# Deadliest Warrior: Ridiculous Edition! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 31, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960 "2011-07-31T20:55:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/21 "2011-08-01T17:44:02Z")
How is vampires vs. zombies interesting enough to bother with? As long as you don’t give the humans plot-induced stupidity, humans beat zombies every time. Likewise, vampires beat humans. About the _only_ way the zombies could win is by starvation, if they’ve already wiped out all the humans somehow, and zombie blood is undrinkable by vampires. And for any matchup involving the Iron Giant, you have to specify whether he has his memory intact. He could do some seriously dangerous stuff, once he remembered how. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/22 "2011-08-01T18:26:25Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > How is vampires vs. zombies interesting enough to bother with? Obviously you’ve never spent an hour watching a zombie and a vampire trash talk one another. “Sure, those fangs look sharp but they’re still just little baby teeth and he’ll have a hard time biting me when I’m shambling at 3mph…” ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/23 "2011-08-01T18:53:14Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > \*\*Joshua (WarGames) vs. HAL (2001) > \*\* > > My pick: HAL; Joshua is powerful but just too childlike to take down the clever HAL. Joshua has the United States’ nuclear arsenal at it’s disposal and an army of human saps willing to follow it’s directives. It doesn’t have the weakness of empathy, just the intelligence to learn not to play when winning is impossible. HAL can lock doors. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/24 "2011-08-01T19:07:53Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > HAL can lock doors. And read lips. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/25 "2011-08-01T19:17:49Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The _Slider_ villains? Or are there other fictional versions that were warriors/villains? Because I don’t understand why the real thing would be interesting. The qualification was ‘ridiculous’, not ‘interesting’. Long range weapon. Cromagnon = spear Dalek = raygun Medium range weapon Cromagnon = rock Dalek = raygun Short ranged weapon Cromagnon = sharpened stick Dalek = raygun. Battle results Dalek = 999 Cro-magnon = 1 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/26 "2011-08-01T19:29:02Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > The Battle of the near-Asperger Geeks > Bones vs. Sheldon Bones will dismantle Sheldon. Perhaps she’ll use a sword. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/27 "2011-08-01T20:12:52Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Bones will dismantle Sheldon. Perhaps she’ll use a sword. Physical confrontation? Sure, but maybe Sheldon would make a question and they’ll both stay catatnoic for decades. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/28 "2011-08-01T21:34:07Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Munchins vs. Oompa Loompas There was a Threadspotted discussion of the very thing a long while ago. I think it may have been before I joined, even. The general consensus was that the Oompas would win. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/29 "2011-08-01T21:35:38Z")
> [@](#): > > Joshua has the United States’ nuclear arsenal at it’s disposal and an army of human saps willing to follow it’s directives. It doesn’t have the weakness of empathy, just the intelligence to learn not to play when winning is impossible. > > HAL can lock doors. HAL also has the high ground. Even with all the resources at Joshua’s disposal, I doubt he has anything that can reach above a few hundred kilometers. Granted, it’d also be hard for HAL to strike at Joshua, but give him a decade or two and he’d probably manage to divert an asteroid or the like. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/30 "2011-08-01T22:08:34Z")
Winnie the Pooh vs The Cat in the Hat… You asked for ridiculous, and I delivered BTW, the Cat would win, but at least Pooh would give him a run for his hat…Wahaha! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/31 "2011-08-01T23:09:11Z")
Goku vs. Superman ---
**Author:** ![Bosstrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bosstrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstrain)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/32 "2011-08-02T00:34:08Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Goku vs. Superman Already ran the numbers: Goku: 637 Superman: 363 He couldn’t take the fact that Goku just powered up more once he’s down. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/33 "2011-08-02T06:07:59Z")
> [@dogbutler](#): > > John Creighton vs. Han Solo I like the matchup, but now that I think of it, I think I’d rather see Han Solo vs. Malcom Reynolds…shiny! ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/34 "2011-08-02T06:36:39Z")
OK, I thought of some more match-ups I’d like to see: **Smaug (The Hobbit) vs. Vermithrax Pejorative (Dragonslayer)** Smaug seems smarter; Vermithrax seems more vicious; I gotta give it to Smaug in a close battle. \*\*The Saint of Killers (Preacher graphic novels) vs. Death (Supernatural TV series) \*\* SOK is apparently impervious to physical harm, and his guns always hit their target and each shot is always fatal. But Death is apparently older than God (and will one day reap even Him!) and besides, how can you kill Death anyway? If it comes down to comparing bodycounts, Death wins just for being around so long, plus he would probably take credit for each of SOK’s kills anyway. **Snake Plissken (Escape from NY) vs. The Outlaw Josey Wales** Come on, it’s Clint…Wales wins. “Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’, Snake…” \*\*Family Circus family vs. Hi and Lois family \*\* I don’t care who wins, I just want them all dead. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/35 "2011-08-02T19:10:18Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > There was a Threadspotted discussion of the very thing a long while ago. I think it may have been before I joined, even. The general consensus was that the Oompas would win. Hey, I was in that thread too, but a general concensus does not a victory make. **Strippers vs. Werewolves** is in production > **[Strippers vs Werewolves (2012) ⭐ 3.0 | Action, Comedy, Crime](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1702009/)** > > 1h 33m ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/36 "2011-08-02T19:20:01Z")
Grizzly Bear vs 40 2nd graders ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/37 "2011-08-02T19:27:28Z")
Calvin vs Jason Fox ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/38 "2011-08-02T19:48:53Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > **Snake Plissken (Escape from NY) vs. The Outlaw Josey Wales** > > \*\*Family Circus family vs. Hi and Lois family > \*\* Let’s make it Snake Plissken vs Family Circus and Josey Wales vs Hi and Lois. Then everyone wins. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960/39 "2011-08-02T22:39:36Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > **Snake Plissken (Escape from NY) vs. The Outlaw Josey Wales** > > Come on, it’s Clint…Wales wins. “Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’, Snake…” But even then Snake has a chance because Wales is mortal. Snake vs High Plains Drifter is a different story. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/deadliest-warrior-ridiculous-edition/590960.md?page=1)