# Dead Chipmunk to the world: "I'm Gay!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2000, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129 "2000-06-30T06:45:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/1 "2000-06-30T06:45:02Z")
_In a press conference tonight, campaign representative F. Freely announced that presidential candidate Dead Chipmunk has decided to come clean with the public._ "Our campaign is about truth. And as such, we feel it’s only fair that the public should know the full truth about Dead Chipmunk. Dead Chipmunk is a homosexual. He’s known about it for awhile now, but never thought this world would be accepting of a gay dead chipmunk. But finally the secrecy has become too much. Dead Chipmunk hopes that you the people will understand, and not hold it against him in the upcoming election. Now, Dead Chipmunk has some important meetings to attend, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this conferance short. But I’m sure Mr. Jackson will be able to answer any questions you might have. ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/2 "2000-06-30T06:52:34Z")
> [@](#): > > **Dead Chipmunk to the world: "I’m Gay!"** Good for you, Dead Chipmunk! I’m always glad to hear when someone finally conquers depression. I’m working on it myself, and find that, while I’m not gay, I’m generally happy and content! Keep up the good work. [Reads the OP.] Oh. Brave move, DC. I hope it doesn’t cost you any votes, but since you’re already a deceased rodent, I’m sure you’re accustomed to dealing with hardship. ~~Baloo ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/3 "2000-06-30T07:18:10Z")
DC, “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/4 "2000-06-30T07:49:35Z")
He’s here! He’s queer! He’s on a stick! ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/5 "2000-06-30T10:47:47Z")
It was only a matter of time until the press latched on to the rumor that Dead Chipmunk had a “Tom Cruise” removed from his ass. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/6 "2000-06-30T12:17:00Z")
I shudder to think if the stick shoved up his ass has anything to do with his outing. As a resident of Vermont, I would like to whole-heartedly welcome the DC to visit our state, should he meet another Dead Chipmunk and decide he’s Mr. Right. Get Civially United today! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/7 "2000-06-30T13:23:10Z")
> [@](#): > > He’s here! He’s queer! He’s on a stick! Oooh! I like it! We could use a good Slogan Meister, VV. Are you willing? SqrlCub, Esprix, Matt, and company: We’re looking for a few local campaign managers - can we count on you? Swiddles - We’ll be happy to visit your fine state, but we have a country to unite first! Baloo - Uhm, yeah. We’re happy that you’re happy. “Deceased Rodent” sound so…formal. Please, call him “DC”. Bluepony - Still got that military point of view going, eh? Chief - Brings a whole new meaning to ‘cruise missle’ doesn’t it? ::singing, Lee Greenwood style:: And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free" ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/8 "2000-06-30T15:45:45Z")
::whispering to Doctor Jackson “Okay, this should get the Gay & Lesbian Alliance firmly in our court. Now all we need to do is get some dirt on Dubya or Gore that suggests they’re intolerant of D.C.'s lifestyle. If we can do that, then people will be afraid to vote for either Gore or Dubya for fear of being labeled a bigot. And then this election will be ours!”:: Thank you folks, we’re all very proud of D.C. here. It took a lot of courage to do what he did, and I hope you’ll all have the courage to stand behind him. That said, I have to go do some… things… I’ll be back later. Thank you. And remember, Vote D.C. for 2000! ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/9 "2000-06-30T15:56:37Z")
> [@](#): > > SqrlCub, Esprix, Matt, and company: We’re looking for a few local campaign managers - can we count > on you? and company? That’s it? Now I know how the Professor and Mary ann must have felt when they were “and the rest, here on Gilligan’s Isle” in the first season of the show. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/10 "2000-06-30T16:29:10Z")
Hey, er, guy-person, whoever you are, could you refill my coffee? ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/11 "2000-06-30T16:45:11Z")
Sigh. Pity. DC might still be alive, if it weren’t for that unfortunate felching incident. Sign me up for the “military viewpoint” ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/12 "2000-06-30T16:53:02Z")
Thanks, VB. Now I spit water all over my monitor. There are blue spots everywhere. Hey, are we sure that stick isn’t a ::gasp:: straw? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/13 "2000-06-30T18:47:56Z")
**goboy** - We had…um…a…um…a special offer for you! Yeah, a…um…real special offer! Why, I was just going to…um…post the real special offer in…um…a thread dedicated just for you! Yes, that’s it! I mean, what campaign is complete without a goboy? Think of the possibilities - Way to goboy!; You goboy!; Where did you goboy?; they’re endless. So, do you accept? **Vestal Blue** - Rumormonger!! Dead Chipmonk did NOT die in a felching incident. As I explained in one of the other threads (Part I, Part Deux, I can’t keep 'em straight anymore, myself), Rear Admiral Chipmonk died valiantly defending this country from the sinister plagues known as Beanie Babies and Pokemon. Unless you have pictures, I suggest you withdraw those charges. You, uhm, don’t have pictures, do you? **Swiddles** - It’s a STICK, dammit. Just a stick. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/14 "2000-06-30T18:57:49Z")
What is the Gay Dead Chipmunk’s statement on the recent Supreme Court ruling on the Boy Scouts? . . . And while we’re at it, does this confirm the rumors about Dead Chipmunk and Richard Gere? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/15 "2000-06-30T20:34:17Z")
**Q.** What is the Gay Dead Chipmunk’s statement on the recent Supreme Court ruling on the Boy Scouts? [/quote] **A.** He didn’t even bat an eyelash. Not that gay people stereotypically bat their eyelashes. But he didn’t. \*\*Q.\*\*And while we’re at it, does this confirm the rumors about Dead Chipmunk and Richard Gere? **A.** Absolutely not. How _do_ these rumors get started? As Chief mentioned above, it was Tom Cruise who was removed from our next president’s rectum. Now there’s a band name - President’s Rectum. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/16 "2000-07-01T00:30:31Z")
Just a point of clarifacation: A _goat-fletcher_, as opposed to a _goat-felcher_, is a person who attaches feathers to a goat in order to acheive greater areodynamic stability, in flight. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/17 "2000-07-01T02:13:40Z")
no no no! Dead Chipmunk isn’t REALLY gay! He’s just fighting his natural urge to be straight(on a stick). He’s only fooling himself, and heading for heartache! Woe! :rolleyes ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/18 "2000-07-01T02:14:50Z")
okay. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/19 "2000-07-01T05:57:45Z")
We need your help! We are short on volunteers, me and Doctor Jackson can’t do it alone. We have many positions open. And for a limited time, if you volunteer we’ll get you a position in the cabinet! Except for treasurer, that one’s taken. Whatever you can do will help. And remember, we do this not just for peace, justice, and the common man! We do it for some other really cool stuff too! So join today, and make a difference! ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129/20 "2000-07-01T06:00:08Z")
Apply [here.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29457) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dead-chipmunk-to-the-world-im-gay/24129.md?page=2)