# Dear Annie: You Suck **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 29, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224 "2005-01-29T02:10:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/61 "2005-01-30T02:25:52Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I feel the same thing about some of your posts, to be honest. 🙂 > > I’m amazed at how consistently diametrically opposed your views are from mine. My opinions are sincere, though, as are yours. Exactly. I almost know what you’re going to say, although _sometimes_ you surprise me. We must be each other’s evil twin. 😉 Impotence may be a natural sign of aging, but now we know what to do about it. It was not too long ago that women had no way of preventing pregnancy other than keeping their knees crossed. So just because a former unsolvable medical condition can now be solved, it doesn’t automatically mean one is a pervert for wanting to enjoy the solution. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/62 "2005-01-30T04:53:42Z")
**Dio** , you have some extremely fucked up views on sex. (no pun intended). First there are all the times you sneer at anyone who would want to wait until they’re married to have sex. Now you’re saying that old people don’t get turned on. Jesus Christ, you’re an embarassment to the board. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/63 "2005-01-30T06:55:12Z")
I think I’m getting misunderstood a little bit here. I’m not saying old people don’t or should not get turned on, I’m saying that not all of them do and if an old lady doesn’t want to have sex she shouldn’t have to. Some women do not find it to be a thrill when their husbands come home with viagra. I don’t think it’s especially sensitive on the part of the man to actually go and buy pills if his wife isn’t interested in sex in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/64 "2005-01-30T08:39:49Z")
> [@Hilarity N. Suze](#): > > Well, the guy said he got the Viagra scrip so he could “make love to his wife.” An erection is only part of that scenario, and possibly not even the most important part. So my thorough introspection of the situation based on the few facts given reveals that this guy obviously doesn’t know that, and has been subjecting his wife to bad sex for 45 years, and she’s tired of it. That was my thought as well. If he wanted to “make love” he wouldn’t need an erection. If he wanted to fuck her–and hey I have nothing against people who want/need a good fuck–then he would need an erection and a willing partner…and apparently he didn’t have either part of the equation. Also, she may have been part of a generation that viewed sex as a chore–lay back and think of a queen–just to have babies, and now she’s had her kids and she doesn’t need to put up with it anymore. She may not have needed to call him names and rip up the scrip, but you know, he doesn’t strike me as the most sensitive and thoughtful husband in the world either. As for the other letter…well, as an atheist, I am distinctly uncomfortable being present for religious ceremonies, festivals, and services. Not because I’m offended, not because I’m going to burst into flames, but because I find it all extremely ridiculous, bordering on insane. So I am internally rolling my eyes through most of it. This, I could handle. Hey, free entertainment. What bothers me is that my attitude, _inside_ a church, is undeniable disrespectful. I have no wish to disrespect my friends and family in their place of worship, their safe havens, the buildings and chapels where they strive for inner-peace and a relationship with their god. Outside the church? Sure, I’ll scoff and argue or just quietly roll my eyes. Inside? Well, I don’t belong there. It’s not a place for me. It’s a place for them. Just like they don’t belong inside my bedroom, you know? I think it’s perfectly acceptable for atheists/agnostics/etc to excuse themselves from religious services and ceremonies, and in some cases with some people, I think excusing yourself is the only ethical thing to do. . ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/65 "2005-01-30T16:40:18Z")
> [@jinwicked](#): > > I used to go to Catholic Mass just because I liked the music. I never quite got up the nerve to take the Jesus wafers and the wine though. I probably would now; I was more timid back then. The last time I went was an Easter, and the priest got me in the eye with some Holy water and said “gotcha!” in a whisper as he passed me… and it burned. So I didn’t go again. Just so ya know, if you’re not Catholic, you’re not supposed to take communion in a Catholic mass. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/66 "2005-01-30T20:25:51Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I don’t think it’s especially sensitive on the part of the man to actually go and buy pills if his wife isn’t interested in sex in the first place. I agree. There wasn’t nearly enough information in his letter to Dear Annie. If they had a good sexual relationship until recently, the subject of his impotence would have come up 😉 and they would have talked about it. If she missed their lovemaking, she would have made the appointment herself. Viagra should be a mutual decision. He might have other health issues that make use of ED treatments risky, and they need to talk about that too. Is it worth it to them? One last bang and maybe a heart attack? Sounds to me like they haven’t had sex for a long time, but there’s probably a lot more missing in their relationship than sex. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/67 "2005-01-30T20:46:10Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I think I’m getting misunderstood a little bit here. I’m not saying old people don’t or should not get turned on, I’m saying that not all of them do and if an old lady doesn’t want to have sex she shouldn’t have to. Some women do not find it to be a thrill when their husbands come home with viagra. > > I don’t think it’s especially sensitive on the part of the man to actually go and buy pills if his wife isn’t interested in sex in the first place. Well, that’s true and I appologize for flipping out. I still think that there’s obviously more to the story than the guy was talking about. That and his refusing to go back to the doctor isn’t such a hot idea either. ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/68 "2005-01-30T20:59:57Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Just so ya know, if you’re not Catholic, you’re not supposed to take communion in a Catholic mass. You think I’m unaware of that? It’s not like anyone would know. Priest didn’t seem to have a problem shaking his burny holy-water all over me. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/69 "2005-01-30T21:06:47Z")
Maybe the woman was ashamed that her husband had brought his impotence up to the doctor. Many people are still very unenlightened about certain medical conditions. If I were to tell my parents that I’m seeking treatment for an anxiety condition, I am positive that I would be faced with ridicule. There are some things you’re just not supposed to mention to any other living person and not being able to get an erection is one of them. It’s not right, but it’s what some people think, especially older or uninformed people. As for letter #1, I think non-religious people should just suck it up and attend the services, if that’s what their family wants. As an agnostic I have no problem with attending church weddings and keeping quiet during prayers. Attendance does not equal approval. If you’re being forced to participate in the mindless religious rituals, that’s another story, but it won’t kill you just to sit quietly for an hour to make someone else happy. Geez. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/70 "2005-01-30T21:08:46Z")
> [@jinwicked](#): > > You think I’m unaware of that? It’s not like anyone would know. > > Priest didn’t seem to have a problem shaking his burny holy-water all over me. ehh, he probably thought you had a look in yer eye like you wanted to steal an unauthorized Jesus-wafer, and he was just giving you some pre-emptive discouragement. ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/71 "2005-01-30T21:14:43Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > ehh, he probably thought you had a look in yer eye like you wanted to steal an unauthorized Jesus-wafer, and he was just giving you some pre-emptive discouragement. Actually it was easter service and he got it IN my eye. I think it burned because it had some kind of perfume in it, or whatever they put in holy water. Though I could just be evil incarnate, I suppose one never knows these things for sure. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/72 "2005-01-30T21:17:27Z")
> [@jinwicked](#): > > You think I’m unaware of that? It’s not like anyone would know. > > Priest didn’t seem to have a problem shaking his burny holy-water all over me. Well excuse me. Sheesh. When I read > [@jinwicked](#): > > I never quite got up the nerve to take the Jesus wafers and the wine though. I probably would now; I was more timid back then. it sounds like you didn’t know. Sorry for trying to let you know something. Next time I won’t bother. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/73 "2005-01-30T21:20:08Z")
Holy water shouldn’t have any perfume in it-it’s just regular tap water that’s been blessed. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/74 "2005-01-30T21:23:14Z")
> [@jinwicked](#): > > I think it burned because it had some kind of perfume in it, or whatever they put in holy water. Though I could just be evil incarnate, I suppose one never knows these things for sure. Go check with **Eats Crayons** over in MPSIMS. I think she might have a position for you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/75 "2005-01-30T21:27:25Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Well excuse me. Sheesh. When I read > > it sounds like you didn’t know. Sorry for trying to let you know something. Next time I won’t bother. I was timid because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be doing it. Sorry. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/76 "2005-01-30T21:40:50Z")
> [@](#): > > **Diogenes** said: > Again, if she doesn’t want to have sex then what does he need the pills for? Maybe what he needs is to find someone who wants to have sex with him, since his frigid bitch of a wife won’t? > [@](#): > > If these guys really care about their wives, they’ll respect those feelings instead of wallowing in their own artifically inflated egos. If these gals really care about their husbands, they’ll respect the desire to have sex with your spose instead of wallowing in their own frigidness. > [@](#): > > An erection is only part of that scenario, and possibly not even the most important part. To her, maybe. But then again maybe he wants to enjoy it to, not ‘all for her and none for him.’ See how easy it is to make one party the absolute bad guy when you know nothing more than that he got a scrip for Viagra? > [@](#): > > **Neurotik** said: > Probably a spot on analysis. I wonder if the guy ever came near her magic button during his “love making” sessions. Amazing how many nasty things are being assumed about this man because he apparently told his doctor that he missed having sex. No wonder he feels like shit and is embarassed to tell his doctor what happened. > [@](#): > > **Diogenes** said: > There’s a difference between having a parther who doesn’t want sex at 30 and one who doesn’t want sex at 70. You feel perfectly comfortable making fun of the one who wants sex at 70? > [@](#): > > **pepperlandgirl** said: > If he wanted to “make love” he wouldn’t need an erection. So she can have orgasms all day long, but he doesn’t get to have any? He better just keep his fingers and his tongue in prime order to please her? > [@](#): > > She may not have needed to call him names and rip up the scrip, but you know, he doesn’t strike me as the most sensitive and thoughtful husband in the world either. May not? Reverse the genders and see if you’d say this. Somehow, I doubt it. You’d be calling a guy who called his wife names and ripped up her birth control prescription a lot of names yourself. ---
**Author:** ![biddee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@biddee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biddee)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/77 "2005-01-30T22:58:25Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Holy water shouldn’t have any perfume in it-it’s just regular tap water that’s been blessed. I remember tasting holy water as a child (licked my finger after crossing myself) and finding it tasted salty (tasted a bit like tears). I wonder whether the priest used sea water there…I think it was the church where we used to go on our vacations and was near the sea. ---
**Author:** ![biddee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@biddee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biddee)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2005, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/78 "2005-01-30T23:41:53Z")
Sorry to continue this hijack, but I found this information > [@](#): > > The Meaning of the Salt. > (The use of salt is optional in today’s liturgy and blessing.) > > Why does the Church use salt in holy water? Because it was a Jewish custom, and because of the symbolical meaning of salt. Just as water is used for cleansing and for quenching fire, so salt is used to preserve from decay. Therefore the Church combines them in this sacramental, to express the various reasons why it is used – to help to wash away the stains of sin, to quench the fire of our passions, to preserve us from relapses into sin. Moreover, salt is regarded as a symbol of wisdom. Our Lord called His Apostles “the salt of the earth,” because by them the knowledge of the Gospel was to be spread over the world. The custom of using salt is a very ancient one, and is traced by some to the second or third century. [The exorcism of salt and its blessing can be viewed at the pre-Vatican II blessing of Holy Water.] From this site [Link](http://landru.i-link-2.net/shnyves/holy_water2.htm) That might be why it stung **Jinwicked** , because of the salt. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/79 "2005-01-31T00:38:33Z")
> [@](#): > > _Qadgop the Mercotan said:_ > Lack of desire and/or willingness to have some sort of sex life with one’s partner is a sign of dysfunction of some sort somewhere within the relationship. A 70 year old woman getting a chemically enhanced banging might be considered above and beyond “marital duties” by some (this letter writer’s wife apparently at least 🙂 ). Especially with “lubrication issues”. [repeating to self]I will not think of my Grandma, I will NOT think of my grandma[/rts] I do remember this point being brought up when Viagra first hit the market. Reportedly many women were happy the sex had died out and Viagra was messing up an age old failsafe. Higher old age divorces were predicted. I agree there’s likely more to it than just declining sex drive. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224/80 "2005-01-31T00:59:26Z")
I’m glad somebody pitted annie’s mailbox. I’ve wanted to at least three or four times. (Bear in mind I’ve only read the column maybe 6 times). Their advice is HORRIBLE. Really they should be stopped. Somebody’s going to get hurt. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dear-annie-you-suck/287224.md?page=5)