# "Dear Advice Columnist: I'm divorcing my porn-loving husband."
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [March 5, 2006, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118 "2006-03-05T07:36:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/1 "2006-03-05T07:36:27Z")
I have seen columns like this appearing in newspapers ever since I knew what sex was. They go something like this:
Dear Advice Columnist,
We used to have a great marriage, but six months ago I caught my husband looking at pornography on the Internet. I was heartbroken, but my husband said that he would never do it again.
Imagine my shock when I found my husband masturbating to Internet porn in the middle of the night last night. I’m heavier than I used to be but _not_ obese. What should I do?
Shocked and Scandalized
The reply:
Dear Shocked and Scadalized,
You are in a very grave situation. You do not need to, and should not have to, put up with this abuse.
Seek counseling immediately. If your husband does not go with you, go by yourself. Good luck.
Advice Columnist
I’m always _shocked_ myself that there are women stupid and/or uninformed enough to write such letters. But here are some things to keep in mind going forward:
1. Hel-_LO!_ 99.9% of men use porn, and you wouldn’t want to associate with the 0.01% who don’t (asexuals and hardcore religious nuts). If you are in any way surprised that your man stimulates his sausage with pr0n, then you are a hopeless retard.
2. Yes, you _are_ too fucking fat, and that’s the biggest reason why he’s jacking off to two-dimensional entities. The other reason is that you weren’t very sexy, smart, or interesting in the first place, and 5+ years of marriage have only diminished those meager qualities.
3. “Counseling” doesn’t do dick.
4. Monogamy is a canard.
Why do women expect men to be anything other than what they, by nature, are?
---
### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/2 "2006-03-05T07:39:06Z")
Well, I was with you up 'til point one. Then it got all stupid.
---
### Author:  [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/3 "2006-03-05T07:43:44Z")
I don’t believe you have ever seen that actual exchange in any advice column.
---
### Author:  [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/4 "2006-03-05T07:44:12Z")
Whoah, where does one begin?
Cite that 99.9% of _all men_ view _porn_ (as classified, not chicks in bras in the lingerie ads)
Cite that the 0.01% who _don’t_ view or use porn are either eunuchs or fundy freaks.
On second thoughts, after reading the OP _again_, I don’t know why I bothered with trying for a reasonable retort…
:o
---
### Author:  [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/5 "2006-03-05T07:44:45Z")
> [@Miller](#):
>
> Well, I was with you up 'til point one. Then it got all stupid.
Ditto.
---
### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/6 "2006-03-05T07:45:44Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#):
>
> I don’t believe you have ever seen that actual exchange in any advice column.
I read something _really_ close in the last few weeks.
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### Author:  [@FlyingCowOfDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingCowOfDoom)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/7 "2006-03-05T07:51:08Z")
I don’t look at porn. I’m happily married and not a religious nut. I don’t think you have a very good grasp on reality.
–FCOD
---
### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/8 "2006-03-05T07:51:35Z")
> [@kambuckta](#):
>
> Cite that 99.9% of _all men_ view _porn_ (as classified, not chicks in bras in the lingerie ads)
How about this:
> [@](#):
>
> When the magazine Psychology Today asked 20,000 readers whether they had ever used erotic material for arousal, 92 percent of the male respondents and 72 percent of the females reported that they had.
[Cite.](http://www.bettersex.com/sexdata/term.asp?termid=Pornography&cookie%5Ftest=1) Dude, you know the numbers are huge.
> [@](#):
>
> Cite that the 0.01% who _don’t_ view or use porn are either eunuchs or fundy freaks.
Who the fuck else would they be?
> [@](#):
>
> On second thoughts, after reading the OP _again_, I don’t know why I bothered with trying for a reasonable retort.
Go whack off to porn.
---
### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/9 "2006-03-05T07:55:37Z")
> [@FlyingCowOfDoom](#):
>
> I don’t look at porn. I’m happily married and not a religious nut. I don’t think you have a very good grasp on reality.
Perhaps not, but I’ve got a good grasp on _something_.
Maybe you have good material to work with. Don’t gloat–most of us don’t.
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### Author:  [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/10 "2006-03-05T07:58:13Z")
> [@Aeschines](#):
>
> Go whack off to porn.
I like reading good crazy.
I mean, I really, reallllly like reading me some good ol’ crazy.
Don’t stop. Whatever you do… don’t… stop… don’t… stop… don’t stop!
ahem.
---
### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/11 "2006-03-05T07:59:24Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#):
>
> Don’t stop. Whatever you do… don’t… stop… don’t… stop… don’t stop!
Oh, oah, oaaaah!
---
### Author:  [@FlyingCowOfDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingCowOfDoom)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/12 "2006-03-05T08:02:47Z")
Maybe if you spent less time looking at porn you’d be able to get a great wife too. (In my experience, most nice women don’t care for porn and they like even less a guy who is obsessed with it)
–FCOD
P.S. I didn’t look at porn before I was married, either.
---
### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/13 "2006-03-05T08:07:30Z")
> [@FlyingCowOfDoom](#):
>
> Maybe if you spent less time looking at porn you’d be able to get a great wife too.
Are you suggesting I turn in my current model?
> [@](#):
>
> (In my experience, most nice women don’t care for porn and they like even less a guy who is obsessed with it)
I’m beginning to think you’re one of those Wonderbread nice guys who think everything is fucking nice because, you know, it’s just so fucking nice.
I have just completed thinking you’re one of those Wonderbread nice guys.
> [@](#):
>
> P.S. I didn’t look at porn before I was married, either.
Then either you were banging heat back then, too, or you’re a puss who thinks porn is “naughty.”
Would Jesus disapprove? Would he? Huh?
---
### Author:  [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/14 "2006-03-05T08:08:59Z")
Come on, you’re a COW for christ’s sake! How would you even turn the pages?
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### Author:  [@FlyingCowOfDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingCowOfDoom)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/15 "2006-03-05T08:14:40Z")
I wasn’t “banging heat” at the time, but I did have a respect for women and I don’t think it’s right to objectify them. Also, I think it’s kinda sick to look at sexual images of women to whom I have no emotional attachment. In other words, women are not sex toys, they’re people. I don’t care if they’re voluntarily exposing themselves; I still think it’s disgusting.
I don’t particulary care what Jesus would do, although I tend to think he’d agree with me.
–FCOD
---
### Author:  [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/16 "2006-03-05T08:15:32Z")
I wonder why your wife is so unhappy too, Aeschines, and why you’re so bothered about it that you open a Pit thread on the topic. It seems this goes beyond sex and looks. You sound like a very angry person and probably in need of counseling (I’m not basing that on your porn use, I’m basing that on your attitude here.)
And if I were to WAG, I’d say you are not Teh Hawt, either.
---
### Author:  [@FlyingCowOfDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingCowOfDoom)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/17 "2006-03-05T08:16:00Z")
> [@1920s Style "Death Ray"](#):
>
> Come on, you’re a COW for christ’s sake! How would you even turn the pages?
Yeah, turning pages is kinda hard, but you have no idea how difficult it is to type with hooves.
–FCOD
---
### Author:  [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/18 "2006-03-05T08:17:05Z")
> [@The Sausage Creature](#):
>
> I wonder why your wife is so unhappy too, Aeschines, and why you’re so bothered about it that you open a Pit thread on the topic.
Sorry, I should clarify that the “it” is the attitude your perceive women to have of porn.
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### Author:  [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/19 "2006-03-05T08:19:17Z")
So basically, FCOD is the 1% in this thread.
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### Author:  [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)
#### Post date: [March 5, 2006, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/20 "2006-03-05T08:21:28Z")
> [@FlyingCowOfDoom](#):
>
> I wasn’t “banging heat” at the time, but I did have a respect for women and I don’t think it’s right to objectify them.
Very noble. So pr0n is BAD, right? OK, all us bad dudes better stop looking at pr0n 'cause it’s bad. Gosh.
> [@](#):
>
> Also, I think it’s kinda sick to look at sexual images of women to whom I have no emotional attachment.
Mmm, so sick and abnormal that the vast majority of men do it. Whither the species!
> [@](#):
>
> In other words, women are not sex toys, they’re people.
Can’t they be both?
> [@](#):
>
> I don’t care if they’re voluntarily exposing themselves; I still think it’s disgusting.
It’s shameful I tell you!
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