# Dear Abby: What Is Proper?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 12, 2015, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790 "2015-03-12T00:24:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 16
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/21 "2015-03-12T16:18:43Z")
Why would anyone suggest anything other than asking the host? It’s not a test, and asking the host is not cheating!
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### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/22 "2015-03-12T16:29:57Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#):
>
> Why would anyone suggest anything other than asking the host? It’s not a test, and asking the host is not cheating!
Exactly. Of course this was asked by a guy who has yet to figure out how to use Google. Baby steps.
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### Author:  [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/23 "2015-03-12T18:04:33Z")
Pick the kid an entree. Regardless of seating a 15 year old deserves proper food.
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### Author:  [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/24 "2015-03-12T19:39:56Z")
If there is no menu choice for the kids, they are probably getting pizza or chicken fingers. I’d pick an entree and see what happens.
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### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/25 "2015-03-12T20:06:35Z")
Pick an entree, and sit where you find your place card.
Regards,
Shodan
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### Author:  [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/26 "2015-03-12T20:29:02Z")
Ask the hostess.
That said, I’m a children’s author and read a _lot_ of stories about Thanksgiving in various magazines, and “the older kid forced to sit with the younger ones” or “the older kid sitting at the adults’ table for the first time” are very popular story themes. In the former, the older kid becomes the leader of the kids’ table and has a great time and gets respect! In the latter, the older kid is bored to tears at the adults’ table and decides to switch to the kids’ table and has a great time and gets respect!
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### Author:  [@Disheavel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disheavel)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/27 "2015-03-12T22:17:40Z")
> [@doreen](#):
>
> In my experience, the “children’s table” doesn’t stop at the same age from year to year or event to event. It’s either an overflow table or an atempt to keep cousins/siblings together rather than having them sit with their parents and therefore the age range changes depending on the year and event.
I second this. I come from a large family and at my own wedding, the kids table consisted of the 7 youngest kids at the wedding. 2, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 15 (the 2 7 9 and 15 were my siblings) but that was just the way it ended up. The next youngest were 17-18+. We felt bad sticking #15 at that table but we talked to him about why, bought him a discman (not just for sticking him at that table), and he even ended up getting a little bit tipsy from everyone giving him alcohol while teasing him for being there (he gets ill at the smell of peach schnapps 20 years later). His holding it against me/us occasionally came up at family get togethers (“Do you remember how Disheavel put me at the kids table?”).
So I was highly amused when he got married last year in NY in December (important later) and we (my wife and children) went to find our table and it was table #99. We searched the room for Table #99 but the highest in the room was ~#30 so we asked a server. She chuckled, said something like “Oh it’s you guys.”, and led us to the wedding planner who led us outside the venue to a nearby patio/deck with the large windows between us and the party inside. Meanwhile, my brother had grabbed the microphone and was telling everyone inside about exactly why we were seated outside in 20˚F weather. After we sat down as we got it immediately after being led out the door and played along- waving inside to everyone. We then got ushered back indoors to our real table so that he could “be the better brother!”
So yes the kids table is the flexible table, but don’t let it bite you later 😉
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### Author:  [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2015, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/28 "2015-03-12T22:51:03Z")
Geeze louise, because my family is so long lived, I’m in my 60’s and still stuck at the children’s table. What we ‘children’ do is sit side saddle on our chairs and hop up when our names are called to wait on the 80 and 90 year olds.
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### Author:  [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)
#### Post date: [March 13, 2015, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/29 "2015-03-13T09:02:16Z")
> [@AnaMen](#):
>
> If there is no menu choice for the kids, they are probably getting pizza or chicken fingers. I’d pick an entree and see what happens.
If they’re gonna foist chicken nuggets on a 15.5 yr old the poor kid would be better off not going.
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### Author:  [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)
#### Post date: [March 14, 2015, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/30 "2015-03-14T12:46:09Z")
Good advice here! Thanks, all! …and, I’ll let Dear Abbey and Miss Manners duke it out! 😉
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### Author:  [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2015, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/31 "2015-03-16T16:58:42Z")
Has your daughter been presented to society? If not than she is still a child.
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### Author:  [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2015, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/32 "2015-03-16T18:35:41Z")
She is only 15. She is a child and should sit with the children until she is an adult at age 18.
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### Author:  [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2015, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/33 "2015-03-16T20:13:48Z")
I agree that the hosts should be asked. If your son has a preference, mention that, but at the end it’s the host’s decision.
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#):
>
> I preferred to sit at the kids table well into adulthood, simply because I enjoyed their company more. Especially as a teenager, the adult conversations about mortgages and who was marrying whom didn’t much interest me.
See, I was the opposite. I was and am awkward around kids in the 6-14 age range (though I love younger children and young adults). I always did prefer the “adult” table, which was rife with joking and political talk.
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### Author:  [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2015, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/34 "2015-03-16T20:25:46Z")
Argh, missed the edit window!
DAUGHTER, not son. Mea culpa.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2015, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/35 "2015-03-16T21:21:23Z")
None of our family weddings had a kid table – they probably didn’t trust us to sit by ourselves at a formal occassion. 😃
It’s funny though, because at the last couple of weddings, we were seated together, and we joked that we were the “kiddy table”, and our parents were the “old people table”.
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### Author:  [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)
#### Post date: [March 17, 2015, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-abby-what-is-proper/714790/36 "2015-03-17T11:33:22Z")
> [@nicky](#):
>
> If they’re gonna foist chicken nuggets on a 15.5 yr old the poor kid would be better off not going.
A nugget is not a finger. Home made chicken fingers can be fantastic.
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