# Days like today (so-called Father's Day) irk me, just as Mother's Day, Valentines Day and others. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481 "2009-06-21T16:00:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![purple\_haze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@purple\_haze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purple_haze)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/21 "2009-06-22T04:18:42Z")
I’m on the fence about the whole enforced occasion thing. On the one hand, it’s an occasion that wouldn’t happen unless there was a specific day marked on the calender, which is stupid. On the other hand, today was a good day that wouldn’t have happened without some sort of prompt. Our daughter has had her issues in the past, but has been doing well and we have hope that she will continue going to school and sticks with her decision to stay away from the hard stuff. Today she gave my husband a card with a sincere hand-written note and two tickets to an amusement park. He’s not especially sentimental, but he cried. A new beginning? Maybe so, maybe not. At least they can yell together on the roller coasters and eat too much junk food together. Our son gave him a few assorted gifts and a card. He’s a typical dude, but loves his dad. They made plans to go camping soon. They will come back stinky, tired and sunburnt. We visited my FIL and listened to him tell the same stories for two hours. We visited my dad and watched him boss mom around. In the end, I guess it’s about taking a day to show appreciation for your dad, if at all possible. If that doesn’t work out for you, that’s cool and I’m sorry that’s how it is. I still want to whap my dad upside the head (control freak and evil dictator that he is), but I love him and make sure that he knows it. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/22 "2009-06-22T05:45:26Z")
Nothing like the good old internet to bring out all of the people who are so anti-social that the mere existence of a day where you are supposed to think about other people makes them nervous and angry. I never even knew there were people who hated Christmas until I discovered the internet. Don’t want to celebrate it? Don’t. My father isn’t a part of my life and so I never did Father’s Day. This makes me feel…nothing. Every day there are people around the world celebrating holidays that I don’t. Who cares? I do give my mom a call on Mother’s Day. I live on the other side of the world, so as much as I’d like to appreciate her every day, it’s not so easy. And if your girlfriend has unreasonable expectations for Valentine’s Day, the problem is with the girl, not the day. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/23 "2009-06-22T13:50:55Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > The hardest part, IMO, is picking out a card. The cliches on the cards are beyond bearable! Not EVERY damn father fishes, golfs, burns things on the BBQ, sleeps in a recliner, has a big slobbery dog, or is a Big Football Fan. That’s what all dads do, according to the card companies. Either that or the cards are loaded with glurge - “to the greatest father in the history of the universe, thank you dad I love you to bits”. (Same with Mothers Day.) There are untold millions of us out here who have sucky parents, but not so bad that we don’t want to send a card wishing them a happy holiday. I either look for a blank card and write a brief note signed with love from S. or I make my own card, featuring a funny photo of a pet, or an item of special interest to the parent. Really, at $2.95 and up - way up - Hallmark can kiss my ass. Exactly. I don’t really get the hate for the day- I think if a calendar holiday which means nothing to you, and which you don’t intend to celebrate, makes you that angry, you have some serious issues. Ever try just ignoring it? Father’s Day is the one opportunity I have during the year when my dad will let me take him and my mom out to dinner. Every other time I try to pay, he insists on paying himself. Mother’s Day is a good excuse to have my family to the house fo a barbeque. Valentine’s Day means pretty much nothing to me and my wife, because we express our love for each other all the time. We’ll usually get each other a card but other than that (and some hot monkey love), we don’t really celebrate it. Now Steak & BJ Day-\* there’s\* a holiday. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/24 "2009-06-22T14:12:40Z")
As a father, my only wish for father’s day was to ignore it. Please. That’s all I want, just pretend like it is a normal Sunday. But no, no matter how I say it my loved ones can’t help themselves because completely blowing it off is somehow disrespectful. So they have to get a card, and a gift, and dinner, and I have to gush. I love my family but I hate the card companies that have created this obligation. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/25 "2009-06-22T15:16:42Z")
I don’t hate it. I am happy for all of the people with their wonderful dads. I really am. It does make me think of my two absent and less than useful dads, one who is dead, and neither of whom who believe(d) in Father’s Day. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/26 "2009-06-22T15:44:41Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > I don’t really get the hate for the day- I think if a calendar holiday which means nothing to you, and which you don’t intend to celebrate, makes you that angry, you have some serious issues. Ever try just ignoring it? Let’s say I ignored the day, indulging in my issue-laden hate-filled solipsism. Now I’ve hurt my father’s feelings. He’s a really nice guy, and he doesn’t deserve that. Also, he gets to spend the entire day watching his stepchildren gush over biodad. Will he think, “Ah, well, my own son just finds this Hallmark holiday a tasteless marketing ploy, no problem” or will he be sad? I don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings just because I think something is stupid. If it’s important to people I care about, I’ll make the effort. But I still hate the day, and my father wouldn’t be bothered if he hadn’t been trained for a lifetime by the card companies. So I join like-minded folks and bitch online. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/27 "2009-06-22T16:41:50Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > \*I am an Executive Assistant. I am professionally fulfilled, fairly compensated, and treated with the respect I deserve \*every \*day. I don’t need no stinkin’ flowers. Hey now. I’m an admin assistant, and I am NOT fulfilled, fairly comped, or treated with any particular respect. But I do enjoy a free lunch and a gift card to the local book store from the staff I support. Long live Secretaries’ Day! ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/28 "2009-06-22T17:56:14Z")
I spent part of Father’s Day arguing with my dad. I think we made up, though. I made sure my daughter called her other grandpa, and her dad also called - he was off at a solstice gathering for the weekend. We’re going to see both her dad and grandpa next weekend. I don’t have much of a problem with Father’s Day itself, so much as the commercialization of it. The dads in my life are not golfers, football fans, or barbecue hobbyists. Dad loves watching war movies and Westerns, my ex is a music geek and a bit of a hippie, and his dad lives for the Anaheim Angels (I refuse to call them Los Angeles Angels on principle, for as long as they physically remain in Anaheim.) My one BIL who has kids is a Raider fan, but that’s about it. It’s hard to find dad-themed stuff for any of these guys, but somehow I find satisfactory gifts for them. And somehow, they appreciate them, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/29 "2009-06-22T18:30:23Z")
> [@DoctorJ](#): > > Then I realized that while it should be something I express every day, I frequently don’t. It becomes so easy to take those relationships for granted that it’s good to have a day on the calendar to focus on them. This. So many people say “I don’t need a special day to force me to be romantic to my SO, I hate Valentine’s Day! If I feel like buying my SO flowers/chocolate/a rabbit-shaped vibrator, I’ll do it then and I don’t need a Hallmark-created day to remind me!” But then…they aren’t romantic or expressive of their appreciation of their SO on any other day. They never remember to buy those flowers/chocolate/vibrators on any other day, either. A lot of people say “I hate commercialized recognition days! I am appreciative of my parents every day!” and then…they aren’t. I think a day set aside to say to oneself, and then one’s important people, “hey, I recognize the importance of you in my life,” is kind of a nice thing. Obviously, whether or not one gets caught up in the consumer expectations is a different issue, but the idea of sending a card or making a phone call to say “Hey, Dad, thanks for being you” or whatever sentiment you feel like expressing being offensive? I’m trying to figure out the problem, here. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/30 "2009-06-22T18:40:12Z")
My parents don’t believe in Mother’s Day or Father’s Day so I’m off the hook there. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/31 "2009-06-22T19:00:38Z")
> [@filling\_pages](#): > > Hey now. I’m an admin assistant, and I am NOT fulfilled, fairly comped, or treated with any particular respect. You’re doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/32 "2009-06-22T19:05:10Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > You’re doing it wrong. No, I’m working for the state. (In the interest of full disclosure, my immediate unit respects me and treats me like the irreplaceable asset that I am.) ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481/33 "2009-06-22T19:08:11Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > A lot of people say “I hate commercialized recognition days! I am appreciative of my parents every day!” and then…they aren’t. > > I think a day set aside to say to oneself, and then one’s important people, “hey, I recognize the importance of you in my life,” is kind of a nice thing. Obviously, whether or not one gets caught up in the consumer expectations is a different issue, but the idea of sending a card or making a phone call to say “Hey, Dad, thanks for being you” or whatever sentiment you feel like expressing being offensive? I’m trying to figure out the problem, here. The problem is that the day creates a requirement. It creates a chance of misunderstandings on the part of the child and the parent over what is expected and wanted. If my son doesn’t show me any sort of appreciation for 364 days, why is this day any different? How could a card or a call on that single day be anything other than dreary obligation? If some people want to show to their parents go ahead, why do they have to drag the rest of us into it? At best it creates the odd feeling that we did too much or too little. At worst it a gives some parents (not mine thank Og) an excuse to flog their kids with guilt. In-between is the feeling that, since they have a special day, we only need to show appreciation one day a year. And, for the record, my kids show appreciation more than once a year and I buy my wife flowers on days other than Feb 14th. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/days-like-today-so-called-fathers-day-irk-me-just-as-mothers-day-valentines-day-and-others/500481.md?page=1)