# Dealing with an SO with mental issues - how to say "Sorry, I can't support you right now"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2017, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124 "2017-04-24T05:09:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/21 "2017-04-24T14:16:18Z")
Is she not getting help because she doesn’t _want_ to, or because she doesn’t have access? If it’s the former, then wait until she’s in a good period (as noted, depression ebbs and flows) and have “the talk” with her. Let her know that you want to maintain the relationship, but that you’re not equipped to help her the way a professional would be. If she absolutely refuses to get help, then the ball really is in your court. If it’s an access issue, then start figuring out how to fix it and go from there. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/22 "2017-04-24T14:29:39Z")
Bear in mind that antidepressants help, but don’t cure anything; there can still be some very bad days or weeks, especially if outside factors intervene. What makes mental illness so evil that it diminishes away the patient’s ability to take care of themselves by convincing them that they can’t (or shouldn’t, or don’t have to) take care of themselves. Don’t blame them for refusing treatment because they’re not the ones making the decisions; their illness is. That said, there are degrees. Catch them on a good day and you can convince them to treat themselves. You just have to be patient and persistent. Or you can bail if you want to. No-one will blame you. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/23 "2017-04-24T14:30:28Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > Very true; I was asking because based on his posting history he’s been supporting her through all kinds of ups and downs for years. It was curious to me that he’d suddenly had enough. > > Since this is a different girl, may I posit that your subconscious realizes that you’re setting yourself up for a repeat of your last relationship, and it’s in flight mode? Nava and Manda Jo have it spot-on; boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. “I am sorry for what you are going through; I think these thoughts/feelings are best discussed with your therapist so they can give you the guidance you need.” If this is true, and you’ve gotten out of a tumultuous relationship lately, it’s very worth taking a good hard look at your relationship patterns and the reasons for them. Additionally, I don’t believe you can call someone you’ve been dating for a month “your significant other”. This is what dating is for - to flush out these kinds of things and determine whether you’d like to move forward. Don’t stay because you don’t want to hurt her feelings or because you’d feel like a bad person. Stay if this is _really_ someone you could see things working with, long term. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/24 "2017-04-24T14:40:14Z")
I agree it’s terrible to dump someone who has just opened up to you, but it’s worse to continue to be with them out of pity. I’m curious exactly how much help this person has sought – judging by her limited support network, I’m guessing not much. While you might be able to talk her into shoring up other sources of support, you might not, and if she’s not interested in getting help for herself, you need to accept that this is the way she is going to be (periodically? often? it’s hard to say at this time) and either let her go or embrace the flaws. In all things, I would encourage you to be honest. Make it clear that you feel unequipped to handle this level of depression and that you can’t be her sole source of support without jeopardizing your own mental health. If she cannot respect this, I’d say it bodes ill for the relationship. I wish you could talk to my husband instead of me, as he has learned to live with a chronically depressed person and I’m honestly not sure I could. In the beginning, he tried to fix everything, and be there always, but as our relationship wore on, it became clear this wasn’t realistic or healthy for either of us. Since then he has basically left me to my own devices – always a sympathetic and encouraging ear, but only willing to drop everything in cases of emergency - which are rare. In time, I learned how to handle my own mental health crises, and he learned how to be happy, without guilt, even when I’m miserable. His default response is, ‘‘I’m sorry you’re feeling depressed,’’ and then to urge me to do something active, like going for a walk or to a movie with him. And if I refuse to engage, he goes off and does his own thing. This might sound a bit callous, but I think a certain level of detachment is crucial for managing a relationship like this. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/25 "2017-04-24T14:52:15Z")
Repeat this mantra: 1. If someone doesn’t want to help themselves, there is nothing I can do 2. If someone doesn’t want to help themselves, “it” will not get better 3. Given 1 and 2, can this relationship last long term? If the answer to 3 is “no”, and IMHO it should be, then end the SO part now. Remain friends if you’d like, but make it clear that there can be no SO type relationship until they seriously seek to help themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/26 "2017-04-24T16:59:38Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I think you have to set your boundaries where you are comfortable with them being and then if she dumps you, don’t fight it or panic or try to negotiate. This isn’t about right or wrong, it’s about discovering if the sort of support she needs and the sort of support you are able to give–long term–are compatible. If they aren’t and she knows it enough to leave, let her go so she can find someone who is more compatible with her. > > And she may well perceive you having boundaries to what you are willing and able to offer as you being an asshole. If she does, you need to fight the impulse to prove that you aren’t an asshole by shifting those boundaries. This is important. But you can’t control her actions, only yours. I would recommend that you see a therapist. I did when I was in a similar situation and it helped immensely. He basically just reinforced what I already knew but I needed help holding those boundaries. You seem awfully invested in what seems to be a relatively new relationship - did you have realistic expectations going in? Is she unable to live up to some idealized version of herself that exists only in your head? A good therapist would be a lot of help. To you. . ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/27 "2017-04-24T17:02:28Z")
Like this: “Honey, I really care about you and I want to help you, but I can’t - I’m not a therapist. That’s who you should be talking to, not me. So, how about them Lakers? (or other change of topic)” When they start to talk about it again: “That sounds really rough. It’s definitely a therapist topic, not a sweetheart topic. Make a note of it, so you can talk about it with them. So, what’s going on with (insert something positive that’s happening in their life)” Repeat as necessary. Also, you mentioned they have self-harm issues. What kind? Are they cutting? Or talking about suicide? There’s a big gulf between the two. Be aware - **If someone uses the threat of self-harm or suicide to make you do something, they are being abusive.** A person can be genuinely hurting, they can be in deep emotional pain, and their actions can still be abusive. You do not have to tolerate abuse just because they hurt. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/28 "2017-04-24T17:52:35Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > A significant other of mine is going through some fairly serious mental issues. It seems like depression, but it could be something else; I’m not a mental health professional. In any case, this person has a very limited support structure, has trouble with their family, and I’m basically the main person they talk to or spend time with. And they are seriously suffering, and I don’t know what to do. After a week of getting nothing but this “woe is me, everything sucks, my family hates me” stuff, I… can’t handle it. I can’t listen to it any more. > > I know there’s probably something bad going on here, and I know saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t deal with your depression right now” isn’t going to make things better. But what can I do? I can’t be a constant sounding board for non-stop “woe is me”, especially when connected with self-harm. I’m not a therapist, and this has started making _me_ miserable to boot. It’s not helped by the fact that I’ve only known them for a month, and this has only kicked in last week. I miss the version of this person I knew last month, before this started happening seemingly apropos of nothing, but telling that to someone with depression is a really, really, _really_ shitty thing to do. I just don’t really know how to handle the situation. And no, “dump them” is not a good solution. I’ve given them the best advice I can - “seek professional help”, but I can’t really do more than that. ☹ What’s a nice way to say, “Sorry, I can’t deal with you right now”? I’m not a mental health professional either, but my experiences with people I’ve known that have depression, they don’t do much complaining about things. They mostly shut down and don’t have much to say and seem angry all the time about nothing specific or rational. You should find a top mental health care professional in the area. Get a recommend from a family doctor. Make an appointment for him/her to get an evaluation. First with him/her alone and then with the both of you together where you can share your observations. Then take it from there. Because someone who is perpetually complaining and is a real downer to be around all the time doesn’t necessarily have depression. It just might be part of their personality and you have to decide if that is something you want to be around or not. We have all known people who are negative and people just avoid being around them. If the person is suffering from depression or some other mental health condition, and you aren’t up to the task, then you should bow out. Because no one wants to be around someone who doesn’t have their best interests at heart. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/29 "2017-04-24T17:53:35Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Did the OP say anything about them refusing psychiatric treatment? > [@Pantastic](#): > > If the “best advice” is seek professional help, that implies that they are not seeking professional help at this time. If someone had a broken arm and had gone to the doctor to get it set, you wouldn’t say that your advice was for them to go to a doctor because it would be silly to advise them to do what they already did. > [@Alessan](#): > > What makes mental illness so evil that it diminishes away the patient’s ability to take care of themselves by convincing them that they can’t (or shouldn’t, or don’t have to) take care of themselves. Don’t blame them for refusing treatment because they’re not the ones making the decisions; their illness is. I don’t see any [del]excuse[/del] reason to belabor my opinions of the efficacy of psychiatric medication, since I assume everyone has heard me thusly opine. (If that is not the case, say so and I will correct the oversight). But no one gets to have it both ways: on the one hand, a person with a psychiatric diagnosis has an ironclad moral right to decline psychiatric treatment if they are of the opinion that it will not help them; but that does _not_ translate into “I get to behave the way I behave, and you need to be supportive, and you don’t get to treat my behavior as a problem for you because hey I’m mentally ill so it would be horrible of you to complain”. Everyone has times when their own behavior is not fully under their own control. But that doesn’t make them “not responsible for it”. People are capable of planning in advance and looking into the future, as well as looking backwards and observing their own patterns. It is not reasonable (IMO) to hold the attitude “either you go to a psychiatrist and do what the psychiatrist says or you’re on your own and I wash my hands of you” – although you do have the right to do so, that kind of sucks; but it _is_ reasonable to hold an attitude of “I will stick by you when you’re like this, but we need to plan on how we’re going to manage the times when you’re like this, and those plans have to be fair to me”. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/30 "2017-04-24T18:14:57Z")
**AH3** makes an interesting point, which is that we all too often make the assumption that seeking professional help will necessarily be helpful. It can be, certainly, but evidence-based approaches to dealing with mental illness are still in their childhood, and a really _good_ treatment for depression might show efficacy, in, say, 60% of the people. It’s not the same as going to the doctor to get a broken leg set, because if you go to the doctor, your leg is going to be set (or otherwise successfully treated) about 100% of the time. Seeking help for a mental health disorder could be interpreted very broadly to include either psychiatric intervention or actively working on increasing social support, healthy daily living habits, etc (my personal experience is that a combination of both tends to be the most effective) with the understanding that sometimes, things really don’t get better, and the best way to manage is to find ways to cope with the symptoms as they arise. For me it’s both – I’m always seeking to improve my ability to manage symptoms, and have tried a slew of evidence-based and behavioral interventions in an effort to enhance my coping repertoire. But I also have a more grounded sense that everyone has a cross to bear and for whatever reason, major depressive disorder is mine, and it’s probably not going to go away, and anyone close to me must accept that. I wish the OP would elaborate a bit on the level of self-insight this person has, whether she has sought help (however she defines it), whether she acknowledges there is even a problem, etc. Because I really do think the answer will shape the quality of responses here. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/31 "2017-04-24T18:15:14Z")
We are working on the mental health professional thing. Hopefully we should be able to get an appointment for her soon. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/32 "2017-04-24T18:18:32Z")
Step back a pace and take a wide angle view. You are apparently completely invested with no “pull the ripcord” option" in the emotional well being of someone you have known for approximately 30 days whose depression is so severe she is hospitalized. This is not you being a hero this is you making very bad decisions. People with the generalized sad sack style depression almost never fully recover balanced emotional functioning. That’s a fact. Your logical option is to end the relationship unless you want to become a long term caretaker, a role you apparently do not want to take on and about which you are complaining. Your question is essentially “Can I have a caring relationship with an emotionally troubled person where I leave them to their own devices when they are in the throws of a depressive episode and come back when they are better? Otherwise I simply can’t take it.” That is not a question any of us can even begin to answer. You can talk with her and see if she’s up for that. Having been with people like that there are points in the cycle where the sex and conversation are just amazing until the wave crashes and then you’re trapped behind the walls of Mordor. From my perspective you’re in or you’re out. I don’t think you can ethically hang when she’s great but sidle off when the going gets tough. It’s just not the right thing to do IMO. You need to decide. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/33 "2017-04-24T18:19:33Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > **Bear in mind that antidepressants help, but don’t cure anything; there can still be some very bad days or weeks, especially if outside factors intervene.** > > What makes mental illness so evil that it diminishes away the patient’s ability to take care of themselves by convincing them that they can’t (or shouldn’t, or don’t have to) take care of themselves. Don’t blame them for refusing treatment because they’re not the ones making the decisions; their illness is. That said, there are degrees. Catch them on a good day and you can convince them to treat themselves. You just have to be patient and persistent. > > Or you can bail if you want to. No-one will blame you. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is part of the treatment, too. It’s not just anti-depressants. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/34 "2017-04-24T18:30:44Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is part of the treatment, too. It’s not just anti-depressants. From a pure ‘‘aggregate research’’ perspective, the most effective treatment for depression is a combination of anti-depressants and cognitive behavioral therapy. These are not the only effective treatments, but probably the most common. In general, recovery from depression, no matter what the cause, requires a holistic approach which examines every sphere of life. Is she eating well? How can she improve her sleep? Can she go for a walk a few times a week, outdoors, in nature? Is she attending regular therapy? Is she reaching out to make new social connections so that her support network is broader and more varied? It is overwhelming when you struggle just to get out of bed, so it’s best to start small. Keep your expectations low, look for signs of gradual progress. When you see them, praise her like crazy. It will help motivate her against the self-deprecating voices inside her head telling her it’s all hopeless. For both of you, please: _Keep expectations reasonable_. And FTR, I have tried about thirteen anti-depressants that didn’t do anything to help me, have found two that worked remarkably well but had intolerable side effects (like grand mal seizures intolerable), and the thing that helped me the most turned out to be a mood stabilizer that was used to treat said seizures, so it wasn’t even prescribed _for_ the depression… But now that I have found a good med for depression, I can’t take stimulants for ADD because the risk of seizures is too high. So we’ve added yet another antidepressant which is supposed to help with ADD-style concentration issues. it’s truly hit and miss with drugs. It’s neither a quick fix nor the giant pharmaceutical hoax some would have you believe. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/35 "2017-04-24T19:30:42Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Look at it this way: say you were in a relationship with someone, and they were hit by a bus. Would you say, “So sorry, but I don’t like hospitals; how about you give me a call when you’re all better and we can have sex?”. Same thing. > > Mental illness is not the person, it’s something that happens _to_ a person. It’s something that’s imposed on them against their will. Getting hit by a bus is something that happens to a person. It doesn’t change who you are. Like it or not, mental illness and personality disorders are part of who the person is. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2017, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/36 "2017-04-24T19:38:42Z")
I have a friend who’s constantly depressed, who rarely has anything positive to say, and vents this depressing stuff constantly. She gets all kinds of sympathy on Facebook and other forms of social media. I told her that I won’t give sympathy because I feel it creates a sort of positive feedback loop for the person seeking it. In other words, “People come out of the woodwork to tell me how worthwhile I am when I post about how depressed I am, so I’ll keep posting that for the validation.” So now I respond to positive or neutral things she posts, and ignore the woe is me stuff. I started ignoring it _after_ telling her why I wasn’t responding to those posts. StG ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/37 "2017-04-25T10:50:16Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Step back a pace and take a wide angle view. > > You are apparently completely invested with no “pull the ripcord” option" in the emotional well being of someone you have known for approximately 30 days whose depression is so severe she is hospitalized. Just to be clear: it’s not that there’s no option to get out there. I’m weighing that option. It’s in the back of my mind. I’d just _rather not_, so I’m looking for advice on other aspects. Also: she was never hospitalized, and the self-harm has, to date, been fairly mild, albeit still concerning. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/38 "2017-04-25T12:32:01Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Bear in mind that antidepressants help, but don’t cure anything; there can still be some very bad days or weeks, especially if outside factors intervene. And they don’t always help: if the depression has an immediate external cause, what will work is learning how to deal with the bad situation in healthier ways, and eventually fixing it. And even if it’s biochemical in origin, not every antidepressant works for everybody. I’ve got ibuprofen-headaches, paracetamol-headaches and either-one-headaches: taking the wrong pill will be bad for my innards while not doing shite for my aching head. Same for antidepressants, except with these the patient is likely to feel like she “should” be feeling better instead of being able to say “damnit, my head still hurts”. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/39 "2017-04-25T15:38:24Z")
> [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](#): > > Just to be clear: it’s not that there’s no option to get out there. I’m weighing that option. It’s in the back of my mind. I’d just _rather not_, so I’m looking for advice on other aspects. > > Also: she was never hospitalized, and the self-harm has, to date, been fairly mild, albeit still concerning. Then I’m confused - what was this (your) reply to Alessan about? > [@](#): > > @Alessan: I realize that, but I can’t spend every day at the hospital. Is there a good way to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t handle this conversation right now” without making it seem like it’s her fault, or making her feel worse? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124/40 "2017-04-25T16:58:00Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Then I’m confused - what was this (your) reply to Alessan about? I assumed that “hospital” in that remark was metaphorical. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-an-so-with-mental-issues-how-to-say-sorry-i-cant-support-you-right-now/785124.md?page=3)