# Dealing with an SO who uses drugs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 19, 2004, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784 "2004-04-19T05:28:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/61 "2004-04-19T22:20:27Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Judgemental? Where in the hell are you getting judgemental out of the OP’s posts? He’s never said anything negative about the party crowd, just that it’s not something he’s interested in either engaging in himself or dealing with in a potential SO. The only judgement going on around here is by said party crowd. So perhaps some of us should remove the branches from our own asses before noting the twigs in our neighbors’, eh? Whattyou talkin’ about Willis! His OP is a statement of prejudgement, **CCL!** His statement is a qualifier based on BS! If I lived like that, why I’d think you were a little lady hermit with 35 cats who collected and saved her excrement in Pickle buckets and horded newspapers and periodicals. If I thought like the **Monkey** , I would eliminate, oh I dunno, maybe 50-60% of possible new and old friends based on something superficial, thereby loosing the heart and mind underneath (what really counts!). I know all of my horizons would be narrower if not for that half. I would be less of a person. Little advice **Monkey** , don’t eliminate any possibilities or opportunities in life. Expansion is better than contraction. Apparently, roses really smell like Poo-Pooo oo oo! ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/62 "2004-04-19T22:24:56Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > Whattyou talkin’ about Willis! His OP is a statement of prejudgement, **CCL!** His statement is a qualifier based on BS! If I lived like that, why I’d think you were a little lady hermit with 35 cats who collected and saved her excrement in Pickle buckets and horded newspapers and periodicals. If I thought like the **Monkey** , I would eliminate, oh I dunno, maybe 50-60% of possible new and old friends based on something superficial, thereby loosing the heart and mind underneath (what really counts!). I know all of my horizons would be narrower if not for that half. I would be less of a person. > ! And if all people who take drugs write and argue as coherently as you, I’d think Soapbox Monkey was on to something. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/63 "2004-04-19T22:47:44Z")
I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to be around drug users! Ya’ll were so accepting and everyth…huh, no, you weren’t. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/64 "2004-04-19T22:49:48Z")
I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to be around drug users! The sheer pleasantness he’s experienced in this thread would more than convince me! “Like…open your mind, man!” What a powerful, compelling argument. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/65 "2004-04-19T23:21:23Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Most of us who like to have the occasional joint or night of partying aren’t going to want to date someone who is squeaky clean. It’s not fun to have someone judge you because of your vices. Ah, so being a non-user automatically makes one uptight and judgmental of those who do use. :rolleyes: Looks like you’re taking some of your resentment at being judged and throwing it, unjustifiably, at the OP. Why can’t we all just get along? ---
**Author:** ![Stainz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stainz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainz)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/66 "2004-04-19T23:29:07Z")
Spent 8 years with a pothead. Spent 2 1/2 years with a pothead / alcoholic. Spending my time now (a year and counting) with a non-smoker, non-druggy, social drinker (with a ton of self-control). Guess which relationship is the healthiest? Guess which guy is the strongest? Guess which guy is the most fun? Guess which guy is the most interesting? Guess which guy is the most successful, on every level? GUESS HOW ANGRY I AM THAT I SPENT 10 1/2 YEARS OF MY LIFE WITH SUCH WEAK, DEPENDENT LOSERS?!?! (gee, that does sound a little bitter doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong- I take total responsibility for the choices I made, I just wish I’d smartened up sooner …). To me, drinking and drugs are a reflection of one’s value system. If you and your S/O don’t have the same value system, you’ll have a hard time being truly happy. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/67 "2004-04-19T23:38:38Z")
I just wanted to distance myself from the pro-drinking/drug users in this thread… I drink (probably too much) and i have been known to burn one (and worse…) That being said, I absolutely do not agree with **Indygirrl** and **fetus** ’ blatant generalizations that all “us” druggies feel the same way. I’ll think and speak for myself thankyouverydamnmuch. :rolleyes: **Soapbox Monkey** , you stick to your guns! If it bothers you that much, then you are not going to be happy with someone who drinks or uses drugs, just as I would be uncomfortable with someone who is an absolute tee-totaller. You have to find someone who is compatible or NEITHER of you will be happy. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/68 "2004-04-19T23:42:03Z")
> [@if6was9](#): > > tee-totaller Question. Where did this phrase come from? I’ve never been familiar with it. I’ve heard of “straight-edge” but never tee-totaller. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/69 "2004-04-20T00:03:31Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > First off, I don’t see why one needs to justify one’s decision to use LSD. I’ve never done it, but I may in the future, and I don’t think I need to justify my decision to use it to you, any more than you need to justify your decision to not use it to me. If someone doesn’t mind thinking they’re a tree, what skin off your ass is it? > > Secondly, I get my information from scientific studies, fucker, so shove your Junkies Monthly shit up your ass. How bout you do a little research on the shit you claim to know so much about, instead of feeding us the unfounded bullshit the Drug Czar feeds you. Since I doubt you’re capable of finding it on your own, I’ll provide some helpful links for you: > > [numerous links deleted by moderator] > > I’m sick and tired of people assuming that any information that doesn’t jibe with what the government has been telling them must be made up by some junkhead. Wise up, please, or at least don’t go spouting _your_ bullshit without making sure you know what you’re talking about. _This_ “Czar” thinks you’ve posted just about enough on this subject. Your attitude, language and posting of threads advocating illegal drug use will not be tolerated here. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/70 "2004-04-20T00:15:11Z")
Anybody read my post on the last page? All I’m sayin’ is, all your high standards and good intentions go flying right out the window when you fall in love with The Wrong Person. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/71 "2004-04-20T00:59:57Z")
> [@Soapbox Monkey](#): > > Question. Where did this phrase come from? I’ve never been familiar with it. I’ve heard of “straight-edge” but never tee-totaller. 😕 I believe it’s an old-timey way of saying “non-drinker”. Old Timey Scholars may correct me if I’m wrong. ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/72 "2004-04-20T01:10:12Z")
Another (former, and sorry to say heavy) drug user wading in to say that you should do what feels right to _you_. You should only have relationships with people that you feel comfortable around so if party heads and drug users aren’t your bag find another crowd. You must have some other clubs or societies on campus? Maybe take up rock climbing or join the dangerous sports society? Not into sporty stuff? Try the chess society maybe? Into computers? They have a LAN club on my girlfriend’s campus where they join up for gaming nights… There is a lot of stuff out there for people who don’t like getting intoxicated if you look around a bit. Saying that I have found it quite easy to mingle at clubs with people who are tee-total but from a sober perspective (I have been clean for two years) I find drunk people highly irritating but strangely people under the influence of drugs tend to be much more coherent IMHO. I would say that you should not necessarily buy into the idea that all drug users are bad and are trying to push their agenda (as certain posters here appear to be doing) and just keep an open mind and take people on an individual basis. If my 100% straight girlfriend hadn’t we would not have been together… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/73 "2004-04-20T02:11:29Z")
> [@Soapbox Monkey](#): > > Let me add further, that my original intent in this thread was to ask if people feel I am fucking myself over by being so closed minded and not wanting to date people who used drugs frequently. Just posting in answer to this question, and doing my best to avoid the wreckage littering the rest of this thread, I’d say, yeah, you’re doing yourself a disservice. I know a lot of people who do a lot of drugs. I know a lot of people who don’t do any drugs. Can’t say as I’ve noticed a lot of distinction between the two groups. They both seem to have an equal share of really cool, intelligent, interesting people. And they both have an equal share of intolerant, manipulative, dishonest bastards. So, in my experience, by refusing to date girls who use (as distinct from “abuse”) drugs, you’re very likely missing out on some great relationships because of something that is, really, very trivial. FWIW, IMHO, YMMV, ASAP, QED, FUBAR, QWERTY, and any other applicable acronyms. ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/74 "2004-04-20T02:47:43Z")
In reply to the OP, too hard a line would see you write off plenty of worthwhile people, for sure - [like all these guys.](http://www.soveriegn.freeservers.com/drugs.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/75 "2004-04-20T03:06:18Z")
> [@Soapbox Monkey](#): > > Question. Where did this phrase come from? I’ve never been familiar with it. I’ve heard of “straight-edge” but never tee-totaller. 😕 [See here.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teetotalism) ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/76 "2004-04-20T03:36:16Z")
Hi Soap, First of all, sorry about presuming you were a woman earlier. Stupid assumption on my part to make. Sorry. Second of all, I take back my previous advice. After perusing your prior threads, I can say with all certainty that YOU NEED TO GET LAID! BAD!!! DO NOT RESTRICT YOUR DATING POOL IN ANY WAY AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE !!! You are 19. You have puh-lenty of time to find Ms. Right. I’m willing to bet that once you find Ms. Right, you’d like to have the kinks worked out of your sexual style. So date the druggies and drinkers and smokers who have been around the block who can teach you what the hell to do! Go to the hedonistic parties just to get laid! [Oh, and buy this book.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0452278155/qid=1082431758/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/104-3141028-4637515?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) SoapBOX! SoapBOX! SoapBOX! SoapBOX! SoapBOX! _Don’t forget to wear a condom, dude!_ ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/77 "2004-04-20T03:40:54Z")
**Soapbox Monkey** , I think your feelings about this matter are perfectly justified. Regardless of what other people think, you are the one who has to live with or spend time with your SO. If you don’t want to spend time with someone who is doing something that you don’t approve of, and have that strong of an opinion against, then the relationship is doomed from the beginning. Why make yourself AND that person miserable? ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/78 "2004-04-20T05:18:54Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > **sugaree** , I apologize for being dismissive…I just didn’t think that one website rebutting several physicians and clinicians’ work counted as hard and fast proof. That website is more than you’ve provided. Where can someone see the work of these physicians and clinicians? Got a link? ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/79 "2004-04-20T05:30:57Z")
> [@Jaade](#): > > **Soapbox Monkey** , I think your feelings about this matter are perfectly justified. Regardless of what other people think, you are the one who has to live with or spend time with your SO. If you don’t want to spend time with someone who is doing something that you don’t approve of, and have that strong of an opinion against, then the relationship is doomed from the beginning. Why make yourself AND that person miserable? Good advice (as always) from the lovely **Jaade**. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784/80 "2004-04-20T05:36:28Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > That website is more than you’ve provided. Where can someone see the work of these physicians and clinicians? Got a link? Um… duh… I think her classes in becoming an **RN** make he rather a “cite” on her word! Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to talk over your head… that stands for Registered Nurse… :rolleyes: Can YOU dispute what she said? Got anything ELSE to add, Bucko??? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-who-uses-drugs/240784.md?page=5)