# "Dear Advice Columnist: I'm divorcing my porn-loving husband." **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2006, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118 "2006-03-05T07:36:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![The\_Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@The\_Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hook)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2006, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/142 "2006-03-06T23:51:52Z")
Oh, come one. Good porn _is_ out there. I recommend the stuff by Abbie Winters. It’s the only paysite worth signing for. 😛 If in doubt, I also suggest you seek a legally questionable preview. I’m a guy and I like it when the emphasis is on the girl. I mean, men are boring. I don’t want to see a woman yell her lungs out because a guy is just standing there while she’s going all Rockette on him. ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/143 "2006-03-07T00:21:19Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > _So grab your dick and double-click for porn, porn, porn._[The Internet is for Porn](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/internet4porn). Aaaand…here’s the World of Warcraft version of that song, my personal favorite. 😉 [http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5430343841227974645](http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5430343841227974645) As far as the OP goes… I’m a woman. _I_ like porn, and I masturbate to it. (I tend to prefer reading erotica (Literotica being my fave site) to looking at magazines, but I also have about 10 GB of porn on my computer, so I do enjoy the visual stimulation too) I certainly don’t have a problem with my hubby watching it/masturbating to it. If I do it, it’d be hypocritical for me to say he can’t, after all. I guess I don’t get why some women think it’s something negative about them that causes guys to want to watch porn. A combination of insecurity/fear/low self-esteem/religious issues is my guess. In my experience, whether a guy wants to watch porn or not has nothing to do with how good their relationship/sex life is. Then again, I’ve made a career out of taking my clothes off for men for money, and have had plenty of casual sex with guys I wasn’t emotionally involved with in the past, so I’m probably not a “nice” girl anyways. My hubby likes it just fine that way, too. 😉 > [@Indygrrl](#): > > No, I want porn, with people doing the deed. I just want it to be real rather than completely set up. Essentially, I want HER to have a great big one. I’m not terribly interested in his. Check out [The Women’s Guide to Good Porn](http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/features/womenguidetoporn/) and [Porn for Couples](http://www.tinynibbles.com/pornforcouples.html) for some recommendations. There’s a market for porn made by women for women, you just have to look for it. Especially look for porn made by female directors. Candida Royalle’s Femme Productions is a pretty good starting spot, imo. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/144 "2006-03-07T01:18:55Z")
**Even sven** , you continue to use logic very poorly and make one mistake that women (for reasons hard-wired or otherwise) very often make: Thinking that raising a counter-example completely nullifies any claim that a tendency exists in a population. Pretty much your whole post relies upon this fallacy. The part about gays doesn’t, however; it’s wrong for another reason. > [@even sven](#): > > If our love problems are really because boys and girls are dramatically different, then gay men (or lesbians) should not have the same problems- since the whole venus/mars problem shouldn’t exist. Homosexual relationships are by definition not heterosexual–that is, _not_ the same–and thus may or may not be subject to the same internal dynamics. > [@](#): > > Either they should have great relationships with no problems with expectations, or they should have some other totally weird problems that we haven’t accounted for. However, evidence shows that gay people live love lives much ours. HUMANs have a hard time forming close relationships, not men and women. You have a point here: relationships are difficult between any two types of people. One main pseudo-problem with hetero realationships is that society demands that they last happily ever after. This just isn’t realistic. But part of the reason for that demand is that men and women screw and have kids, and kids stick around for awhile. Our society’s response to that reality is the myth of “eternal love” with social pressures to enforce the myth. > [@](#): > > My claim is that any “hard wired” tendencies are going to be so removed from nature and expressed in such weird ways in our pretty wholly artificial culture that how they affect our real life is difficult to figure out. Sorry, but you’re full of shit. For example, our ability to talk is hard-wired. The fact that we’re social animals is hard-wired.There has been laughter and humor in every human society. There has been music in every single human society. Those are just black-and-white obvious examples, and it goes from there. Our tendency to wear clothes and ornaments is no doubt hard-wired (there is not a society in the world that goes buck naked without any kind of clothing or ornamentation). It’s true that there are many things where the exact relationship between nature and nurture is hard to pin down, and we can argue about those all day long. > [@](#): > > I just don’t believe in this biological determinism BS. Who knows what you mean by that term. Humans have a certain biology that both limits us (we can’t breathe underwater) and empowers us (we can talk). Within our empowering qualities as well are limitations; e.g., we can do math in our head but we can’t add three numbers together simultaneously; just can’t do it. > [@](#): > > Cecil once said that the cuteness of the story of a word’s origin has an inverse relationship to its likelihood of being true. But all biological determinism has is ‘cuteness’ and frankly I’m not buying it. Hmm, so whatever you feel is the truth, huh? > [@](#): > > Sure, we can look at our society and say that women are prudes and come up with some likely sounding story for why that benefited cave-women. But if women were not prudes in our society we’d be looking for some likely reason why being slutty benefited cave-girls. And either way the only evidence we have is how clever the story is. Of course it’s easy to come up with great explanations when we already know the answers we want. That sounds like a common critique of evolutionary psychology and its “just-so stories.” But such a critique doesn’t invalidate our observation of tendencies that our species exhibits over vast swathes of time and space. We can disagree about the origin of the tendencies, but they are there. > [@](#): > > It’s not too hard to find places where they don’t wear clothing. Human culture takes on huge and amazing varieties- you can find almost anything as a cultural norm somewhere. Yep, humans exhibit a wide range of behaviors, but you also see behaviors that appear in 100% of societies, such as speech. > [@](#): > > So why do some cultures see women as the sexual aggressors? Why are women the head of household in other cultures? Why do some cultures consider the father to be an essential part of the family and others all but kick them out? Why are women’s clits cut off in other cultures? And my response is this: Why do the vast majority of cultures exhibit behaviors _opposite_ to the ones you cite? Because in addition to black-and-white, can’t-deny-'em universals in human experience (language, laughter, music), there are tendencies that are very strong but not 100% (male dominance, nuclear families, intertribal warfare). > [@](#): > > Do you think our culture is somehow a better reflection of human nature, or that these other cultures are just freaks, or what? Nowhere in my posts do I indicate anything of the sort. > [@](#): > > \*_Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus_ was a big hit because it told people that their relationship problems weren’t their fault, and that they had a right to act however they feel like as long as they can claim thats also what cave-men liked. Bullshit. You obviously haven’t read the book. > [@](#): > > It’s on the same plane as _The Rules_ or _He’s Just Not That In To You_, which is to say that it has a catchy name that makes for good Oprah segments, gives people yet another set of feel-good things they can tell themselves until they get bored of it, and provides a nice easy explanation for infinitely complex problems. Right, you can invalidate any set of books you arbitrarily group together because you _feel_ like grouping them together and feel like invalidating them. Nice. > [@](#): > > If it’s made your life better, more power to you. But it aint science. I don’t think John Gray’s thought on the matter is by any means the final word, but I think he has many insights. As to whether his work deserves the vaunted appelation “science,” well, I’m not sure whether any of the social sciences are in the same league as physics and chemistry. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/145 "2006-03-07T01:30:22Z")
> [@Aeschines](#): > > Homosexual relationships are by definition not heterosexual–that is, _not_ the same– When come back, bring valid premise. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/146 "2006-03-07T01:54:52Z")
I think we’ve had this discussion before. Anyway, I’m not getting involved in the argument…just count me in as another woman who likes porn, probably looks at it more than him these days, and certainly wouldn’t stop him from looking at it. I don’t own him, you know. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/147 "2006-03-07T02:25:52Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > The only problem I have with porn is that so much of it is boring. The crap I was looking at the other day were like pictures of a woman with a dick in her mouth, eyes on the camera, just posing. It didn’t look they they were actually doing anything. Or then there’s the pron with women in positions that you know aren’t getting her anywhere. And she’s making the “oh baby” face and it just ain’t happening. Either that or the people in the porn are just rough looking. I can’t get into that. > > If there’s some hot porn out there where both people are getting into in a sincere (non-faking it) kind of way, I’d love to see it. Didn’t we have a pornographer here on the boards once who said essentially the same thing. Abby something. ITA. And why do they always have to fuck like they’re mad at each other? I think that kind of pron must be sexy to guys for one of three reasons: 1. They just don’t know what does it for a girl 2. That kind of porn is pretty much all there is 3. Guys don’t care what’s going on as long as there are naked boobies I just want to see pretty naked people making each other happy. Is that so wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/148 "2006-03-07T02:36:42Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > I just want to see pretty naked people making each other happy. Is that so wrong? Oh my god, YES! You sick freak you! 😛 I know why most porn sucks-low budget, it’s hard to find decent looking people willing to do it, but dammit. It’s still annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/149 "2006-03-07T03:04:07Z")
> [@Ensign Edison](#): > > When come back, bring valid premise. Whoops, arguments are valid or invalid, not premises. And my premise was a priori true. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/150 "2006-03-07T03:26:48Z")
> [@Aeschines](#): > > Whoops, arguments are valid or invalid, not premises. > > And my premise was a priori true. Hey, did you read anything in this thread besides where you pissed on it? Cuz I was kind of making that point recently. “Homosexuality is different from heterosexuality by definition” only because the sexes involved are different. Until you prove that homosexual relationships are functionally different, and that the people involved don’t experience the same disconnects as in hetero relationships (hint: you can’t, because they do) your premises about male/female relationships are easily falsified, as others have noted. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/151 "2006-03-07T10:25:40Z")
> [@Ensign Edison](#): > > “Homosexuality is different from heterosexuality by definition” only because the sexes involved are different. Until you prove that homosexual relationships are functionally different, and that the people involved don’t experience the same disconnects as in hetero relationships (hint: you can’t, because they do) your premises about male/female relationships are easily falsified, as others have noted. What does a heterosexual bring to a second date? A U-Haul. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > I would argue that it’s not hard-wired so much as women in our society, until very recently, and even now, have been brought up to believe that “nice girls don’t do that”, that a decent girl doesn’t talk about sex, or act sexy, and that porn is something bad and shameful. I’ve never been able to grasp this concept. Is the idea that if enough people of authority tell you that sex is bad, then you believe them? Because speaking as a guy, that just does not compute. All the disapproval in the world cowers in fear from the unstoppable sex drive of a teenage boy. > [@jlzania](#): > > With that said, I don’t believe men are predisposed by nature to "…spread their see(d) far and wide. " > I think that most men prefer the benefits, if you like, of sex with a woman that they know intimately, have an emotional attachment to, and that they know how to please and are comfortable sharing their sexual fantasies and desires with no fear of disapproval. You seem to be trying to disprove the assertion that men are predisposed to spread their seed far and wide with the idea that a stable intimate relationship provides better sex. They have nothing to do with each other. As has already been stated upthread, multiple times, by men: sexual desire is not a zero sum game. As much as some in this thread continue to aggressively assert that there are no basic traits innate to the genders, I’m starting to think that viewing sexual desire as a zero sum game is a uniquely female perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Dubious\_Weasle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b782af/32.png) [@Dubious\_Weasle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dubious_Weasle)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/152 "2006-03-07T12:06:41Z")
> [@Indygrrl](#): > > Guess what? I’ve known some sex workers too, and I’ve read a lot about it. And a lot of these people are heavy into drugs or were sexually abused as children. Don’t speak to me as if I don’t know anything about it. > \*\* > And if it inspires pity in me, that’s how it is, regardless of the wonderful lives you think these girls have.\*\* I think the point is that while many are “heavy into drugs or were sexually abused” many are not and without personal knowledge of the actresses there’s no way to tell which catagory they fall into. Thus, any feelings of pity or distress you have over scenes is because you are projecting the performers as belonging to the former group rather then the latter combined with the basic problem that, it’s just not your style of gettin’ it on and is a turn off. Okay, hold up. Projecting is kind of a loaded word and it’s not really what I’m getting at so I’ll try another way. Plus it ignores the whole arousal issue. Basically, we have our own tastes about what does and does not turn us on. If it turns us on we’re enjoying ourselves and are suitably distracted. If not, then we’re not distracted or frequently, outright bored. Boredom leads to analysis. Analysis+distaste leads to speculation about these women’s horrible lives and pity ensues. Now, that’s just a very clumsy analysis but I am leading to a point. What happens when you are watching porn that you actually do enjoy? Well-made “erotica” with two attractive people who seem to be having a great time etc. Now, there’s no good reason I know to think that just because the women is starring in higher quality porn the women doesn’t have drug/abuse issues and so my question is this. Do you still pity them? ---
**Author:** ![Dubious\_Weasle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b782af/32.png) [@Dubious\_Weasle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dubious_Weasle)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/153 "2006-03-07T12:07:54Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > FWIW, I’m NOT talking about romance novels. I’m talking about decent written erotica. Romance novels are more for shits and giggles-who comes up with those ridiculous phrases? I’m curious. Where do you draw the line between romance novels and erotica? Is itsimply a matter of how well written it is? How explicet? How about erotica vs soft-core porn? ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/154 "2006-03-07T13:32:30Z")
Like many others on the thread, I agree with point 1. I have read similar advice columns and heard female acquaintances go off on jeremiads about how if a man checks out porn that the relationship is in jeopardy and the woman needs to lay down the motherfuckin’ law about this unacceptable behavior. I agree that it’s just petty, vain, and naive to dictate a very personal habit that doesn’t involve anybody else. Of course it’s possible to overdo anything, whether it be stamp-collecting or lesbian porn. However, Aeschines, you’ve ventured into fucking moron territory by blaming porn on the wife being a fat cow. Perhaps sometimes that’s true but not always. The honeymoon phase usually diminishes at some point without either partner losing attractiveness. Even if it doesn’t, men have a strong desire for sexual novelty. And sometimes a man just wants action a lot more often than the woman does, and gets tired of imposing. There are a million different reasons and not all of them have to do with the woman being a cow. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/155 "2006-03-07T14:00:36Z")
> [@MelCthefirst](#): > > I agree with Indygrrl and some others - of the porn I’ve seen, including things like playing cards etc, it has all been made for men and I think that is why it doesn’t do much for many women. I do not find it erotic in the slightest. Some sex scenes in movies are much more erotic - anyone seen the sex seen in The Piano with Harvey Keitel, boy did that get me going! Okay, Jeff. 🙂 Anyways, can someone tell me what kind of porn involves “playing cards”? -Joe ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/156 "2006-03-07T14:36:46Z")
> [@Brain Wreck](#): > > However, Aeschines, you’ve ventured into fucking moron territory by blaming porn on the wife being a fat cow. And then he set up camp in fucking moron territory when he blamed the wife’s issues on her being a woman. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/157 "2006-03-07T16:09:55Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > And why do they always have to fuck like they’re mad at each other? > I think that kind of pron must be sexy to guys for one of three reasons: > > 1. They just don’t know what does it for a girl > 2. That kind of porn is pretty much all there is > 3. Guys don’t care what’s going on as long as there are naked boobies > > I just want to see pretty naked people making each other happy. Is that so wrong? I couldn’t agree more. I once went to an erotica site and read the entries (some were good, most were just ok–perhaps it’s easier to film people fucking than it is to write well). There was a Q & A section to the site. Alot of basic sexual questions–and good, factual info was provided. So far, so good. I wrote in and asked for a suggestion re porn for someone whom porn turns off (that would be me). The reply raved about a new dvd, _In The Garden Of The Shadows_–how it starred this newcomer and was beautifully lit and filmed and the story was mesmerizing. Ooh, just up my alley. I bought it. Well, it does indeed have some attractive people in it (well, I dislike large breasts, so other than that, she was very beautiful). The story was less than mesmerizing–the story was batshit insane. Yes, they were all wonderfully lit and the settings were gorgeous. Thing is–it was STILL the man yelling at the girl, still the man grabbing her by her hair, still the man running the show, STILL with that godamned money shot. Blech. No thanks. And this is one of the best? Meh. No thanks–my fantasies can outdo your porn film any day of the week. So, here I am–$40 poorer and still no fan of porn. WHY can’t we have something akin to _Pride and Prejudice_ but that “goes all the way”? Why does it have to be no plot, no character development, just some man’s idea of what women feel when they are excited sexually? (case in point: I know of no woman who licks her lips in the way depicted in porn-it’s ridiculous). Sorry, OT a bit. I do have something to say to the OP. Whether you (or anyone here) feels that this woman should not be threatened by porn or that she should lose weight or just accept her husband as he is (notice that he doesn’t accept her the way she is, apparently)…you are all entitled to your opinions and feelings. None of them matter–this is an issue that needs to be resolved by the people immediately effected by it, ie the spouses. No one else really has a say in the dynamics, the resolution of the conflict, the ideal solution. Those are as idiosyncratic as couples themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/158 "2006-03-07T16:25:41Z")
> [@Dubious Weasle](#): > > I’m curious. Where do you draw the line between romance novels and erotica? Is itsimply a matter of how well written it is? How explicet? How about erotica vs soft-core porn? I think by “romance novels” I mean the old Harlequin “bodice rippers” that are marketed towards “housewives”. Most of them are really cheesy and stupid and more likely to illicit giggles than arousal. I don’t know if you CAN draw a line, it’s one of those “I know it when I see” it type of things. **Merijeek** , I THINK he means those novelty card decks that have nudie pictures on them. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/159 "2006-03-07T17:09:06Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > I’ve never been able to grasp this concept. Is the idea that if enough people of authority tell you that sex is bad, then you believe them? Because speaking as a guy, that just does not compute. All the disapproval in the world cowers in fear from the unstoppable sex drive of a teenage boy Trust me, teenaged girls go through the same thing. The anti-sex social conditioning young women get doesn’t destroy the sex response. It perverts it in to self-loathing and shame. Young women don’t naturally undergo a sexually latent period as children- a toddler can have the same orgasms an adult woman experiences. This means girls getting scolded for masturbating as children learn a lesson that they will take in to adulthood. Since there is not as much open sex talk among girls, they never really learn much about what these feelings mean. And since masturbation is a bit more complicated for girls, and much more stigmatized, they don’t learn what pleases them, much less how to communicate that to a parter. So they end up having sex with some oaf who hasn’t a clue, when they don’t have a clue themselves, so they conclude that sex must be a man’s world. Meanwhile, they still have all these feelings, but have long learned to channel them instantly to shame. Did you know most women describe their genitals as “ugly”? Plenty of women couldn’t draw a decent picture of what all there is down there. How are you supposed to have good sex when you’ve never had a chance to explore you body, learn it, and become comfortable in it? Women have the same nerves as men. In written descriptions with identifying factors taken out, a woman’s orgasm is indistinguishable from a man’s. It’s the same thing- but with potential for multiple orgasms and no refractory period. The only real difference between male and female sexual response is how they’ve been conditioned. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/160 "2006-03-07T17:27:32Z")
> [@MGibson](#): > > Even Dr. Laura said it was ok for a man to have a few nudie magazines. . . . > > Marc But she said just make damn sure those nudies don’t depict other men. Now that’s sick!! ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118/161 "2006-03-07T17:45:52Z")
I’m knid of wondering if the term ‘hard-wired’ is being abused here. Other than bath houses porn has been available to the common person for,what, 50 years? Maybe 100? I love my burritos and they’ve been around that long, but I don’t think anyone is ‘hardwired’ for burritos. Did anyone read **Dear Abby** yesterday? I thought it was headed toward material for this thread but then went a whole nother way… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-advice-columnist-im-divorcing-my-porn-loving-husband/347118.md?page=9)