# Dealing With Presumptuous People **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867 "2011-06-17T17:55:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/41 "2011-06-22T01:58:55Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Oh, that’s right, you’re you. Yep. Workin’ out pretty damn well so far. What’s funny about topics such as this is you’ll sometimes see the same people saying “I just want to do what I’m told from 9 to 5” also saying “why do CEOs get paid so much? What do they do anyway? The workers do all the work!”. Well, CEOs (etc.) are trying to move the ball down the field instead of just showing up for work and trying to do as little work as possible. > [@](#): > > Yes, Virginia, there is a difference between being told to do something by someone not your supervisor and being asked for help. But apparently there’s some “team” concept at MissTakes place of employ. But, for reasons I’m sure you understand, she’s being a bit vague about the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/42 "2011-06-22T04:10:13Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Yep. Workin’ out pretty damn well so far. > > What’s funny about topics such as this is you’ll sometimes see the same people saying “I just want to do what I’m told from 9 to 5” also saying “why do CEOs get paid so much? What do they do anyway? The workers do all the work!”. Well, CEOs (etc.) are trying to move the ball down the field instead of just showing up for work and trying to do as little work as possible. > But apparently there’s some “team” concept at MissTakes place of employ. But, for reasons I’m sure you understand, she’s being a bit vague about the whole thing. She’s explained the situation a couple of times now, in detail, and nothing she said gives me the impression she’s “trying to do as little work as possible.” In fact, it sounds like just the opposite. She’s finished all of her own work and is willingly helping out some of her co-workers with theirs. It seems like you are trying to make her out to be some kind of lazy employee, when in fact, the opposite is true. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/43 "2011-06-22T04:21:26Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Some people operate in such a way that they think suggestions are statements of fact. This is very true, and it’s especially a problem when that person is dealing with someone like me who tends to think out loud. My former boss was such a person; if he came to me to discuss a problem and I so much as suggested a potential solution, he considered it dealt with and didn’t think about it again. It took me a while to catch on to that. (I’ve mostly broken myself from the habit of thinking out loud–it caused me a lot of trouble with pretty much everybody in my life.) As to the OP’s work situation, honestly I would have just lied to the guy. “Yeah, my work load was light there for a while, but it picked back up pretty quickly and now I’m swamped. Sorry.” Lying about how busy you are to keep unwanted obligations from piling up is one of those acceptable lies that allows society to function. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/44 "2011-06-22T04:36:23Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > What’s funny about topics such as this is you’ll sometimes see the same people saying “I just want to do what I’m told from 9 to 5” also saying “why do CEOs get paid so much? What do they do anyway? The workers do all the work!”. Well, CEOs (etc.) are trying to move the ball down the field instead of just showing up for work and trying to do as little work as possible. Fascinating. That has what to do with being considerate of your equals? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/45 "2011-06-22T05:45:48Z")
Coworker with poor planning skills allowed herself to get buried under a pile of work. Now this coworker expects **MissTake** to pull her out of that hole. In other words, coworker expects **MissTake** to fix a problem that coworker caused. This coworker is trying to get other people to do her work for her, and she also expects to be able to delegate her work to other people without consequence. Some people are just trying to slide through life. See also Shredder Guy, who expects other people to feed him, give him rides to and from work, and to provide money for his gambling habit. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/46 "2011-06-22T07:25:59Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > WRT TheKid’s friend: She actually has relatively strict parents, who (unfortunately) are busy dealing with her massively screwed up sister so they kind of ignore her. They trust me, so have told her it’s okay if she’s over here. Of course, they didn’t clear it with me. And, were I to talk to them about it all, it would open a huge (I mean _HUGE_) can of worms. Sometimes she tells her parents she is staying here, when she is at her boyfriend’s house. Her parents are super religious, have no problems with physical punishment, and her friend has a long history of self-mutilation. She’s not the most stable of girls, and her parents believe prayer will fix everything. To protect her, I would rather not talk to her parents. > . That changes everything. The girl isn’t presumptuous, she’s desperate. She needs to get away from her toxic home environment, and you and your kid are the closest thing to a nurturing family she has. You may not like it, but keeping her around as much as possible is pretty much a _mitzva_. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/47 "2011-06-22T12:37:34Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Yep. Workin’ out pretty damn well so far. > > What’s funny about topics such as this is you’ll sometimes see the same people saying “I just want to do what I’m told from 9 to 5” also saying “why do CEOs get paid so much? What do they do anyway? The workers do all the work!”. Well, CEOs (etc.) are trying to move the ball down the field instead of just showing up for work and trying to do as little work as possible. > But apparently there’s some “team” concept at MissTakes place of employ. But, for reasons I’m sure you understand, she’s being a bit vague about the whole thing. Well, there really is no availability for advancement, as I am a public worker who has expressed dissatisfaction with the PTB. I’m as far up as I can be, and am okay with that. I truly find value in my job. If I wanted to do as little work as possible, I wouldn’t be requesting projects, I’d be dozing off at my desk. And I guess I should have clarified what our team is like - we’re not dependent on each other. Her being behind impacts me in one way: We take phone calls for everyone on our team. If she’s not current, we run the chance of being clueless when her clients call. However, she’s not the only one behind, the majority of my coworkers are behind (higher caseloads due to the poor economy). I understand you have a much different job than I do, **Rand**. Wouldn’t you be irked to find a coworker piled a bunch of files on your desk with a note “Do this for me”, no other explanation? You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who would just nod and do someone else’s work. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/48 "2011-06-22T12:41:16Z")
**MissTake** , I asked this up thread, but if the friend is going camping anyway during the weekend of the movie premiere why does your daughter have to break any news? Or do you mean, that she has to let her know that in general this kind of behavior has to stop? ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/49 "2011-06-22T12:54:21Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > That changes everything. The girl isn’t presumptuous, she’s desperate. She needs to get away from her toxic home environment, and you and your kid are the closest thing to a nurturing family she has. > > You may not like it, but keeping her around as much as possible is pretty much a _mitzva_. I love the girl, I really do. She’s a bouncy, noisy, scattered little thing, who acts like a 5 year old who just drank a case of Mountain Dew with a side of crack. She exhausts me after just a short amount of time. Even TheKid gets tired of her, and they’re best friends. Logically I _know_ she’s better off here. I’m just _still_ not comfortable around that much energy and noise. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/50 "2011-06-22T12:58:15Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > **MissTake** , I asked this up thread, but if the friend is going camping anyway during the weekend of the movie premiere why does your daughter have to break any news? Or do you mean, that she has to let her know that in general this kind of behavior has to stop? “Kay” was working her parents to change the camping trip to either go after the movie or to excuse her from having to go altogether. She is an expert whiner and with her parents wrapped up in their other daughter, it’s not uncommon for them to give in to her whine just to not have to listen to her anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/51 "2011-06-22T13:03:18Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > I love the girl, I really do. She’s a bouncy, noisy, scattered little thing, who acts like a 5 year old who just drank a case of Mountain Dew with a side of crack. She exhausts me after just a short amount of time. Even TheKid gets tired of her, and they’re best friends. Logically I _know_ she’s better off here. I’m just _still_ not comfortable around that much energy and noise. I sympathize, really. But part of being a good parent is taking in the occasional stray. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/52 "2011-06-22T13:51:16Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I sympathize, really. But part of being a good parent is taking in the occasional stray. And that little stray may well remember you and your kindness for her whole life. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867/53 "2011-06-22T14:17:37Z")
My house is the refuge for her stray friends, and I have no problem with that. Her friends all know they are welcome at my house - within boundaries. If someone needs a place to crash due to something going on at home, no problem _if they ask_ and they tell me what’s going on - I’m a mandatory reporter, so it’s not just for my nosiness, I need to know. My house is often filled with a United Nations of teens. I adore most of her friends, including “Kay”. I’m just not cool with her inviting herself along, assuming I and TheKid are fine with it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-presumptuous-people/585867.md?page=2)