# Dealing with people who want to stare you down and intimidate you. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 25, 2014, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506 "2014-03-25T06:45:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/61 "2014-03-26T11:12:31Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > Sounds to me that you have never been to San Jose. You should go sometime. I don’t know the way, do you? ETA: I’m talking to _you_, **Gateway**. Look at me. ---
**Author:** ![Hallucinex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba9def/32.png) [@Hallucinex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hallucinex)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/62 "2014-03-26T11:24:01Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > A staring contest is more of a normal occurrence. It isn’t. > [@Gateway](#): > > The one who looks away first is the one who is more “beta” in that moment. They’re not. ---
**Author:** ![Sigene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sigene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigene)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/63 "2014-03-26T12:50:11Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > Sounds to me that you have never been to San Jose. You should go sometime. > … been there many times. Mom has lived there for 35 years. Her hubby is the ultimate macho alpha male. Stare downs, or ups or whatever don’t happen to me. I maintain you are imagining agressive posturing, and by your own actions are being the agressor. Hey, I’m not really wanting to be blunt, but I question your sanity. By your own admission your dress and mannerisms attract attention; I suggest you are the root of your problem ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/64 "2014-03-26T12:51:04Z")
Frankly, some of your answers to this potentially dangerous problem are unrealistic, bordering on ridiculous. The most effective way to avoid physical aggression when challenged by a staring male is simply to turn away from him… …then bend over, drop trou and proudly display your bright rainbow [tattooed buttocks](http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3225/3003316644_f4c5bb133c_z.jpg?zz=1). Sure as shootin’, staring dude will back down [shamefully](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rx6DN02qhjQ/TjwI88TDknI/AAAAAAAAFqQ/BaaFpaAfpZc/s1600/mandrill_1963779c.jpg) and [ladies](http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/swooning.gif)\* will swoon in anticipation of having sex with you. - well…lady mandrills, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/65 "2014-03-26T13:05:33Z")
By this point he’s already recognized you as another immortal, so your only choices are to fight him to the death or find your way to holy ground. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/66 "2014-03-26T13:07:19Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Weird. I guess I’ve never been in one of these “staring contests”. Maybe it’s an able-bodied thing? Y’all cra cra. It isn’t. Assuming (generously) that the OP isn’t having us on, it’s more of a “got something to prove and looking for trouble” thing. Where you see the entire world as a big prison yard in which you have to demonstrate your badassery right away. Good practice, actually, for the day when one of your unnecessary confrontations earns you a bunk in an actual prison. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/67 "2014-03-26T13:08:37Z")
So is no one here going to stand up for themselves and fight the guy staring you down? Bunch of pussies! ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/68 "2014-03-26T13:13:07Z")
Dude, there are no refs or video replay… Cheat! When the action is at it’s most intense moment, suddenly point at one of your opposition’s eyes and yell with confidence “YOU BLINKED!!!” Give no time for him to protest, but instantly, drop to your knees with fists clenched and tears in your eyes then transition to a bowed head in prayer to Him…hold for 5 seconds…then complete the Sign of the Cross ending with a small kiss to the crucifix on your neck. Rise slowly and bask in the moment beat your chest with your fist solidly, once…and once only because, in most cultures, any more is considered rubbing it in. Next…wait…wait for it… When the din of the crowd has died down a bit and all attention is at last focussed on you, begin the slow clap. Keep it real slow so the anticipation grows with every beat. Some victors make the mistake of speeding up too soon thus shortening the joy of the experience… DON’T… the secret is to fool them into thinking you’re speeding up but you’re actually slowing down. This effect will create a moment of time dilation where you experience everything as if time has slowed. (Those that claim they can’t rememer their victory celebrations because they were a blur, passed by in a flash, etc… are all guilty of this crime) Eventually the rythmically-challenged clappers will upset the balance and the tempo will begin to increase exponentially to compensate for that “extra time”. This is where your timing is crucial as there exists an upper threshold as to how fast individuals in a social setting will clap before they tire and the syncopation decays into a cacophony of cheers, whistles, yells, vuvuzelas, etc… You must begin your victory lap at the precise moment that the crowd takes over and make your exit at it’s apex. Make your way around the perimeter of the surrounding area skipping and jumping ecstatically with hands raised in the glorious V of victory making sure to high-five everyone right out the door. Now you are The Champ! You may remind people of this fact whenever need requires. Do not ever discuss details of the match, accept re-matches or other challengers. YOU ARE CHAMP! Now that you ARE The Champ, please adhere to the following rules: Do not make eye contact with anyone. You are a professional and the governing body explicitly forbids interaction with the general public. Cats and dogs excepted. You are permitted T-shirts for you and your staff displaying your name, your Champion status, and the year (Anno Domini only, other number systems have been proven to require longer observation times) Any font size used must be large enough to be read quickly at a reasonable distance but not so large as to cause prolonged staring. You are permitted to wear the belt solely for the purposes of ceremony or public appearances. (please refer to the Staring Contest R&R section 20/20 revision) You are not permitted to wear a crown, cap, had, or other headdress displaying your title due to their proximity to the eyes which may cause actions that may be miscontrued as staring and/or resulting in unsanctioned staring matches. Any violation or deviation from these rules will result in the immediate loss of status as a man at which time the individual will be required to hand over their balls and be subjected to intense emasculation in the form of cold hard stares by all. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/69 "2014-03-26T13:40:45Z")
> [@Krouget](#): > > Honest question, but where have you been experiencing this with any frequency? I’ve experienced something similar to what the OP describes, mostly from women (for context, I’m a woman) and only at work (I’m a nurse). I can’t say I’ve ever felt threatened with violence in these situations - most of the time, a patient’s family member with cross their arms, level a disapproving, unblinking stare at me, and ask a question about, say, lab results. It’s definitely an intimidation thing, their way of saying, “You are the help, you will do what I say, and I expect results or there will be hell to pay.” My stock response is to raise an eyebrow at them, and then answer their question. Not enough to start a fight, just enough to show that I’m not intimidated. After I moved to a hospital with wealthier cliental, I saw this about three times as often. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/70 "2014-03-26T13:53:20Z")
Gateway, I would suggest that you discuss these paranoia thoughts with your therapist at your next visit. The things that you describe as normal regular occurrences are not typical of people in everyday normal life. If I am out in public and on the off chance, and I notice that someone is staring at me longer than what would appear to be casual glances, then I usually acknowledge them with a nod of the head and smile. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/71 "2014-03-26T14:04:11Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > but you’ve never been to downtown San Jose, or DTSJ at night… He’s been to DTSJ at night So he can, So he can Watch strange guys stare Something on those lines… He’s been to DTSJ at night So he can, So he can show off his balls (and his greasy nine…) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/72 "2014-03-26T14:13:29Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > It’s okay, this wasn’t gone over in detail. > > A staring contest is more of a normal occurrence. Say: two people are walking down the street. You catch and lock eyes. You can feel the pressure, one of you is “supposed” to look away. The longer you stare, the more pressure, and you approach the point of it being aggressive posturing. The one who looks away first is the one who is more “beta” in that moment. No, you got it all wrong. You stare at each other and then you hop on the left foot twice, blow a raspberry, snap your fingers three times, and shout “HOTCHA!” Whoever shouts “HOTCHA!” last is the more “beta” in that moment. That is, _if you decide to play that ridiculous game_. If you don’t play that game, you’re not beta, and someone who thinks you are is an idiot whose opinion you shouldn’t care about. I don’t much care what dogs think about me, or what goldfish think about me, or what ficuses think about me. Why should I care what some ornery schmuck thinks about me? ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/73 "2014-03-26T14:28:04Z")
Two words: Farmer Blow. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/74 "2014-03-26T15:40:16Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > No, you got it all wrong. You stare at each other and then you hop on the left foot twice, blow a raspberry, snap your fingers three times, and shout “HOTCHA!” Whoever shouts “HOTCHA!” last is the more “ **beta** ” in that moment. > > That is, _if you decide to play that ridiculous game_. If you don’t play that game, you’re not **beta** , and someone who thinks you are is an idiot whose opinion you shouldn’t care about. …bolding mine. Wow, I don’t miss those university frat drinking games. LOL Buffalo! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/75 "2014-03-26T15:40:29Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > \ > I don’t much care what dogs think about me, or what goldfish think about me, or what ficuses think about me. Why should I care what some ornery schmuck thinks about me? Well, _this_ ornery schmuck thinks you’re A-okay. 🙂 I’m not playing these dominance games right at all, am I? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/76 "2014-03-26T15:50:59Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I don’t much care what dogs think about me, or what goldfish think about me, or what ficuses think about me. Why should I care what some ornery schmuck thinks about me? While you may make a dog so uncomfortable that they break eye contact and you could convince a fish it should swim away, I don’t recommend schmucking an ornery ficus.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/77 "2014-03-26T17:53:08Z")
Cross your eyes, look away, and laugh to your friend or yourself. I’m not responsible if this gets your ass kicked, though. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/78 "2014-03-27T00:50:08Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Weird. I guess I’ve never been in one of these “staring contests”. Maybe it’s an able-bodied thing? Y’all cra cra. Don’t drag us into this cray-yay. I’m pretty sure this unprovoked, stranger on stranger staring-\>punching is imaginary, outside perhaps schoolyard and prisons. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/79 "2014-03-27T02:39:20Z")
> [@Gateway](#): > > I actually originally wrote this because my neighbor did this the other day. I asked him about it today and he mentioned “I was wondering who was standing by my window” (I was in the parking garage having a smoke at night, apparently he was sleeping in the apartment right above me). He walked out of his front door, and stares in my direction for about 1 minute straight, and walks back inside. Cannot you see this from his perspective? It’s night, someone in hanging around outside his house. He doesn’t know it’s you because it’s night. He glances at you and you lock into a stare down. I don’t know how everyone else does it, but the other day, I had to turn my car around on a small street and park it. As I get out, I notice there is a guy in his yard, it’s dark. He’s looking at me so I do the bob of my head to acknowledge that he is a living human and that I’m not a barbarian coming to the neighborhood to rape, pillage and murder, and he bobs he his back. The guy’s your neighbor, why wouldn’t you wave or smile and then break eye contact? > [@jnglmassiv](#): > > Don’t drag us into this cray-yay. I’m pretty sure this unprovoked, stranger on stranger staring-\>punching is imaginary, outside perhaps schoolyard and prisons. Yeah. ---
**Author:** ![datstare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@datstare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/datstare)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506/80 "2016-05-13T01:14:25Z")
This is a weird thing as I’ve been told I have an intimidating resting face. I’ve noticed when looking around accidently making people feel intimidated when we catch a glance and when in conversation people can sometimes seem a little awkward. I know this thread is pretty old but I wanted to reply. I can’t help how I have my face when relaxed. I’m also not a fan of small talk so I probably come across as disinterested but I genuinely like everyone around me, I have no issues with most people. I’m an introvert, and reading into this it is very common, just not sure how to remedy it so at least I’m not overly intimidating and can get along with people. Anyone else have experiences like this? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-people-who-want-to-stare-you-down-and-intimidate-you/684506.md?page=5)