): > > **Sampiro** Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was hilarious. One of the things I love about DS is his ability to express the dark sides of himself in such a comical manner. We used to listen to his books on tape while on tour and I hear that voice and inflection every time I read his words now. > > I read the stories you write about yourself and family in a very similar voice BTW. Please take that as a compliment and write some more. > > **Capt Kirk** I typically read **Sampiro’s** posts in David Sedaris’ voice. Seriously. At some level in my subconscious mind I’ve kinda fused them into one person. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/28 "2013-11-03T23:50:21Z")
I love this passage. I think it captures the family reaction very well and is extremely well written. > [@](#): > > “Why do you think she did it?” I asked as we stepped back into the sunlight. For that’s all any of us were thinking, had been thinking since we got the news. Mustn’t Tiffany have hoped that whatever pills she’d taken wouldn’t be strong enough, and that her failed attempt would lead her back into our fold? How could anyone purposefully leave us, us, of all people? This is how I thought of it, for though I’ve often lost faith in myself, I’ve never lost it in my family, in my certainty that we are fundamentally better than everyone else. It’s an archaic belief, one that I haven’t seriously reconsidered since my late teens, but still I hold it. Ours is the only club I’d ever wanted to be a member of, so I couldn’t imagine quitting. Backing off for a year or two was understandable, but to want out so badly that you’d take your own life? Powerful. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/29 "2013-11-04T15:57:45Z")
> [@shantih](#): > > This line from the piece has haunted me: > > My first reaction was to recoil. What kind of parents could possibly say or think something like that? But the more I mull it over, the less qualified I feel to judge. Six kids – that’s a lot of responsibility. I can imagine how I would react to a troubled child in the context of five other children, but I’m not walking in those shoes and I don’t know what I would do if I were living that situation. > > Still, how lonely I imagine it would make me feel to be that troubled child and to have been forced into an abusive situation and then to hear something like that. > > I’ve been present at one of David Sedaris’ readings and own all of his books (most signed by him at said reading) and think the world of him and his writing. This piece in particular has really stuck with me. This bothered me a lot too. Why have six children in the first place? There is no way you can take care of all of them really well, each kid only gets a little bit. I think one or two or at the most three kids is plenty for any family. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/30 "2013-11-04T18:02:00Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > This bothered me a lot too. Why have six children in the first place? There is no way you can take care of all of them really well, each kid only gets a little bit. > > I think one or two or at the most three kids is plenty for any family. Well, I don’t think it was entirely intentional–I seem to recall reading an essay where he talks about his mother weeping when she found out she was pregnant with Paul and swearing she was going to have her tubes tied, cut, cauterized, and anything else they could do. You have to keep in mind that this was in the Baby Boom, and there wasn’t much in the way of effective birth control available until after most of these kids were born. But having had so many children, I can’t really argue with their decision to prioritize the well-being of the other five over the one. I’m sure it sucks to be the kid who got sent to someplace horrible and then to hear, in essence, that your siblings were more important than you. But I also know from experience how much it sucks to be the kid whose difficult, unmanageable sibling remains in the home sucking up all the parental time and energy and to see that your sibling is more important than you. Yeah, they fucked up in their choice of where to send her, but having five other kids to consider, and her having some actively self-destructive issues, and them having the money to seek outside resources…how, in honesty, could they have not done something of the sort? And who of us can say for sure that things would have turned out better if they’d sent her somewhere else, or kept her at home? ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/31 "2013-11-04T18:03:23Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > This bothered me a lot too. Why have six children in the first place? There is no way you can take care of all of them really well, each kid only gets a little bit. > > I think one or two or at the most three kids is plenty for any family. Assuming you have reproductive choice. The Sedaris siblings were born in the 1950s and 1960s. Abortion wasn’t legal. The right for married people to obtain and use birth control wasn’t even established until 1965. And the birth control that was available was not as safe or accessible as what we can get today. From what I’ve gleaned from David Sedaris’s writings about his mother, she might not have had six kids if she’d had the options we have today. But she didn’t, and we can’t judge her by today’s standards. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/32 "2013-11-04T18:04:08Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Well, I don’t think it was entirely intentional–I seem to recall reading an essay where he talks about his mother weeping when she found out she was pregnant with Paul and swearing she was going to have her tubes tied, cut, cauterized, and anything else they could do. You have to keep in mind that this was in the Baby Boom, and there wasn’t much in the way of effective birth control available until after most of these kids were born. > > But having had so many children, I can’t really argue with their decision to prioritize the well-being of the other five over the one. I’m sure it sucks to be the kid who got sent to someplace horrible and then to hear, in essence, that your siblings were more important than you. But I also know from experience how much it sucks to be the kid whose difficult, unmanageable sibling remains in the home sucking up all the parental time and energy and to see that your sibling is more important than you. Yeah, they fucked up in their choice of where to send her, but having five other kids to consider, and her having some actively self-destructive issues, and them having the money to seek outside resources…how, in honesty, could they have not done something of the sort? And who of us can say for sure that things would have turned out better if they’d sent her somewhere else, or kept her at home? I actually don’t disagree with you in your latter point at all. For the prior, it’s kind of moot anyway, because now the kids are here, so you can’t turn back time. I was just kind of musing. Eta…I was going to say more but it’s kind of a hijack, so never mind. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/33 "2013-11-04T20:18:10Z")
> [@Q.N.Jones](#): > > Assuming you have reproductive choice. The Sedaris siblings were born in the 1950s and 1960s. Abortion wasn’t legal. The right for married people to obtain and use birth control wasn’t even established until 1965. And the birth control that was available was not as safe or accessible as what we can get today. From what I’ve gleaned from David Sedaris’s writings about his mother, she might not have had six kids if she’d had the options we have today. But she didn’t, and we can’t judge her by today’s standards. What are the Greek Orthodox views on birth control? His father is G.O. but his mother was Protestant. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/34 "2013-11-04T21:00:12Z")
I’ve always heard about David and his writings but I’ve never looked into them or him until now. And after reading the article I’ve just bought “Dress your Family in Courdory and Denim” on Amazon. I’m looking forward to reading it. So thanks for sharing OP. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/35 "2013-11-04T21:47:57Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I’ve always heard about David and his writings but I’ve never looked into them or him until now. And after reading the article I’ve just bought “Dress your Family in Courdory and Denim” on Amazon. I’m looking forward to reading it. > > So thanks for sharing OP. That’s a good book but he really shines in earlier works “Naked” and “Me Talk Pretty One Day.” His best stories are about times of his life when he was struggling. Bad jobs he had, etc. The later books, he has a tougher time finding the comedy because his life is pretty good and he’s mostly run out of stories about the old days. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/36 "2013-11-04T23:57:07Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I’ve always heard about David and his writings but I’ve never looked into them or him until now. And after reading the article I’ve just bought “Dress your Family in Courdory and Denim” on Amazon. I’m looking forward to reading it. > > So thanks for sharing OP. Sedaris is at his best when he reads his works. Go onto youtube and pull up some samples of that. You can’t go wrong with Santaland Diaries, his breakthrough work. ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/37 "2013-11-05T00:38:39Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > What are the Greek Orthodox views on birth control? His father is G.O. but his mother was Protestant. I have no idea what the Greek Orthodox views on birth control were in the 1950s and 1960s, or whether Mr. Sedaris agreed with them, or what flavor of Protestant his mother was, etc. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/38 "2013-11-05T01:47:32Z")
The saddest part to me was that he hadn’t spoken to his sister in 8 years. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/39 "2013-11-05T02:11:29Z")
Loved it, thanks so much, big fan. And if your large family ever rented a beach house as ours did every year, so much rang true. One year as the only singleton, I actually got the maids room off the kitchen. Or the couch. And I always have wanted to buy a house on the beach to share those family times again. Thanks for posting this. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773/40 "2013-11-05T06:15:01Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > I love David Sedaris, and reading this piece last week made me very sad for him. You can tell that there’s an underlying current of “if only we’d/I’d done more” which I’m sure is a constant for families with suicides. > > Through all the rest of his work, you can see the thread of how much he loves his family, with all of their faults, and how he continues to stay close, especially with his aging father. And the impact of his mother’s death must have been heartbreaking for all of them. > > For those who say his family is creepy, of course I don’t know them, but what he describes of his father and mother is quite typical for the time he grew up. > > I don’t think of Sedaris as a humor writer, although much of his writing is funny. He’s an essayist, and one of the finest there is. I may not laugh out loud too much when I’m reading him, but I know I’ve wept, and I know that his writing has tremendous impact on me. He is unbelievably good at writing about the human condition, and does so with great bravery and none of the bullshit that most modern writers seem to dwell in. I completely feel the same way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/david-sedaris-writes-about-the-suicide-of-his-sister-tiffany/672773.md?page=3)