# Dealing w/ Stress & Anxiety from HIV testing. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053 "2004-05-19T22:40:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![rostfrei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@rostfrei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rostfrei)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/1 "2004-05-19T22:40:33Z")
I’ve recently ended a relationship with a guy (I’m a guy too, not that it matters). Due to the circumstances of our relationship, several friends have said that I should be tested for HIV. We always used condoms, but one broke once. So, today I called my local free clinic and have made an appointment for next wed at 2pm for a test that will take 1 hour for the results. I am scared to death…. I suspect that I am not HIV+, but if I am, I will surely have a stress related heart attack and die on the spot. I’m going with my best friend, whom is HIV+. He assures me that he will hold my hand the entire time, except for when I actually get the results. Apparently, it’s a law that on the person being tested and the health care provider can be in the room when results are given. I just don’t know how I’ll react if I get bad news. Anyway, I’m curious to know if other people here have been tested for HIV and how they dealt with the stress and anxiety. Eric ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/2 "2004-05-19T22:52:11Z")
I’ve been tested 3 or 4 times and have always had to wait a week for results. These have been the scariest weeks ever because it brings something to the forefront of your mind that you’d rather not have there. The thing that keeps me somewhat calm is knowing that no matter how much I worry about it will not change the results. And I try to make a positive change in my life afterwards and make sure I am keeping myself as safe as possible. Which it seems like you already are. Don’t know if I was any help at all. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/3 "2004-05-20T00:56:50Z")
The experience is different for everyone and it’s different every time you go through it. I suspect there’s little anyone can say that’s going to alleviate your stress, but I’ll just say that even if you do test positive, having HIV is not a death sentence. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/4 "2004-05-20T02:50:49Z")
I’m going to be tested next week, but then my situation is totally different (stuck by some druggie’s old hypodermic needle). Due to the circumstances under which I was stuck, I’ve got a better chance of winning the Powerball tonight than I do turning up positive, so I’m not worried. Realize that the odds are with you, though. Let’s get wild and say you’ve got a 1% chance of being sick. That’s a 99% chance you don’t. I hope you get good news 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/5 "2004-05-20T03:06:07Z")
> [@rostfrei](#): > > Apparently, it’s a law that on the person being tested and the health care provider can be in the room when results are given. Are you sure? What kind of law is that? You can’t have any kind of support with you AT ALL? How dumb is that? I would seriously double-check that. Good luck and all that. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/6 "2004-05-20T04:02:05Z")
> [@rostfrei](#): > > I am scared to death…. I suspect that I am not HIV+, but if I am, I will surely have a stress related heart attack and die on the spot. > \ > Anyway, I’m curious to know if other people here have been tested for HIV and how they dealt with the stress and anxiety. > > Eric As the old saying goes, don’t borrow trouble, **rostfrei**. Much easier said than done, but it’s true. Terror can’t change anything and will just take a terrible toll on you, all on its own. FWIW I was tested for HIV when I discovered the nature and extent of my ex-husband’s infidelity. (Talk about a reeling, wrung-out wreck!) It was a commonsense precaution but, man, it was excruciating. Fortunately a very kind, wise sort helped me walk through it. The most useful advice? _Don’t think about it._. There’s a tendency to probe at problems, like picking at a scab or nudging a sore tooth with your tongue. It took some deliberate effort, hard at times, to simply refuse to let my mind dwell on it. And it seemed like _everything_ looped back to it. Music? Omigod, all the music I might not live to hear… etc. etc. The cue I was taught was a sharp, “ **NO** ” to myself–like hauling my brain back on a leash–then to get busy with something, anything. I didn’t have to be happy, just not wallowing in my fright. As my wise friend said, “You have enough problems, so don’t take on more.” It didn’t make things great, but it made them bearable. And it helped immensely during a later serious health scare (cancer)–also negative. Being afraid sucks. Just…fight it in its own right. All the best to you, Eric. Hang tough, and remember you have friends. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/7 "2004-05-20T04:20:21Z")
Between **luluBahrain** ’s: > [@](#): > > The thing that keeps me somewhat calm is knowing that no matter how much I worry about it will not change the results. and **Otto** ’s: > [@](#): > > …but I’ll just say that even if you do test positive, having HIV is not a death sentence. my headset has been captured. I’ve been tested a couple of times, and had to wait weeks for results. One of my long-time friends (gay male, FWTFTW) has been acknowledged HIV+ for ten years now, and he’s (at ~36) doing fine and we look forward to his company for a long time yet. It sounds like you’ve been careful - good luck, **rostfrei**! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/8 "2004-05-20T13:51:13Z")
Yeah, I used to have trouble with this too the first few times I was tested. What worked for me was to be constantly rehearsing to myself, given what exactly I had done, how very unlikely it was that I had HIV. Once I started getting tested regularly, it stopped being so stressful. I recommend that all sexually active people be regularly tested for HIV, not just when they think they might have a problem. I get tested at each yearly physical, as well as in between should I be having bloods for a different reason. Courage! Getting tested is a fact of life. I hope everything goes just fine. ---
**Author:** ![rostfrei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@rostfrei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rostfrei)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/9 "2004-05-22T00:00:57Z")
> [@rostfrei](#): > > He assures me that he will hold my hand the entire time, except for when I actually get the results. Apparently, it’s a law that on the person being tested and the health care provider can be in the room when results are given. I just don’t know how I’ll react if I get bad news. > Eric > [@Silver Fire](#): > > Are you sure? What kind of law is that? You can’t have any kind of support with you AT ALL? How dumb is that? I would seriously double-check that. > > Good luck and all that. 😕 When I called to make the appointment, I specifically asked whether or not I could have my best friend in the room with me. I was told that it was a federal law that they could not disclose the test results to anyone except the patient. She said that my friend could wait outside the room, and once I am told the test results, I could open the door and tell him, and then he could come in the room. Seems pretty stupid. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/10 "2004-05-22T00:36:08Z")
I got test a year or so back, because I knew I was at the beginning of a serious relationship, and I wanted to get that monkey off my back. My sexual life flashed before my eyes that week, even thought I knew I was ok. Just keep your spirits up, and know that the ordeal will be over soon. ---
**Author:** ![rostfrei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@rostfrei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rostfrei)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/11 "2004-05-26T22:18:42Z")
Update. I went to the clinic yesterday for my test and am happy to report that it was negative. Whew… ---
**Author:** ![luluBahrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e5b9ba/32.png) [@luluBahrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luluBahrain)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/12 "2004-05-26T22:38:21Z")
I’m very happy to hear that. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-w-stress-anxiety-from-hiv-testing/246053/13 "2004-05-27T00:26:07Z")
Great news, **rostfrei**! I’m so glad. Veb