# Dead Chipmunk 2000: Volunteers needed! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2000, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253 "2000-07-01T05:47:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/1 "2000-07-01T05:47:20Z")
That’s right, we need your help! We have many positions open. And for a limited time, if you volunteer we’ll get you a position in the cabinet! Except for treasurer, that one’s taken. Whatever you can do will help. And remember, we do this not just for peace, justice, and the common man! We do it for some other really cool stuff too! So join today, and make a difference! ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/2 "2000-07-01T08:32:57Z")
Hi FF and DC! I’d be proud to volunteer for the DC:2000! campaign. Can I be Secretary of State? Not for any particular reason, it just seems like the most powerful position, and since I’m the first person to post to the thread, why not? My qualifications are as follows: I am a really excellent speller, can sing the presidents to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy, and I am an expert on Harry Potter. Clearly, I should be named Secretary of State ASAP. Dead Chipmunk 2000! ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/3 "2000-07-01T18:30:52Z")
Okay, secretary of state it is. Now, what position would you like to hold in our campaign? The current list is: FreakFreely: Creative Director Doctor Jackson: Spin Doctor voguevixn: Slogan Meister DrainBead: Doing something- Secretary of HUB Kyla: Doing something- Secretary of state ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/4 "2000-07-01T19:11:34Z")
Can I be press secretary? I’m very good at making up euphamisms. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/5 "2000-07-01T19:15:24Z")
Done. Now, what cabinet position would you like? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/6 "2000-07-01T19:24:45Z")
Ooh! Ooh! Can I be the person in the rainbow wig that holds up a “CHIPMUNK 3:16” sign at all the rallies? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/7 "2000-07-01T19:32:31Z")
Ummm… suuuure… ---
**Author:** ![Nilvedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@Nilvedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nilvedman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/8 "2000-07-01T20:10:43Z")
Can I be in charge of the vice-presidential selection committee? I like filing through names of people no one’s heard of. Hey - here’s an idea… Jesse Ventura! No, not the governor. A saw him in some restaurant yesterday. He seems pretty cool… Or not. Anyway, I’d like to be Secretary of Energy. After what happened at Los Alamos, how could I go wrong? Failing that, I’ll just run the Joint Chiefs of Staff. ---
**Author:** ![Initial\_Entry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9a140/32.png) [@Initial\_Entry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Initial_Entry)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/9 "2000-07-01T20:33:52Z")
Sorry. I already promised to vote for Sparky. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/10 "2000-07-01T23:23:06Z")
Nilvedman: Done and done. Initial Entry: You’d rather vote for a dog than a dead chipmunk? That’s pretty weird, man. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/11 "2000-07-02T05:27:45Z")
I’ll volunteer. I haven’t decided what I would be doing as a volunteer, any suggestions? I want to be Secretary of the Interior, because it’s too damn outside. ---
**Author:** ![Greyson3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/258eb7/32.png) [@Greyson3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greyson3)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/12 "2000-07-02T18:26:16Z")
I, too, would like a position in the cabinet. Preferably next to all those plastic dinosaurs I got as a kid. If one of these spots is unavailable, I’ll settle for a cozy niche inside a colander or cheese grater. There won’t be any customers slamming the cabinet doors at all hours, will there? That’s why I left Ikea. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/13 "2000-07-02T19:01:19Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ll volunteer. I haven’t decided what I would be doing as a volunteer, any suggestions? There are soooooooo many ideas going through my head right now, but I think I had better leave this one to Dr. Jackson. Greyson- Sorry, those slots are already full. However the cookie jar still has a vacancy. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/14 "2000-07-02T22:09:05Z")
I’ll volunteer. I offer as my qualifications that I have a BA in political science, and that I’ve been involved in politics at the local, county, and state levels. Furthermore, I’ve read a lot of Tom Clancy novels–I’d be very good as advisor on national security issues to the campaign. In return, I want to serve as Secretary of Defense in the Dead Chipmunk Administration–all four years, or eight years if there’s a second term. And I want the right to start wars if I feel like it.\* Thanks for your consideration. \*As my first act, I will suggest that this particular part of the agreement not be emphasized in the campaign literature. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/15 "2000-07-03T00:12:03Z")
You got it MysterEcks! But, when Muffins start coming down from the sky, remember who you actually work for. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/16 "2000-07-03T00:25:07Z")
I’m very loyal, FF. Loyalty is my middle name. (Not that I use it. “MysterLoyaltyEcks” would look pretty damn weird.) ---
**Author:** ![Xgemina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/b5e925/32.png) [@Xgemina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xgemina)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/17 "2000-07-03T02:37:11Z")
what the hell. I voted for Snoopy last election, I may as well vote Dead Chipmunk this one, count me in. Problem is, you already gave away Sec of Defense, dang-it MysterEcks, I wanted that one…oh well, how about an appointment as Director of the CIA or can I be your National Security Advisor (my slogan will be nuke’em, nuke’em that’ll teach’em) As for the campaign, I’ll be the guy who digs up all the skeletons in the opposing sides’ closets (or invent them, if necessary.) Am I in? ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/18 "2000-07-03T02:45:50Z")
You’re in. First order of business, find out what this guy “Sparky” is hiding. ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/19 "2000-07-03T03:07:34Z")
Natch, I volunteer to be the International Spy. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253/20 "2000-07-03T04:53:03Z")
**Xgemina** said: > [@](#): > > Problem is, you already gave away Sec of Defense, dang-it MysterEcks, I wanted that one Let me point out that while I am now Secretary of Defense-designate, I believe the position of Secretary of De Fence is still open. It is very important to make sure all de fences are in good repair, after all–otherwise, people will just walk right through them. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-2000-volunteers-needed/24253.md?page=2)