# Dealing with trees/stumps in a \*forceful\* manner. **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 31, 2006, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431 "2006-01-31T23:15:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/21 "2006-02-01T08:00:00Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Clearly you guys have never met a well-entrenched oak stump. This isn’t a pine or redwood; not even a maple or beech. These bastards can extend their roots across half an acre worth of land and be extremely time-consuming to dig out. Totally unlike the rapid mehtods mentioned by the OP then? Things like woodpeckers and shotgun blasts? I can see why you made the mistake of asuming we were only talking about non time-consuming methods. I’m sure you could shotgun away half an acres worth of roots in minutes. And the common or garden subterranean woodpecker wood chew through one in hours at the outside. Right? ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/22 "2006-02-01T08:24:46Z")
Harsh Language? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/23 "2006-02-01T08:55:41Z")
Take off and nuke the stump from orbit; it’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/24 "2006-02-01T09:00:34Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Take off and nuke the stump from orbit; it’s the only way to be sure. cf post #15 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/25 "2006-02-01T09:01:01Z")
Damn; didn’t see your post there **picker** , but I claim [prior art](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7052936&postcount=10) anyway. OK then how about: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/26 "2006-02-01T09:03:17Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > OK then how about: > > Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range. Why not go all out and use sharks with laser beams on their heads? Or a 1920s style death ray? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/27 "2006-02-01T09:05:21Z")
Well, that’s the beauty of it; the stump doesn’t do anything. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/28 "2006-02-01T10:06:36Z")
Just learn to live and get along with the stump, use it as a flat surface for driving golf balls off, a solid base for a washing line, base of a garden table for the summer 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/29 "2006-02-01T10:34:28Z")
Do not try and move the stump. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realise the truth; There is no stump. Then you’ll see that it is not the stump that moves, it is only yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Fuel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fuel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/30 "2006-02-01T13:59:35Z")
Stumps and downed trees all over my town are taunting me and I just want to show them who’s boss. I’m thinking about investing in a massive boat chain. We drill deep into the stump, secure an eye hook and rent a Uhaul truck. Secure the +20,000 lb. test chain to the chassis of the truck, hook up to the anchor and mercilessly lay into the throttle, hopefully getting to a healthy 7 mph or so before tension. It would be even more cool if we could somehow find a nearby solid object, secure the chain between that object and the stump, and PULL THE CHAIN FROM THE MIDDLE!!! I calculate about infinite amounts of forces applied to the chain, stump and solid object with this 90 degree pulling method, while not much forces applied to the poor, vulnerable chassis of the 26’ Super Mover… (You try hanging a 3 pound weight in the middle of a 3’ shoestring and try pulling the string at both ends to make the string taught!) We are also thinking about securing an anchor in the stump, pulling some tension with the truck, slam that parking brake on, and make the stump deal with all that tension as we jackhammer the hell out of it. While we’re at it, why not disharge a healthy CO2 extinguisher on the thing for good measure. As far as loose branches? Drop a 350lb. weight from about 2 stories onto a razor sharp wedge positioned right alongside the fibers. Of course, the weight is on a controlled track or pole leading to its striking surface. Honestly, what do you guys think? Also, is there any way to set up a small machine that will slowly chip away at a tree branch or stump? Maybe set a fan to the side to remove the shavings from the cutting area? Ficus trees and their sap eat chainsaws for dinner. Stump grinding is boring and time consuming. Besides, how can I stand out from the competition in my area by doing the same stuff as the competition? I have heard that Asplundh uses hydraulic circle saws. See, that is what I am talking about. Serious stuff like that. It’s just too expensive for me right now. Chain saws are a joke, for those who know about them, they must admit this fact. They are not excellent in their approach to their task. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/31 "2006-02-01T14:05:07Z")
Tell a gullible archaeologist that there is a burial site underneath the stump. It might take a while, but he will eventually remove the whole thing in one piece. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/32 "2006-02-01T14:09:20Z")
I think an army, 20,000 strong, of miniature robots armed with pairs of counter-rotating circular saw blades and trained to attack tree stumps is the solution you are looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Fuel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fuel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/33 "2006-02-01T14:12:24Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > I can’t believe you bothered to write this post and left out somehting as simple as digging the fricken’ thing out. > > You also neglected to mention the use of enzymes. > > As far as ‘complete’ lists go this one rates about a 3 out of 10. You jump from extremely specific examples (shotgun blasts) to ludicrously broad (shearing). > > If you are preparing a list you should stick with one level. If you want to list ‘shearing’ as category then you can summarise all possible methiods with only half a dozen additons. There’s no need to incorporate termits or beavers for example, since they are simply means of applying shearing forces. If you want to include termites and beavers as categories then stick to other speciifc categories as well. > > What was the general question here? Sorry, Jack, you lose on this one. Digging is a form of cutting/prying, mentioned in my list. Using enzymes is a form of rotting, no? Hurry, look it up! Are you questioning the superiority of my list of forces? I can’t throw a couple of the best specific examples for a category into my general list? Bah… You missed the question I asked even though it was one of only two **bold-faced** sentences in the whole post? You missed my dare? aha, gotcha. ---
**Author:** ![Fuel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fuel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/34 "2006-02-01T14:14:16Z")
We are also considering trying out soaking a branch in a solvent (water or something else) for a couple weeks. Then see how stubborn it can be when we take a saw to it. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/35 "2006-02-01T14:32:39Z")
Could you divert a small stream around the tree, undermining its root foundations and leaving it so you just have to lift it out of a soggy hole? ---
**Author:** ![Fuel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fuel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/36 "2006-02-01T14:33:12Z")
I wonder how tasty that tree stump would look to a small group of beavers if I were to cage them around the stump or branch for a while??? (For the record, I love animals, don’t even try it.) ---
**Author:** ![Fuel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fuel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/37 "2006-02-01T14:39:00Z")
> [@Pushkin](#): > > Could you divert a small stream around the tree, undermining its root foundations and leaving it so you just have to lift it out of a soggy hole? Very nice, Pushkin. Just when the tree thinks he owns shit, he loses the very thing that gives him stability, THE EARTH. Freaking awesome. We thought about that the other day, just letting a garden hose go on the site for a couple days and then show up with some big hydraulics and UNDERMINE the tree. Amazing word, by the way. That is mercilous. I commend your sneaky but brutish attitude towards my problem, all the while proposing an organic solution instead of technology and such. You win, for now. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/38 "2006-02-01T14:39:16Z")
Sell it on ebay; the term ‘buyer collects’ ought to cover it. ---
**Author:** ![matt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@matt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/39 "2006-02-01T14:41:28Z")
> [@Fuel](#): > > I’m thinking about investing in a massive boat chain. We drill deep into the stump, secure an eye hook and rent a Uhaul truck. Secure the +20,000 lb. test chain to the chassis of the truck, hook up to the anchor and mercilessly lay into the throttle, hopefully getting to a healthy 7 mph or so before tension. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and here the weakest links are your attachment points to the stump and the truck. I think you’ll rip something out of something, trouble is it won’t be the stump out of the ground! Since you’re pulling sideways anyway, why not secure the chain around the stump for a first pull, with a notch in the stump to stop it riding up? > [@Fuel](#): > > It would be even more cool if we could somehow find a nearby solid object, secure the chain between that object and the stump, and PULL THE CHAIN FROM THE MIDDLE!!! I calculate about infinite amounts of forces applied to the chain, stump and solid object with this 90 degree pulling method, while not much forces applied to the poor, vulnerable chassis of the 26’ Super Mover Good idea, but same problems as above. This time with your attachment point to the solid object. > [@Fuel](#): > > Also, is there any way to set up a small machine that will slowly chip away at a tree branch or stump? Maybe set a fan to the side to remove the shavings from the cutting area? Use a tunneling machine! The one used for getting through the vault wall in Die Hard III would be nice. Not sure how easy it is to set up vertically, although that isn’t strictly necessary. A few other variations on themes: 1. Pop a slot in the stump with the tip of a chainsaw and apply astrolite explosive as detailed here: [Tree felling (Gerald L. Hurst)](http://yarchive.net/explosives/tree_felling.html) 2. Apply oxy-acetylene torch until stump starts to burn. Close off acetylene and feed with oxygen until stump is gone. (This might actually be workable with an air compressor and a long thin steel tube. Be a lot cheaper than bottled oxygen.) 3. Red fuming nitric acid would be almost as effective as liquid oxygen, and in addition to its dangers it also gives off toxic gas! 4. Thermite. Replaces your stump with a subterranean ball of iron. ---
**Author:** ![Fuel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fuel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuel)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431/40 "2006-02-01T14:43:26Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Tell a gullible archaeologist that there is a burial site underneath the stump. It might take a while, but he will eventually remove the whole thing in one piece. Another organic-type solution. Appealing to the coincidental interests of a fellow human being. Remarkable idea. Just not as workable as **Pushkin’s**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dealing-with-trees-stumps-in-a-forceful-manner/342431.md?page=3)